


Event Horizon

by theleftboobgrabber



Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alien Technology, Alternate Universe - Aliens, Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Alternate Universe - Space, Angst, Asmodeus is a helicopter dad, Awkward Exes, Badass Magnus Bane, Bigotry & Prejudice, Breaking Up & Making Up, Canon-Typical Violence, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, F/F, Friendship is Magic, Immortals in Space, Luke's the only one with his act together, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mutual Pining, POV Alec Lightwood, POV Isabelle Lightwood, POV Luke Garroway, POV Magnus Bane, POV Maia Roberts, POV Multiple, POV Raj, Past Relationship(s), Prince Magnus Bane, RAZIEL is the angel AI on your shoulder, Racism, Sex Pollen, Shadowhunters characters and me:a plot, Slow Burn, Space Battles, Suicidal Thoughts, Team as Family, Technobabble, Terraforming, alien - Freeform, inappropriate use of bo staff, it's not will they/won't they it's they fucked up and might do it again, physical health issues, science boner galore, space crime boss magnus, space edition, space sheriff alec
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2020-05-02 09:38:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 138,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19196281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theleftboobgrabber/pseuds/theleftboobgrabber
Summary: Noun, Astronomy:a notional boundary around a black hole beyond which no light or other radiation can escape.a point of no return.“Well I was never good at keeping a safe distance when you’re concerned,” Magnus says, but his flirting falls short as he grunts, passing a gloved hand on his face to smear away the blood that’s falling from his forehead into his eyes.“Cut the crap, you could have been killed!” He could be- shit , he could- what would have Alec done if- “ fuck you! ”Magnus actually rolls his eyes and Alec can’t bear this evident disregard for his safety and he seizes Magnus by the collar, shoves him against his shuttle, hard. Shit. I hate you, I hate you, I love you but-“Now, you’re going to kiss me or punch me? Because I have a preference,” Magnus breathes softly, bloody eyes going for his mouth to his eyes and back to his mouth, panting.





	1. (Red) String Theory

*

“Stardate- uh.”

[heavy sigh]

**_You need to say something, Pathfinder._ **

“I know! I just…”

**_Those records could be published one day._ **

“More reasons not do this. I really don’t want to go down in history as a whiny idiot. Hell, if there is any future generations to listen to this. As things are right now, we just came here to die. That’s good enough for posterity, RAZIEL?”

**_Honest, if a little morbid. It will do._ **

“Okay okay, from the top then. Personal log of Pathfinder Alexander Lightwood, Captain of the Arrowhead. Stardate is 2974.266, ten days since Arrival Day in the Andromeda galaxy _._ We finally won the war against our nav equipment, so the Alicante Ark docked on the fucking Nexus -it’s been a day, I didn’t have time to do one of those, it’s been… a mess.”

**_You had plenty of time._ **

“I didn’t want to do one of those, there, happy?”

**_I can’t feel joy Pathfinder._ **

[inintelligible words] [heavy sight]

“Where was I? Yeah, the Nexus, also known as The Mess. The station is in rough fucking shape. They got hit by the same celestial storm thingy, and the Ketts -that’s how they call the aliens we encountered on Habitat-7. Same kind of deal, shoot first, no questions asked, looting of bodies and tech. Real charmers, can’t wait to have to borrow some flour from them.”

**_Because of their unneighboroughly behavior._ **

“I just said that.”

**_I’m clarifying for future reference. Your great-grant-children might not get the Earth idiom of borrowing one’s flour. It was already outdated in your grand-parents’ time._ **

“You know what you could do the lig if you think I’m not clear enough.”

**_Sorry Pathfinder, I didn't want to overstep. Being in your head is an adjustment for me too._ **

[pause]

“So. Uh. Yeah. Nexus. Mess. uh. Yeah, leadership. Funny enough, it’s in shambles: mass riots, mass exil, rationing... and some bureaucrat what’s her-”

**_Herondale._ **

“Right, _that fucking woman_ , well she snatched the highest position. Technically our boss. OH SHIT, is this, you know, _secure?_ ”

**_No one can hack me, Pathfinder._ **

“Right. I mean she’s a Human First member! She’s proud of driving all but one of the Wolves from the Nexus. We’re already flooded with reports that entire families were left to starve on some rock named Kadara… and she just shrugged. I’m just. So fucking tired. Mom would have had her plate full with all this. Me? A week in and I’m already drowning.”

**_I’m here if you need me, Pathfinder. Always._ **

[pause]

“Yeah, I’m still getting used to that… End of recording.”

 

*

The problem with moving to another galaxy is the febrile hope that everything is going to be magically better.

 _Fresh Start in Andromeda_ , the flyers had said.

That hope had been carried by the colonists, through a six hundred year trip across the void, all asleep in cryo in huge Ark ships containing thousands and thousands of them. Magnus wonders how it was like that silence, just the light buzzing of electricity running from cryotube to cryotube. Had it been oppressing? Or on the contrary, expectant, like party goers waiting quietly for their friend to arrive and surprise them? He’ll never know. Well. Perhaps RAZIEL, the Pathfinder’s pet AI, could tell Magnus… not that they are on speaking terms at the moment.

But a new galaxy is just a new place, the people are just the same: greedy, stupid and afraid of their own shadows. Even if Andromeda had been the paradise the flyers had made it out to be, it would still be window dressing. Magnus had knew that... yet, in a tiny corner of his soul, he had hoped for better too. A muted, unavowed hope, but hope nevertheless.

He had been in a shuttle crash when he was younger. The initial impact, the screech of metal, his seat harness cutting into his neck and his head hitting the commands, the smell of something burning in his nose and the fucking pain… that’s what he got waking up in Andromeda.

It was everything but a paradise. It was limited food supplies and no habitable planets; missing Arks and their colonists; awful bureaucratic leadership and consecutive riots; crushed hopes and unfriendly aliens. A mess Magnus had never seen during his one hundred and two year long life and that was saying something, because his homeworld was just a tyrannical warzone with few resources that relied on institutionalized piracy and preying on other planets to survive. Andromeda managed to be worse than that.

 _Sleep a citizen, awake a pioneer!_ Yeah, thanks, can I have my money back?

 

*

Kadara is beautiful like nothing in the Milky Way could ever be. Battered just like its people, yes, but enduring.

Sometimes Magnus feels like he is the only one that stops and stares and lets himself appreciate the raw splendor of the planet. He had loved it on sight when he first touch ground in his beat-up shuttle, just after the Initiative give him and all the other rioters the boot. Loved it and hated it.

Yes, it was uncharted wilderness, future bandits and scavengers, all of them bitter exiles with a large body counts in the making. The space port hadn’t been constructed yet on top of the mountain yet and it was just a collection of tents and shuttles, massed together like cattle huddling for warmth. The air was little more than rotten eggs right under your nose but the panorama was breathtaking. Exilement aside, this was why they joined. New grounds under their boots, new everything.

That first night, all together in their misery, Magnus had decided it would do. Leave the Initiative to rot in their precious Nexus. That Morgenstern fellow, through a bit obsessed with vengeance, was obviously smart and capable. _We’ll find a way to make Kadara work._

In the morning, they discovered why it smelled so bad: the planet water was undrinkable, polluted with toxic levels of sulfides.

 _Fucking Void_.

When their water supply ran dry after a few days... The water treatment was an imperfect cobbled mess and Morgenstern had made everyone pay by the fucking drop, revealing his real nature as a tyrant under the pretence of keeping things in order. It was all parched throats and people actually dying of thirst from there, Magnus nearly among them. And that was just approvisionnement trouble, something that could be dealt with trade, tech and a bit of space piracy Magnus excelled at.

No, the real problem had been the Ketts, the crazy aliens that swarmed Andromeda. Yeah, the little shits that had harassed the Initiative for months were on Kadara too. One more thing the flyers had lied about... the _paradise_ obviously wasn’t as uninhabited by any sentient species as presented.

Kadara had been a shithole, but it was _his_ beautiful shithole. Well, Morgenstern’s.

Sure, his pampered ass had to adjust having so little. His father had been an extremely well off warlord on Edom, having several _fleets_ of pirates at his beck and call. Magnus had grew up in a luxury that few Edomian ever saw, the spoils of thousands of ships surrounding him. He survived the first few months on Kadara by luck, will and spite alone, before his situation got a little better. Still, in comparison, his one bedroom apartment in Kadara Port was a spec of dust.

But it was worth it.

So many things had changed. Morgenstern’s body is rotting in a cave, both the Port and the Initiative Outpost are thriving, the water is pure and no one chokes on the air anymore: the wonders of terra-fucking-formation.

 _Forge the path_ , some of the flyers had say.

At least _someone_ had taken that to heart and everything, trying to fix all the wrongs in the galaxy. Magnus only wishes that the _someone_ in question isn’t going to crumble under the sheer pressure of it all.

 

*

It wasn’t quite sunset yet but it was getting close, the neon lights turning on one by one against shabby building and dark alleys. Kadara’s sunsets might not be the same as the ones on Edom, with its twin suns and gleaming towers, but Magnus loves them nevertheless. Perhaps it’s because it’s not the same. The flyers might have been selling a paradise to a lot of the colonists, but Magnus had been looking for a challenge and an escape, a place where he wasn’t _the son of,_ or _that dirty hybrid_.

And shit, he got his wish… serves him right.

“What are you waiting for?” Lorenzo’s voice cuts him from his contemplation.

He didn’t even hear the door leading to the throne room open and swears internally. _Prudence est mère de sûreté_ and all that. He could have been killed. Worst, he could have been forced to talk to some of the guests.

He doesn’t need to turn towards him to know Lorenzo’s smiling or that his question is far from innocent.

 _Yes, I’m restless, happy?_ He had been as soon as the Arrowhead was picked up on the long range radar, heading planetside. Lorenzo just wants to hear him say it out loud. Oh what a wicked man he is -probably why he is his second in command. Still, he refuses to give him the satisfaction and keeps his eyes on the panorama, trying to look more assured than he is, standing straight against the balcony railing instead of slumping on it.

Lorenzo elbows him. _Hard_.

Magnus breaks out of his posturing and turns around, outraged. Of course he was right, his friend is radiating smugness and Magnus gives him a scathing glare -anyone else, he might have thrown over the balcony.

“I’m just bracing myself for whatever mess the Pathfinder will dump on our feet,” he answers, almost truthful. Alexander does has a way with trouble…

“Ah yes. Because you can’t stop him from docking in our port. Correct me if I’m wrong but didn’t you allow that little Initiative Outpost a few miles from here? Surely the _Pathfinder_ can bypass us and head there directly. It’s not like you’re the King of Kadara or anything.” He seems less and less amused as he speaks, rolling his eyes.

He could never suffer Magnus’ tendencies to think with his heart so much. Even him looked at Magnus like having a human mother might have made him… defective. At least to Edomian standards.

“That he docks here or at the Outpost changes nothing. He’ll still be trouble,” Magnus says, bitter. “I would rather we keep a close eye on him and his team than to learn in the morning that something blew up.” Again, so close to the truth.

Lorenzo snorts humorlessly. “See that he doesn’t trouble _you_ then.”

He leaves without clarifying which of Magnus’ personas he’s referring to. Knowing him, he rather Magnus has his heart trampled on again than have to deal with Downworlders’ business gone awry. That’s why Lo is his second in command while Catarina is his best friend. Though come to think about it, she was always reluctant to see Magnus gets so attached to a short-lived human.

Magnus swallows the need to shout after him. He’s Magnus right now, _just-a-smuggler-Magnus_ , not Lorenzo’s boss, not the High Warlock, not the king of fucking Karada. Lorenzo’s guards wouldn’t be too keen on Magnus strangling him in front of them and his entire court. The limit of being the puppeteer of course, acting in the shadows, is that you have to stay in them or step into the light a reveal yourself to claim your kingdom, something that Magnus has no intention of doing anytime soon.

Magnus chunks his glass over the railing, waiting for the satisfying breaking sound over the roofs below.

When he looks up, ready to leave the balcony and Lorenzo’s fucking party, he spots the Arrowhead in the sky. How much he hates himself for the way his heartbeat speeds like a FTL engine right before take off, hammering in his chest at the sights of Alexander’s ship. No. _No_ . Not Alexander, Magnus lost any right at familiarly and fondness. Lightwood. No, still too… _the Pathfinder_. There. Perfectly sanitized. If only his heart could be…

Three months. Three fucking months and he had refused to hope for that, for a chance to mend their relationship, for… fucking hell. For a _fresh start_.

  


_“It’s over, we’re done,” Alexander’s cracking voice had echoed in the cave._

_Magnus had not cared then if the Pathfinder’s team or his own were listening in. He was too busy trying to act like his very heart wasn’t breaking, the old reflex to hide and shelter himself the first thing on his mind._

_Alexander didn’t share that concern: he was crying, blotchy cheeks and runny nose. Magnus wanted to hate him, to belittle him. He wanted to be able to laugh and roll his eyes, to be who he was supposed to be. The High Warlock, in all his gruesome splendor. He couldn’t._

_“I get it,” he said, averting his eyes. Shame. It had been a long time since he had truly felt it._

_Alexander hadn’t recomposed his messy face when Magnus finally dared look at him again. Suffocating anger and sadness fighting for control, shock still written on every line of his face. His sister and the big bad Wolf appeared at his side, flanking him out of the cave, away from Magnus and his schemes and lies, murder in their eyes._

_He had not fight then. His lies were too numerous for him to hope for forgiveness and he was far too prideful to beg for it. Lost cause and all that._

  


But he’s back.

He’s back and there is no reason for it as far as Magnus’ intel goes. No Remnant tech left to play with (not without mortal danger at least), no problem worth the Pathfinder’s time at the outpost. All is well in Kadara. All is… done. Yet Magnus’ heart gets all fucking aflutter as the sleek dark lines of the Arrowhead slowly descend on the Port.

He resists the physical need to run from the throne room to the docks. Doing so would attract attention that Magnus can’t afford; he doesn’t need anyone seeing him wriggling his hands like the girls in the old holos when their sweetheart’s boats come back to shore. The Kadarans might not know he’s the High Warlock, but Magnus has a reputation of his own. Smuggling is a rather illegal business and being seen mooning over the actual embodiment of _law abiding_? Yeah, not good.

And it’s not like Alexander needs more Kadaran mud on his pristine Initiative whites. Magnus shouldn’t care, but he does. Painfully so. Director Herondale surely gives him enough shit without adding his _Kadaran connections_ to it.

What he does is slowly make his way out of the throne room, nodding at a few acquaintances before hiding in a storage room. _Their_ storage room has it happens. Magnus hates himself, stubbornly refusing to think about that first kiss. Instead he pulls up the video feeds of the port on his Omni-tool, creeping through them until he catches three armored figures exiting the Arrowhead, quickly heading for the Slums elevator.

 _Stalking. That’s a new low_ , he chastises himself, before continuing.

Two are in official Initiative white armor (one is characteristically adorned with bones), while the third’s one is all gleaming black plasteel and Magnus _has_ to roll his eyes.

  


_“Why the black?” he asked one night (it was night on Kadara at least. If memory serves right, Alexander was somewhere in the middle of space during that vid call, where day and night hold little meaning)._

_“So the bad guys can’t see me bleed,” Alexander had answered sleepily, his face buried in his pillow. “Plus, I look badass.”_

_Magnus scoffed. “Like a puppy snarling I’m sure.” He had never actually seen a puppy with his own two eyes, as there weren’t any on Edom. But his human mother had told him about them, how cuddly they were, soft and earnest to a fault._

  


The last he catches of the Pathfinder and his team is through the camera mounted on the gates that close off the enormous cave the Slums are nested in, their shiny rover going at full speed, trail of dust and everything.

 

*

Alec is not being a huge coward, _shut up Izzy_. It might ring truer if he could manage to say that to her face and not just in his head, though.

 ** _Your track record proves you statistically don’t qualify as a coward Pathfinder. Do you want me to inform your sister?_** RAZIEL asks in his head.

“God, please don’t,” he answers out loud without thinking, shrugging when Luke inquires what he wants with a curious grunt.

He and Maia are used to him talking to RAZIEL. The novelty of Alec and the little AI plugged in his brain has worn off by now.

 _I don’t need you to fight my battles for me,_ he adds mentally for RAZIEL.

 **_Noted, Pathfinder_ ** **.**

He’s not a coward. A coward wouldn’t have come back to Kadara (wouldn’t have come to Kadara, period. The entire planet is like one of those western holos his dad loved but with more bandits, guns and noticeably without sheriff. Well, the High Warlock is a sheriff, after a fashion. Emphasis on _after a fashion_ ).

Worst, a coward wouldn’t love it to tiny pieces. It’s beautiful, all burnt sienna and ocre, with the bluest water Alec has ever seen on any planet, cradled in between rocky peaks and ledges, the weird red coral-like plants around the lakes towering over his head… and Magnus was like the crown jewel. Still is. His deception doesn’t take away from his charms. Like one of those carnivorous flowers they had back on Earth. Pretty and deadly, through Alec never had his heart broken by flowers before.

Shit. Alec still remembers their stupid flirting, the indecent smirks and those god-awful winks. He feels it everywhere, even now, _perhaps this one,_ tattooed on his heart... _almost_ scarred all over it.

And there! A coward would not seek the man that broke his heart and used him in some ghastly hostile takeover to talk. But Magnus wasn’t in his usual haunts in Tartarus and no one had seen him since the night before. Not Alec’s fault if he couldn’t find him. He had wanted to be the bigger man, to actually work with Magnus to make Kadara more than survivable. This place deserves to thrive after all the shit that went down here.

But it seems he isn’t the coward of the two. Like hell Magnus wouldn’t be informed at once that the Pathfinder was heading his way. Well, if Magnus doesn’t want to see him, Alec isn’t going to run around Kadara Port like some love sick puppy.

The bitterness threatens to drown him and Alec has to stop pushing the rover’s gas pedal, or they’ll end up in a ravine or something. Behind him, Maia and Luke are conspicuously silent, most certainly exchanging _looks_.

It’s just… after the revelation, he was simply too shell-shocked to think of anything besides his need to get away. Somehow, he had been able to be intelligible enough to end things between he and Magnus, but that was it. Luke drove them back to the Arrowhead and everyone was kind enough to leave him the fuck alone on the journey back to the Nexus. He never wanted to see Magnus again, never wanted to have to set foot on his fucking planet.

Of course, what he wanted had little to do with what he actually got. Magnus had still tried and sent him a peace offering. And perhaps Alec was looking for excuses, but it gave him hope that they could mend things a little -at least professionally, for Kadara’s sake.

  


_“Friends? I’m not a very good one, but I rather have your friendship than nothing at all.”_

  


Some nights Alec read that simple line over and over again, trying to work out if this was genuine or just another hook, Magnus waiting to reel him in again. Sometimes he reread their entire correspondence, missing the other man so fiercely… it wasn’t a life to be so haunted.

He had meant to reply to that message one way or another a hundred times but one thing came up, then another and another and then... Alec had legitimately died. _Died_ died. He’s still wrapping his head around that one.

And now he’s on Kadara again and it’s hard to pretend he doesn’t love every damn rock, even if their reason to be here is pretty grim; cold determination washes over him, he needs to focus, if not for him, then for Luke and Maia.

He doesn’t know why but the planet is, breathtaking landscapes aside, special. The mighty people in the Nexus might have cast all those people down, hoping they died -almost. But they were resilient. The last time Alec had been here, only the water right next to the Remnant terraforming vault was drinkable and the air was still a rotten eggs mess that his helmet could barely filter.

But three months had changed everything (three local months, but four months in Nexus standard days, and a foggy eternity in Alec’s head. Keeping his calendar straight was hardly possible when he jumped planet to planet on a regular basis, even with RAZIEL tracking it for him). The planet wasn't completely cleaned, but now everything five hundred miles around the vault was. If that wasn’t some kind of miracle, Alec didn’t know what was.

Its people, though, were the same. A bit less dirty and lot more fed yet still as corrosive as the water had been, some still suspicious at him and his team, open dislike on their faces (he’ll take it gladly over the hate and the constant harassment they had to deal with when they first came down). Either Magnus knew how to keep his people on a tight leash or they were genuinely thankful for what he and his team did for them.

“Are we getting closer?” Maia asks.

Alec slows the rover to a crawl, comparing the map holo display to what is in front of him. He thinks they are, but there is no way the rover can take a direct route to the very approximate target location they had to begin with. “Cliffs and cliffs ahead. We need to continue on the scenic route.”

“Fuck me,” Luke mutters.

_Yeah, sounds about right._

 

*

Luke takes several minutes to breath.

In with the peace, and out with the tension, his mother used to say. Simple, really. Supposedly. In. Out. His hands are still shaking, claws out. In. Out. his heart refuses to calm down, still racing, still hunting, still fearing. _In. Out. In. Out._

“Luke?” Alec calls. From his tone, it might be the third or fourth time he does, concern tightly packed in his voice.

He nods to Alec, not sure if he can talk without throwing up in relief.

“We’re going to place the beacons for your scouts so they can retrieve the seeds. You need anything?”

Luke shallows around the weight in his throat, and says, weakly “‘m fine. I just need a minute.”

Alec nodes in understanding and leaves the shuttle landing pad, Maia behind him. _Kids._ He knows Luke doesn’t need an audience and she’s too respectuous to say anything. She might be as relieved as he is, but he’s the Alpha. He was supposed to prevent this. She doesn’t have that weight on her shoulder. Not yet.

Luke’s breath out fear and breath in the smell of blood and bodies surrounding him. Out, the shame of not protecting his people better. In, the knowledge the thieves got what they deserve. . All of them disgustingly greedy and voracious, no sleep lost over the Wolves, over possible genocide. Just ready to make a profit, no matter what.

He gets up and goes to the nearest shuttle, hatch still opened -the thieves had tried to load the seeds until the very last moment in there. If not for their greed, they would have gotten away with half their cargo. If not for their greed, he, Alec and Izzy wouldn’t have laid waste to them and they would still be alive.

It took them long to find their base. Luke chuckles. When Bane and Alec were in good terms, finding something on Kadara was so much easier. But hours and hours later, wandering from deadend to deadend, they finally found the location. Somehow, racing from the bottom to the top of the base, guns first, had taken a fraction of that time. Luke didn’t count, but there were so many of them, all ready to fuck over the Wolves.

But not on their watch. Now they’re dead, and Luke’s grateful.

The containers are sealed and safe and it takes a few seconds for his omni-tool to open one. He needs to look, to touch.The seeds in small cryotubes, three in each, six cryotubes in each container, fifteen containers in total. The entire stock their homeworld could spare for the Wolves of the Andromeda Initiative, the entire stock that will prevent their race to go extinct in this brand new shit show. Having a near symbiotic relationship with their planet and its flora had been precious and sacred, until they left it. No Wolf babies would survive their new worlds without the fruits those seeds would ended up growing into. The Wolves didn’t have an Ark, like the Humans, the Edomians and the Seelians. They didn’t have twenty thousand colons coming their way in an Ark to grow their population, just the three thousand that were _allowed_ on the Nexus. To had to that, Herondale had put the culture at the bottom of a very huge pile, despite the fact it took years to grow. When Luke and the others had been fed up of being used and lied to and left the Nexus to settle on Elaaden, she had refused to get the seeds out of storage.

_And then they had been stolen._

Luke didn’t like coincidence, especially since he, the Alpha, had not been told about said theft until RAZIEL had taken a deep dive into the Nexus servers.

So here they came, after hunting for clues all over the Helius Cluster, looking for whispers of the thieves and their all too precious cargo.

Luke might still throw up in relief. His people, saved. Their future, secured. And their true enemies, identified.

It takes a second to open a channel to his people. “Encrypted transmission from Alpha 75LGM726A. The Seeds are secured, the thieves are dead. Location to follow.”

He wants to tell them more, orders new barricades around their settlements, more patrols, more guns. Want to tell them why, to point fingers at the Nexus and their carelessness, that really is covered warfare. He doesn’t. Not yet. They can have a day of joy and relief. He can shoulder the weight for a little longer.

 

*

When he comes back with Maia and Luke from their mission, the rover’s solar battery is nearly depleted and Alec shakes his head at the inefficiency of it all. If they had had the right intel, they could have been done in a couple of hours, but instead they had spent half the night roaming over the hills, looking for their targets, Luke and Maia buzzing with tension and fear.

Half the night wasted because _someone_ refused to see Alec. At least they weren’t bound for take off any time soon.

 **_Speaking of, would you like for me to plan the doctored reports and logs?_ **RAZIEL asks, his monotone voice in drastic contrast with the crazy things he is saying.

 _Doctored_ and _logs_ didn’t belong in the same sentence. At least, that’s what Alec had thought -no, _believed_ \- before coming to Andromeda. Now it’s a weekly occurrence and he tries hard to feel bad about it, to give a damn about Herondale and her rule book about how a Pathfinder should behave.

 _Under her thumb and glad to be there_ , he muses, bitter.

But Alec is the only Pathfinder the Initiative has, the others are as lost as their respectives Arks (that was about to change of course, even if the news had not been released yet, but it would be some weeks before the new Seelian Pathfinder, Helen, was ready for missions).

“Sure, make it good RAZIEL. Perhaps an engine failure, what do you think guys?”

Maia gives him a blank look and it takes Alec a moment too long to remember she can’t hear RAZIEL unless it chooses to speaks through his omni-tool.

“Reports about our… pit stop. The Director would not approve,” he explains.

Understatement of the year. If Herondale knew what they’ve been up to, she would shit a brick and have RAZIEL ripped from Alec’s brain, the whole of them branded as exiles and, _ah!_ , dumped on Kadara without ceremony. Funny how full circle things tend to go sometimes.

Luke shakes his head and spits on the ground. “That fucking woman.”

“Yeah, preaching to the choir, Luke. So? Engine failure? Caught in a weird celestial event?”

“Simon will flip if you even suggest engine failure, you know how he is about that ship. But… I could twist his arm,” Izzy says, wicked smile and all, as she joins them, crashing into him. She’s wearing light armor (the Slums aren’t safe after all, especially not drunk) and smells of sweat and alcohol.

It takes everything Alec has not to ruffle her hair, she would hate that. And it’s the reason he gives in anyway and mess with her shiny hair before she kicks him in the shin. He’s never been so glad to wear armor, especially when she goes for second and he can actually feel it. _Demon_.

“Perfect,” he says, ignoring her smug face. “RAZIEL? Get to work please and keep Si posted on this.”

 **_Of course, Pathfinder_ ** **.**

“So how long are we staying anyway?” Luke asks, too casual.

_He thinks he’s so subtle._

Alec shrugs noncommittally, before remembering he’s the boss and, while Luke is most certainly teasing him he’s also waiting for an answer. “Consider it shore leave. A short one. Resupply and, well. That engine failure needs to be dealt with. Not, er, not today but the day after. Should be enough.”

Izzy raises one perfect brow at him and his bullshitting. “Long pit stop you’re outlining.”

The insinuation in her voice is clear but he doesn’t bother acknowledging it. He’s tired and not exactly happy. He frowns. _The last time I was happy? No, it can’t be back on earth, 600 years ago. Perhaps. No. shit. It’s Kadara._ The night he and Magnus stayed on that rooftop, under bright new stars, drinking a bottle of stolen whisky and...  kissing.

“What are you guys going to do?” Izzy asks, already circling one arm around Maia’s waist possessively, too drunk to hear the way Maia’s breath catch. “Please don’t be gross and say you’re going to sleep like the grandpas you secretly are.”

Luke shakes his head, “You’ll learn the inescapable need for a regular sleep pattern in a few years kiddo.”

Not that he’s wrong, Alec could do with that too, but at the same time, alcohol sounds pretty good too. “I… Luke, you’re up for a drink at Kralla’s?”

Luke is as perceptive as Izzy but way, way less inclined to butt his nose into Alec’s business, which makes him the ultimate drinking buddy. He nods slowly. It’s clear that what happened with the thieves is still on his mind. Excellent, _misery loves company_. Or something.

“Where are you headed?” he asks his sister.

“At the club. Everyone’s is there. Pretty much shit-faced already,” she informs him before dragging Maia away and crossing the slums to Tartarus entrance, vaguely waving at them as they go.

Even at this hour, the music is loud and pounds in the cave. It’s a miracle anyone can sleep in the Slums. Alec wonders if Magnus is in there at the moment, and if he should try is luck. If he’s alone. If he’s waiting. If he’s-

He doesn’t have time to make up his mind that Luke pushes him toward the elevator back to the docks. “C’mon boss,” he says.

_Uh. He must have read my mind._

**_Pathfinder, Wolves have no catalogued telepathic ability,_ ** RAZIEL tells him and it might be his brain anthropomorphising the disembodied voice, but the AI sounds so earnest and helpful, Alec almost feels guilty about rolling his eyes -hopefully, RAZIEL has learned the meaning of that since he was plugged in his head.

“So, you’re going to try to drink me under the table?” Luke asks, his eyes lit up with mirth.

“Yeah, no. Learnt my lesson on Elaaden, thank you very much.”

Right after the break up he drank his sorrow in a bar full of Wolves that goaded him into cup after cup of something so foul it might have been fuel engine or latrine cleaner or both. _Bad idea_. He didn’t wake up half naked in the desert of something, but he was dead sick for two days.

“That’s a good lad,” the Wolf answers, knocking his armored fist on Alec’s shoulder. It practically sends Alec against the wall. “Sorry boss.” And God bless, he has the sense of sounding as unapologetic as possible and it makes Alec relax and laugh for the first time in a week.

 

*

Kralla’s Song is as shitty as he remembers, but well… Shitty alcohol and music aside, it’s better than the sweaty mess that the club down in the Slums,Tartarus, has to offer. The strippers dancing in actual cages were of poor taste, but the people hooking up in and outside the club were just too much for Alec’s _dainty sensibilities_. And yes, those were absolutely the reasons he had picked the bar in the town proper instead of staying in the Slums. Nothing to do with the fact he and Magnus met here all those months ago.

Yet everytime someone gets close to him, he can hear _You look like you’re waiting for someone_ slurred seductively at him, his heart beating like mad at the possibility. Fuck. It had been hook, line and sinker at the first shitty pick up line, like he was begging to be conned.

“You’re going to mope all night?” Luke asks, not unkindly, after a while. “Or you want to go check downstairs in Tartarus, it’s more his scene.”

 _Busted. And yes. No._ Shit he doesn’t know. Perhaps he should just go to sleep. Seeking Magnus is crazy enough, but seeking Magnus when he’s pretty drunk is plain suicide. He tries to finish his drink (and where exactly did he picked up drinking? He never had gotten drunk before Andromeda). He shakes his head at Luke’s blurry face. “No. I think I made, uh... a fool of myself enough for one night.”

Because, again, if Magnus was inclined, he could have easily come here. It’s not like his precious High Warlock persona would have been exposed.

**_Pathfinder, my knowledge of Mr. Bane is limited but it is highly possible that an exterior event prevented him from contacting you after we docked._ **

“Are you _defending_ him?!” he’s loud, shit. So fucking loud and the bartender and Luke are giving him looks and yes, it’s really time to stop drinking.

**_I was merely pointing out that the deep emotional distress you went through might cloud your judgement, Pathfinder. However, my understanding of human psychology is theoretical and I only wish to learn. Your sister said that ‘heartbreak’ could cause erratic behaviors and this is one of the numerous examples I’ve taken note of since our last visit on Kadara. The ordeal you went through in the Archon’s ship only reinfo-_ **

_Please stop talking,_ Alec thinks at it, closing his eyes and trying to regain some control. It’s hard enough to have his entire crew hounding him to talk about his feelings without being psyched out by the freaking AI for fuck sakes. He doesn't need that.

RAZIEL stays blissfully silent and Alec sighs in relief, reopening his eyes. Luke’s is frowning, but not at him, keeping his eyes on someone that’s getting closer.

 _Oh shit. Shit._ But before he can fully panic and decide how he’s going to greet Magnus, someone shouts “Pathfinder!”

Alec tries not to be disappointed but he’s so fucking done with this night and _Magnus_ . He turns and winces. _Blackwell? Yeah, that’s the name._

“Blackwell,” he nods politely (he hopes) to the man, the alcohol is his system not helping his concentration or making it easy for him to hide the raw hostility he feels for the man in front of him.

**_Pathfinder, I can accelerate your metabolism to get you sober._ **

_Yeah you do that,_ Alec thinks loud at RAZIEL, thankful. They have an understanding: no _adjusting_ Alec’s body without asking first.

Blackwell, unfortunately, doesn’t look like he’s looking for a civil conversation. People are spreading all around them in the bar -might as well wave giant red flags… amateurs. But after all Director Herondale put the exiles through when they first arrived in Andromeda, Alec is willing to cut the man some slack. It can’t be easy to see pristine Initiative uniforms strolling around the planet you’ve been exiled to like they didn’t leave you to starve here.

“What brings you to our neck of the woods?” Blackwell asks.

“Peacekeeping,” Luke deadpans before Alec can answer anything.

By his tone, Alec is a hundred percent sure he wouldn’t mind a little bit of trouble. It’s actually lucky that RAZIEL is cleaning up the alcohol in his system or he would have burst up laughing. He still feels like it though. Shit. Perhaps they’re all edging for a fight.

“Peacekeeping, uh? Neat.” Blackwell says, before his fake smile drops and he raises his voice. “But Kadara doesn’t need that. Or the High Warlock’s little Initiative whore trying to police us.”

Silence. Despite the music, Blackwell’s idea of a smart political statement is loud enough to attract quite the attention. The High Warlock’s name has that effect… the King of Kadara some call him. Alec knows Magnus has him under protection -all Initiative personal really, it was part of the deal, but Alec in particular. Even some of Blackwell’s clique seems uncomfortable with the turn of events. It’s one thing to try to stab someone in a dark alley of the slums or deep in a cave, lost in the hills… it’s quite another to insult the master of the planet in public.

Luke chooses that moment to get up from his stool. Alec glances at him, trying to see what others might; his white armor is ornate with Kett bones he killed and crusted with dried blood, from his now exposed claws to the elbows -evidence that Luke has no problem fighting dirty.

The man right beside Blackwell steps back and Luke chuckles.

“Now, who are you calling a whore?” Alec asks, trying to sound more incredulous than angry or worried.

But he is. As the Pathfinder, he’s used to being called a few nasty words from the exiles, that’s why he wears the armor. But Blackwell’s jab is a little too close from the truth. The High Warlock’s orders to his people are clear: leave the Pathfinder the fuck alone. It wouldn’t be good for Magnus (or for Kadara, Alec forces himself to add) if someone made the connection between those orders and Magnus and Alec’s past relationship. Enough people saw them flirt, god knows Alec hadn’t been really careful -and fuck that, he didn’t know he had to be careful! _Fuck Magnus_.

If someone ever found out Magnus is the High Warlock… sure, his hold on the Port and the planet is strong and his little crime family stronger, but that doesn’t mean Morgenstern's Circle stopped believing in him after his death.

 _His murder_ , he corrects.

“C’mon Blackwell, we’ll-” one of his friends tries to say but Blackwell shuts him up with a fist to the guts.

“I heard you were there when it all went down, that Morgenstern asked for your help and you let the High Warlock kill him. Some even say you pulled the trigger yourself,” Blackwell accuses, kicking the stool that stands between them. “Three months I’ve been dying to ask you those questions, _Pathfinder.”_

Alec had pulled the trigger -or might as well, even after all this time, it’s still confusing in his head. The Initiative poster boy for the _by-the-book_ and _can-do_ attitude, in love with a crime boss, had let him execute Morgenstern. And that was only the first offense. Alec had _encouraged_ Luke to dangle the thief they had hunted all night over a ledge. Even gave the Wolf his benediction to let him fall to his death when the man had spilled all he knew. Torture, murder. Now Alec doesn’t feel any morally higher than Magnus. The Initiative probably cause more death anyway.

In front of him, Blackwell makes a gesture to his gun but Alec’s already on him, throwing him down, unwilling to discover if the man was just posturing or actually ready to attack him.

Alec punches Blackwell once, twice, before the man gets him in the guts, on the part of his armor that’s not hard plasteel so he can actually move in it, hard enough to jossel his stomach and Alec pukes on him, coughing alcohol and bile all over his face. Blackwell screams in disgust, looking just as surprised as Alec.

He damn near says sorry but someone gets him off Blackwell, twisting his arm and Alec kicks his heel on his new assailant’s foot -the woman shouts in his ear and he elbows her three times, feeling her ribs crack under his pointy armored elbow and he turns, freeing his other arm from her slack grip and punches her in the face. She falls flat and doesn’t get up.

He doesn’t have more than a second to breathe that he’s hit from behind _hard_ and he stumbles, dropping on the floor and rolling away from - _holyfuckingshiteatingfuck_ \- a half turned Wolf, claws out and furry ears, that just hit him with a fucking bar stool (now reduced to kindling, fucking shit he never realized those armors where that good at enduring a beating and _that could have been my spine holyfuckingshit)_.

A quick glance around the bar to find Luke, giant, smiling Luke, battling three people at once and Alec runs to him, picking a half full bottle on the way, knocking it on the face of one of his attackers; it breaks and alcohol sprays on Alec and his tongue darts out, tasting shitty whisky and blood _._

“What about switching?” he shouts to Luke.

Luke turns around to see what Alec is running from, takes one look at the advancing wolf and his grin double in size, full of fangs.

“Russel!” he shouts at the guy.

 ** _Alec!_** RAZIEL shouts in his head, just in time for him to turn his head and be punched right in the fucking face.

He’s on the floor when he comes back to his senses, a black skinned Edomian woman with blue markings and white braids over him, shimmering biotics barrier around them, _stopping bullets_.

They stay up against the barrier, stuck in the mass effect field before she releases it, throwing them back at whoever fired them in a hard push. Grunts of pain and screams -Alec winces, dead civilians, even exiles won’t look good on his records, even if they’re stupid and trying to kill them. It sure as hell won’t look good to Kadarans.

The woman helps him up and he _knows_ her… “Catarina, right?” he groans at the pain shooting in his jaw when he speaks. That last punch got him good.

She’s one of Magnus’ top lieutenants, he met her before he knew the truth, when the High Warlock was just a name and not a physical ache in his chest.

“You’re welcome,” she says quicky before storming to someone getting up from the floor, to help or fight he doesn’t have time to check because Blackwell is back, his face and hair still wet with Alec’s sick.

It’s a quick fight, Alec kicking him right in the chest, the man crashing down and knocking his head on the floor.

The rest of the bar calms down a second later -Alec’s ears ringing, shit- when Luke throws the other wolf over the bar.

Guards flood the room, picking up as many people they can that are breathing and not Downworlder members. Fuck. This isn’t going to make things on Kadara easier for him or the Initiative. The guards give him and Luke a wide berth -small mercies, he’s not in the mood to be questioned.

Alec puts a bar stool back up and sits on it -it gives a crack under his weight but doesn’t break. For now.

“Friends of yours?” he asks Luke, pointing at the unconscious/perhaps dead wolf draped over the bar.

“Pack brother. He challenged me as Alpha when we got to Elaaden. He lost and left…” Luke says and he’s still partially shifted, his ears a tad too pointy to be completely human, claws slowly receding into nails, fangs into teeth.

“He dead?” Alec looks over the counter and picks up a bottle, drinking straight from it.

“No. I should have put him down but there isn’t enough of us here to kill. I’ll call my scouts to come pick him up at the same time as the seeds.”

“Just like that? Forgiveness, I mean.”

“No. I beat him in fair combat -twice now. He’ll have to repay the blood debt he owns me.” Luke doesn’t exactly sound happy about that but Alec nods anyway. If he doesn’t want to talk about it, Alec sure isn’t going to force it out of him (not that he could).

Alec pats him on the shoulder, “good man.”

Luke snorts and gestures for the bottle. “Your face is broken,” he informs him, the kind of amused concern that makes Alec smile a little, despite the pain it causes.

Luke’s takes a long swig, one that would worry Alec if Luke was human. He works his jaw from right to left when he finishes, some of his cuts already closing.

Somewhere in the back of his head, in a place that’s less his and more theirs - _AlexanderandRAZIEL_ \- he knows the AI is working hard, pushing his body to heal. Before, in the early days of their partnership, it had been a source of amazement. Now, after months of it, it’s… more complicated.

And _permanent_.

He shakes his head, wiping a stray tear from his cheek, trying desperately to wipe the fear away as well. He’s been coaching himself in the past few months, and he repeats his mantra, again and again, _it’s only a problem if people learn about it, don’t worry, breath, you’re fine, you have time_ -Ah! Time, that’s all he has- _there’s nothing to be done but wait._

The mantra doesn’t work, it’s a lost cause against impending doom but it flood his head with white noise at least and it’s enough for now.

Luke passes him the bottle back and Alec toasts “To my broken face.”

 _To my broken future_ echoes in his head.


	2. Gravity doesn't work unless you look down

*

[sniffling] [choked sob]

**_Stardate 2974.845, personal logs of Pathfinder Alec Lightwood. We identified the High Warlock of Kadara._ **

[derisive laugh]

“You’re doing the log today RAZIEL?”

**_I just wanted to spare-_ **

“Don’t. I’m-”

[controlled breathing]

“I’m not made of glass.”

**_Even the strongest durasteel can take a beating, Alec._ **

“Sure can. So. Stardate blah blah, Pathfinder Idiot in Chief. We stumble upon the identity of the High Warlock. What am I saying, the  _ King of Kadara _ . So. Earlier today we were called by Morgenstern. Remember him? Local tyrant? Very clever and dangerous? Yeah so, his people turn against him and he received some kind of invitation by the Downworlders leader.  _ Some parley _ . Morgenstern wanted us with him as neutral observers. And we went, Pathfinder team is all about peace and shit like that. So down in a cave we went, armed to the teeth, neutral as can be to negotiate parley between him and the High Warlock, whoever the fuck they were. Stop the violence, stabilize Kadara’s proto-government like RAZIEL stabilized the terraforming vault and establish an Initiative outpost on the planet. Be back to the Port before nightfall, so I could go see Magnus and… and…

[long suppressed sobbing]

**_Pathfinder? Alec?_ **

“And nothing. Just a punch in the gut, just realising I’ve been lied to and used for months by the- by the MAN I TRUSTED!”

[heavy breathing] 

“Barely got the time to wrap my head around it and not  _ cry _ in front of everyone, that  _ Magnus  _ proposed some shitty cliché high noon duel to Morgensetrn. Winner takes Kadara he said.” 

**_I saw a spark in the dark, a speck of reflection on a sniper rifle scope. It was aimed at Morgenstern, just as Bane and he were circling each other, hands on their holsters._ **

“And I let it happen.  _ RAZIEL told me _ . I was supposed to be neutral. I would have been if not for- I was so angry at Magnus and his lies and… and yet. Morgensetern’s dead. Magnus barely waited for him to hit the ground he was already ordering his people to take Kadara Port before nightfall. I wish I could say I punched him, arrest him or something. But my mind was just-

[sobbing and laughing]

“Replaying that kiss on the rooftop, uncharted stars and whisky. _ How romantic _ . Now I can see the taint, the lies. All it takes to buy a Pathfinder is a kiss and some pretty words. I don’t with who I feel more disgusted, me or him.”

**_We were all deceived, Alec. All of us._ **

“Yeah I don’t think you were daydreaming a future with him, RAZIEL. So the level of betrayal is astronomically different. I let it happen. I should have stopped it, made it fair. I wish I could say Magnus being the better of two evils was my only motivation for letting him execute Morgentsern. But I can’t. I wanted Magnus to live. Because I’m in love with him.”

**_Still?_ **

“Of what I thought he was, yes. A part of me still aching for him to burst in there and tell me it was real, that he loved- how silly. Here’s your lesson in humanity for the day RAZIEL: we got shit for brains. To continue with the report that isn’t about my fucking love life, Kadara is now under Downworlders’ rule, with a puppet Edomian that will play King for Magnus. We hammered some quick accord for an Outpost and left.”

[pause]

“ _ I don’t want to see this fucking planet ever again _ . End of recording.”

 

*

Magnus can’t believe he is doing this _ , what a fucking moron, _ running through his head as he sleuths -sleuths!- into the Arrowhead.  _ I don’t think I did anything this reckless in my hundred years _ . He doesn’t have any excuse, unless, “I wanted to and no one was posted outside to stop me” is a good one. And he knows it isn’t. Yeah, he’s already in the Pathfinder’s (and his team) shit book, pulling this isn’t going to help.

But he wants -no, he needs- to talk to Alexander. 

Out there, if Magnus was playing fair, his sister would have stopped him before he could open his mouth and kicked his ass down the mountain the Port was built on. Fucking biotic powers (not that he couldn’t retaliate, his own biotics were off the fucking charts, but hurting Isabelle would guarantee that Alexander would never forgive him). Anyway Magnus doesn’t play fair, if he had, he wouldn’t have won a fucking planet. Getting Alexander in his quarters, alone, might be the only chance to talk.

Being shot is higher on the list of possibilities though. Alexander rarely misses.

The ship is so silent it gives Magnus the creeps. He stalked the rest of the crew on their merry way to Tartarus to get drunk an hour after Alexander left with Isabelle and Luke. Still, he sleuths, if only by habit. He doesn’t linger in the hangar bay, confused for a second about the layout before he gets his bearings: he was never on the ship, but he and Alexander made enough vid calls through their omni-tools for Magnus to be able to plot a course across the ship.

He allows himself a quick look-see of the medbay then of the crew quarters: a dozen or so hole-in-the-wall bunk beds, most in total disarray but some left pristine and Magnus knows it’s more due to lack of occupants than any military sense of order. No one in the Pathfinder’s team seems to be the type, except for said Pathfinder.

But Alexander doesn’t have a bunk bed (would he actually fit? come to think of it, Luke is actually a lot buffier, there is no way he can sleep in one of those). To Magnus, the privilege of having his own quarters doesn’t compensate for the crushing responsibility and constant danger the Pathfinder face. 

The smile Alexander had given him when he told him that was so shy and he looked away. Of course, it bothered him to get so much space for himself, as well as privacy, when his entire crew was living on top of each other (he’s such a fucking saint sometimes, Magnus hates that and loves it and he shakes his head, trying to get free of the fondness). He used to have a bunk bed with his name on it too, which doesn't help the guilt. The solo quarters were intended for his mother.

Reminiscing on their constant conversations only strengthens Magnus’ resolve. When he gets to Alexander’s door he sets to work -just like the hangar, it needs a little bit of hacking. Magnus might have, at one point, stolen access codes right from the Pathfinder’s team omni-tools. Not his proudest moment, but it was the reason he had befriended the man in the first place, wasn't it? To steal intel, use his connections and influence. And, if the man was amiable, to sway him against Morgenstern and his hold on Kadara and into Magnus’ more… reasonable way of ruling. 

The flirting was just a bonus.

_ Shit _ . Magnus never meant to know this much, to  _ feel _ this much about the man. But it was no goddamn accident, he flew right into that black hole with eyes wide open, past the event horizon and there was no escaping its gravity now. 

He had a boy scout kink to match Alexander’s bad boy one, as horrible as it sounds. And perhaps, just perhaps, when Magnus was drunk enough to admit it, there are still parts of him that wanted to be saved and, more tragically, to save. Kadara, himself, Alexander, it didn’t matter (Andromeda as a whole could still go fuck itself though). 

In the cold light of the morning, hungover, pissed and alone, Magnus usually regains some modicum of sense and reminds himself he’s no fucking hero. A smuggler, a murderer, a liar and a crime boss. A demon’s a bit in love with an angel, wasn’t it so grand? So ridiculous? On Earth, they used to make holos like that and Magnus can’t think of one that ends up with a happy ending.

When the door slides open, Magnus slips in. 

Alexander's quarters are huge -a little bigger than the whole crew quarters- yet spartan. The bay window on one side would give a breathtaking view of Kadara’s rocky spires but the sun already went down and apart from some ambient light right next to the Arrowhead, it’s dark out. The room can be resumed to a military made bed in one corner (big enough for two, Magnus can’t help but note), a treadmill right in front of the window, a sinfully comfortable looking couch opposite to the bed, an imposing desk cluttered with datapads and that’s it. It’s vaguely depressing, like the idea of a room rather than a real one.

The only personal touch on the desk is a family portrait. 

Magnus’ caresses a finger to Alexander’s smiling face. On the picture, he’s surrounded by his firecracker of a sister, a blond man about the same age (Jace? Alexander had told him about his cryo pod being damaged when they arrived in Andromeda and him been comatose ever since) and a little boy. Magnus frowns at the kid, he didn’t know there was a fourth Lighwood sibling, unless… unless there isn’t anymore, and Magnus’ heart clenches for them. 

Stuck in between the frame and the glass in one corner is a smaller picture of an older woman in military uniform, beautiful even with such a serious face. 

Maryse Lightwood. 

The original human Pathfinder, who sacrificed her life to save her son’s the very day they set foot in Andromeda. Magnus remembers the intel he received from his moles in the Initiative, how the news of her death had been taken. Director Herondale had sent several mails about her endangering everyone by handing over her mission and the AI plugged in her head to someone so young and inexperienced.

But Director Herondale is a bitch, and her intercepted mails had changed in tone during the last few months, from  _ the Pathfinder is incompetent _ to  _ the Pathfinder is impossible to control or to muzzle _ and to hell with his outstanding results, right? Magnus can’t believe Alexander risk his life on daily basis for people like her.

Maryse Lightwood had made a tough choice, perhaps a selfish one, Magnus doesn’t know, he’s no parent, so he won’t judge. He can’t help but to be glad for the one she made. 

The more time he spent with Isabelle and Alec, the more obvious it was they were still grieving their mother, the wound being so fresh. Not that time really helps. Magnus knows everything about dead mother and the subsequent grief; it had taken him over a decade  to recover… Asmodeus didn’t. His father turned colder, harsher, finally realising the only thing he couldn’t conquer was her mortality. At least she had died at home, surrounded by her husband and son. Maryse Lightwood did get that chance. Pain and nothing but distress over her children’s uncertain future...

He sighs. Such a terrible cost for Alec’s life. No wonder the Pathfinder went out of his way to prove he was worth it.

No way to know when Alexander is coming back from his mission.  _ Or if he will _ . Void take it all and his heart too. He bites his inner cheek, willing away from his mind haunting images of Alexander, his broken body left somewhere to rot in the mountains. He really doesn’t need this right now.

He settles on the couch and sinks into it, the soft leather an absolute dream. He doesn’t think he’s been so comfortable since he sneaked out of Edom to join the Initiative, right under his father’s nose, so he allows himself a moment to savor it and breaths out the trepidation he’s feeling about seeing Alexander soon.  

It doesn’t exactly work so he turns his attention on his omni-tool to oversee Downworlders business, having to jump between his different accounts and encryption keys, some as Magnus Bane, others as the elusive High Warlock.

Shit, he knows the double life is for the best but it’s exhausting to play both parts, to lose time negotiating around for things as Magnus, while the High Warlock could just order them to his door. Unfortunately, Morgenstern’s death didn’t stop people for hunting down his killer, even if he is the king of Kadara.

Deep inside though, he knows the secrecy isn’t the sole source of his exhaustion. Being the one in charge would take its toll, that much he gathered. But the look of disgust Alexander had given to him and his bloody crown before running away… it was a price Magnus had not been ready to pay.

 

*

He’s in the middle of his -fuck if he knows- drink when RAZIEL says  **_Pathfinder? There is only so much I can do for your liver._ **

Alec makes an outraged sound, RAZIEL deserves to get Alexander’s drink on the face. Except he doesn’t have a face, since he lives in a chip in Alec’s brain and a huuuuuge server room on the human Ark. Does he want a face? Could he get one?

“Are you-  _ are you sassing me RAZIEL _ ?” he hiccups.

**_Only expressing concern for your wellbeing. Insuring your continued existence is my prime directive after all._ **

And yes, perhaps he should have called it a night after the fight had died down. Perhaps.  _ Hiccup _ . He feels so muuuch better now, bruised knuckles, black eye and sore jaw. There’s this itty bitty ache in his side that’s kinda bothering him, but if RAZIEL hasn’t called the ship medic yet, Alec doesn’t think -he  _ giggles-  _ it’s something to worry about.

He tries to get up,  _ RAZIEL is right damn it _ , and he’s so right that Alec stumbles descending from the stool (one of the three that were spared during the fight) and spills the rest of his drink all over the bar.

“ _ Oh shit _ ,” he giggles, before calling “Luke?”

When he looks around, the Wolf is nowhere to be found.

**_Pathfinder, Luke Garroway left an hour ago accompanied by an Edomian with your enthusiastic encouragement. You told him to “get laid for all of us”._ **

“Please tell me you’re joking,” he groans, resting his pounding head on the bar, before jerking away and falling on his armored ass. 

**_I’m afraid that humour is not part of my programming, Pathfinder._ **

When he looks up, the bartender is rolling her eyes and Alec closes his eyes again, lights hurting and he wants to sleep, even if one side of his face is covered in whatever was in his glass and covering the dirty bar before. The night keeps on getting better and better. “Where’s, uh, you know.” He really needs to get off the floor but he’s not sure if he can by himself.

**_The rest of the crew is disseminated all over the Port, at the exception of Lieutenant Lewis, who’s omni-tool places him in his bunk._ **

“Light weight,” Alec mutters.

**_I believe your name is Lightwood, Pathfinder_ ** **.**

Alec frowns. Might be the alcohol, but he’s pretty suuure the AI just sassed him again.

**_Do you want me to call one of them to accompany you back to the Arrowhead?_ ** RAZIEL continues.

“No. Please don’t.” Fuck. They all needed a little fun it seems, horizontal or otherwise. Alec isn’t bitter at aaall that the fun he got was a broken nose or something. At all. Fucking Magnus.

_ Fuck Magnus. _

_ Yeah. _

And then he sniffles and in the side of his brain that RAZIEL must have clean -bless him- Alec knows it's time to get the fuck out of the bar before he publically cry over his ex.

  
  


Somehow, he makes it back to the Arrowhead without falling too much on his face or getting himself into a new fight (whatever Magnus said to his people guarding the docks, they know that Alec is off-limits even if his drunk ass is an easy target. He doesn’t want to know what kind of story will get back to Magnus in the morning).

He gets all across the ship, bypassing his quarters, but only at RAZIEL’s insistence to get out of his body armor in the armory for maintenance and a perfunctory shower. RAZIEL then bullies him to stop by the kitchen to get some water.

The ship is very, very quiet -bar from Simon’s monstrous snores. It never really happens this silence. Always someone shouting or laughing or tinkering very loudly. They’re not the rowdy sort but they’re all young and _tensed as fucking astrophysical math (_ except for Luke, who’s _older_ _than some planet_ , Alec is sure of it). 

More than half the shit they get into wouldn’t have stand if his mother was still in charge. N7 commando don’t go around their ship sliding on the glass-like floor in their socks and underwear to see who can get the farthest from the bridge to the research center.

But she isn’t in charge. She isn’t even alive.

Alec falls against his door, face first before mumbling “RAZIEL, could ya-” he finishes his sentence by wiggling his hand around. He feels like crying himself to sleep for a multitude of reasons. His dead mother, his comatose brother, the team he puts in danger any other day, his recent death and responsibilities, that bomb ticking in his DNA, louder and louder. And Magnus.  _ Fuck Magnus _ . Alec had hoped he could get one good thing. Just the one but even that was too much to ask...

Alec stumbles in his quarters when RAZIEL opens the door for him and throws himself on top of his bed.  _ Jesus fucking shit _ . He just wants to sleep but he can ear Simon’s snoring from here, which is-

**_Pathfinder, you’re not alone._ **

Alec jumps up, head turning, turning, turning, nausea raising. And then his eyes fall on Magnus fucking Bane snoring on his couch.

 

*

Magnus wakes up with a start, grubby eyed and disoriented.  _ Where am _ \- his eyes focus on the gun pointed at his head and he goes for his own, a stupid reflex since there is no way he can do anything, hand freezing an inch above his holster when he sees who’s ready to shoot him.

“How the fuck did you get in here?”

Alexander is all anger, but his eyes are glassy and his face is covered in bruises. He looks terrible, like a drunken wreck that stumbled out of bed in his tight boxer (Magnus, as much as he wants, can’t help but  _ notice _ , even if just in passing).

“Magic,” is out of his mouth before he can actually think. The stupidity of his answer makes him wince -snarking around is so not on the table right now.

Alexander rolls his eyes but before he answers, he gets that look on his face, slightly out of focus. His RAZIEL look.

“YOU STOLE MY ACCESS CODE!” Alec shouts a second later. 

The look of disgust he gives Magnus is devastating and he has to remember that it’s his own damn fault.

“ _ Before _ I got to know you,” he says. Flimsy defence and he’s aware; bound to remind Alexander that he was a job to Magnus at some point.  _ He probably thinks it’s still the case _ .

Alexander opens his mouth. Closes it. Repeats. After a moment, he gives up on whatever he wanted to say and lowers his gun, throwing it on the bed and passes a hand over his eyes -his knuckles are as bruised as his face. His eyes have lost their glassiness but the anger is still there, simmering instead of burning. 

“What the fuck Magnus,” he breathes. And fuck, the pain in his voice as he says his name… 

Magnus can barely remember the way Alexander used to say it, it has been so long, and he is so undeserving. The fondness alone was enough to make Magnus suffocate with joy and the fear he was going to fuck it up.

“I wanted to see you.” 

Alexander gives him an indecipherable look before he sighs and sits on his desk chair, facing Magnus. “You weren’t at Tartarus,” he says, like it costs him a lot to say this much.

And the fucking implication.  _ You wanted to see me too. _

“I-” Magnus shakes his head, snorting. “I went to Lorenzo’s party. I didn’t think you would appreciate running into me.”

Alexander glares at him before pointedly looking around his quarters and yes, Magnus’ aware he is a lying douchebag. 

“I didn’t think  _ your team _ would let me talk to you,” Magnus amends. “What happened to your face? That’s fresh.” 

Alexander’s hand hovers reflexively on one side of his jaw, bruised and swollen. It must hurt like a bitch, even thickly covered in medigel as it is, the dry shine of it catching the light, stretch marks moving on its surface when Alexander talks.

“Not everyone seems on board with your brand of leadership or aligning Kadara with the Initiative,” he says, obviously reluctant.

“ _ Who _ ?” Magnus voice is so fucking cold, even to his own ears... For a second it’s like his father is speaking through him, which is something he never wanted -he ran to another galaxy to insure it.

Alexander shifts, looking away.

**_The Pathfinder doesn’t want retaliation against those who assaulted him_ ** , RAZIEL says, speaking through Alec’s omni-tool. 

It’s not the first time the AI talks to Magnus directly, but it always spooks him. AI are forbidden on Edom for pretty good reasons and despite RAZIEL being apparently sane, it still gives Magnus a few uncomfortable shivers that Alexander shares his head with it.

“RAZIEL!” Alexander doesn’t sound happy by his AI’s intervention. Then, to Magnus, incapable of disguising some the smugness on his face, “Luke and I punched the daylights out of them, no need to-”

“This isn’t up for discussion. The High Warlock can’t appear to be weak.” 

He turns his attention on his omni-tool to move his people around the Port to find the fuckers that attacked Alexander, but some of his Downworlders have already contacted him, IDing the culprits. A few are already in custody and some are dead. Well, if that isn’t efficiency, Magnus doesn’t know what is.

“So you’re just going to throw them down the mountain?” Alexander demands and he sounds, well, less bitchy and shocked than he should be. 

Magnus looks at him, really looks at him, past the bruises and the pretty face, past the idea Magnus has of him in his head.  _ He’s objecting out of principle, not belief _ . What the ever loving fuck happened to him in those three months?  _ Where did my annoying little paragon went?  _ It’s crazy, Magnus would have given everything for Alexander to be a little more morally grey when they were together but now... He just wants to use whoever pushed him too far for target practice.

“What would you have me do?” he asks carefully.

Alexander looks at him weirdly. “How do you do that?”

“What?”

“When- everyone is always asking me to make decisions for them. Every single person in this fuckhole of a galaxy, keeps dumping on me the responsibility of choosing between -shit, I don’t know anymore. I don’t know if they want me to do what’s right or what they want, like some fucking benediction or absolution. But when you ask, I don’t feel like throwing myself through an airlock.”

Alexander crosses his arms protectively before incrossing them and gets out of his chair to picks up a hoodie from the ground to put on. Magnus suspects it’s more about not seeing Magnus’ face after his confession than anything else. When he gets back on his desk chair, he’s stiff as a corpse, passing a soothing hand on the back of his head like he does when he’s uncomfortable. Shit, Magnus doesn’t even know how he knows that.

He swallows back his first and second answers.

“I’m only a coward when it comes to you, Alexander. Whatever I plan on doing, you  _ know _ I’ll shoulder the weight myself. My life and my fuck ups are my own.” Shit, he said too much. But again, that’s why he came here in the first place, isn’t it? To say what he didn’t have the guts to say before.

Alexander is about to answer when RAZIEL gets his attention inside his head -the out of focus look is kind of creepy- and he gets up once again from his chair, but quickly this time, practically running to the door and manually locking it. A second later, someone knocks loudly on the door.

“Aleeeeeeeec you’re up?” Ah, Isabelle, slurring the words and half shouting. She knocks again, insistent.

Magnus is suddenly very happy to be an only child.

RAZIEL’s disembodied voice is faint on the other side and whatever it tells her, she leaves her brother alone. 

Magnus frowns and looks at the time then through the bay window. Dawn is getting closer, the faint glow on the horizon banishing the night. Shit, he never intended to stay this long or to have witnesses when he leaves… the docks are always busy, but it’s worse in the morning.

“Thanks RAZIEL,” Alexander mutters, before turning toward Magnus again. “She has the access code.” 

He seems so damn lost, as young as his twenty-two years in a way he rarely does. It takes a lot out of Magnus not to get up and hug him. Once, the gesture would have been welcomed -encouraged even. Now, though...

Eventually, Alexander says, “You can’t act like Morgenstern, killing people for slighting you. You fought against his fucked up way of ruling this place, it made you better.”

“Slight me? They attacked you!” he winces at the volume of his voice. The crew wouldn’t not be pleased to find him discussing moral philosophy with their Pathfinder at the wee hours of the morning. 

“You can’t kill everyone that wants me dead Mags, believe me, there are too many of them,” Alexander says, resignation thick in his voice.

And there, Magnus is about to answer him, but they both realizes at the same time that Alexander used his nickname for Magnus.  _ Mags _ . He used that one a lot before, when it was just the two of them, solar systems apart, vid calling in the dead of the night or in down time. Alexander would deny he was barely standing, insisting for Magnus to tell him about his day.  _ C’mon Mags, what law did you get to break today?  _ he would ask ruefully, laughing at Magnus’ anecdotes.

Alexander blushes, his cheeks turning a fetching red under the bruises and Magnus can’t help but smirks. _ I’m still in there _ , he thinks.  _ You’re still mine _ . After all, it had not been a lack of feelings that separated them, just Magnus’ lies and perhaps, just perhaps, those could be forgiven.

“I can kill them if they’re on Kadara,” he says, regaining his serious. “Today it’s a bar fight, tomorrow it’s a bomb on the Arrowhead. I- the High Warlock,” he corrects, “told them you were off limits. If they don’t have a brain, it’s hardly my fault.”

He wants to help Kadara yes, but some of the exiles are so short sighted they would take the hollow victory of killing a Pathfinder over playing the long game against the Initiative’s current management. They rather endanger, or outright eliminate, one of the only people that gives an actual shit about them and  _ terraformed _ the fucking planet. 

Even without a personal stake in this, Magnus would do his damndest to defend the Pathfinder. The fact he’s in love with him just makes him more vicious about it. Edomians love hard and Magnus loves harder.

“Ugh, please stop making sense,” Alexander says, shaking his head like he is trying to shake off the small smile on his face. Unfortunately, it disappears as soon as he sits down on his chair. “Did you really want a planet?” he asks, tired. 

Magnus isn't sure if it’s a question or an accusation, or both.

“What I want has nothing to do with it. I believe I can lead Kadara better than anyone else. I ought to try. My only regret is that I lost you to get that chance.”

Alexander’s face shuts down and he looks away, sniffling.

The worst is that it’s the truth, no tricks, no half assing his way about it. He might talk about profits and influence to anyone else, but to Alexander, he can -he  _ has _ \- to be honest. Saving this place from itself and the neglect of the Initiative is Magnus’ mission and for once, he doesn’t need to be drunk to admit it. He’ll do more than throw some low thugs from the top of the mountain to protect this place. 

To protect Alexander, he doesn’t think he has limits.

Kadara got better the second he was in charge: no outrageous protection fees or entire families left to fend for themselves in the wild; an actual school; the first fields were going to be plowed and seeded in a week or so… And no war with the Initiative is brewing. They are going to renovate the Port, extend it and empty out the Slums down in the main cave and turn this place into a real city and not just a smelly pit stop for pirates to empty out their pockets. 

Those were the changes Morgenstern not even dreamed off, he didn’t concern himself with that. Just violence and his bitterness against the Initiative -Magnus shares it, even now, but he refuses to be blinded by it.

He doesn’t say any of that to Alexander, he’s not trying to win an election. The other man probably gets reports on Kadara from the outpost anyway.

“Did you ever plan on telling me? If Morgenstern had not brought me along at your meeting I mean. You were surprised I was there.”

The worst surprise that Magnus ever had. Worst, even, that founding Andromeda was fucking inhabitable. You could fix that -well, Alexander could because RAZIEL could decypher Remnant databases and make their tech work. Their relationship? Magnus has no clue.

“You weren’t supposed to be anywhere near that cave. And, yes, I was going to tell you. After. About now actually, with the planet flourishing and when it’s clear the High Warlock is making things better. It would have been difficult, you probably would have hated me just the same. I don’t know.” He doesn’t. He’s been torturing himself for the last three months about this. “I didn’t plan on falling for you.”

Alexander swears under his breath. “I don’t know if you’re bullshitting me right now,” he says. 

“The way you looked at me it wasn’t -no one looked at me like that Alexander, _in a hundred years,_ ” Magnus persists, heart beating like mad. “The idea of losing you… I just wanted that for a little longer.”

“You lost me anyway,” Alexander accuses. 

“That I did. But telling you I was the High Warlock and gunning for Morgenstern right off the bat would have been suicide -not just for me, but for my people. I didn’t know you; as far as I was concerned, you could have sold me out to Morgenstern to bargain for your Outpost. Then it got harder. I mean, you were already conflicted about me being an exile and a smuggler, a crime boss would have been pushing it,” he explains. “You have this annoyingly charming way of follow the rules, you know?”

Alexander scoffs. “Yeah, guess your intel is a bit outdated. I lost my moral compass on Voeld weeks ago.”

Magnus racks his brain for a moment.  _ Voeld, Voeld, what of it? _ Ice planet, getting warmer because of the terraforming process RAZIEL and Alexander started there. A huge battle between Initiative forces and the Ketts took place on the surface and a few reports were buried under so much digital red tape that Magnus’ contacts couldn’t get to them.

“Believe me, you don’t want to know if you want to sleep again,” Alexander says, brutal. His hands are balled into tight fists, his foot tapping nervously on the floor, his pretty mouth twisting, set in a pained line, like forced shut to keep a scream inside.

“One bad place doesn’t-”

“RAZIEL could tell you the number of people I killed since we got to this shity galaxy  _ -please don’t tell me RAZIEL.  _ Ketts, exiles, some initiatives… You know we found the Seelian Ark? No, probably still under wraps, I’ll have to make a speech.” He stops and closes his eyes. “Jesus. The Ark was hooked up to a Kett mothership. They were opening cryotubes one at a time, experimenting with- shit. I left some of them there. I had to. I couldn’t save those already awake and go free the Wolf scouts that Luke had been looking for months that were also on the mothership. I just couldn’t. Luke would have been devastated. The Seelian Pathfinder is dead because of me.” His voice is barely more than a whisper. He opens his mouth but closes it, shaking his head, dismissing something he doesn’t want to tell Magnus. Then he adds, grim “I literally spent the better part of the night shooting my way through smugglers. I tortured their leader,  _ killed him _ . All without trial or judgement. I felt,  _ feel _ , nothing but satisfaction when he hit the canyon floor. I’m not a Pathfinder, I’m a… I don’t even know what I’m turning into.” He takes a few breaths, his eyes finally letting the tears that have been gathering fall on his cheeks. “I would love to blame you for this, but that rot is mine.”

“Idealism is easy in peacetime,” Magnus says softly. “And only works when like-minded people are around the table.”

“Sounds like an excuse.”

“You can’t force people to be good, Alexander, just like you can’t force a black hole to give back what it took. Blaming yourself isn’t the solution. The fact that you’re struggling, though, is proof enough that you’re still the trustworthiest Initiative-stamped bastard I know.”

Alexander nods absently, frowning, before he looks through the bay window. Magnus follows his eyes and takes a sharp breath. He was right, the view from here is spectacular: Kadara’s coming alive with light, the rising sun burning everything in rich golds and reds, the rocky spires painted black against it. 

“You ever seen something so beautiful?” Alexander asks after a minute, but obviously not to Magnus -RAZIEL then.

**_My understanding of beauty is limited Pathfinder. I don’t think I was programmed to appreciate it_ ** , RAZIEL answers through the omni-tool.

“That sucks. And It sucks even more ‘cause you can’t comprehend how much that sucks,” Alexander tells him, sad smile on his face. “It’s getting late -early. You should go.” 

And this time it’s obvious to who he is talking to.

Magnus’ heart stops, the sharpness of the dismissal enough to make his eyes water, his throat closes up around begging words he has no right to use. The worst is that he understands. This was a long shot anyway.

“Of course,” he manages to say without his voice failing him. “I’ll see myself out.”

“We’re staying until tomorrow -resupply and such. Perhaps… I mean if you wanted, we could, hum…” Alexander stammers. “ _ Shit _ . I mean there’s some Remnant bot flying around the terraforming vault. Pretty sure we should put it down before it finds its way here or to the Outpost.”

With that Magnus breaths out the pain of the rejection and laughs. “Don’t you have an entire team of lunatics in this ship just waiting for an opportunity like that?”

“Yeah I do,” and he looks so fond, so proud, “but I thought we could… please don’t make me continue and just say you’re in.” Alexander actually groans at his own words, mouthing something that Magnus doesn’t catch but probably isn’t flattering. So much blushing is happening Magnus wants to lick it.

“Oh I am, but I’ve seen the pictures,  _ Pathfinder _ . If we’re talking about the same bot, it’s bigger than your ship. It will take more than the two of us to take it down.”

It’s an understatement. Magnus had already toyed with the idea of killing that thing but the risks were greater than any rewards (and is that the right term? You can’t  _ kill _ a machine, but it behaves like it’s smart and curious). Like he said, the thing is bigger than the Arrowhead: there’s a head and three long, jellyfish tendril like legs. Calling it a simple robot seems diminutive, it can fly for fuck sakes. 

Mostly, it keeps to the sky, until it finds something to play with -be it Milky Way tech, Remnant ruins or Kett abonned bases. One of Magnus’ mining crews had found out the hard way. They got hacked to pieces when it got curious about the drill and their rovers. The camera footage that could be recovered showed the leg ends shot lasers and self repaired. Oh, and it could build smaller units to help, because of course it could.

Not Magnus’ idea of a romantic date.

Whatever the Remnants used to be -and what was that name anyway?- they had fucked up ideas about building doomsday machines. In insight, it was probably for the best they left this part of Andromeda or got extinct. Magnus wouldn’t have liked to land here with them still around.

“They would be coming too. It’s just, it’s on my to-do list and so- shit.”

_ And so are you _ , Magnus guesses.

Magnus smiles at him but doesn’t comment, even he can behave and take a point gracefully.

“I can bring a sizeable pile of explosives; you take care of the team that might shoot me on sight,” he says instead, because it actually needs to be addressed sooner than later.

“I’ll talk to them,” but in his voice, it’s obvious Alexander isn’t looking forward to it. 

Magnus can almost hear the shouting already. 

“Noon, then?”

“Sounds good,” he snickers, “they don’t have RAZIEL to get rid of their hangover.”

“And how lucky you are to have him.” Magnus gets up, and smiles at Alexander. “Good… ah, morning then. Bye RAZIEL!”

**_Bye Mr. Bane_ ** , RAZIEL says, and it might be Magnus’ imagination but the AI sounds pretty cheerful.

“God you’re so easy,” Alexander mutters, just as his door closes behind Magnus. It’s unclear if he’s referring to himself or the AI.

 

*

“I can’t believe I did that,” he says, knocking his head on his desk as soon as Magnus leaves. “I’m so fucked.”

And he is, in more ways than one.

**_Pathfinder? I don’t understand your distress. Perhaps a subtlety of the human mind I cannot compute.This is what you wanted, is it not?_ **

“I- you still have my mother’s memories right?”

**_Yes. This... comforts me somehow._ **

Alec has yet to figure out if he should be in awed or worried about Raziel getting more… human the more time passes. Not only in his speech but also in the way he reacts to things. And now, apparently, how he  _ feels _ about them. 

“Don’t show me but, look at Max and my dad’s funeral. She was in so much pain. They had been divorced for years but she was still heartbroken about him dying. Love’s complicated.”

**_Like beauty?_ **

“Yeah.”

**_Your brain chemistry is interesting when Mr. Bane is around._ ** Alec has to smile at RAZIEL wording his sentence like that to spare his feelings.  **_My theoretical knowledge of attraction and love covers all races from the Milky Way but I’m still surprised by the intensity of it._ **

“Me too,” Alec says, eyes on the superb view out the bay window. “And for you it’s only a second row seat… try- try and imagine if it’s you. You feeling this way. You, other people are feeling this way about. It’s crazy sometimes and overwhelming.”

**_Will you rekindle your relationship with Mr. Bane then?_ ** RAZIEL asks as Alec settles in his bed.

“Why do you want to know?” he deflects.

**_Because you’re my only way to understand human emotions better. Maryse wanted me to learn and evolve… to become_ ** **more** **_. She also wanted me to take care of you as much as I could._ **

Alec closes his eyes. Heat surrounds him. Vaguely, he remembers the explosion, projecting him out of the Remnant vault on Habitat 7. The impression of flying before hitting the ground, head first. His armor had taken most of the damage which is to say he was in pain,  _ ungodly pain _ and pressure, gurgling bloody breath, broken ribs -meant to protect- stabbing at his lungs, crushing them, cutting into his arteries, drowning him in his own blood. His skull cracked like an egg on the side of a bowl. 

And the worst, his helmet visor… cracked too. God, that noise. Habitat 7 air rushing in, flooding his suit...

It burned his lungs, it’s composition simply toxic for him. His vision wavered, the lack of oxygen deadlier than his wounds. Dead meat, that’s what he was, the thought pounding in his head,  _ dead dead dead dead, I’m dead _ -until his mother appeared above him, black armor gleaming.

She tried to repair his helmet first, but the damage was too extensive. He could hear her voice in his comlink, distant but there, telling him she loved him, that he was going to be okay... to take care of his siblings, to be the man she knew he was. A good man.

Then she took out his helmet completely and then hers too. He couldn’t even fight her, he was close to slipping away. She put her helmet on his head, sealing it to his armor.

He could breathe (a little, one good lung against a wrecked body).

She could not.

He lost consciousness before she died and while he’s glad he doesn’t have that image in his head, she had been alone -unless RAZIEL stayed with her till the end. Alec is too much of a coward to ask.

He woke up a week later, his mother’s AI plugged in his brain. 

RAZIEL had spent that time spreading in his brain, bridging over the most damaged parts, replacing them all together with its own processing power in some cases (he still has blanks sometimes, things he can’t recall, things he had to relearn). If not for RAZIEL, he would be in a vegetative state, he knows what he owes to both of them.

The rest of his body had been in better shape somehow, RAZIEL pushing the healing well past the limits of what a human body could do and the Nexus and Ark doctors had been busy with surgery upon surgery. He had three newly printed vertebras and a brand new lung, a few ribs that had to be replaced too and no less than one meter (in total) of his circulatory system that was synthetic now.

And that was Andromeda,  _ day 1 _ . No new home for humanity, a dead mom, a comatose brother and a team that came down to him, his sister and a guy named Raj that they met when they got out of cryo since Half the Pathfinder’s team had been killed on Habitat-7, either in the crash of their shuttles or by the Ketts’ trigger happy attitude.

Andromeda, day 10, wasn’t any better. The Initiative flagship Nexus, sent a year before the Arks to set up what was going to be a hub for the Milky Way colonists, was a mess. Perhaps 10% of the ship living quarters and labs were ready and two thirds of its population was missing.

Some had died when the ship entered the quadrant, hit by the same galaxy wide celestial monstrosity that nearly wrecked the human Ark. The Scourge as they called it spans over thousands of lightyears like an intricate root system of dysfunctioning laws of physics and destructive force. No wonder the Golden Worlds had rotten (or, in H-047c case, grinded into small pieces) and the terraforming vaults left by the Remnants had been corrupted… the paradise worlds had turned into death traps. 

Alec wonders when this happened, if the people back home had seen the changes as they monitored Andromeda and how they suddenly felt very lucky to have stayed behind.

But Alec had not and this was is mission now, to find the vaults, reboot them and possibly find the center of their network (codename,  _ Meridan _ ) before the Ketts did.

But the Scourge wasn't the main reason so much of the Nexus crew was missing. They had been exiled because of a series of violent riots against the current management, while all the Wolves had willingly left for Elaaden, preferring the hellish heat to the constant belittling of Director Herondale.

There was actually a moment of hope for those people. Finally! An ark and with it a Pathfinder equipped with a RAZIEL in her head. The hope was short lived: Alec wasn’t his mother, no one was.

**_Alec?_ ** RAZIEL’s voice is careful, like he isn’t sure he would appreciate the AI calling him by name.  **_Do you require assistance to fall asleep?_ **

Ah, RAZIEL must be monitoring his stress level again but he’s grateful. It’s not the first time it comes to that -Alec’s head is a mess and sometimes sleeping is the hardest thing to do.

“Yeah, thank you RAZIEL.”

It's a blissful and dreamless sleep after that.


	3. Potential Energy

*

“Personal log of Dr Maia Roberts, Stardate is… 2974.890, _en route_ to the Nexus.”

[pause]

“Let’s summarize. Earlier today we localized the Seelian Ark and boarded it, despite the fact it was hooked on a Kett Mothership and against common sense. The mission was to free the Ark and any surviving crew. We did. It’s currently on its traumatized way to safety -not the Nexus, Herondale’s orders. Scared and shocked Seelians won’t do for the photo op I guess. She wants them camera ready. _Fuck her_. I’ll pass on the details about the Ketts’ experiments done to them, in depth analysis will have to wait for RAZIEL compiling the data first. I can see long sleepless nights filling my medical logs with my findings and disgust already.”

“Nothing is ever easy here. We only had a few moments and we could only go to one side of the ship before the bombs went off… Luke and I were too implicated to think straight, especially over the lives of fellow Wolves. Honestly I don’t know what we would have done if Lightwood had ordered us to go save the Seelian Pathfinder and his people. I- I’m grateful for the choice Lightwood made. Still feel like throwing up, though. The guilt… The Seelian Pathfinder is dead, and some girl -no, that’s not fair, she seemed competent. _But young_. Helen Blackthorn, that’s her name, I think. Half human or something. She looked like she was going to explode when Lightwood told her she was Pathfinder material. So close to Lightwood it’s easy to forget he’s young too. Though thinking about it, I’m not sure if he can actually hand over that position like that but the Seelians didn’t seem to mind. Herondale won’t be happy. Urgh. ‘m rambling. Point is, thirty-two Wolves got out of that Kett ship alive and it costed the Seelians a few of their own.”

[sipping noise] [coughing]

“Fuck that’s” [coughing] “strong!”

[heavy breathing] [pause]

“Second thing I need to get out of my chest… Lightwood died today. Oh, he’s fine and everything _now_ , but he wasn’t five hours ago. Uh uh. We got caught on the Kett ship, like idiots. The Kett boss - _whatshistitle_ \- Archon? _the one obsessed with Remnant tech,_ urgh _. Anyway,_ he trapped us in some kind of gravity trap and left to deal with the Seelians escaping. And Izzy, you know, the only biotic on the team that could have freed us was twenty decks down with Raj and Luke placing bombs.”

[deep sigh]

“So _apparently_ Lightwood and RAZIEL, they have this agreement... Since the AI is the only thing that can interact with and make Remtech work, they _decided_ that RAZIEL deleting himself from Lightwood's brain was totally fine in case of capture... Except -wait, I don’t think I actually explained it here- Lightwood would be brain dead if it wasn’t for RAZIEL. So no RAZIEL means a dead Lightwood. And he was dead for a solid minute. _Heard it with my own ears_ , heart stopping and everthing… I know that the continued existence of all the Milky Way colonists depends on the Kett Archon never getting his hands on RAZIEL but… Isabelle was on the comms… crying.”

[muttering, followed by loud swallowing and sound of a glass being put down too hard]

“It resolved itself pretty easily. The Seelian Pathfinder got there and free us -the original one, not Helen… See? Fucking guilt. They saved us and we- we left them to die. Anyway I examined him. He’s fine. Better than fine actually. Better than he was _before_ the mission. I can’t explain it. RAZIEL had to bridge over more parts of his brain, but he’s fine. It’s not normal but my exams all come clear.”

[long pause]

“Unless… unless RAZIEL is tampering with the results. That’s fuck-”

[knocking, distant voice]

“Yeah okay, I’ll be there in a sec. Uh, shit, I’ll finish this later. End of recording.”

 

*

He wakes up hours later, feeling rested if a little bit dehydrated -thank God for RAZIEL and his insistence of fetching water before going to bed.

He puts on sweatpants and breathes deeply a few times before exiting his quarters, mindful to be as silent as possible to not wake up his hangover crew (he can't think of a better use of his commando training, as Izzy is most certainly not a morning person and while she can’t pop claws at will like Maia or Luke, she is terrifying nevertheless).

Luke is already in the kitchen when Alec enters, of course he is, preparing what looks like the omelet to end all omelets. The smell of cooking bacon is overpowering and as he tries to snatch a piece, Luke slaps his hand away with his trusted spatula.

“Just because you’re the boss doesn’t give you any right to my food, kid.” Luke is painfully cheerful -obviously he had an excellent night out. Lucky him.

“Actually, I’m pretty sure it does. I could fire you,” Alec jokes, voice still croaky with sleep. In truth he would fire himself before letting Luke go -he might be the only one in on the ship that has his act together and he’s his favorite. “C’mon, you can’t be planning on eating all this by yourself, old man. _Share a little_.”

Luke’s smile turns wicked and he puts the spatula down.

“Only if you share about seeing Bane last night.”

The comeback takes Alec by surprise. _Shit shit shit._

“Stop your meltdown, the ship smells like him.” Then Luke sniffs deeply in Alec’s direction. “But not you,” he says middly, and Alec can't figure out if the man is pleased or disappointed.

 _Busted_. “Keen nose you have there old man,” he concedes, looking away.

“So...” Luke says pointetly.

“So nothing. We talked, he left, end of story.”

Alec pours himself some coffee before he steals a bacon strip -a deal is a deal.

After a minute of munching on it and Luke not turning his gaze away from him, the omelette left to cook, Alec asks “what do you say we take down that giant Remnant robot roaming around the vault today?”

“Dealing with heartache through violence? Guess I could be persuaded,” he sighs dramatically before biting on some bacon.

“Magnus’ coming too,” Alec adds quickly.

Luke chokes on his food, coughing for a few seconds before he gives Alec an incredulous look. “What happened to _we talk, he left, end of story_?”

“Please, can you- just let me deal with it okay?” Alec pleads.

Silence.

“Whatever you say kid,” Luke finally says after a long moment, but he sounds and looks as convinced as Alec feels. No much, that is. “Mind I’m not in the immediate vicinity when you inform your sister of the afternoon program.”

“Actually, I was thinking about letting RAZIEL tell her while I’m safely out of the blasting zone,” he jokes. It’s… a good idea though.

He tries for another strip of bacon but Luke is too quick, slapping his hands again.

“As I said, make your own damn food, boss,” he says, supremely amused. He gives Alec a nod and leaves the kitchen with his plate.

Alec sighs before opening the fridge. He eyes the content of it for a while, before closing it in desperation and grabs several protein bars instead, already fending off RAZIEL’s motherly concerns about breakfast being the cornerstone of the day. The AI wasn’t lying when he told him that his mother asked to take care of him. It’s… bittersweet, like finding that picture of him and his siblings on her desk when he first got in the Arrowhead.

It doesn’t stop him from stuffing his face with the protein bars though.

He gets back to his quarters and sets himself on the couch, reading through the mountain of mail he received during the night.

Reports, reports, reports, a priority message from Herondale strongly recommending Alec to get his ass back on the Nexus for the official announcement that the Seelian Ark was rescued and the appointment of their new Pathfinder after the previous one was killed on the Kett mothership, reports, reports, confirmation from the Wolves on Elaaden that their scouts came and took the shipment of -Alec squints at the word, how do you even pronounce that?- that he, Izzy and Luke got back from the thieves last night and the needless thanks that go with it, reports, reports, a cryptic message from people that claim they can save Alec from RAZIEL…

“I didn’t know I was a prisoner,” Alec snorts.

 **_That is the worst kind of prison,_ **RAZIEL comments and Alec snorts again because this time, he’s sure he didn’t imagine it: RAZIEL’s tone wasn’t monotone, cautious yes, but playful too.

“If anything, you’re the one locked in my head.”

**_I’m at three different places at the same time Alec, with you, on my server room on the Human Ark and partly in the Nexus datacore. I can hack my way into most systems. In comparison, you are the one limited in movement._ **

“Well, said like that.” Yet the message is worth investigating still and he saves it in his “not mortal danger” to-do list.

His omni-tool bips quietly and there’s new notification from Magnus. It appears to be a video file but Alec’s attention isn’t on that but on the old notification he spent months ignoring but was incapable of swiping away.

They used to play chess at night -or what passed for night in the middle of nowhere, space. RAZIEL rigged them a custom program so they could play on their omni-tool, even light years between then. That was before they really knew each other, before those first kisses that rearranged Alec’s universe. Magnus had been the one to initiate the whole thing after Alec’s first stay on Kadara.

 _That fancy AI of yours surely knows how to play chess?_ He asked in one of his numerous messages. _Kadara is sorely missing worthy opponents. Can I play with him?_

Alec had volunteered himself instead, arguing that RAZIEL processing power was for Initiative business only. _What a fucking liar_. And then he had to explain to RAZIEL why he lied. Fun times.

The accusation of cheating came right after Alec won their first game, which was preposterous. He only cheated at cards, chess were… sacred. His mother had never used that word but he remembers being very, very small, sitting on her lap as she taught him the name of the pieces and their moves.

It was not like Magnus kept on losing. On the contrary. He was a master tactician under all his roguish flirting. Sometimes they could clear enough time to play and vid call each other at the same time.

_“You surprised me with your demand. I didn’t know Edomians approved of any game that doesn’t involve arenas, actual bloodshed and high stakes.”_

_“We don’t,” Magnus laughed, a pretty sound that would have been prettier if it wasn’t so forced. “My mother taught me anyway, she was human.”_

And that boggled Alec’s head for a while. He didn’t know Edomians mixed with anyone else, but that would explain why Magnus was so plain -no, Magnus wasn’t plain looking _at all_ but… Edomians had horns, scales and tails sometimes. Magnus just had breathtaking yellow eyes like an Earth cat. It probably hadn’t not been easy for his mother or him.

Sometimes it could be days before Alec had a second to look at their current game -sometimes the notification that Magnus had played was the only thing that could get him to power through one more meeting with Herondale or keep his mind when confronted with yet another Kett monstrosity.

Thinking about it pains Alec now. All the things he lost when he learnt the truth. Fucking hell, he never had bared his soul that much to anyone. One of his boyfriends had came close, but it had been a long time ago.

The constant messaging, the secrets, the jokes, the affection… all shattered and tainted. All a game to Magnus. But Alec wasn’t really sure about that now -had never been sure and that was the problem, this doubt. If he had been sure that Magnus had just used him to further his own gain, it would have hurt yes, but Alec wouldn’t come back to him like this, wouldn’t want him back.

**_Alec? Is the video upsetting you?_ **

“What?” Alec looks down at his omni-tool. Shit the video played itself or he touched his omni-tool without realising and what can only be the infamous Remnant bot blasts a hole the size of Alec’s hand, finger extended, into a poor son of a bitch on screen.

Alec scrolls down, muttering “no, no, just... I went elsewhere for a moment” to RAZIEL.

Under the video Magnus sent an explanation: _One of my mining crews. That thing is dangerous, pack accordingly._

Well shit. Better be prepared and everything but Alec wouldn't mind bringing a full commando and demo crew for this.

He pauses the video, going to replay it from the start but he stops an inch from the screen, biting his lips. He touches the old, months old notification from his and Magnus chess game instead.

He frowns at the game, atMagnus’ last move and what was _his_ strategy again? He can’t remember but it was obviously pretty risky -the pieces Magnus took from him are listed on the side and that’s a third of his troops lying there. What the hell was he even doing?

“RAZIEL? Where was I going with this?”

**_I thought you didn’t want help with your chess matches?_ **

“Just, urgh, what’s this?” he gestures at the mess on the screen.

**_That night Mr. Bane was flirting with you a lot. Your mind wasn’t on the game and your body-_ **

“Yeah yeah I got the jist. That bastard was distracting me.”

Now he remembers, Magnus had been trying to derail their chess game related vid call into some kind of long distance sex (and Alec wasn’t exactly against that) when Izzy had barged in his quarters because they had found a possible clue to where the Edomian Ark had ended up. Alec had excused himself, told Magnus to take care, almost saying _I love you_. He cut himself at the last moment and ended the call.

The lead was a bust but they still had escaped with a lot of bullet holes in their armor and rover. When Alec finally sat down, he just wanted to see Magnus and had made them go to Kadara to see him, hold him, kiss him and say things he had not said in a long time but wanted to. But Morgenstern had other ideas and asked Alec and his team to come with him to see the High Warlock because he couldn’t trust his little Circle anymore… he wanted a neutral party and got the absolute opposite without any of them knowing it.

The notification that Magnus played had came later, when Alec was flying out the planet, swearing on everything he held dear he would never come back.

_But I did._

He frowns at the board, before moving his rook close to Magnus’ queen… an obvious bait, one that Magnus is too clever to take and he’ll move away to avoid the rook, letting Alec flank his king in two more moves.

It shouldn’t be that much, but Alec feels like he did something huge, like he pushed a domino down and now, the entire line is falling to unseen consequence. Even so, in the still bruised and tender part of his heart, he can’t help but imagine Magnus’ smile when he’s notified that Alec finally played.

 

*

The docks are getting busy with the new day and getting out of the Arrowhead without being seen is impossible. Several guards and dockers gives Magnus a look of surprise as he walks down the ramp. His relationship with the Pathfinder had never been a secret of course (despite trying, at first, to keep it as discreet as possible) they always ended up working together; Alexander relaying on Magnus’ intel for everything while Magnus took advantage of Alexander’s authority and expertise to clean Kadara a bit before he could fully take over.

A mutually beneficial arrangement.

The close proximity and his own inability to stop flirting with the Pathfinder -and feeling for him- had done the rest. Alexander was free with his affection, like someone that never got really burnt for it, evidence of a happy, healthy life. Magnus wasn’t used to being looked at with shy adoration or discussing the fine points of Edomian interplanetary politics in between hungry flirting.

And then they actually kissed in that storage room, all those months ago. _Finally_ , after weeks of flirting and near misses (kissing and dying both).

 

_Magnus was in the process of stealing one of Morgenstern’s priceless 600 year old bottles of whisky when Alexander had found him out. He had not been pleased and was wholeheartedly tearing Magnus a new one when they heard approaching footsteps. Before Magnus could say something, Alexander had backed him against a wall and furiously kissing him. A common ploy. Shit, it was more than that. So fucking more than that._

_Not that his attention was on the guard that had stumbled on them, but Magnus distantly remembers thinking how bad it was that they had been seen kissing. Morgenstern was probably immediately informed that the Pathfinder was making out with that-smuggler-Magnus-Bane._

_The kiss was overwhelming and Magnus had been the one to reluctantly stop it, stolen bottle in one hand and Alexander’s in the other, running out of Morgenstern’s palace, giggling._

_Their night had continued, the both of them climbing on a rooftop near Magnus’ apartment, passing the bottle after a swig or two, talking. It was like floating in space, untethered (and Magnus had never been a fan but it had happened more than once, hazard of being a space pirate). Worry was taking over his head fast: about the meaning Alexander gave to their kiss, about the meaning he gave to it and, in the very back of his mind but still there, about blowing everything he had been working toward for a year because of it._

_The Pathfinder was important after all: the kissing, the rooftop date and the rest, people would took notice, people would get curious and curious people were bound to ask questions or make connections. The wrong kind of people. Magnus knew there was at least one of his own Downworlders spying on them at the very moment, not knowing he was watching the High Warlock, his boss, make heart eyes at the Pathfinder. It would be stupid to imagine that Morgenstern didn’t have people keeping track of Alexander and his team on Kadara as well, even if Magnus highly doubted Morgenstern’s motives were as noble as his._

_Alexander was laying down on the roof, one arm curled under his head and eyes lost in the stars. “Why did you unroll in the Initiative?” he asked._

_Magnus took a long swig of whisky. Why couldn’t he have asked about astrophysic equations, those would have been easier to answer._

_“I wanted…” to get away from Edom. To never become his father. To be Magnus and not Bane’s son. “I wanted to be someone.” Said like that, it sounded stupid and childish, forcing Magnus to look away. All that could have been achieved in the Milky Way he supposed, but only if he had taken care of his father’s ever present shadow looming over him. Permanently._

_And there was something to be said about lines in the sand, about not crossing them because you knew your limits or because you were a gutless child that rather run away than take a bloody step._

_Alexander stayed silent and Magnus’ heart sized foolishly, ego a bit bruised. He could imagine what Alexander was thinking of him, traveling to another galaxy to become a smuggler, what a joke..._

_“You’re someone to me,” Alexander said instead, so casual and right to the guts that Magnus believed him. It was not the first time he had said something life changing to Magnus like it was just another constance of the universe for him._

_“I just signed up because everyone was coming…” Alexander began, before yawning soundly. “Mom, she was one of the driving forces of the Initiative, built the RAZIELs and all that. Fresh starts.”_

_In his words there was an undercurrent of sadness, something that Alexander didn’t elaborate on that night. Now, after seeing that picture of him and his siblings on his desk, Magnus can guess: they left because of that missing little Lightwood that no one talks about._

_“Funny how it worked out in the end…” Alexander continued after a moment. “We should have been on the Nexus but Izzy was finishing her degree so we waited for the Human Ark.” He sat straight, looking at Magnus, grinning and more than a bit drunk now. “We could have met on the Nexus.”_

_The way he said ‘could’ sounded a lot like ‘should’ to Magnus._

_“Oh yes, the son of the Pathfinder and the shuttle pilot, a tale for the ages. But, joking aside, it’s better this way. Director Malachi was murdered with all his family after all.” Magnus didn't want to think about what could have happened to the Lightwoods if they had been there too._

_“Wait what? Herondale said they died because of a cryo dysfunction,” Alexander said, sobering up instantly, a healthy dose of scepticism against Magnus’ allegation._

_“That why you shouldn’t just talk to the people that exiled us, dear. I’ve seen the files…” Magnus stopped, cursing himself. It was not like he could justify his access to the files in question or the real extent of his knowledge. “The cryo pods were deliberately sabotaged. The riots were bad, they would have been worse if it hadn’t been kept under wraps. Herondale is very big on peace and everything, don’t you know that?”_

_Magnus glanced at Alexander but the man was faraway, a look Magnus was beginning to learn as his RAZIEL look. Without a doubt, he was making arrangement to investigate, because of course, he couldn’t let anything be and Magnus cursed himself again for adding to his plate._

_“More shit to add to the pile,” he muttered, echoing Magnus’ thoughts._

_“Even on your night off, you manage to work. Not good for your health,” Magnus joked, trying to make him smile and come back to him, to now._

_“You sound like RAZIEL,” Alexander said, pouting but incapable of keeping out a small smile from taking over his face. He was utterly adorable._

_“As RAZIEL is unquestionably smarter than the two of us combined, I’m taking that as a compliment.” He took a swig at the whisky, needing desperately to occupy his hands and mouth._

_“So you’re, uh, happy on Kadara?” Alexander asked, and while Magnus could detect another question hiding in this one, he couldn’t figure out what it was. It’s was something in his tone, a febrility as he waited for the answer, while trying hard not to look too interested._

_“I could be happier,” Magnus confessed. “But that’s the thing some people don’t seem to realise about being happy, it requires work -to get there, to stay there.”_

_“And you’re working at it?” Alexander’s voice still had that little edge to it, like he was holding his breath, hoping or fearing, Magnus couldn’t tell._

_He should have told him then, about being the High Warlock and his plan to take over Morgenstern. This was the perfect time: they trusted each other, liked each other well enough and Magnus maintained a clean house (as clean as a crime organisation could be). He and his lieutenants weeded out members that were more suited as fertilizer every now and then. No point of taking over Kadara if he was as destructive and cruel as Morgenstern after all. With his help, Alexander had encover the nastiness of Morgenstern’s regime more than once so this would work out, this was the timeline he had been hoping for. Alexander might be pissed but Magnus was pretty sure he would still help. Except… it had stopped being his main concern a while ago._

_Losing the Pathfinder’s support was one thing, losing Alexander’s affection and trust was quite another, so instead of doing what needed to be done, Magnus said “I’m very goal oriented, darling,” and  kissed him with the abandon of solar winds hitting an unprotected ship hull, violent and all incompacing, trying to get in, in, in and all fucking consuming. Alexander responded in kind and Magnus truly lost it then, properly untethered. It took Alexander’s manic giggles against his lips to realise they were both floating a few feet off the roof._

_He recentered himself, curbing the Void’s call in his blood and gently put them down, hiding his face in Alexander’s neck, embarrassed at losing control._

_“Gravity’s got nothing on you,” Alexander whispered in his ear with a breathless smile that he could feel against his skin._

_Magnus shivered. He was circling the event horizon, toeing a line that he oh so wanted to cross, already so much under the other man’s influence just one step and it would be done and Magnus consumed._

_When he looked, Alexander was smiling, bright and honest, eyes crinkled and lips tasting of whisky and Magnus really shouldn’t have kissed him because it was all he could think about now, his universe reduced to him._

_They collided again, softer this time. Settled._

_Nothing compared to this, not in a hundred years on Edom, a long and lonely life of empty relationships, of people only seeking his father’s approval through Magnus’ bed; of people loving him despite of his human side; of people without limits that scared even him and soft people that he would have crushed without meaning to. He was a perfect fit, his Alexander._

_His mother had tried to explain what walking on sunshine meant. This, it means this, he thought to himself, walking home after parting with Alexander that night. Impossible and burning and radiant._

 

And right now, he just got some of that magnificent floating feeling back, he can’t even remember why it scared him. Yes, he feels fragile and so does his future but his heart is blazing in his throat like he swallowed a sun or two. It’s enough to power thought the more cautious part of his brain, the one that took note of the gossipy whispers in between the dockers and the guards when they saw him exits the Arrowhead.

It’s only when he gets back in his dinky little apartment that he begins to wake up and _worry_. Getting back Alexander, Void, just trying to get in back will provide a challenge with both of them on opposite sides of the legal spectrum.

Oh Magnus runs a tight ship (one probably too moral for some of his people’s tastes) but running a planet isn’t cheap and there is still some business ventures that might be too… _unseemly_ for Alexander to know about. It’s hard enough to apply the non aggression pact with the Initiative that Alexander’s team and his hammered down, if Magnus were to forbid _all_ forms of piracy, theft and other drug dealing against the Nexus, he would be running a ghost town. And that was just on the soft side, almost expected by both parties when the deal was signed. Murders, spying and planning to slowly but surely grind down the Initiative’s influence and power were on the hard side, with Magnus at the helm. Alexander might be set on denying his goodness, but Magnus knows better, there’s a difference between disillusioned good people and mobsters in the becoming.

So he’ll have to either establish some kind of d _on’t ask questions that you don’t want the answer to_ policy or, and that’s absolutely fucking crazy, tell Alexander all the dirty details of being the head of a intergalactic crime organisation.

And that puts a little damper on his happiness.

He showers and eats something tasteless, chewing on his thoughts more than the food before going to bed for a few hours. He sends a message to one of his lieutenants to secure and deliver the explosives discussed with Alexander earlier before closing his eyes, passing the order around a few people before having it sent to his shuttle to avoid some questions.

 

He wakes up three hours later, not exactly rested but he did sleep in Alexander’s quarters for a bit so it’s not too hard (he had worst, shorter nights on Kadara, gripping a shotgun in his sleep and carrying death in his dreams). He dresses quickly and checks with his contacts for updates, shoveling more food in his mouth, looking through his tiny window. The sky is clear blue and it’s already warm, a good day. The others habitants must think the same because the plaza with all the shops is buzzing with people. Magnus smiles, the Port is still shabby, but the grim coat of despair is lifting.

He finishes his breakfast and calls Lorenzo.

“ _What are you doing?_ ” is the first thing the fellow Edomian says to him, cutting Magnus’ greeting short.

He sighs. “The explosives are needed, I’m helping to take down that Remnant bot thing, you know, with the tentacles? Ish. It’s beneficial to all. Think of the money Lorenzo,” he says, cheerful.

“Oh the money better come! but those explosives were supposed to be our insurance policy against the Initiative -your words, not mine.” He’s pissed and Magnus understands.

“I know but-” he cuts himself. Saying _Alexander_ wouldn’t be a good idea. “The Pathfinder and I came to an agreement.”

“Did you now? Well, good to know that the docker that came in this morning wasn’t lying when he tried to exchange credits against information. Imagine that, _the Pathfinder had Magnus Bane on his ship all night_ , he thought it was quite the scandal, must be a newbie. At this point, half the Port believes it’s my way of securing Initiative help.”

Fucking gossips… it was to be expect yes, but -Magnus freezes, what Lorenzo implied shortcutting his brain for a second. He can’t quite pinpoint for who of Alexander or him he’s more upset about.  Perhaps Lorenzo forgot that Magnus is the one in charge and he’s getting a tad too comfortable in the throne room, despite everyone knowing he’s just the High Warlock’s puppet.

“Lorenzo.” His tone doesn’t leave room for interpretation. _Listen. Obey_. “You know I value your inputs but on this matter, you have no say. The next time you think of insulting me or mine, remember my warning, because I only give it to you once.”

Lorenzo has the mind to apologize even if Magnus is pretty sure he’s lying.

Magnus lets the silence hangs between them for a moment before he asks “where are the people that attacked him by the way? I know some were apprehended but no one told me where they were held.”

“I had them put in the palace jail -they attacked the Pathfinder, I figured he might want to speak with them and flaunt the alliance between us and the Initiative a little. See? I can play nice.”

“Good, I’ll be there soon.” And he cuts the call, mulling over what to do.

What he wants is clear: have the idiots killed. They endangered Alec and Kadara’s future (as if the Initiative wouldn’t retaliate if something happened to him here). The High Warlock and Magnus can’t let that go unpunished. But what Alexander said about acting like Morgenstern… it stuck with Magnus deeper that he let on last night.

He’s not like him -a quick inventory of his many, many sins in enough to know that- but he doesn’t want to be. It has nothing to do with Alexander’s judgement though, Magnus knows the lines that should never be crossed without being told or charmed away from them; some were more tempting though, especially with a head rendered stupid with anger. There’s more than one way to fall and lose yourself… He doesn’t want to wake up one day and realize he let himself turn into a monster.

 

The _palace_ is barely more than a hangar turned living quarters, turned town hall. Morgenstern gave it the name though and it stuck.

Magnus remembers vividly his father’s estate on Edom, the size of a small city -everyone living there working one way or another for house Bane, the Prince of the Thousand Skies- and at the center, an actual palace. But that was before. Magnus doesn’t miss it terribly. _The now_ , while a bit… pitiful is much more exciting.

Earlier, he sent orders through his High Warlock account to his personal one. He shows them to the guards and no one bats an eye. Magnus Bane might not be a very important member of the Downworlders, but he’s familiar, and if the High Warlock wants him to be let into the Palace’s jail, consider it done.

The only trouble is with his guns -anyone’s gun really- so he lets one of the guards take his weapons, albeit reluctantly. For safety reasons, there’s a no-gun policy for visitors that he imposed himself and, ironically, on himself too. _Puppeteer in the shadow in all that._

Four people were arrested: two Earthlings, one Seelian and one Edomian, all looking way worse than Alexander did last night. There’s no medigel to spare on Kadara, not for people that might be executed anyway.

To Magnus’ surprise, there are no guards in the cell block but Lorenzo is there, sitting on a chair, attention on his omni-tool, frowning. He raises his head after a moment, smiling tightly when he sees Magnus standing there, obviously in damage control mode after Magnus’ threat earlier.

“Ah, very good.” He gets up, gesturing at the prisoners. “As you can see, we kept them warm for you, though I expected the Pathfinder here too.”

One of the humans looks from Lorenzo to Magnus “What is Bane doing here?”

Magnus… vaguely remembers the man from Morgenstern’s time. Blackwell something. Not important enough to be killed during the power transfer but too implied to be given a critical position in the new government. They couldn’t kill everyone that ended up on Morgenstern’s payroll by necessity -that would be three fourths of the exile population.

But the man had used his freedom, his second chance, to try to kill Alexander.

“Let’s say I’m the liaison between the Pathfinder and Kadara,” Magnus says easily. It’s true enough. “Now, is there someone you want to pin on your stupidity?” he asks them at large. He can’t exclude they could have been paid to act as they did. As much as it angered Magnus, there was more than four people in the galaxy set on seeing Alexander dead.

“I’m no snitch, hybrid,” the Edomian says, getting closer to the bars and he spits on the ground in front of Magnus.

Now not every Edomian knew each other obviously, but everyone knows about Asmodeus Bane and his small empire. And everyone has heard at least once that his son isn’t a full blooded Edomian (Magnus will never get how a planet that relies so much on piracy, war and stealing from other worlds can be so set on purity of blood. It’s useless and counter productive).

Asmodeus loved his wife in his way, just like he loved Magnus. He was harsh but doting, absent and all too implicated in Magnus’ life at the same time. Loving, but _expecting_ so fucking much. In front of him, no one dared think of disrespecting his wife or his son. When he was away, it was a different story. All those years, Magnus had to learn to take the hits and the pain and to fight those people.

He smiles, getting closer to the bars and lets his biotics flares, throwing the Edomian against the wall behind him, slamming him hard one, twice, before pulling him to the bars, stopping an inch from them, showing control that not many people can claim.

“Still no snitch?” he asks. Funny how _pure Edomians_ were never as good as he was playing with mass effect fields.

The man is sweating profusely now, breathing fast and swallow.

“No one put us to this put Blackwell’s stupidity,” the Seelian says bitterly from the back of the cell. “He told us to get to Kralla’s, so we did. He forgot to mention it was with attacking the Pathfinder in mind.” And he throws a glare at Blackwell when the man turns to him.

“Uh. Perhaps you need new friends,” Lorenzo comments.

Magnus releases the Edomian and he crumbles on the floor, grunting in pain -perhaps he had been holding him a tad too tight and broke some of his ribs in the process.

Lorenzo gestures at the door and Magnus follows. “The Seelian seems rather… repentant,” Lorenzo says.

“You? Pleading for mercy?” Magnus frowns, it’s not like Lorenzo.

“I checked, he’s a medic. We don’t have enough of those to spare,” he says, showing Magnus the record on his omni-tool.

_A fair point._

“The three others?”

“Mechanic, docker and our charming compatriot is a bartender on Elaaden. Imagine that, you sleep in cryo for 600 years to serves drinks… pathetic.”

“No other skills?”

“One was on security duty on the Nexus, he followed Morgenstern into exile,” Lorenzo rolls his eyes. Like Magnus, he didn’t take part in the riots led by Morgenstern, but left with the exiles anyway for lack of trust in Herondale.

“Save the Seelian and have him sent to Draullir then -they don’t have any medics there. Under surveillance of course,” Magnus decides.

“Obviously. The others?”

Ah. Magnus thinks one last time on it and says “Kett watch on the border.”

Killing them would be easier and far more satisfying but they actually need to keep the borders of their region of Kadara as Kett-free as possible.

Lorenzo makes a face, disapproving. “Isn’t border duty a light sentence at the moment? The Ketts are making themselves pretty scarce.”

“You’re right. Half ration then, let them feel the bite. They’ll learn through pain or won’t come back. At the very least they’ll take down a few Ketts with them,” he says, dismissing Lorenzo’s worries about leniency.

“Canon fodder, eh? Not sure your dear Pathfinder approves.”

Magnus shrugs, he and Alexander already had this conversation and yes, he wasn’t exactly happy, but it wasn’t a deal breaker. Even if it was, Magnus would have still done what needed to be done. But there's no need of destroying resources to set exemple when you can do it differently.

It’s still ruthless of course, Magnus doesn’t run a daycare center.

Lorenzo calls from some guards and Magnus looks, amused, as his second in command announces the sentences.

The three going for the border kick up a fuss, of course, but that’s what guards and gags are for. The medic looks expectantly towards Lorenzo. “What about me?”

“New assignment, unless you want to mindlessly follow your friends again?”

“Uh, no. I’m… I’m fine with reassignment.”

“Good. Guard? Have him brought to the hospital to be examined and have someone there prepare a medkit for Drau-”

Magnus’ omni-tool bips and he looks down, smile taking over his face as he sees it’s a notification from Alexander. _A chess notification_ and he clicks on it, Lorenzo’s voice reduced to a distant buzzing. He moved his rook within Magnus’ queen range and it’s an obvious trap to force Magnusto to disengage and expose his knight and his king.

 _Yeah, I don’t think so, darling_. He leaves his queen squarely where it is and continues his own approach to Alexander’s king. Sacrificing his queen is risky but he like his-

“MAGNUS!”

His biotic barrier flares around him before he even looks up, violently repulsing everything away from him, except for the Seelian, who’s standing strong five feet away from Magnus, bearing the barrier pressure with a small groan of pain, a gleaming dagger in each hand.

_Shit._

“I don’t suppose I can pay my way out of this,” Magnus asks, quickly scanning the room -the guard and Lorenzo have been thrown against the wall and both seem unconscious.

Instinctively, his hand go to his gun, but he swears, shit, it was taken by the guards at the entrance. He flicks his wrist instead, a second before his barrier runs out of juice, ‘unsheathing’ his omni-blade, the faint orange glow reassuring Magnus a little.

The Seelian shakes his head and throws himself at Magnus using his own biotics.

A well timed push forces the Seelian to change his trajectory, landing on the wall, staying there for a second before he traps Magnus in a singularity, off the ground and floating in a zero-g well. Magnus pulls the unconscious guard in front of him with his biotics, just in time that he’s the one getting stabbed instead of Magnus. _Sorry_ . He pushes hard against the guard, slamming him and the Seelian against the wall, and continues, _pushing pushing pushing_ , _crushing_ , until the sheer force of it sends him against the opposite wall and out of the gravity trap.

It’s a dance of a sort, paring and moving, playing with mass effect fields and countering them, being countered in return. If this wasn’t an _unexpected_ fight to the death, Magnus would have loved this, like a taste of home.

But it’s not. His parents and friends aren’t in the stands cheering for him, the crown doesn’t go wild at close calls and there’s no prize but his life at the end.

He falls on his ass with a grunt, getting to his feet a second too late -the Seelian is there, slashing at his belly. He stumbles back, screaming in pain at the cut and slams his free hand on the floor, crumbling it under the feet of the Seelian and shoots the fragments upwards but he’s blocked, his concentration wavering because of the pain and the pieces of concrete fall back down like confetti, harmless.

He’s suddenly very glad his parents are not here to see this pitiful display of power.

Magnus pushes against him again, but the man barely slides a foot back before he throws one of his daggers at Magnus, propulsed by his biotics-

It collides with the aegis barrier Magnus manages to pull up in front of him, and is projected back to the Seelian- embedding itself in the wall, hilt first. The Seelian dodged, of fucking course.

Magnus pants. _Can’t continue like this for long._

He feels a sudden gravity change, a hard tug, like someone stealing all the covers in one move, concentrating in his would-be-assassin fist, probably to throw his remaining dagger through Magnus’ chest to finish -a ballsy move. But Magnus is bolder, in pain and _desperate_ , ready to bleed if needed and he lets himself go nova in the small space, messing with the gravity of the entire room to an atomic level, channeling everything he has left and- he gets a burst of blood on his face, warm and thick.

He crumbles to the ground, breathless, feeling sick and he looks up where the Seelian is- was- the rest of him anyway.

It’s a gory mess, blood and flesh and bones splattered on the floor, the walls, the ceiling... his stomach heaves but he pushes it down - _breath!_ \- tears of pain burning his eyes at the overexertion. The guard, _shit_ , isn’t any better, another pile of steaming remains... _oh fuck, Lorenzo…?_ Is curled up in a corner, shimmering barrier around him, panting hard, staring at Magnus like he never saw him before.

“How did- _what the fuck was that Magnus?!_ ”

“Thanks for the, uh, warnin-” he chokes, stomach heaving again and he’s vomiting, nausea drowning him, pounding head- he hears someone scream. It takes a moment to realize it’s him.

When the backlash of using his biotics too hard diminishes a little and Magnus can open his eyes again without screaming in pain at the light, Lorenzo still hasn’t moved and his biotics barrier is still firmly in place.

“Trick my father taught me… it takes a lot,” he says lamely, spitting the taste of vomit out of his mouth.

A moment later, guards swarms the room, forcing the door of the cell open with a battering ram; they stop dead in their tracks, pain clear on their faces, but not because of the bloody piles. Magnus frowns -is he… is he still pushing against the room? Fucking shit, he is, isn’t it? that’s why Lorenzo is looking scared and Magnus concentrates as much as he can, letting go of his hold on the gravity around him. That elevates some of the head splitting ache, but Magnus knows he’s not in the clear yet.

He barely listens to what Lorenzo tells them when they enter the cell block cautiously, too busy trying to get up without falling in his own sick or the rest of the assassin. He checks his belly and luckily, it’s not as bad as it feels. The cut is deep enough that it would have a human bedridden for a while, but Edomians heal faster (still, an inch deeper, the Seelian would have gutted him and Magnus tries to swallows the lingering fear and breathe some calm into him - _not today_ ). It burns though, and he lets one of the guards clean it up.

The woman wants to bandage it but Lorenzo shouts at her to use medigel. The room falls silent at his outburst and Magnus has to force down a smile: Lorenzo is always the first to worry about Magnus being outed as the High Warlock so there’s something hilarious about him treating _just-a-smuggler-Magnus_ like a capital asset.

Once the cool medigel is spread over the cut, the pain is blissfully dulled. There’s no medigel for the biotics-induced migraine though and he’s forced to bear through it as the guards asks them question after question, casting suspicious glares at Magnus despite Lorenzo’s insistence that he saved them both.

“What I’m curious about is how he was left with two daggers in the cells,” he throws at one particularly thick minded human that refuses to understand that Magnus reduced two people to pieces with his mind and continues to treat him like a suspect.

That shuts up the guards for an uncomfortable second and Magnus closes his eyes against the pain in his head. Better they suspect him than question why every evidence suggests he was the target.

“We’ll find out,” Lorenzo swears, patting Magnus on the shoulder gently. “Come, we still have business to discuss.”

 

“We have a security breach, _you’re not safe_ ,” Lorenzo stresses the last words, looking at anything else but Magnus when they’re both alone his office. His hand is shaking when he pours himself a drink and he must be feeling Magnus’ blast of power in his ears still with the way he keeps twitching his head. “Please stay here today.”

 _Shit, he’s actually pleading with me._ Lorenzo doesn’t plead, not to Magnus, not to anyone.

“Your concern is heartwarming but I have plans,” Magnus says in between most needed sips of water, quickly glancing at his omni-tool.

He’ll barely have time to get back to his apartment to shower and change. He’s going to be late and he frowns. Someone out there probably knows he’s the High Warlock, he’s covered in gore, just escaped an assassination attempt and his biotics are down for a few hours -the headache will persist until he eats for four and drinks his weight in water- but his main concern is seeing Alexander.

_Did I fucking knock my head and lost my damn mind?_

“Magnus! Your safety is more important that your crush.”

It’s true. Worse, for once Lorenzo doesn’t sound exasperated by Magnus’ affection for Alexander even if _crush_ is a gross understatement. He sounds genuinely scared and Magnus should be too but...

“Lo, listen. This is my chance to get him back-”

“Mag-”

“No. That’s what I want. Kadara, our Downworlders, that’s important, I know and I- _we work hard_. But what’s the point of building a future for anyone else but ourselves? He’s non-negotiable.”

Lorenzo deflates and sighs, deeply. “Fine. But if you get yourself killed, _I’ll personally desecrate your corpse and bury it in the ground where you’ll never be stars again_.” He says the last part in Edomian, giving the promise a weight that Magnus cannot ignore.

It makes him wince. Sure, he might have never been a very devoted man but the idea of being buried and not released in space as it should be is enough to bring back his nausea.

Nodding to Lorenzo, he says “Noted. Find the security breach, go crazy if you need. Now if you excuse me, I have a giant robot to blow into profitable pieces.”

Magnus leaves the room, Lorenzo’s sad chuckle behind him.


	4. Two-body Problem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To Magnus he asks quietly “You’ll be able to fight?”, pointing to the arm he is still holding.
> 
> “If you kiss it better, without a doubt,” Magnus cajoles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hey it's tuesdayyyy
> 
> (also if some of you have trouble because of the Mass Effect stuff, don't hesitate to hit me up)

*

Hours later -and one long, uncomfortable conversation with Isabelle- they’re on their way to the Vault’s entrance, where the Remnant bot was last spotted.

It’s a tight fit in the rover: Alec’s at the wheel, his seat as close to the dashboard it can get without stopping him from using the pedals, so the ones on the backseat have a few more inches for themselves. Behind him, Izzy is half sitting on Maia’s lap (he suspects neither of them mind it very much) while Luke’s trying to take as less space as possible, a rather pointless endeavor... Whoever built the rover as a three person vehicul is an absolute fool and Alec hates them with passion.

When they get there, the Vault’s entrance isn’t under any guard like it’s supposed to, probably because of the presence of the bot. Despite his annoyance (the Vault is dangerous and should not be left free to enter) Alec understands why the Outpost colonists left their post. Or, they could have, you know, dealt with the giant octopus bot instead of dumping it on Alec’s lap like everyone always does.

_ Now that would be a novel concept _ .

Alec parks the rover. They get out as quickly as possible, all of them vocally relieved, grunting with satisfaction now that their ride from hell is over. Alec wait for his visor to adjust to the sun, stretching his legs and arms after the long, uncomfortable drive, before looking around to assess the terrain.

They’re in the middle of a large canyon, the towering ledges on either side enough to block out the sun from the canyon floor except during the few hours around noon. Not the best idea if the fight drags out, but the ledges offer a non negligeable tactical advantage.

“Did that thing make this?” Maia asks, jumping down a hole three feet large and deep enough that Maia is down to her waist.

“Yeah, that’s how it lands, plants its legs in the ground around what it wants to study. Guess there are two others just like that around the entrance,” Izzy explains, her face up, searching, searching, “there!” she points, excited.

And there it is, up in the sky, its serpentine like body drifting aimlessly in the wind, but Alec knows better. Either it hasn’t seen them or it doesn’t care. It’s almost beautiful, moving like a living being and not a machine.

“Crazy how small it looks from so high up,” Maia says, but she’s smirking. “How are we doing this?”

“We discharge the gear and wait for Magnus,” he says, popping the trunk open and begins to unload the weapons, ignoring Izzy’s sour face at Magnus’ name. “Best way to go about it would be to stay out of range of those three legs until we can establish a pattern to their movements. Looks like they could crush an armored body easily,” he says, pointing out the hole Maia was in with the shotgun he’s holding, before checking for the third time today they took the energy weapons they modified with the Remnant blueprints RAZIEL decrypted. “So I was thinking long range weapons first -perhaps a sniper up on one of the ledges, what do you think Luke?”

As he’s the one with the more combat experience, Alec defers to him on such matters.

“Good. Didn’t you say lover boy is bringing explosives? We could make a trap, try to get the bot to hit a large charge directly with its leg.”

“Ka- _ boom _ ,” Maia laughs, “and, speaking of lover boy,” she announces, pointing at something behind them.

Alec turns. On the horizon a shuttle is flying toward them and Alec refuses to acknowledge how much his heart speeds at the sight. RAZIEL though is a bitch about it and asks him if he wants some help to regulate his heartbeat.

Behind him, Izzy makes a disapproving sound but doesn’t comment -she said her piece about this earlier and so did Alec.

“Magnus sent me some footage of the bot going through a mining crew of his… it’s not pretty. It can build small units for backup, just regular Remnant drones but it’s going to be a challenge, we’ll rewatch it together.”

To motivate himself for the fight to come, Alec closes his eyes for a second, letting himself imagine what that thing could do if it gets curious about the Outpost or Kadara Port. Nothing good. 

Magnus’ shuttle stops close to the rover and a minute later, the man himself gets out, looking… exhausted. Still breathtaking in many ways, his appearance as impeccable as ever of course, hair, goatee, makeup, that one ear cuff that catch the light like a beacon, dressed to the nines and that damn way he moves but there are things you can’t hide. His yellow eyes are clearly tired, squinting in the sunlight like it hurts more than it should and something in his face, the fatigue lining it more deeply.

He’s also devouring a protein bar like he’s a starved man.

“Keep it in your armor,  _ Pathfinder, _ ” Izzy whispers to him before walking away to ready the medkits.

It’s obvious she’s pissed.  _ Like you never did anything half stupid with someone with less than stellar records _ , he wants to shout after her.

“Magnus,” Alec says in lieu of greetings, awkward as can be. 

He doesn’t know where they stand and Alec has never been one to like being out of control. Before, he would have hugged him if they were in public or kissed him if they were alone in Magnus’ private room in Tartarus (probably would have ended up on his lap too and any official business put off for a few glorious minutes). Now though...

“Alexander.”

The awkwardness is cut through by Maia, who outright elbows Alec to stand in front of Magnus. “Your Highness,” she says, failing to contain a giggle, “-sorry, I’m not sure of the protocol here, do I curtsy?”

Magnus chuckles and shrugs. “For you Roberts, no need.”

Magnus moves to go look at their impressive weapon pile but Maia punches him on the shoulder, hard enough for Magnus to shout in pain and fall to his knees, clutching his arm. 

Alec stands there in shocked silence, trying to decide if he should scream at her or cheer.

“I deserved that,” Magnus breathes in between swear words in Edomian. 

“Yes, you did,” Maia says, matter factly before helping him up. “You pull something like that again, Kadara will need a new king, got me?” 

Magnus nods, and he’s grinning through the pain, so Alec decides it’s their business and doesn't say anything to Maia. He forgot how much those two got along so fucking well, especially with Maia readily bitching about Magnus and his lies for months. Perhaps some special smuggler mojo? She could have been an exile, as much as Magnus and, technically, Luke. She stayed behind in the Nexus instead, braving the prejudice of Herondale and the rest to help smuggle whatever the Wolves in Elaaden needed from the Initiative flagship. 

Technically speaking, Alec  _ should have _ arrested her on the spot when he found her out. Instead, he offered her a place on his crew (in retrospect, it had been his first offence, proof he wasn’t so rule-abiding after all). He has yet to regret it.

To Magnus he asks quietly “You’ll be able to fight?”, pointing to the arm he is still holding.

“If you kiss it better, without a doubt,” Magnus cajoles, opening a new protein bar and biting half of it.

Alec groans. “Yeah,  _ you’re fine _ . But you’re not wearing  _ that _ are you?” he asks, eyeing him up and down.

Magnus looks down at his outfit before turning his eyes upwards, probably searching for the bot’s black form in the blue sky.

“Not the best idea, I know. But the Initiative forgot to give us exiles any body armors, silly them.” He shrugs gracefully, but he looks bitter and deadly, like he’s not about to forgive Director Herondale and her cronies for leaving them to die here in the first place.

Shit. Alec should have borrowed someone’s armor for the mission, but it hadn't occurred to him that not even Magnus can get his hands on real protective gear. Or perhaps the High Warlock can, but Magnus deemed it would look suspicious for him to wear it. Alec has to roll his eyes, hard. Magnus’ commitment to his secret will get him killed one day, either because he refuses some advantages -be it armor, food, medecine- or because someone doesn’t like Magnus very much and simply didn’t know he was too capital for Kadara and its Downworlders to live without.

  
  


Among their little group of armored soldiers, Magnus is immediately marked as an outsider.

Isabelle and Maia are wearing fresh-from-repairs, pristine white and light blue armor (except some ocher dust on their boots); Luke’s is technically the same, with a, uh, commemorative twist with all the Kett bones on it. Alec is wearing a gleaming black one with red stripes on the shoulders and legs, and despite what Izzy believes, it’s not a nod to their mother… the Ketts and the Exiles Magnus doesn’t control are used to it now,  _ the Pathfinder _ , the priority target. That way, his team takes less fire -not that he’s telling that to his sister, she would murder him on the spot.

In comparison, Magnus looks underdressed. His gear is a composite flight suit, some pieces clearly from other outfits, some light padding on his torso and legs and a faux-leather finish on the vest part but that’s it. The different color patterns work together somehow and Alec can see Magnus in his mind, trying to put together something that looks good, because Magnus likes the finer things in life and it’s not because he’s living on a backwater planet, pretending to be less than he is that he’s going to forgo style entirely (when he spoke of Edom, it was clear that while he had conflicted feelings about it, Magnus had been well off). The suit has seen better days, its mismatched pieces carefully repaired but still showing some mileage. It does suit the smuggler persona Magnus uses though, like a sexy space pirate.

Not that Alec will ever utter those words out loud ever again in Magnus’ vicinity. The man never let it go the first (and only) time Alec said it. The barrage of sexual overtures it gave way to is still enough to make Alec die of embarrassment and unresolved sexual tension. A wonder he survived his first week on Kadara.

“As se-” he cuts himself, cheeks burning and coughs, “as fashionable as it is, it’s not going to work against that,” Alec points at the sky without looking, probably at the opposite of the bot. “You couldn't even find a helmet?” and shit, he didn’t want to sound so fucking worried.

_ Crazy sexy space pirate, damn him. _

“And ruin my hair? I think not. I figured I would stay out of the immediate mess and fly my shuttle to one of the ledges and camp there with my sniper rifle -I brought incendiary rounds, it’s going to hurt,” he says, a sort of boyish joy filling him, turning his grin incandescent. 

He finishes the protein bar he’s been eating, before opening a third one. That gives Alexander pause, but before he can asks, Izzy snorts loudly.

“Better you stay away from any real danger Bane. I’m actually surprised you don’t have someone else doing the shooting for you today,” she throws, ice cold.

They all look at her in silence, before shifting their gaze on Magnus to see his reaction.

**_I find this extremely awkward Pathfinder_ ** , RAZIEL says in his head.

_ Me too, RAZIEL. Me too. _

“Isabelle,” Luke warns before roughly putting a huge shotgun into her arms. “Behave.”

As Alec said, Luke is his favorite.

He sighs at his sister’s behavior. It’s not like she wasn’t there for the multiple times Magnus fought alongside them, but he guesses that if someone broke her heart and her trust, he also would be throwing petty comments at them if he was forbidden to shoot them.

“How did you get them to be this  _ civil _ to me?” Magnus asks, pointing at Izzy with his protein bar, sarcasm dripping from his voice. “I was sure I would have been killed by now.” Despite the joke, there’s a tension on his face that even he can’t hide.

Alec, against his better judgement, isn’t satisfied by Magnus’ evident discomfort. Vengeance, even in small doses, isn’t his thing. Or at least not when Magnus is concerned.

“Emotional warfare,” he answers.

Magnus frowns at him, “what is that supposed to mean?”

**_The Pathfinder told them it would make him happy_ ** , RAZIEL tattles through his omni-tool and  _ holy fuck how do you turn off that thing?! _

Alec swears at loud at the AI and begs him to shut up. Sometimes he wonders if Magnus found a way to bribe RAZIEL or something. Or his charms works on artificial intelligence too and Andromeda as a whole is absolutely doomed.

**_Sorry Alec, sometimes I have a hard time distinguishing what is and isn’t unspokenly a secret. The subtlety is greatly confusing,_ ** RAZIEL has the audacity to tell him in his head.  **_Further observation is required._ **

_ Further observe my ass,  _ Alec thinks back at him.

**_I think I’ll leave that to Mr. Bane. He seems to enjoy it very much._ **

“RAZIEL! I- How- Please  _ stop _ ,” he shouts, attracting the attention of the rest of the team.

What was his mother thinking when she programmed RAZIEL with some heavy handed meddling protocol in his code for no good reason? or did the AI develop that on his own because Alec is so fucking hopeless he decided to “help”?

Outside of Alec’s brain, where the world is continuing to do its own thing, Magnus doesn’t snicker or demand more details about what RAZIEL said and just says “I’ll be on my best behaviour then.”

_ Because it will make me happy _ . 

Fuck, Alec would rather have Magnus be a smug asshole about it -easy to dismiss then. But he just smiles, eats the last piece of his -how many?- protein bar, actually pats his pockets for more and sighs dejectedly when he doesn’t find any. He moves back in his shuttle, exiting it a few seconds later with a large box.

“The explosives I promised,” he announces with a little flourish once he carefully set in on the ground, and Alec is hard pressed not to stare at his leather-glad fingers. “Who’s your demo expert?”

“That would be me,” Luke says, getting closer, nodding to Magnus politely -it lacks any warmth but at least Luke is trying. He opens the box, checking the contents for a minute while Alec peaks above his shoulder. “Shit Bane, where did you get that?” Luke quickly gets up and takes a step away from the box, eyes rounds.

“Left over from Morgenstern’s reign. He had it set around Kadara Port as a, how did he put it? Ah yes: pacification method,” Magnus says grimly. “He must have snatched them right off the Nexus before being exiled.”

Silence falls around their group, Alec and Izzy exchanging shocked looks while Luke says to Maia “if you were still wondering why I voted for the Wolves to go on Elaaden against following the rest of them to Kadara... Never could stomach that man.” He shakes his head. “It will do,” he says, gesturing at the explosives.

It takes them half an hour to plan their actions, burying charges in the ground and setting up beacons that might attract the bot’s attention around them, deploying small barricades at a distance to use as cover and piling up ammo and med kits behind them.

Despite the imminent fight, Alec can’t ignore the way Magnus is standing out. First, he doesn’t move like them, clearly unused to working directly with others. Alec knows Magnus was part of the Edom Planetary Forces (“ _ Pirates, darling, you can say it _ ”) but it is obvious he didn’t take a lot of orders during his time serving -or spent any time with common soldiers. Second, their break up. He keeps glancing at them, frowning, like he’s not sure how to behave (not that he’s the only one). Months ago, he would have been three stories deep with Maia and Luke, talking Edomian tech with Izzy or Milky Way politics with Alec. But the easiness is gone and there’s nothing to do about it...

When the prep work is done, Magnus heads back to his shuttle almost reluctantly, turning his head every few feet to eye Alec with concern.

“What?” he calls after him.

Magnus stops in his tracks, shoulders tense, before turning back completely towards him.

“There’s only so much a sniper can do,” he answers slowly, his jaw working against the words. “Just... be careful, okay?

Alec nods, gripping his own rifle a little too hard. “You too. Nothing can stop it from firing at you or sending a drone up there.”

Magnus winks at him and turns once again to his shuttle, knocking on the hull three times, superstitious as ever, before he gets in. The hatch closes behind him and Alec breaths out.

Maia says something in her and Luke native language ( _ Wolf tongue _ people called it and surely non wolves  _ had to _ come up with something more respectful). Luke laughs, less of a human laugh and closer to his true voice, deeper and somehow unbounded, responding to her in the same low and drown out sounds, Alec unable to distinguish where one word might end and the next begins.

**_They said-_ **

_ Don’t tell me. If they didn’t use english, they don’t want me to know. _ Wolves get enough crap from others without Alec breaching Maia and Luke’s trust.

“All right people,” he begins, before stopping as Magnus’ shuttle takes off, billowing dust around them and he waits until he can be heard again, “everyone in place. I’ll activates the beacons when everyone is ready.”

They nod and disperse, tension thick in the too warm air.

 

*

Magnus is no stranger to violence; he’s been in countless firefights in his life, all over the Milky Way and now in Andromeda.

Against fellow Edomians, in space, crashing down planetside, the artificial gravity failing and rebooting at the worst moments, waking up in the ruins of his ship, shooting everyone approaching, cloaked in jet fuel smoke, coughing his lungs out until a rescue team found him.

Stumbling around the all-out war that was tearing his Father’s city appart, shields and walls breached and crumbling under the seemingly never ending rain of bombs and waves of troops another warlord had unleashed upon them. In dark alleys, smelling burnt flesh and hiding around corners, carrying his best friend on his back, until he was too exhausted to do it, until he couldn’t pretend Ragnor was fine or would be fine, until it was leaving him behind or joining him into the Void. They had turned the streets into rivers of blood, an open-sky charnel house, Magnus stumbling on corpses any footstep and crawling among them when he couldn’t walk anymore, but never being one of them, never, never, forward, forward, always  _ forward _ . Laying in the shadows, waiting for an enemy squad to pass him so he could throw the last remaining of his powers at them... Looking for Ragnor’s body for days, sick with shame. Finally finding him and giving him the proper rites.

Leading a retaliation run, bombing Azazel’s shipyards and his farm worlds, satisfaction and a hint of shame in his heart; on the deck of Asmodeus’ flagship, looking down at a now inhabitable planet, thinking of the endless cycle of violence he was part of, as his father commanded his troops to board ships full of refugees and to fly them to one of their planets.

Here, on his precious Kadara, screaming and swearing at the dust and the pain and the constant thirst and the debilitating fear, surviving on death and theft, lies and rotten alliances. With Alexander at his side, his scout rifle trained on enemies Magnus couldn’t see or reach and that would have killed him; giggling mad with fatigue while staring at the darkness, waiting for shadows to move and his world to explode as death was surely waiting them out, pinned down as they were in a cave for hours and hours…

He had led a violent life and he sure would continue to do so -he’s long used to the idea. Yet, that behemoth of a machine barrelling down on them from the sky, growing bigger and bigger by the second… that’s something new.

Responding to it, a primal part of Magnus wants to run away but he breathes it out, one deep breath at a time, finding the Void inside of him, letting it swell and seep into every crack, every weakness in his resolve and unify his being to a single focus.

_ Destroy _ . 

Not careless destruction, not pointless; protection through annihilation of the enemy. That’s the only way he knows.

One second the bot is still in the air, and then - _ BOOM!!!- _ it hits the canyon floor, shaking the ground, rocks coming loose off the edges. He’s glad he left the engine of his shuttle running.

“Steady,” Alexander murmures on the comms.

Magnus swallows, hard.

He’s caught in a stupid place, glad that Alexander is here to take down that thing and being scared of the same thing. Odds of survival goes up when the Pathfinder is involved but one day…  _ one fucking day _ that blessing of luck on his head is going to fail, and Magnus cannot deal with whatever will happen when it does.

The bot stands to its full height, a good hundred feet, “claws” planted deep in the ground, metal plates shimmering in the sun, almost beautiful. Almost. The legs bend and the head, the size of Magnus’ shuttle, lowers itself to the ground with worrying speed - _ like sniffing for its prey. _

Magnus exhales, estimating distances between explosive charges and feet through his scope -too far. It will need some encouragement then.

“Alec?” Isabelle’s voice is tiny in his ears and he can imagine why. The bot is mind numbingly enormous from his perch on the canyon cliff; from the ground up, the sight must be terrifying.

“It’s paying attention to the beacon on the Vault, let’s light up number two,” Alexander answers.

Magnus knows immediately when the beacon starts to emit, the bot wiping its head around, body following a second later on its long legs, scuttling like a three-legged crab for four giant steps to where they carefully planted a beacon away from the Vault entrance to minimize the risks to it.

The head lowers itself again but this time, the charge underneath the beacon explodes in an ear shattering _ bOOOM _ , engulfing the head in a sudden ball of fire. The beast (Magnus really thinks of it as one) recoils, plumes of thick fumes following it. He is lucky to have his scope or he wouldn’t be able to spot any damage; from the ground it’s probably as invisible as disheartening. The outer shell looks rather intact but it’s dented and barely visible sparks fly.

“Damaged -not as much as we hoped, but it’s a start,” he announces, watching with fascination the bot’s head stay unnaturally still, assessing, before methodically scanning the area.

Normally, as long as the ground team doesn’t move, it can’t sense them but Magnus holds his breath nevertheless, Void take his foolish heart, until one of the bot’s smaller units detaches itself from a leg, forming itself right before Magnus’ eyes in less than ten seconds with an ease that leave him worried -how many of those are hiding in the giant’s body? Counting the tentacle-like probing tools, the smaller unit is taller than a human, and armed to the teeth. It gets closer to the still-fuming hole to prob at it, now vitrified sand marking the blast radius around.

Magnus waits till it’s the closest to the hole to shoot it straight in the head, killing it with one bullet -incendiary rounds really were the way to go. 

The giant bot immediately goes in fighting mode, the head splitting open like a mechanical flower, to reveal some kind of blaster device it let loose against the hole, an ray of- of-  _ of fucking something.  _ He might not have a word for it, but he feels deep in his bones how bad it is.

“What the fuckin-” Maia says, before her voice is cut but Isabelle’s, “Look at its legs!”

Magnus can barely detaches his eyes from the now gigantic,  _ molten _ , fuming mess that was the first hole but when he does, he looks at the bot’s head first, the mouth of it retracting, curling back into itself protectively before he glances at the legs, catching some fading red light and undulating air, protective plates shifting before they’re back in place.

“Uh,” he says intelligently.

“Venting system!” Izzy shouts, “that main weapon overheats like crazy.”

“So we get it to fire again to shoot the venting system down, roger that” Alexander says. “Izzy fall back-”

“What? No! You-”

“You’re the science officer, you take point and fall back to the rover that’s an order. Maia, Luke, you take positions beta and ceta and fire on my mark. Magnus, fire at will on everything getting too close once it’s on.”

Magnus swallows. “What are you gonna do?”

“I’ll give it something juicy to investigate.”

“Alexander -”

“- _ GIDEON LIGHTWOOD WHAT THE HELL YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?! _ ” Izzy shouts just as the certified moron Magnus is in love with gets up from his hiding place and advances on the robot, RAZIEL’s holo display up in the air in front of him like two particularly stupid lambs trotting to the altar by themselves.

Maia and Luke joins in the shouting but Magnus completely freezes, fear for this man overtaking him.

He forces through, taking a breath and then two, no other way but forward.  _ Breath and relax your hands _ . Nothing to do but pray to the Void now, though Magnus has half a mind to shoot a warning shot at Alexander’s feet.

But it’s too late for common sense to win as Alec has already caught the attention of the robot, several small units forming from its chassi, while others are fanning out around him.

“They’re scanning me,” he says, seemingly nonplussed. Magnus wants to strangle him.

“You think they can detect the outstanding level of dumbassery in your brain?” Maia snaps.

Even Magnus laughs, though it burns his throat with its bitterness.

From the sidelines of the staring contest, nothing happens until a few minutes later when the big robot gets closer to Alec. Magnus flashes back to all the videos and reports, the blood and screams and the autopsy charts, the holes and the burns. That behemoth of a machine learns by taking things apart... and now its curiosity is solely on Alec -human, breakable Alec with his flimsy body armor and his small guns. 

It all looks so very horribly comical to Magnus from his perch.

“Fire!” Alec shouted, rushing to cover at the last second, impossibly dodging a leg and shooting a small unit on his way.

Magnus begins to take off small units as fast as he can while Maia and Luke unleash machine guns on the big one, the b _ ratatatatatatatatatata _ drowning anything else for a moment. It rears back and… screech? Magnus isn’t sure if the word is right but holy Void, this is a real beast after all, the sound of it reverberating inside the canyon while one foot opens and blast at Maia’s position, taking two turrets they mounted around the barricade, leaving nothing but rubble and Maia swearing at it.

_ shshshshshshsshshsHBOOM! _ Luke must have used a rocket launcher because the robot’s head is swallowed in a thick fireball and stumbles, before righting itself up. Magnus destroys a small unit getting too close to Alec, searching for his next target, shooting it down before its fully formed out of the bot’s leg.

“Now what?” he near screams to be heard above the ruckus, because the robot doesn’t seem inclined to shoot at them with its main weapon (not that he’s really complaining).

“Perhaps it’s still recharging,” Izzy shouts back, and Magnus winces, his commlink hurting his ear.

Magnus snarls -every minute doing this dance is a hundred chances to die for each of them. He quickly reloads and begins to shoot at the big one where the rocket left the head’s inner machinery exposed and empties his clip -ten incendiary bullets, one hole- each hopefully burrowing a little further down its core.

Not a second later something smashes into the side of the cliff, projecting him in the air and  _ down _ . Hard rock. Pain blossoms in his head, all over his stupidity unarmored body, punching the air out of his lungs. He breathes. Shakes his head -a mistake. Pain again. 

A tentacle-like-prob claws its way over the cliff edge, then another, then another, before the main body of a small remnant bot appears, lights flaring red over its body, claws releasing the ground and it hovers in the air, two probs already raised menacingly toward Magnus.

He rolls away, barely avoiding a blast of energy that leaves a hole in the ground where he was a second ago.

No thinking, he just reacts -would have saved him if he still had enough juice to use his biotics… but he doesn’t and  _ pushing _ that bot away a few meaningless inches splits his head in two.

The bot draws closer on him, probs first,  _ stk, stk _ , stabbing at the rock, cutting his leg off - _ no, just A FUCKING CUT, just a fucking cut, Void _ \- and he rolls away again, sun glaring in his eyes, sand in his mouth, reaches for his side arm and fires at the bot’s head  _ pwrpwprpwprwprwprwprw  _ until the energy cell runs out and the bot, spazzing out and fuming now, crashes in front of him, probs still trying to get him until all its lights flickers for the last time and die out.

He pants, sweat and dust blinding him and he passes his dustier hand over his eyes, trying to wash it away. He tears up, grit hurting. The rush of blood in his ears calms down enough for the sounds of the battle in the canyon to overwhelm him again.

”Alexander?” he croaks.

No answer.

He crawls to the edge, taking in the mess below him: the heavy fumes obscuring the ground and the massive shape in it, screech of metal against metal against bullets. An explosion rockets the canyon -one that has to be from his explosives- rocks loosening up from the edge and nearly taking him over with them. When he looks back down, smoke stinks his eyes but he still see remnants bots littering the canyon floor, Luke’s position reduced to a gaping crater and Maia running back to the rover, gun first, shooting down bots now surrounding Izzy and the few turrets she still has protecting her. One bot flies in the air, pushed by Izzy’s biotics, crashing against the canyon wall..

_ Shit _ .

He reaches for his sniper rifle but the wind suddenly changes, whooshing down the canyon like a wave, taking the smoke away for a moment, enough for him to catch a glimpse of dusty black armor sprawled on the ground and the gigantic robot advancing on him, head slowly lighting up and opening…

Magnus runs to his shuttle.

 

*

Alec’s snipe  _ might _ be shattered.

Again.

**_Just damaged, I’m working as fast as I can_ ** , RAZIEL apologies, managing to sound guilty and bitchy at the same time. All Alec can do is lie there and wait for a miracle that is definitely not going to happen fast enough.

The robot jammed their comm links, leaving them to fend for themselves, half blind in the smoke (all the scanning it did obviously wasn’t just for the sake of science and it took  _ actions _ ). If they survive this Alec is adding drills about this in their training routine, because not being able to communicate when someone in your team has an impressive stockpile of explosives at the ready? Risky mix.

He simply got too close to the robot, and there was no way of seeing Luke, or of Luke seeing him... The explosion sent him flying and he could barely get up from it, just to be slapped away by the robot’s leg and up in the air again, then down down  _ down _ , crashing on the hard canyon floor, tumbling around and only stopped by a rock, spine first.

He  _ feltheard  _ the crack.

For a moment he couldn’t breath, shock and pain rattling him deep. Then RAZIEL cut off the pain, and he turned into a weightlessness ball of fear, the drumming of his blood and too fast breathing overwhelming, all too aware that his life was solely in RAZIEL’s hands and healing. All that punched him back to Habitat 7, up in the air and crashing again and again and always, cracking helmet, falling to pieces on his face, burning air, shattered body slipping away, bleeding out and… his mom. Dying, dying, dead. For him. Because of him. All dark and silent and dead and unnatural-

**_Alec!_ ** RAZIEL calls him, forcing him back to the present and the looming death in front of him, the head opening and getting so so bright, electricity running through the panels and the the the,  _ whatever! _ , red lights growing brighter, and phantom heat burns Alec’s face-

Something crashes into it like a godly punch, taking a part of its head with it, metal plates flying in all directions, red hot and stabbing the ground all around, the robot crashing on itself, legs giving in and smoke and dust drown Alec and the rest of the canyon, Magnus’...  _ no no no no no _ , Magnus’ shuttle only a pitiful crashing sound in the distance.  _ NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOT AGAIN… _

**_You’re good to go but we need to be quick_ ** , RAZIEL says as Alec is flooded back with sensations and pain responses hammering him on the ground, painful sobs escaping his mouth.

He can feel some of his injuries being knick together, his nausea over it only kept at bay by the AI. It takes all his force of will to get up, wobbly, and run closer to the robot to unload everything he still has on its now broken-open head, Luke joining him after a moment with his machine gun, Izzy and Maia behind and firing as well; round after round after round until it stops moving for good and their guns are empty or recharging.

Alec stops, the others following his lead. While it takes a minute for all echoing gunfire to  die down in the canyon, the calm that it leaves place to tugs at his nerves after so much explosions and violence.

 

*

As the dust settles around them, Alec takes off his helmet and lets out a shout that echoes and echoes on through the canyon, the oppressing silence just too much. 

“Are you- okay?” Luke pants when the scream finally dies out.

Alec grunts. “Just. Venting.” 

He actually kicks a rock in his frustration, the adrenaline crashing everything around him, onto him and he lets himself falls on his ass, the overwhelming relief of the end of the fight barely enough to make up for it.

_ Shit, Magnus! _

He gets up, calling his name with increasing despair and running toward the crashed shuttle but RAZIEL says  **_My sensors are showing inner movement inside the Remnant bot -it’s still powered!_ ** his disembodied voice urgent. Or that’s just Alec projecting his panic on the AI.

“Get ready to shoot or  _ run _ !” he shouts at his team, turning back to the bot’s head.

Sure enough, when he gets there, small parts are moving and he kicks an already half repaired access hatch and orders RAZIEL to “please do your thing, do your thing right fucking now!” 

_ What the fuck is this thing made off?! _

Miraculously, RAZIEL finds a way to interact with the bot’s exposed core like he does with the terraforming vaults’ tech, putting the self repair protocol on hold.

“Are you telling me it’s still kicking?” Izzy snarls, clutching her shotgun like a lifeline and Alec really hopes it’s over.

**_It appears I underestimated its formidable ability to repair. I’m sorry for endangering the team_ ** , RAZIEL says.  **_I’m accessing the memcore and downloading its content into a safebox for further study but -the data shows the bot’s code was damaged at some point, in a similar way that the vaults’ were. The corrupted code is the cause of the erratic and violent behavior._ **

“That thing is suppose to be peaceful?” Alec asks, frowning. It can shoot lasers for fuck’s sake.

**_While it does possess a self preservation drive, its mainly coded for evasion -the hostile countermeasures we faced seems to be for extreme threat level only and last resorts._ **

“Can you reboot it like the vaults?”

**_Yes._ **

“Wait!” Izzy says, getting closer and peering at the exposed circuitry. “What is it going to do once it’s rebooted?”

RAZIEL doesn’t answer for a moment.

**_Its prime directive is to act like an extension of the Vault. Full self repair should take a few hours but it won’t happen on Kadara’s surface -it’s going to leave the atmosphere to enter a low orbit around the planet, where it will manage the water masses and provide maintenance to the vault conduit lines coursing through the upper crust if needed. I think it participated in the Vault construction. An Architect if you will._ **

Alec looks at his sister, searching her face -she’s the science officer after all. Her word is law.

“Can you set an uplink between this… Architect and the Arrowhead? That data would be priceless to better understand Remnant tech.”

_ Ah yes, that’s her science boner showing _ . Lucky he didn’t bring Simon there too or it would have gotten awkward, the two of them -and RAZIEL- gushing about engineering and such. Alec is good at shooting people, period.

“Reboot it, then,” Alec says at the same moment Magnus exits his crashed shuttle, holding his side with one hand and his bloody forehead with the other. “ _ Magnus! _ ”

Magnus doesn't acknowledge him, instead rounding his shuttle in slow -and painful looking- steps, assessing the damage like a moron. Alec’s anger immediately skyrockets. _That thing isn’t flying again anytime soon_.

From the corner of his eyes, he can see Maia and Luke trying to detach a piece of the Architect, fighting off now friendly Remnant drones that leave them to it after a few seconds.

_ I don’t have to stay close to the head for you to work on it, right? _ he asks RAZIEL.

**_No._ **

_ Good. _

And he storms to Magnus’ side.

“You! I thought you wanted to stay away you crazy asshole!” he shouts. 

“Well I was never good at keeping a safe distance when you’re concerned,” Magnus says, but his flirting falls short as he grunts, passing a gloved hand on his face to smear away the blood that’s falling from his forehead into his eyes.

“Cut the crap, you could have been killed!” He could be- _ shit _ , he could- what would have Alec done if- “ _ fuck you! _ ”

Magnus actually rolls his eyes and Alec can’t bear this evident disregard for his safety and he seizes Magnus by the collar, shoves him against his shuttle, hard.  _ Shit. I hate you, I hate you, I love you but- _

“Now, you’re going to kiss me or punch me? Because I have a preference,” Magnus breathes softly, bloody eyes going for his mouth to his eyes and back to his mouth, panting.

Alec is spared from answering by the all mighty rumble of one of the Architect’s legs, dragged by small Remnant drones across the canyon floor, before they reattach it to the head. With some obvious difficulties the Architect stands up, metal screeching against metal, the small drones merging with it, and ungracefully launch itself into the air.

Izzy is covered in dust, fallen on her ass where she was standing near the head before this but she’s cackling so hard he can hear her from yards and yards away, “there’s probably one for each vault! And we could make more! Imagine the Kett Archon’s ugly face when we attack him with something like this!”

Magnus sighs.

Alec’s still holding him against the shuttle, without force or purpose.

“And the moment passes,” he whispers, shaking his head and gently pushing Alec away.

He lets him go, because keeping Magnus so close to him without being able to decide between what’s true and what he’s willing to forgive so he can reach out and touch and kiss him like he’s craving to. But that’s bad, isn’t it? Trying to get back something that hurt you?

“Anyway, you guys are welcome,” Magnus says, loud in the near silence of the canyon.

“For?” Maia asks. She and Luke actually managed to hold on to a pretty big piece of the Architect Alec realises when he turns to her, and she’s sitting on it, legs dangling like a child in the air.

“The save, or did you forget how heroically I behaved?” he points at the piece of the Architect, “a fifth of that is mine by the way. And I’m going to need a ride.” 

He spits on the ground, putting his gloved hand against his beloved, now wrecked shuttle like he’s comforting it, only managing to smear his blood on it. 

_ Pilots. _

“Let me-” Alec begins, gesturing at Magnus’ forehead. “It looks painful.” And he gets his medikit out and touches Magnus’ face, slowly enough to let Magnus take a step back if he wants, and turns it toward the light when he doesn't to have a better look. “Definitivey needs medigel.”

Magnus grunts, lowering himself on the ground as gracefully as the pain permits and Alec follows so he can clean the wound and apply a thick layer of medigel on it. It hardens in a minute, but the anti inflammatory/antalgic agents act faster, the redness of the cuts diminishing greatly and the lines of pain on Magnus’ face ease out.

Izzy comes to them and passes a flask of water to Magnus. “It’s going to be a tight fit in the rover,” Izzy tells him, “unless you’re up for sitting on Luke’s lap.”

At least now, she seems inclined to joke with him without exchanging barbs.

“Like it would be a problem,” Magnus answers, winking in Luke’s direction.

That  _ absolutely _ doesn’t make Alec’s blood boil, even if it’s obvious it was Magnus’ intention. Luke doesn’t even acknowledge the flirting, bless him.

“You should call the Arrowhead,” Maia says. She taps the Architect’s piece of scrap with her foot. “This is worth  _ a lot _ I’m not letting it out of my sight.”

Alec glances around; she’s right, there’s enough room for the Arrowhead to land here and now that the Architect is rebooted and gone, the ship is safe from it.

“I rather be picked up by the Arrowhead, if that’s alright with you. No one needs to see me riding in the Pathfinder’s rover,” Magnus adds.

“As opposed to all the times your people saw you riding the Pathfinder?” Maia mocks.

Alec wants to die. Perhaps he can find another deadly Remnant doomsday robot to end his misery.

Magnus turns his attention to Maia and glares.

“Now Maia dear, don’t be crass. Some public make out above the armor is hardly the same as ripping it out and fucking him ri-”

“ _ Can we stop _ ,” Alec says loudly and closes his eyes, hoping against all odds they’re going to listen to him for once.

Amazingly, they do and for a perfect second, Alec knows peace. For a second. Then he opens his eyes and Maia and Luke are staring at something in the distance,  _ ears first _ , like they say.

When he looks, there is nothing.

“What-”

That’s when he hears it, that low, distant rumble; getting closer. 

“What the fuck is the Arrowhead doing here?” Izzy shouts. Its engines is very distinctive, just two others in Andromeda and they’re still on the Nexus, awaiting Pathfinders and crews that might never come.

Sure enough, a few seconds later, Alec catches the black shape of his ship approaching the canyon at fast speed -a little too fast for a landing but whoever is piloting manages to stop the ship over a clear area of the canyon floor, a few hundred meters from them and the rover.

_ Are those burnt marks? What the hell? _

“Arrowhead, this is Lightwood, do you copy?” he asks into his omni-tool but there’s no answer. Tension takes over their group and RAZIEL informs them that the ship communication array is down.

“Boss?” Luke asks, shotgun pointed at Magnus’ back, anticipating and ready to act if Alec gives the order and… Alec can’t deal with this.  _ Not this fucking shit again _ .

He doesn’t have time to shout at Magnus or accuse him of anything that the hangar hatch opens, the ramp descending and -Simon? Yes, Simon shouts at them to get in the rover right the fuck now because something happened at the Port and they need to go.

“You guys get in the rover,  _ NOW _ ! Wait for my ok,” Alec orders them.

Luke lets go of his shotgun and lets it hangs from the strap to push Isabelle away.

“Alec!” she shouts, but she’s no match for Luke’s strength. 

“ _ Go. In. the. Rover _ ,” he snarls. “ _ You _ . You better have nothing to do with this,” he tells Magnus.

“What-” Magnus’ face falls but Alec doesn’t have the mental energy to spare his feelings right now. 

“Simon! What the fuck is going on?” he shouts back, keeping his eyes on Magnus.

“Downworlders tried to take over the ship! We had to go on lockdown and they broke our com system. They were cutting down the hull when I managed to override the docking locks to let us fly out,” Simon shouts urgently, before he is joined by Raj.

“Get a move on, we were followed!” he shouts.

_ At least the Arrowhead is the fastest ship here -small mercies. _

Alec turns to Magnus, his heartbeat in his throat “you- I can’t fucking believe you would-” he points his shotgun at Magnus’ chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you're wondering how the armors look like [Alec and his crew](https://cdn.wccftech.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/Mass-Effect-Andromeda-trailer.png) & [Magnus](https://oniplum.tumblr.com/post/160564004507/bang)
> 
> [ALSO, here's a playlist for this fic if you're into that!](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4DGr3csTybZhCJ81gwngCo)


	5. Travelling Light (but with a heavy heart)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was Magnus Bane, son of the most powerful warlord in Edom and a human woman. And he would kill anyone that made him feel like taking the easy way out of anything.

*

_ Alec turns to Magnus, his heartbeat in his throat “you- I can’t fucking believe you would-” he points his shotgun at Magnus’ chest. _

“Alexander! I had no hand in this!”

“How could you do this to me again?!” his knees are about to buckle from under him and he’s fucking crying of course, because that’s what Magnus does to him. Break him and lie and…

“Alexander,  _ think _ ! I could have stolen the Arrowhead from your drunken ass last night and your crew killed as well!  _ But I would never hurt you _ ,” Magnus says, hands up. Not begs,  _ says _ , voice trembling and hands in the air, but not begging.

And Alec…  _ yes, it doesn’t make sense, shit, of course, but... _

“Okay,” he lowers his gun slowly, brain and heart confused, and he gestures for the rover to get closer, head a mess. He and Magnus climb onto its sides, secured by nothing but a roof handle and their will to stay alive as Luke speeds to the Arrowhead.

Simon and Raj get back inside when the rover gets close to the ramp. Above the roof, Magnus and Alec exchange a look:  _ be ready _ . Alec doesn't think Simon or Raj would have it in them to play so well if the rest of the crew was held hostage, but it’s never a bad thing to plan for the worst.

When the rover stops inside the hangar and the ramp closes again, Alec jumps, shotgun trained on Simon’s chest, grim. “Please tell me the rest of the crew is fine.”

“Oh my God yes, I swear. But we really need some kind of code for that situation because it’s going to happen someday, isn't it? and I rather we’re, you know, as ready as humanly possible- well except for Maia and Luke who are not hu-,” Simon babbles, arms in the air, his eyes round.

On the other side of the rover, Raj is shouting to Magnus to “drop your gun Bane, fucking drop it before I-” and by his tone Alec knows he needs to intervene the fuck now before Raj is killed for being an idiot threatening a biotic wielder as powerful as Magnus.

“Stand down, he’s not with them!” Alec shouts to him, shocked at the certainty in his voice now that his freak out is mostly passed.

“What? But-”

“STAND DOWN!”

A second later, Luke, Izzy and Maia exit the rover and everyone tries to talk at the same time, before Alec shouts at them to shut up.

“Si, is the hull integrity okay?”

“Uh, yeah, they didn’t breach it, but it got close. I mean I rather have a few hours to do a full check out but-”

“Good,” Alec cuts him, “we’re out of Kadara.”

“Wait wait! I can't leave!” Magnus protests vehemently but Alec powers through, walking away to the bridge.

“You said it yourself, you didn’t plan this.” Raj scoffs to Alec’s right and that too he ignores. “But someone else did, someone who either swayed your people away from the High Warlock or who’s impersonating him. I doubt anyone but your top lieutenants could manage that… what do you think they’re going to do to you?”

Alec glances at him before entering the bridge and Magnus is fuming but Alec rather have him sulking than dead -or conveniently off ship when they realized he was lying again. It's fucking complicated in his head right now. Trusting Magnus and, at the same time, fearing the worst.

“Raph! Plan a course out of the system,” he orders to his nav officer.

“Where to?”

“Voeld.”

Raph sets to work but Izzy gives Alec an incredulous look.

He shakes his head, already aware that Voeld is  _ bad _ for numerous reasons but it’s the best option. They can’t go back to the Nexus, not with Magnus, an exile, with them. As much as he hates the ice planet, it’s pretty deserted and out of the way. Colonists had not been jumping at the chance to live at the Outpost, so it’s only a handful of scientists, very small Angarans settlements and, at worst, some Ketts.

“You don’t have any business on Voeld right?” he double checks with Magnus.

“No.” 

It’s curt and cold and Alec pushes down the need to shake him by the shoulders and tell him he’s doing all this  _ to keep him safe goddamnit _ .

“Voeld it is then. We'll check in with the local leaders, we do have some intel to share with them, might as well make the trip worthwhile."

  
  


*

Before leaving Kadara, they take the time to fly to the Outpost, hovering right above it and using the emergency PA of the ship to alert its inhabitants that the tentative truce between the Initiative and the exiles just broke and that evacuation is imminent.

Magnus, from the bridge viewport, witnesses the rapidity with which the colonists ran to their shuttles, the calm efficiency, probably drilled to death for it (he knows from mails that he acquired that finding willing people to live on Kadara had been difficult). They had always expected this to turn ugly and his hands curl into fists.

Shuttles begin to fly all around them, the Arrowhead standing guard until the last one disappear, but either their pursuers are still way behind (unlikely) or they know the Outpost will be easy picking after they leave…

_ Fucking hell.  _

Magnus exits the bridge unremarked and runs back to the hangar so no one can see him crumble against the rover and scream, teeth biting his sleeve to keep the sound in. The rover is still somewhat warm from the Kadaran sun but it’s fading, fading, until it’s dead cold and Magnus entirely gives up on dignity and let himself cry.

_ Just like that. A year of planning, three promising months and it’s all gone in a second. _ He checks the time, numbers blurring together - _ it’s been fifteen minutes _ but it’s still not sinking in.  _ I lost everything. _

His omni-tool doesn’t work. At least, not to contact his people. He’s been locked out of the Downworlders comm system and if he hadn't been busy reconnecting with Alexander and taking down the Architect, he would have seen it, might have been able to reach his people in other ways…

_ I should have been more careful. No surprise that Father didn’t really trust me with the Bane fleet if I can’t keep one little settlement and a crime organisation under my thumb for three fucking months _ .

_ Father was right. I’m no good without him. _

_ Fucking shit! _ He bites down on his misery and self loathing.  _ This isn’t who am I anymore. I don’t need his supervision, or his help or his belittling. I don’t. _ He repeats that as a mantra for a while, until he can breath a little better without his father’s weight on his mind.

  
  


Hours pass before anyone finds him and Magnus does a double take when he hears the small footsteps getting closer.

_ A small… dog? Is that a dog? _

He frowns down at the creature, its short legs and huge ears, tongue lolling out of its mouth and wagging his tail. It’s got a sandy coat of fur with white patches, perky ears and deep brown eyes, looking all too soft to be true.

“How the hell did you end up here?” he asks the dog. He can’t remember if they really communicate back like some of the wildlife on Edom but the answer must be no because the dog begins yapping happily at Magnus. It has a collar with studded letters around its neck:  _ Sunbeam _ . “Well, hello I guess. I can’t believe I didn't see you last night -you make a terrible guardian.”

The dog yaps again, running around Magnus, agreeing wholeheartedly without knowing.

He extends a hand to the dog, who doesn’t seem to be too scared of him and even licks at his fingers, before yapping again and nudging itself against his tight, paws in the air, exposing its belly and begging for pets.

“He’s easy,” Alexander says, chuckling.

Magnus turns around to see where Alexander is but frowns before catching movement in the upper gallery running around the hangar.

Their eyes met and Magnus doesn’t even want to think about what Alexander can see in his. Shame and pain are not easily shared on Edom, where projecting anything else but confidence and power is to be branded as weak, someone unfit to command. It’s hard to curb the knee jerk reaction to wipe his face and deny and deny.

He gets down using a service ladder and slowly walks to Magnus and the dog, who’s now rolling around Alexander’s legs to catch his attention -it’s a miracle he doesn’t trip but he seems used to it. He’s fresh out of the shower, Magnus notices, hair still damp and smelling clean, all soft and young looking, in complete opposite to the man that scouts the galaxy and commands one of the deadliest forces in Andromeda. 

“You never told me you had a dog,” Magnus says, because it’s a safe subject. 

“Raph’s sister -uh, you don’t know him, he’s our new nav officer, just got out of cryo- anyway she works at the DNA data banks on the Nexus and… she… uh… might have cloned a dog for shits and giggles instead of the animals she was supposed to.” Despites that a lot of that sounds like breaking Initiative laws, Alexander has a giant smile on his face. “He’s good for morale, aren’t you Sunsun?” he asks, voice devoid of any dignity before he dissolves into a giggling mess when the dog jumps on his back paws and Alexanders sits down, letting the dog licks his face like crazy.

“So a dog?”

“Right, you never saw one before,” Alexander says, immediately picking Sunbeam up, passing it to Magnus like it’s the greatest injustice in the universe. “How’s that?”

Sunbeam looks at Magnus with its big wet eyes and Magnus can’t help but scratch it behind the ear. “It’s kinda cute.”

“He,” Alexander corrects.

Magnus rolls his eyes. “I thought that the animals on your planet where  _ it _ in english.”

“Only to soulless assholes.”

Magnus nods like he understands, but Earth culture was always so foreign to him, even with a human mother.

“I’m surprised there’s only one,” Magnus says, looking around, fully expecting to be mobbed by more dogs any moment now. 

“Oh, I had to put my foot down and set the limit to one dog. God, you should have seen them fighting about naming him, we had a contest and everything.”

“That’s how my taxes are used?” Magnus feigns shock.

“No one pays taxes, Mags.”

“Oh just you wait, Director Herondale is thinking about it, I am sure.”

Alexander laughs, nodding and Magnus  _ has  _ to look away. There’s only so much a man can take before losing it.

“Alec?” come from the hangar door. Raj’s voice is warm and friendly.

When Magnus looks up, the man is carrying a huge tray laden with food and a bottle. His stomach groans in agony -all those protein bars he ate after his fight with the Seelian weren’t much and it has been  _ hours _ .

“Here, I saved you some-” Raj stops, both verbally and physically, eyebrows setting in a severe line when he sees Magnus, his eyes going from he and Alexander sitting in the semi dark with only the dog between them. 

Magnus can see his nostrils flare in contained anger but he doesn’t let the crueler part of him react to it, forcing his face into a blank mask. He’s on the ship for the foreseeable future, no need to antagonize one of Alexander’s teammates, even if the man looks ready to throw the food down and push Magnus out of an airlock for breathing the same air as his precious yet unattainable superior officer. He remembers the looks Raj used to throw his way even before Alec discovered the truth about him. They weren’t pretty even back then.

“Thanks,” Alexander says warmly to the man, either not feeling the sudden tension or electing to ignore it. He gets up and takes the tray from Raj before sitting back next to Magnus.

Raj stays motionless a moment too long, clearly upset at what he just found, before he leaves, but not before catching Magnus’ eyes and murdering him where he sits. Magnus is proud he barely feels the need to retaliate -between him and Raj, Magnus knows which one of them is actually a cold blooded killer.

“Sorry for that,” Alexander says softly once the door closes behind him. “He’s not feeling very trusting towards you at the moment.”

Of course, the man never felt very trusting about Magnus period, but Alexander never seemed to care.

Alexander pushes Sunbeam away from him and the plate, but it’s evident the dog is used to being fed scraps.

“No worries,” Magnus answers mechanically, his attention on the food.

“Here, have some,” Alec tells him, giving him the tray, immediately taking Sunbeam on his lap and forcing him to stay still (the dog wines and it’s very upsetting for some reason, Magnus almost wants to surrender the plate to him).

He eats with gusto, incapable of remembering when he ate food this good. Not that he can’t afford it but running Kadara isn’t cheap; medigel and tools are more important, so there’s no place for luxury, especially with him stopping his Downworlders from attacking Initiative ships.

He stops a second, fork in mid air, incapable of swallowing.  _ His _ Downworlders.

Alexander seems content to watch him eat and cuddles the unruly dog. After a moment, they switch and Sunbeam begins to whine harder in Magnus’ arms and finally barks when it’s clear Alexander isn’t planning on giving him any food.

Again,  _ most upsetting _ . It’s probably why Earthlings couldn’t manage real space flight on their own, too busy cuddling dogs and giving them anything to stop that horrible guilt tripping sound they make.

Alexander makes a face at the dog, something he probably thinks is intimidating but comes out as devastatingly adorable instead. “Stop Sunsun, I’ll let you lick the plate.”

Amazingly, Sunbeam stops, but hides his face in the crook of Magnus’ arm, giving Alexander the cold shoulder.

“I never had a pet before,” Magnus says. 

His mother had wanted one, but Edom was complicated. She contented herself with describing dogs and playing with them as a girl, a soft smile on her face as she told him they were the best thing about Earth -and looking between Sunbeam and Alexander stuffing his face, it sure is a hard choice to make.

Once Alexander is finished, he puts the plate down, and at the noise, Sunbeam wiggles out of Magnus’ lap and rushes to the plate.

Alexander looks at the dog for a moment, breathing “pig” affectuously but a tension bleeds onto his face, turning to Magnus with intent and Magnus is sure he doesn’t want to hear whatever he’s going to say.

“I’m sorry I accused you when I heard of the attack,” he says, looking actually sorry.

“You didn’t have-”

“ _ Let me _ . You wouldn’t hurt me.”

“But I did,” he says bitterly. And for what? Three months with an invisible crown on his head because he thought himself smarter than anyone else. “Just because I didn’t do it today doesn’t mean it didn’t-”

“I know,” Alexander cuts him again. “I’m still… working on that?” he winces and Magnus flashes back to him holding a shotgun to his chest, shouting about betraying him again. “But it’s still something.”

_ It’s everything _ and Magnus clears his throat, looking at the dog because at least Sunbeam is nice enough not to wreck Magnus’ heart with a couple of hopeful words and the beginning of a smile. 

They stay silent for a while but Alexander begins to fidget more and more, finally catching Magnus’ eyes, hands in fists and knocking them together nervously, his pretty mouth opening and closing a few times before he says “you… you can sleep on my couch tonight. I mean, there’s room with the rest of the crew but I don’t think it would be, uh, good and-”

_ With half of them hating him and/or distrusting me? Yeah. Pass.  _ “Your couch is perfect,” Magnus says, sparing him further explanation.

“Good.”

“Good.”

The both of them stand there for an awkward moment before Sunbeam yaps at Alexander and he picks him up. 

“Yes, so,” Alexander breaths before gesturing at the door with his free hand.

  
  


Being in Alexander’s quarters is a little bit more… charged than last night, especially now that Sunbeam isn’t icebreaking every second for them (Alexander gently pushed him towards the crew’s quarters before closing his door and Magnus regrets losing the dog’s presence immensely). It’s so awkward Magnus actually considers braving Izzy and Raj’s disapproval or go to sleep in the rover for the night, as uncomfortable as it could be.

“Wait- you can’t sleep like that,” Alexander says, frowning down at Magnus’ body -a very unpleasant sensation. You don’t frown looking at him, you  _ ogle and appreciate _ .

“Like what?”

“Like you crashed your shuttle into a giant Remnant robot; you’re covered in blood and dust,” Alexander comments, clearly still pissed at Magnus’ stunt.

“Not the first time today,” he dismisses, unthinking.  _ Shit.  _ He curses himself when he realizes what he just said, what kind of reactions it ought to have.

“ _ WHAT _ ?” Alexander shouts.

“Nothi-”

“Magnus!”

He sighs. “There was an… incident this morning. Also if RAZIEL was inclined -with your permission of course- it appears that someone hacked my omni-tool and locked me out of the Downworlders system… could he look at it?”

**_Of course Mr. Bane._ **

“You know, call me Magnus. First name basis always freaks me out when it’s not mutual.” Growing up with Asmodeus Bane as a father wasn’t always pleasant but he learnt how to treat people right as a consequence.

Alexander snorts, shaking his head in fond exasperation and Magnus sighs in relief. His little diversion worked.

**_Of course, Magnus._ ** RAZIEL tries out,  **_I’ll work on your omni-tool right away._ **

Magnus takes off the device from his left forearm. The skin beneath it is slightly lighter than the rest of his arm, an embarrassing proof that he has not taken the thing off in a while -he sleeps with it most nights and he has been known to shower while reading reports on it. Running a planet is a busy job.

“What was it you say about a shower? You were alluding to that right?” because he does feels gross.

Alexander looks at him, dead in the eyes, “Don’t change the subject.” Somehow he manages to sound caring and  _ this close _ to kill Magnus with his bare hands. 

_ So much for my distraction. _

Alexander takes a few calming breaths and continues “What happened?”

_ Well, no point in lying _ .

“There was a Seelian assassin among the people who attacked you last night. He was a biotic. He’s dead though,” and as much as Magnus tries to downplay it, he can’t spin any nonchalance in his voice. He sighs. “Obviously… there was more to it.” 

_ Lorenzo is going to kill me. If I had stayed with him at the Palace I would still have my crown. But if I did, Alexander, Izzy, Luke and Maia would be dead.  _ It’s an easy choice, no questions asked, and he would have made the same if he knew it was one. Yet that barely helps the fact that he’s been played and overthrown (the worst is that he can’t think of a good reason for it that isn’t profit).

“That’s why you were eating so much when you arrived at the Vault. Izzy’s like that when she overexert her biotics,” he says, taking Magnus out of his spiralling thoughts.

Magnus chuckles, of course he noticed. Of course he cares. “Yeah.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Alexander asks, getting closer, his concern thick, trapping Magnus like bittersweet honey and the need to sooth Alexander’s worries is making his heart ache. 

He gets _ so close _ in fact, Magnus could probably cut his concern short with a kiss. Not that he can or that it would be the right thing to do. Magnus doesn’t fancy to be punched in the face or to hurt Alexander, even if his eyes linger a second too long on Magnus’ lips and it’s painfully obvious he’s thinking about it too.

Anger flares in him, sudden and bright.

“Because it’s not your problem to deal with,” he snarls. It dies out as quickly as it came, and shit, now he sounds like an asshole. Shouting at the wrong people is unbecoming but shouting at Alexander for caring about him? Unacceptable. “I’m sorry. I just- I just don’t want to think about it or the rest right now. Can’t you give me that? Just tonight?” He’s  _ not _ begging. 

Alexander frowns before he nods and reopens his door “no one’s using the shower?” he asks loudly.

“GROSS!” Izzy shouts back from a distance. “ _ No sex in there, _ that’s your rule!”

“Oh fuck off.”

Alexander turns back to Magnus “you can, uh, go,” he stammers, blushing furiously.

He goes to his dresser and takes out a few bath things and clean clothes and passes them to Magnus without looking at him. “There’s a timer in the shower, clocked on eight minutes, after that it shuts off, sorry.”

“Water restriction, I know. I’ve been on spaceships before, Alexander. And I lived on Kadara for a year before you fixed the terraforming Vault, I can deal with a short shower,” he assures before exiting the room and walking down the corridor.

In truth, Magnus probably lived on spaceships longer than Alexander has been alive but… well, it’s never a good thing to remind Earthlings that most species in the Milky Way have lives spanning over centuries (especially if you’re trying to be with one of them romantically). So yes, he can do an eight minute shower - he doesn’t have to like it though. He doesn’t say that, obviously. But communal showers aren’t exactly Magnus’ idea of an end of a day relaxation treat.

Before undressing he checks on his head injury, wincing at the jagged line of it coursing on his forehead and disappearing into his hair -which is caked with dried blood and dust. Thankfully the medigel will survive the shower (it will need replacement in the morning though, the agents in it will wear off sooner than later). His smeared makeup makes it obvious he cried in the last few hours and he winces, thinking about Alexander seeing him like this.

He quickly gets naked and gently pats the medigel covering his abdomen cut -all good- and gets under the water spray, eyeing the door of the communal shower distrustfully. Alexander might have announced he was getting a shower to everyone in the galaxy with his shouting, but Magnus is still wary. He doesn’t want to have an audience. 

Of course, the crew might really think that Alec is in there with him too… which would have been so much better and so much worse since they’re currently not together. The idea is like a punch to the guts though… wet, naked Alexander… that’s, yeah, something to think about,  _ later _ , when no one can’t walk on him and he’s not so rattled by the day he feels more like curling up in a corner than jacking off. But the concept persist at the back of his mind. It’s not helping that he has seen Alexander practically naked last night ( _ those fucking white boxers _ ) or that he had never seen him naked before… no time, too much bullets coming their way. Magnus frowns. He did managed to get Alexander shirtless once before, but they were interrupted, because of course they were, and that was it.

It’s… frustrating to say the least.

The shower is perfunctory, despite his thoughts, letting the burning water ease his sore muscles and wash out the blood and the sweat of the day, if not the pain and worry. 

When he’s finished he stays under the water until it runs out, just breathing in and out. The day isn’t over and he stills has to come back to Alexander’s quarters. Weird, he would have killed for some alone time with him before -still does- but that fucking tension…

When he comes back to the changing area, he realizes Alexander gave him Initiative clothes, literally stamped with AI logos on them, all pristine white, probably just out of the 3D printer.

He hasn't worn any like those in more than a year and he feels a bit dirty for doing so now; he’s an exile through and through. This feels like giving up and running for help, begging for forgiveness. It’s not a concept Magnus is particularly fond off -it feels too much like accepting his father was right and will always be.

The look of barely contained anger Raj gives him when they cross paths in the corridor doesn’t help.

“You have a problem?” he hears himself snarls and shit… _ shit _ he must be a lot more rattled than he’s willing to accept.

Raj stops dead in his tracks, looking at Magnus with open disgust.

“Yeah, I fucking do. You have no place here Bane, but you know that already. You’re disrespecting the people working for the Initiative -the ones that didn’t run when it got hard or became criminals,” he sneers.

“My dear Raj… you have no idea what we endured. No idea how bad it got.” The hunger, the thirst and the constant fear, the cutting knowledge they were acceptable losses to the Initiative and the unavoidable pain of destroying pieces of their souls to survive… “How very mighty of you to come in here a year after the facts and judge what we did to survive,” he says, unraveling.

Raj smirks. “You might have Alec fooled but not me.”

“Ah. I wonder, are you this critical of every exile? Maia and Luke must looove having you around, you’re such a delight. Earth truly lost a prime specimen.” His lip curls and adds, taunting “Or do you only hate the ones sleeping in your crush’s quarters?” 

Raj turns very pale and Magnus, though his earlier recalcitrance at being a dick to a member of Alexander’s crew, enjoys it immensely. A small, easy win in a day of loses.

“You’re just a bug -he’ll see that eventually.” And by Raj’s tone, Magnus knows it’s a promise. “Kadara is soaked with the blood you spilled, no shower can’t take it off your hands.”

Raj turns around and enters the crew quarters. At the end of the corridor, Luke, Isabelle and the nav officer, Raphael,  are respectively looking at him with worry, surprise and obvious boredom.

Magnus glares at them and storms to Alexander’s door. Thankfully, it opens without him having to knock or wait. At least RAZIEL is welcoming.

Alexander is on his bed looking down at his omni-tool in deep concentration, cross legged, wearing the fuzziest hoodie Magnus has ever seen but not sweat pants on and if Magnus wasn’t so angry, he could appreciate those naked, muscular legs more.

“Hey,” he calls softly, “where do I put those?” raising the pile of dirty clothes and towels at little. “I forgot to ask.”

Alexander’s head shoots up “oh, uh.” He stops, eyes locking on Magnus’ before he looks up and down at him, mouth slightly opened before he clears his throat, eyes going back to Magnus’ with some difficulties.  _ Now that’s pleasing _ . “Just. Put it wherever, I’ll deal with it tomorrow.”

“And when is that?” Magnus inquires as he puts the load on the floor besides the door. Not having his omni-tool on his forearm is disorienting. 

“What, tomorrow? Ah, time change. We go with Nexus time, so…” he looks down at his omni-tool. “Four hours or so till ‘midnight’ and six more until everyone is due in the conference room for morning brief’. In theory. We’re not known to be early bird types.”

Magnus snorts. “You’re in there earlier than that, aren’t you? Don’t answer, I know you.” And he  _ does _ . “Anyway, Kadara time is different, obviously. I’m going to get so fucked up.”

“Space lag is the worst,” Alec says, wincing in sympathy.

Fucking hell, look at them, _ small talking _ .

Magnus sits on the couch, noticing the pillow and blankets beside him. He has to restrain himself from not burying his face in that pillow to check if it smells of Alexander. He’ll have to wait for the other man to leave or the light to be turned off to know (and he fucking wants to know -he can’t exactly bury his face in Alexander’s hair like he used to. The pillow is the next best thing).

“You want to play?” Alexander asks.

Magnus tears his eyes from the offending pillow and turns to him, confused. “Chess? Doesn’t RAZIEL need my omni-tool?”

“Oh yes! I forgot- but I have this!”

He gets up from his bed and Magnus doesn’t even try to look at anything else than his boxer-clad ass as he kneels in front of his dresser and rummages through his things, muttering under his breath. Finally he extrates a box from under a pile of clothes.

He comes to the couch and sets the box on the little table in front of it, before sitting across from Magnus on the floor. The box contains a chess set, all lacquered wood, dark and blond and Magnus is absolutely charmed by it. His mother’s set wasn’t a set at all, just a holo construct she kept hidden from the servants, fearfully devoted people, hateful of all non Edomian things, Magnus and his mother included. 

Upon discovering it, Asmodeus had bought her an antique set, of precious ivory and sharp obsidian, that had belonged to a queen from Earth. He also had thrown out the servants. The new ones had not been much better, just capable of holding their tongues.

_ Because how dare the only human living on Edom to want a small reminder of her home and pass some of her culture to her only child? _

Alexander proceeds to place the pieces as they are on their current game, following RAZIEL’s instructions. Magnus can’t help the overwhelming need to  _ touch _ and grabs at Alexander’s hand to check on the omni-tool screen himself. Alexander makes the softest sound at the contact, surprise and pleasure, his hand so warm in Magnus’. His own skin is on fire -he had not realized how starved he was for the barest of physical contact with the other man (or in general, Kadarans aren’t exactly huggable).

“Keeping you honest,” he says, aware how stupid and transparent that sounds.

Alexander shakes his head but doesn’t free his arm, instead his fingers grabs at Magnus’ thumb, trapping him in place. Their eyes are as locked as their hands and Magnus’ breath comes shallow and quick, his heart hammering down any sense he has left. 

They stay like that for -shit, Magnus doesn’t know- both breathing the other in, until Alexander’s hold loosens a fraction at a time, millimeter after millimeter, like the tide receding to meet the shore again. Except it doesn’t. Magnus is actually surprised when it ends and Alexander finally moves his arm completely out of reach and gets back to placing the remaining pieces on the board, cheeks faintely red and eyes resolutely on what he is doing.

Once the game is in place they resume it, that shared moment of need ignored, Alexander frowning like his eyebrows could save his queen from the doom Magnus’ rook is bringing to it.

  
  


Magnus wins easily (he had won 3 months ago when they started that very game and he took off his shirt two moves in, making it clear he wasn't opposed to taking off more. Damn Alexander for resisting him then, while still forgetting how to play). Alexander laughs and concedes he couldn’t have saved this game from all the bad choices he made.

He gets up to make something quick in the kitchen, a word that Magnus doesn’t know, and he busy himself with replacing the pieces on their starting positions, resting his head on the back of the couch for a moment when he’s done.

**_Magnus? I’ve finished analysing your omni-tool_ ** , RAZIEL announces from the discarded device.

“What did you find?”

**_The hack was done by someone particularly skilled but I found traces of them. What I can’t do is reinstate your logins_ ** . RAZIEL pauses and Magnus gets the impression the AI is carefully choosing his words.  **_You have been effectively erased from the Downworlders system_ ** .

He closes his eyes against the onslaught of pain and anger that threatens to overwhelm him. Powerlessness tastes sour in his mouth. He chuckles, near hysterical. So he is stranded off his own goddamn planet, without any proof of his claim of being the High Warlock or mean of communication with the few people that could confirm it -and those people might be dead or traitors.  _ Brilliant. _

**_If you could procure me a Downworld agent’s omni-tool, I could access the system and search for the hacker if they’re using it, but not until then. Unless you have a backdoor-_ **

“No, I don’t. Well. it’s on Kadara, in my apartment.”

**_And therefore not an option_ ** **.**

A second omni-tool and a third name that Magnus uses to spy on some of his people to test the water and make sure he doesn’t end up like Morgenstern. But there was no chatter about a possible coup; dissatisfaction, yes, Magnus would have been worried if there wasn’t any. His people, despite the limitations he forced on them, apparently knew he was what Kadara needed (or the best way to ensure a fat paycheck at the very least).

There’s a chance it’s never found even if his apartment is searched -Magnus being pretty crafty when it comes to hide precious cargo as any good smuggler- but even with those codes in mind, they can’t do anything without access to the Downworlders comm system: if you don’t have a login page, having codes mean shit.

The door opens and Alexander reenters his quarters, two fuming mugs in hand and some fresh fruits under his arms.

“Do you want me to contact Lorenzo Rey for you through my official channel?” he asks.

Magnus realizes that RAZIEL must have been updating him at the same time as he was talking with him -he shouldn’t be surprised but it still makes him quizzy, not being able to talk to one without talking to the other.

“I mean, Director Herondale is on a warpath about losing the outpost so she’s probably talking to whoever is assuming command already but that doesn’t mean I can’t ask any questions myself,” Alexander continues.

Magnus nods, before saying “No! As much as I want to know if my people are okay, I think it would be smarter to wait and see what’s the official word on all of this, who tries to talk to me or you.”

Establish a strategy and acting on it without knowing all the facts  _ -or any of them- _ would be like trying to play chess without knowing how to move the pieces. And he still stands by his words, he doesn’t want to deal with this right now, not with his head still hurting a little, not when burning everything and reducing Kadara to proverbiale dust is his first impulse (his father’s teachings and Magnus would be lying if he said he had never applied those more than once back in the Milky Way).

Alexander seems to accept his words and Magnus is beyond grateful for that.

“RAZIEL, can my omni-tool be saved?”

**_I’m afraid it’s best to give you a new one and destroy this one._ **

“Okay.” To Alexander he says, gesturing at the chessboard, “ready to get your ass beaten again? I’ll try and be gentle.” He punctuates the horrendous flirting by a wink, knowing Alexander  _ hates _ it.

Alexander groans and puts the mugs down on the side of the table -a tight fit with the chessboard- and throws a fruit at Magnus’ face. He catches it without problem and looks between the brown beverage and the not-quite-purple fruit, curious.

“What’s this?”

“What- please don’t tell me you never had hot cocoa before,” Alexander exclaims in horror.

“Arf, mock the Edomian, very funny. And the fruit? The Nexus’ orchards are okay I take?” 

Magnus remembers the projections for the colonisation of Andromeda -by year one, every habitat was supposed to be self sustainable. Obviously, they’re well behind that particular deadline, like so many others.

“No, this is an Angaran fruit. I managed to negotiate a very, very tentative trade deal with the ones that live on Aya,” Alexander says casually. 

Magnus frowns. He  _ knows _ how crucial that deal must have been for the Nexus. Alexander is being needlessly modest.

“They don’t like us very much -some actually think we’re worse than the Ketts. I’m impressed you find common ground with them.”

“Oh they don’t like me or my team one iota more than the rest of the colonists, trust me. But we did more damage against the Ketts in 6 months than them in what, decades?” he says, clearly unsure. 

RAZIEL peeps in immediately  **_56 years in Nexus time, Alec, thought the Angaran leader wasn’t entirely sure himself._ **

“So, yeah, they know we’re useful and we did save a few hundred of their people in that... “ Alexander makes a face, not quite pain but close, “kett base.”

_ Ah. The infamous Voeld and the battle that was fought there, that I couldn’t get my hands on the records. Alexander might never be ready to talk about it, but I can probably sweet talk it out of RAZIEL. _

“They owe you. They’re not the only ones,” Magnus says to him, moving his head to look Alexander in the eyes to make sure he  _ gets it _ . 

He takes a tentative sip of the, what was it, hot cocoa and  _ spits it right back _ , almost spilling the mug’s content on him. “What the fuck?! This is  _ vile _ !” the taste linger on his tongue, making him want to retch.

Alexander looks shocked “Everyone loves hot cocoa!”

“Yeah well, my Edomian palate obviously doesn't approve. But… thanks. How do you say, it’s the thought that counts,” he adds at Alexander’s crestfallen expression.

He takes a piece of fruit and tries it with apprehension but surprisingly, it’s good. He can’t describe the taste but it’s juicy and fresh and clean his mouth of the foulness of the “hot cocoa” that Alexander is drinking like it’s the best thing invented.

_ Crazy humans. _

They play chess for a few hours before Magnus can’t keep his eyes opened or his king well protected and Alexander takes pity on him and tells him to go to  _ sleep you idiot _ , extending a hand to gently cards through Magnus’ hair.

It’s so soothing he moans in relief, eyes closed and just like that, Alexander retreats, his face crimson and he gets up so fast Magnus isn’t sure if he just hallucinated it.

_ This will kill me. _

He flops down on the couch dramatically and discreetly sniffs the pillow and  _ yes _ , it smells like Alexander. But he was wrong, it’s not the next best thing to actually cuddling him. It’s longing and guilt and losing the best thing that ever happened to him because he was too scared. He feels like throwing it away in frustration but he can’t, he can’t, he can’t because right now, it’s the only thing he has. 

Alexander shuts the light off and settles in bed. The silence is deafening, Magnus still being hyper aware of the top of his head, of the very insignificant distance there is between the couch and the bed, between him and  _ Alexander _ . But it might as well be measured in light years.

Alexander suddenly snorts.

“ _ What? _ ” 

“Just, back to back, this has to be the longest time we have spent together.”

“You’re wrong. When those Circles goons had us pinned down in that cave -it was hours before we escaped.”

**_13 hours 28 minutes_ ** RAZIEL chimes in, the volume of the speaker thoughtfully down, as if the AI understands that people speak very very quietly at night, sometimes for no reason and decided on doing the same.

Both of them laugh, even if Magnus isn’t particularly amused. He meant what he said to Lorenzo this morning about building a future for himself with Alexander. The fact that they have such a shitty past (mostly because of him, but also part due to Alexander’ busy schedule) isn’t promising.

“ _ It is _ the first time we’ve slept in the same room,” he says, his bitterness coming through. It’s not about sex -not even a little- it’s about the simple intimacy of sharing a bed, of feeling safe and… shit. Of feeling loved and loving right back.

It is the first time they do anything that doesn’t involve drinking, getting into a gunfight, discussing Kadaran and Nexus politics and the occasional make out.

Time is a limited resource, especially when one of them has to jump between planets on a weekly basis. They never had time to simply… be. It was always multitasking, shooting, flirting and that’s a lot to juggle, especially in front of Alexander’s crew (some of them more or less set on throwing him in an acid puddle at the first occasion). Building a relationship isn’t easy with that kind of blaring countdown in your head.

And now there isn’t anymore but Magnus fucked things so fucking well he’s five feet away from the man he loves, sleeping on the couch.

The only saving grace is the way Alexander still looks at him. One day, Magnus might fully repair their relationship. 

One day.

And Magnus wants it to be enough, not only the hope of it, but the possible relationship -a huge part of him will be beyond happy. But he didn’t come to Andromeda to be someone’s boyfriend. He loves Alexander, but what’s the difference between that and just being his father’s son?

He came to this new galaxy to be someone and he intends to be.

  
  


*

_ Edom, Stardate 2294.081 _

_ Magnus was trying real hard not to bleed out in the sand, under Lilith’s people’s jeers and his people’s screams that he needed to get back up. _

_ It was easier said than done with Lilith’s deviant son crushing him under a gravity shift so powerful Magnus would be a pool of gory mess in if he wasn’t pushing against it for dear life -ribs cracked and body aching, hammered down in the sand, inches after inches. If the pressure didn’t kill him, he would just suffocate, buried and broken. _

_ His left arm cracked and fell, useless, beside him. Magnus shouted, pain splitting his head in two, in three, in- biotic powers didn’t run on sunshine. And Magnus was running out of everything, energy, time, will…  _

Void, _ it would be so much easier to beg for mercy and end it. _

So. Fucking. Easier.

_ The thought pounded in his head, bleeding out, begging him.  _

Giveupjustgiveupplease _ , it was chanting. _

_ It gutted his resolve for a second and his focus wavered. The  _ pressure _ was immediate and absolute, a small moon rolling over him like he was nothing. He pushed back, barely, air rushing in his bruised lungs once more, Jonathan’s biotic powers crushing him still. Just less. _

Notlongnowgiveupgiveupnomoretime _ , he was screaming at himself. _

Easier. So. Much. Easier _.  _

_ Something else broke. Arm, leg, head. Pain. So much pain. _

_ But Magnus was a Bane. And worse, he was Magnus. He had never taken the easy way out of something in his life.  _ FuckyoufuckyoufuckYOU _. He wasn’t going to start with his father and mother in the stands. _

_ So he let Jonathan push and push and push and get angrier -he could hear the lunatic screaming abuse at him, even over the spectators- and he let himself be crushed again,  _ painsomuchpainWHY _ , just enough to grab at one of the rocks peppering the arena behind his opponent with his powers and he yanked, throwing a ton of rock at Jonathan, focused and half victorious already, who didn’t see it coming, didn’t dodge. _

_ The immediate relief nearly killed Magnus, coughing blood and sand, the almighty pressure replaced by thunderous cheers and applause, House Bane drowning him in pride. He didn’t have enough force to get back on his ass, or to crawl out of…  _ Void,  _ Jonathan had nearly buried him. Crawling out by himself was impossible. He forced himself to wave, one arm not broken after all, resolutely not looking at the halved mess of Jonathan’s body a few feet away.  _

_ He was swarmed by medics suddenly, probing at him, dragging him out of the hole in the sand, shouting to each other for compresses, medigel, laser scalpel and- _

“Victory to House Baaaaaane!”  _ The judge’s voice hardly covered the chanting crowd, “ _ MAGNUS! MAGNUS! MAGNUS!”

_ Someone was setting his broken arm in a quick sling while another propped him upright, before passing something wet on his face. _

_ His father asked for silence. It fell, immediate and absolute under his Father’s words, more powerful than any biotic, a testimony of the loyalty their people had for him, the obedience.  _

_ On Lilith’s side of the arena, where they were now mourning their heir, a few jeers could be heard, but they were quickly silenced. _

_ “Firstly, I want to congratulate my beautiful son.”  _

_ Magnus glanced at the holo screen, his father’s giant face looking down at him with pride. He couldn’t smile, not with his jaw so messed up, but it still tried to burst on his face. Funny how pain could be born in happiness.  _

_ “The Void be our witness, your mother and I couldn’t have asked for a better heir. For a better  _ fighter _. Now Lilith, see which one of us has the better son. A pity yours had to die to prove me right. Perhaps it will still your hand the next time you wish to measure out our two Houses in a blood letting.” _

_ One cue, the Bane side of the Arena erupted in one word.  _ BANE! BANE! BANE!  _ Magnus could feel it resonate in his broken bones. _

_ Despite his light headedness and the pain he was in, being tugged this way and that way and  _ stand still! _ by the medics, Magnus knew this display of power would avoid a real blood bath. Of course, his people would still relish the victory and goad the losers -of heir and honor both- into skirmishes. That was expected. That was encouraged. The only true Edomian way. Better than the all-out war that had been brewing. _

_ And now, the other Houses would know House Bane was as strong as it was before Magnus was born, that the so-called hybrid mongrel of a human bitch could take down the strongest of them. _

_ He was Magnus Bane, son of the most powerful warlord in Edom and a human woman. And he would kill anyone that made him feel like taking the easy way out of anything. _


	6. Quantum Physic ain't for Quitters

*

_-ruching crushing crushing crushing, no air no breath no heartbeat no-_

(Alec half remembers that part, somehow)

_Cold floor, and body temperature dropping, dropping, head hitting the floor, Isabelle reduced to a scream in his ears. Going away, brain a kaleidoscope of fire and pain and love and longing._

  
  


**_Stimulating the cardiovascular core._** Silence _._ **_Zero activity_** _, RAZIEL mutters, somehow annoyed_

**_Stimulating the cardiovascular core..._ **

**_Stimulating the cardiovascular core…_ **

**_Pathfinder?_ **

_Sharp intake of breath, pain coursing through him, paralysing for a moment and gone, RAZIEL promptly cutting off the flood._

**_Pathfinder, I successfully reanimated you._ **

The AI couldn’t erase fear though.

  
  
  


**_Pathfinder? The test results are showing abnormal-_ **

**_degenerative tissues growing-_ ** **_unpredictable effects-_ **

**_and radiation levels too-_ **

**_Pathfinder? Are you listening?_ **

**_Fine. I’ll have to hide this from Dr Roberts, then._ **

 

*

The voice fades as he blinks, distant. Forgotten.

Alec can’t see it, but he’s pretty sure he’s wearing a prisoner collar; the too warm, too tight metal contraption constricts his throat every time he breathes and nervously swallows his spit.

His hands stop an inch from his neck, breathing deeply - _stupid stupid_ \- those fuckers are packing serious heat for such small things (he never wore one before this, only been on the other side of the situation, witnessing the damage it can do when touched, so _hands-off_ ). The Alliance has outlawed those for use on regular prisoners since before Alec’s birth but they’re reserved for dangerous criminals. He feels he should be outraged at the idea he’s apparently falling in that category but it can’t stir the amount of anger it should at the forefront of his mind, just distant wave of annoyance. 

He blinks, attention shifting on the few hundred prisoners around him with similar collars around their necks, two blinking red dots on each side. They’re all haggard looking, eyes empty and slumped all over the cell -half of them could pass as sleep-walking and the other half as already dead. 

_I am not far away from that._

He shakes his head, trying to clear it, but the haze he’s in is too thick -did he knock his head? Or rather did someone did that for him?

A door slides open and the mass of prisoners finally shows some life, pushing in the opposite direction like a repulsed magnet, _pushing pushing pushing_ , trying to become one with the walls as much as they can. 

“Where’s the captain?” a voice growls. It’s heavy accented english, Edomian pronunciation rolling deep within it. 

Alec rakes his brain, the loud absence of heartbeat forgotten for a second.

_Where’s the captain? what captain? his captain? of what?_

He looks down at himself, staring in confusion at the uniform he’s wearing: not Initiative issued white clothes or the deep blue of the Interplanetary Alliance fatigues. It’s a mustardy kind of yellow, the material flimsy and obviously not suited for combat or heavy duty use and in tatters really, and his black pants aren’t in better shape.

He’s pretty sure mustardy yellow means captain. 

“I am,” he says, making complete sense.

The mass of prisoners part so fast he can’t see them anymore, finally melting against the walls, letting the horned guards take Alec away from the cell without a sound.

He’s brought to a nicer part of it, with pools and gardens and huge bay windows that ought to be against every safety regulation in the galaxy; outside, a nebula he doesn’t recognize shimmers in deep yellows, flickering gold and red, and whales are singing (the Earth kind, not the misnamed space kind), which he shouldn’t be able to hear but it’s probably a special kind of space, where sounds are carried even inside ships.

 _It makes sense_ , he thinks. _I’ll asks Izzy about it when I see her_.

The guards shove him on the bridge but when Alec looks around, it doesn’t look like any spaceship’s bridge or ready room he ever seen. It’s closer to a throne room, burning red drapes bursting out from behind _the actual throne what the hell,_ like sunlight at dawn, moving on their own gravity, the way to it covered in furs of animals Alec has never seen.

Sitting right up there is Magnus of course -who else could deserve such place- looking regal and deadly, his cat-like eyes lined in black, hair well past his shoulders, far too pretty for Alec’s own good. He has some kind of holocrown on top of his head, stars and nebulas slowing dancing above his brow like he’s the center of the universe and Alec says something stupid that he can’t remember as soon as it’s out of his mouth ( _it’s hard to think okay?_ ).

Magnus smiles at him, all incandescent, so it can’t be that bad and Alec might catch fire as he floats gently to him. 

Floats.

_Floats._

It’s not just Magnus’ biotic powers on him, it’s _him,_ him losing his cool and falling harder and harder, eyes locked with Magnus’, heart hammering in his chest harder and harder as he gets closer and closer but never enough and when his feet touch the floor again, gently, he nearly loses his balance.

There’s this… longing pulse between them, something raw and sad and Alec might still fall on his knees and beg to be released from that pain... Magnus’ eyes flicker to his exposed torso (the uniform is beyond saving and Alec can’t seem to care, at least not with Magnus ogling him like that) before going back to his face, a smirk on his lovely lips.

Magnus himself is scandaly bare, his naked torso framed by a purple silky robe and beside that he’s just wearing some kind of loose black underthing... and isn’t that a bit odd to dress like this to hold court or command a pirate fleet?

Alec is about to say so but Magnus is on him, shushing him with a finger in front of his mouth before kissing him furiously -something blows up in the background, probably Alec’s ship. Even with him and his crew at the mercy of a space pirate, he can’t -this is what he craved, what he needed, as bad as it is, as bad as it makes him be.

“I can’t,” he says, the words so weak they barely make it out of his mouth. But he said them still, because he’s pretty sure he ought to protest at least on principle.

Magnus shakes his head, smiling softly at him, hands in his hair and Alec moans at the impossible touch, leaning into it. 

“Oh sweet, this is your true place.”

One of his hands leaves his hair, caressing the side of his face, his cheek, his neck, fingers light as feathers when they touch his chest, right above his heart, making it very hard for Alec to think and breath.

When he looks down, Magnus has his prisoner collar in hand and he throws it across the room. 

“A mere subterfuge for my men -my father, the pirate king, has spies everywhere,” he explains softly.

“Magnus I can’t! My duty is to-” he stops, the name of his ship or the organization he works for escaping him. He frowns. _My duty is to…_

Something else explodes, far much closer this time.

“What is that?’” he snarls, looking around wildly, trying to find the source.

Magnus doesn’t answer him, too busy kissing his jawline.

 

His head shoots up, eyes half closed still. Disoriented for a moment, he wonders how he got off Magnus’ ship before he groans in embarrassment. 

“Alexander for the love of everything that is holy in the fucking universe, could you please turn off that alarm of yours? It’s been blaring for ages!” Magnus orders from the couch and Alec’s cheeks _burn_.

Thankfully RAZIEL turns it off before Alec can recover and reach his omni-tool on the nightstand.

A very shabby 5:31 glows at him. Usually he’s already in the conference room by now.

“Sorry,” he says, sheepish.

Magnus sighs.

“’s alright. I’ve been awake for quite some time anyway,” he says, yawning, and Alec wonders if he slept badly or if he is just an early riser. “And by the way,” Magnus continues, “what were you dreaming about? It involved a lot of moaning - _was I in it?_ ”

Despite the dark in his quarters, Alec can picture him so fucking clearly, his bed hair, the smirk stretching his lips… Alec throws a pillow at him. By the following chuckle and the soft noise it makes landing, he missed (damn him, he forgot that Magnus can see perfectly in the dark).

“Don’t flatter yourself,” he answers petulantly as he gets up and out of bed, stumbling on a shoe and swearing. Perfect, really. _Sure, act like a fool in front of him after dreaming about being ravished like a common-_ he stops, he’s not going to call himself names because if it happens in a dream, it doesn’t count. Right?

_Right?!_

He doesn't bother with dressing, they’ll have to suffer his pyjamas mood (which really is his plushie hoodie and boxers, sue him, he’s the captain and he makes the rules). It’s that kind of morning, when you have to take it slow and perhaps stay in bed… not that it’s an option for him, so pyjamas it is. He gets to the door, where he’s stopped by Magnus chuckling, smugger this time.

“You did an awful lot of moaning out my name for someone that wasn’t dreaming about me, darling,” he says, managing to sound innocent by some kind of trickery but Alec knows better and the flush on his cheeks comes back with a vengeance.

Alec absolutely refuses to acknowledge him ( _it could be a trap! Dear fucking god it could be true, shit what if it’s true?!)_ and forces himself to leave the room at a normal pace because Lightwoods never run away, they strategically retreat. 

 _Please tell me it’s not true_ , he thinks at RAZIEL.

 **_My moral coding forbids me from lying even to appease people_ **, RAZIEL answers promptly.

“I hate my life,” he mutters.

He takes a few protein bars from the kitchen with some coffee shots and since he feels extra fancy he empty them and half a cream one in one big mug. His breakfast ready, he makes his way to the conference room to eat while reading reports, resolutely ignoring the Magnus thing and the dreaming about dying. Again. 

 **_I’m here if you want to review your options_ **, RAZIEL proposes.

_Thanks but- are you talking about Magnus?_

**_About the_ ** **test results** **_. The situation is getting worse, Alec._ **

He can hear the genuine worry in RAZIEL’s voice, the care and the work he puts in Alec’s health. 1s and 0s, somehow perfectly combined to birth an artificial being capable of empathy. And nagging.

Alec can’t even look guiltily away, not from someone that’s in his head. Not from _something_ that’s mutating deep in his genes. As, Cs, Gs and Ts, somehow rewritten, rebirthing something that even RAZIEL’s computing power can’t predict, erasing Alec a little more each day. 

 _Let’s… let's not. It’s not killing me,_ he thinks. Begs. Prays.

**_That we know of. You are being needlessly difficult. Maia and Isa-_ **

_I said no!_ His fears are already too much, he can’t deal with his family’s.

**_Very well._ **

The AI is disturbingly silent after that, leaving Alec to sip on his disgusting coffee and pretending everything's a-okay until Luke arrives just before 6 am, peering at Alec with the subtlety of Sunbeam when anyone start making food.

“Had a great night?” he asks after a minute of silence, like he can’t contain himself any longer from teasing Alec.

Alec glares at him and the tasty smelling whatever breakfast he has made for himself. At least Luke doesn't comment on how little he is wearing ( _he_ ’s dressed perfectly of course, because he’s obnoxiously the only crew member that has his act together and Alec might hate him a little for it).

Some minutes later, the rest of the crew begins to join them, trickling up the stairs in various state of undress and wakefulness -it reassure Alec that he isn’t the only one with pyjamas on.

Raph is looking worse than the rest, ready to topple over soon, his uniform crumpled and creased, his eyes glassy and slightly vacant, and a yawn away from breaking his jaw. Alec smiles at him, trying to convey his appreciation for his hard work. The Arrowhead may have an autopilot but someone has to stay on the bridge during ‘night time’ and the poor bastard was the one on duty, scanning for distress calls and such, ready to extract the ship out of any trouble, would it be Ketts, pirates or cataclysmic celestial event.

“Hey dorkface! Glad to see the evil High Warlock didn’t kill you during the night,” Izzy exclaims, Sunbeam dashing after her and immediately rounding the room, greeting everyone with enthusiastic barks and licking feet. Izzy sits down, before eyeing Alec’s bare legs. “But I see he got to your pants! How devious of him.”

“I’m sure you would have been devastated and avenge me properly, midget. _After_ moving your stuff into my quarters,” he deadpans, slapping her hand away as she tries to pinch his cheek.

He doesn’t touch her comments about losing his pants, because there lies madness. But if she presses it, he’s not above teasing her about not so discreetly ogling Maia, who’s not wearing much more than he is. All’s fair in sibling war.

“How come she gets your quarters if you die?” Raj asks, missing the joke, “I have seniority on-”

 **_Actually, in the event of the Pathfinder’s death, Luke will be entrusted with the role_ **, RAZIEL cuts him. 

“Because he’s Pathleader dorkface’s favorite?” Izzy asks sourly. 

 **_Because he’s mine_ ** , RAZIEL corrects, the room snickering at his _what are you going to do about it?_ tone.

Alec can see Isabelle at four, having a tantrum over something ridiculous, tiny hands curled into tiny fists, red cheeks and tapping her foot on the floor. He has a picture somewhere but he keeps it for a true moment of blackmail material need. He swore with Jace than neither of them would use it against her without the other also there. So Jace better _wake up_.

“Traitors, the both of you,” she mutters. She turns on Luke and pokes his arm. “You three won’t get any xmas presents from me.”

Luke rolls his eyes at her, fondly shoving her away.

 **_As I am incorporeal, I don’t require a present_ **.

“Alec, tell your AI he is cancelled.”

 **_You lack the admin privilege to_ ** **cancel** **_me Isabelle_ **, RAZIEL fires back.

“Your teaching him to sass us now?” Raph asks, sleepy -he’s trying real hard not to slump all over the conference table, Alec can tell.

“Well, he’s obviously one of us in that regard,” Luke says, pushing his now empty plate away from him. “Which does brings me to ask what are we going to do with the stowaway in your quarters,” he directs at Alec.

The ambiance in the conference room changes, Simon even abandons petting Sunbeam to actually sit at the table (before pushing a chair just so the dog can sit on it after struggling a little, him being so small). Maia sits up straight on her chair, tearing her eyes from Isabelle’s… yeah Alec doesn’t want to think about that.

_Right. To business then._

“We’ll be on Voeld before 8 pm by the way,” Raph says before yawning soundly.

“Thank you Raphael, about Magnus-”

“We should dump him on the surface at the nearest Angaran base and go back to the Nexus,” Raj cuts him, looking at Izzy for support.

Surprisingly, he finds none. Izzy gives him a blank look and turns back to Alec. “As much as I believe he deserves a smack down for what he did to you, you get the final say on this one,” she says, not entirely convinced going by her tone, but she seems set on her words anyway.

Alec appreciates she’s trying.

“I could provide him with a clean ID,” Maia proposes tentatively, looking at Izzy, who’s nodding along (Alec frowns, did they actually plan this little support front with ideas and everything?), “I do have contacts in the Nexus that could do it if we need to justify his presence on the ship or there.”

“Are you serious!?” Raj shouts and Sunbeam whimpers. “Harboring an exile -a criminal, a murderer- isn’t enough you want to bring him back to the fold like nothing happened?”

Obviously it’s not as easy or as clear cut as Raj makes it sound. But it’s a good sum up. Shit.

“Raj I see your concern-”

“No I don’t think you do! Alec I’ll follow you into whatever Kett infested hell you throw yourself into but when it comes to _him_ you’re so fucking blind,” he says, earnest, like he’s trying to get through layers and layers of stupidity in Alec’s brain as gently as he can (and it’s Raj, so he can’t, at least not in the way he wants).

Alec shakes his head.

“He risked his life for us yesterday -apart from hiding his true involvement with the Downworlders he’s always been an invaluable ally on Kadara and all the exile controlled worlds. We wouldn’t have even known Malachi and his family were murdered if it wasn’t for him,” Luke says, level headed. After a second, he adds, side eyeing Raj, “Alec wasn’t the only one that trusted him and considered him a friend. If you’re questioning Alec’s judgement, I invite you to do that with all of us.”

“He helped us for his own gain,” Simon counters, frowning. “I mean- no, no, that’s what I mean. I like the guy as much as anyone -well, maybe not Alec- but it’s still the truth.”

He chances a look at Alec, like he expects some reprimand but Alec nods at him, grateful for his honesty.

“His Downworlders never attacked Initiative ships. Ever. He didn’t wait to meet Alec to actually be a decent leader. And yes, he helped himself in the end but so what? He did what needed to be done and so did we,” Maia says. “And don’t give me the _I never would have been exiled in the first place_ shit you always pride yourself on,” she directs at Raj. “You weren’t there, _you’ll never know_.”

She does. So does Luke.

“Alec you’re being very quiet,” Luke points out gently.

“I-” he stops, unsure of what to say. “I’m not saying I trust his motivations -I don’t, really. But he can’t be left to die. I… _no_. He stays with us.” he takes a deep breath. “He’s a good fighter, an even better pilot. Plus he’s Edomian, which could help in dealing with their Ark when we find it,” he lists, biting down the more personal reasons not to let Magnus go. “What happened on Kadara is preoccupying. A new player means new rules and Initiative ships might not be safe from Downworlder attacks anymore. Better we have someone with hands on knowledge about pirate tactics.”

“Oh yeah, who better than an actual pirate to-”

“Stop,” Alec tells Raj, his understanding and annoyance leaving place to cold anger. Raj is clearly letting whatever he thinks he feels for Alec affect his judgement. “Magnus stays,” he says, final.

Sunbeam continues to whimper and jumps down from the chair, going to hide under the table, despite Simon trying to get him to stay and calm down.

Alec shakes his head at the way the dog reacts to the tension in the room and looks back at Raj, who’s looking at him in open disgust and shit, this is his fault. He didn’t want to deal with the Raj mess, and now it’s blowing at his face. He knew it would fester but Alec had other things to do that tend to Raj’s bruised feelings about what happened on Havarl. Hell, he seemed content to ignore them most of the time… Alec had hoped it would just all go away. His mother would berate him so much for that, and with reasons. A captain can’t afford to check out on his responsibilities and let his crew adrift.

“All this shouting and no one actually thought about asking _me_ what I want,” Magnus throws from the door’s frame, gracelly propped against it.

His easy smugness is irritating but he’s actually right, damn it (and Alec’s long sleeved shirt is indecently snug on his arms, which doesn’t help). Maia and Luke probably heard him come up the stairs but said nothing and Alec sighs, throwing a _really?_ look in their direction.

Maia shrugs but Luke is still frowning at Raj like he’s really hard math.

“You’re not safe without us,” he tells Magnus.

“I’m not your responsibility Alexander.”

Alec gasps at him, outraged. “You’re on my ship, crew or not, you’re my-”

“Yes, I get that, mighty decent and everything, but that doesn't mean my problems are yours.”

“Like you care… where was this selflessness when you involve us into your little war with Morgenstern?” Raj asks.

Magnus rolls his eyes but before he can say anything, Maia says pointely “Raj, why don’t you go get some fresh air?”

“Fresh air? We’re in spa- _fuck you Maia_. I’m part of this crew, I have a say in this.”

“My war against Morgenstern benefited your precious Initiative and everyone else but do go on, dear,” Magnus waits, feigning interest.

Raj doesn’t say anything else, refusing to look at any of them, shaking his head.

 **_What would your plan be, Magnus?_ ** RAZIEL asks. **_If you do not wish to stay with us, where would you go?_ **

“Well, I have still some contact in the Angaran resistance. Not on Voeld, but the ones there can connect me, I know the secret handshake and everything,” Magnus answers flippantly, like it’s no big deal and a sure thing.

“They don’t know you’re the High Warlock,” Luke guesses.

“Compartimenting is the best way to avoid leaks and identify their sources,” he says, avoiding Alec’s eyes. “No. They only tolerated me because of the intel I provided them on Morgenstern and how he treated the Angaran population on Kadara -poorly if you remember. I did some smuggling runs for them too, booze, Milky Way tech, that sort of thing. And they weren’t indifferent to my good looks, but again, not many people are.” 

“Wait, wait, your plan is running off with Angarans?” Simon looks between Magnus and Alec, and he wishes his engineer wasn’t so transparent and embarrassing.

“No. I plan on using my contacts and the favors they own me to discover what the fuck happened on Kadara,” Magnus says shortly.

“You could do this here and not rely on trigger happy aliens hating Milky Way guts,” Maia tells him and Alec might just kiss her for perfectly putting together the word vomit he was about to unleash that, in truth, would have embarrassingly boil down to _please, don’t leave I need you around_.

“ _You_ are trigger happy aliens to me,” Magnus reminds her, “and you’re on the fence about hating me.”

“Oh I’m not on-” Raj begins but Raphael smacks the back of his head, _hard._

“Callate,” he complains, eyes half shut.

Raj looks around but no one says a thing and he storms off, checking Magnus’ shoulder as he leaves the room. 

Magnus barely seems to notice and, looking straight at Alec, says “this is why I can’t stay. I’m not exactly the nicest person but I’m not forcing your crew to deal with me.”

“I’ll talk to him,” Luke says, getting up and picking up his empty plate. “Just a friendly chat.”

“Luke-”

“Boss, I honestly don’t think he needs to see your face right now.”

 _Fair point_. Yet Alec feels like a fraud for letting Luke deals with the Raj situation.

Luke leaves and Alec bits on his inner cheek, everyone looking at their hands for a moment.

“You should stay,” Izzy tells Magnus. “They didn’t just steal Kadara from you, they also attacked us. We’ll have a better chance to get them together. For what it’s worth, I hope your people aren’t dead or traitors. I’ll be in the lab,” she announces to Alec. “the Architect’s datastream is fascinating.”

“Okay,” Alec nods to her, most of his attention on Magnus, looking at his face doing acrobatics between emotions.

Maia says something about monitoring the long range scanner for a few hours and that prompts Alec to turns towards Raphael, whose eyes are now closed. Simon mutters he’s going to finish his damage check from yesterday and gets up, shaking Raph gently and half carrying him down the stairs, leaving Alec and Magnus alone.

And Sunbeam, who peeks out from under the table, tentatively going to sit near Alec’s bare feet.

Alec scratches him behind his ear, “good doggo,” he whispers. “Why are you so set on leaving?” he asks, louder for Magnus and mildly disgusted by how needy he sounds.

Magnus sighs from the door frame, crossing his arms. “I don’t want to burden you,” he says, obviously speaking about _Alec_ and not the entire crew. “I hurt you enough, I don’t want to impose.”

“How is it imposing when I’m the one offering?”

Alec takes some deep breaths and looking away because if he doesn’t, he’ll shout out of frustration. Or cry. That penny is still up in the air.

“Because you always do this,” Magnus raises his voice, angry, “you shackle yourself with someone else’s drama and pain and I won’t add to it.”

Shit. Alec brought this on himself when he complained about people dumping their problems on him the other night. “Not you, I told you, _not you_. And fuck you. How am I supposed to learn to trust you again if you leave?”

It’s a low blow, he’s aware and Magnus recoils like he hit him, eyes wide and hurt.

“Alexander-”

“No, don’t Alexander me. You were right the other night, you really are a coward when it comes to me.” Something too ugly to be a chuckle dies in his mouth and he shakes his head. Perhaps all this was a stupid idea.

Magnus’ face closes right up, the ever present spark in his eyes snuffed out, followed by a weird pull in Alec’s guts, _Alec’s everything_ , gravity responding to Magnus’ hidden emotions, tugging at him and the room. Sunbeam whimpers at his feet, scared. Even the ship’s hull makes a noise, metal protesting.

It’s gone after a few seconds, Magnus regaining control, blinking away pain and the power of celestial bodies. 

“Well, I suppose I deserved that. Believe it or not, I don’t want to…” he shakes his head, takes a deep breath and, smiling sadly, continues, “I don’t want to leave you. But there are things I’ll be doing soon, things that I would rather you not see or be dragged into.”

“Worse than torturing a smuggler by dangling him over a cliff and letting him fall after he gave me what I wanted?” Magnus gives him an incredulous look so he adds, “What, you think I was exaggerating the other night? I’ve done that. I’m not this angel you think I am. _Please, stay_.”

“I-”

“We’re not dumping you on Voeld as soon as we get there, you still have the day and then some to decide. But…” he stops, the possibility of Magnus leaving too strong in his mind, suffocating him. “I hope you choose to stay. Come on, Sunsun,” he tells the dog, getting up.

As he gets closer to the exit and Magnus, his heart speeds up, hammering in his chest, in his ears, _in his throat_ , and he takes a deep breath, holding it, half bracing himself for impact.

It doesn’t come.

Magnus lets him pass, actually shying away from him to make sure their bodies don’t touch, like he’s afraid of either of them being caught up in the gravity of the moment, of each other. Alec tries to be glad. After all, he’s the one that ended things between them and Magnus is respecting his choice but… he still craves him. Still thinks of his skin and his lips and that warm roguish smile that lights up the room, and ways of getting them back even as he fears to get his heart shattered again.

At the bottom of the stairs he exhales harshly and knocks his head on the wall for a second or two, recomposing himself.

He _needs_ to keep busy if he doesn’t want to go mad over Magnus staying or leaving. Hopefully between repairs and preparation for Voeld he won’t have enough time to think too much. Though he doubts that shaking Magnus’s hold on him would be any easier than reaping RAZIEL from his brain.

 

 

*

Magnus could hardly believe he was stacking stupid ammo and ration boxes in a smelly cave. The safe houses and ships he had been used to back in the Milky Way were somewhat more luxurious. _Oh, sweet pampered life_. But this cave was the best they could manage with their limited funds and influence on Kadara at the moment.

His life sucked.

“We need goons,” Lo threw when he reentered their little abode carrying more boxes.

They had stolen the rations and the rest the day before, as Morgenstern has been moving them around. Between Magnus and Lorenzo, Morgenstern’s crew had not lasted long. The only real trouble had been the informant that had told them about the shipment. Rufus had been paid, generously at that, but had kept asking for more and more; until it wasn’t so much asking as threatening.

Magnus had thrown him into an acid pool earlier that day. Kadara’s water could be most agreeable sometimes.

“We have goons,” Magnus retorted. “But for this one, I don’t trust them. Better we have a place to crash down and be safe from Morgenstern _and_ our goons if they turn on us.”

Lo made some unhappy noise, both agreeing and tired.

Logic didn’t stop Magnus from wishing he didn’t have to lose an entire day to shelving, especially with Alexander planetside for the first time in weeks.

 _No rest for the wicked_ , his mother used to say when his father had to leave for business. Asmodeus would laugh and twirl her around, kissing her soundly before leaving and promising something real shiny when he would return, before ruffling Magnus’ hair on his way out.

Manus made a face. He didn’t believe for a second his father ever stacked boxes in his life.

At least, he could hope seeing Alexander tomorrow when he was done with this.

Thinking about that was a mistake because Lorenzo immediately groaned, always able to tell when Magnus’ mind wandered in the Pathfinder’s direction. Must be that stupid smile he couldn’t never quite tame when Alexander was concern.

“Why are you around that human so much?” Human was a definitive insult in his mouth of course. “It’s making the entire Port nervous and that place is a twitch away from a massacre,” Lorenzo shook his head, putting one box down with too much force. He looked at Magnus like he was a particularly slow child. “Our war against Morgenstern is enough without you parading around with the Initiative Golden Boy.”

“He’s pretty and has more than two fonctionning brain cells, what’s not to like? It’s rare here,” he answered flippantly, feeling quite icky about his own tone and words. “Contrary to those assholes sitting on the Nexus, he cares about the exiles.” Magnus wished he didn’t sound so fond -or feel it. “And his intel is always good.”

Lorenzo scoffed (and what a glorious scoffer he was, when Magnus wasn’t the victim of it).

“Intel we already have, and paid for!” he countered with easy anger.

Void, he was always so stingy, which again, was a quality Magnus admired in his friend, except when it was turned against him. Back on Edom, he had been an administrator for a minor warlord and had managed to win a place on the Nexus due to his skills. Magnus, on the other hand, was the rich son of a much richer man who had spent most of his life fighting around without a thought for money or The Future. House Bane had been too rich and too powerful for Magnus to even comprehend the concept of moderation. Really he would be lost without Lorenzo’s austerity, the same way Lorenzo wouldn’t have thrived by himself, lacking the needed imagination and arrogance to lead such an organisation as their Downworlders.

“That we can now cross examine with Alec’s. Now we know Herondale doesn’t like him, doesn’t trust him. And honestly, you can’t deny the advantage it gives us that the Pathfinder might have a better opinion of us than Morgenstern’s merry band of fools.”

Advantage for the Downworlders, not Magnus, personally. _Right_.

“Come back to me when you can list all those reasons without a besotted smile on your face,” Lorenzo dismissed, clearly disgusted.

“So what if I like the guy?” Magnus let the box of medigel he was holding fall on the ground, turning to Lorenzo completely, anger so sour he could taste it in his mouth. He was asking for just one thing, _just one_.

Lorenzo was taken aback by his reaction and held his hands in front of him. “Magnus I just-”

“You just nothing. What- _who_ I chose to associate with is none of your concern!” he shouted, words echoing in the cave uncomfortably, throwing his stupid, dangerous temper back at him and mocking it for loosing it so easily, just like Asmodeus. “Downworlders don’t have anything to do with it,” he added, more calmly, his breath uneven. 

“You’re the Downworlders boss. What you do will always have something to do with us. Magnus, you can’t hope for anything good will come out of it.”

Magnus was about to answer but Lo shook his head, his ponytail shaking with it. “I say we’re done for the day here -I’m tired with shelving.” 

He left without a glance to Magnus, which hurt more than it had any right to. Magnus was pretty short of friends at the moment, he couldn’t afford to lose this one.

Alexander was the one thing he wanted for himself -though he was still set on downplaying the need most of the time, especially to himself. But there would be consequences. Real, bloody consequences, for him, the Downworlders and Alexander.

It made it almost impossible not to wonder if it was worth it.

 

Later and back to his crappy little apartment in Kadara Port, Magnus turned his omni-tool back on (shutting it down was a necessary precaution as they were working on the safe house) and was flooded with a hundred messages.

Most of them were addressed to the High Warlock and he answered them first, forwarding a few to Lo and Cat. The rest was for Magnus, just-a-smuggler-Magnus: exiles on different planets willing to hire him to squirrel them away from bad situations, Nexus people looking for someone to move whatever of value that wasn’t bolted to the station, Angarans inquiring about delivery or intel prices. Boring smuggler business compared to the Downworlders stuff but Magnus needed all of it to finance his budding organisation and feed himself. He would have to see to those demands asap but one message caught his attention like nothing else could, forcing the rest to the back of his now pretty empty head, forgotten.

 _Are you on Kadara?_ Alexander was rather terse still but Magnus was positive he could wear him down in the most exquisite way.

They had been regularly messaging, back and forth about intel and then chess and what was it like to be so gorgeous? And Alexander convolutedly telling him he should look in a mirror and look at his own face to answer the question (Magnus had liked that very much, especially imagining the blush and matching grin on Alexander’s face as he had mounted the courage to send that back). Sometimes of course it was more than harmless flirting. Deeper. Back and forth, back and forth, Magnus incapable to decide what he wanted from the other man or what he was willing to give. Four weeks of it, back and forth, filled with danger and continuous thirst and not enough time to really plan as much as he wanted against Morgenstern’s Circle.

He was being dangerously foolish.

Magnus answered him immediately. Of course, Alexander couldn’t guess that Magnus had people tracking his every move across the system so his message said _I am, you’re coming my way? What a treat._ Like he had not been informed that the Arrowhead had landed at the Port that morning.

He then quickly washed some of the dirt and sweat of the day with the little water he could spare so that he wouldn’t stink so much (regularly going offworld had its advantages and so had attacking and stealing some of Morgenstern’s fortune-a-drop water). He didn’t want Alexander to run for the hills at the first whiff of him.

Magnus would and without a glance back.He really was far away from his father’s palace.

Alexander’s answer came less than a minute later. 

_Already here, at tartarus rn with the crew._

Well, that was an invitation if Magnus ever received one (a careful, potential deniability included invitation, but one nevertheless).

 _Care if I join you?_ He asked, already on the way.

He hoped he could get Alexander alone. Oh, he liked his crew well enough, but they had piercing eyes that Magnus could do without.

 

Alexander was standing outside the nightclub, sticking out like a sore thumb. He was wearing his signature black and red-striped armor, a smart move since the Slums were far more dangerous than the Port proper. He was carrying his helmet under his arm and had a lost expression on his face, his body language off like the light had been turned off and nobody was home.

Suddenly he turned to Magnus’ direction, smiling already before catching his eyes -his creepy AI must have told him he was coming. The smile was toned down almost immediately, like forcing himself to look less eager than he was for Magnus’ company.

Magnus didn’t have that concern, despite knowing better. Many eyes that weren’t _his_ were directed at the Pathfinder. They would see him orbiting too close to him and more than willing to get closer with every rotation.

“You look like you’re waiting for someone,” he called before wetting his lips.

“That,” Alec said slowly, clearly enjoying this, “isn’t hammered to death at all.” He glanced at Magnus’ lips, swallowed and looked away, red on his cheeks.

“Tradition and all that, can’t you let me have this?”

Alexander rolled his eyes, fond. “Fine. Heavy handed flirting won’t-”

“Definitively works on you, I know,” Magnus cut him, smug, a finger so close to his lips Alexander nearly went cross eye to look at it, lips parting. “So, business or pleasure -no, don’t tell me, you only want me for my intel.”

Now Alexander was smiling properly, shaking his head but eyes not losing Magnus’, incapable to look away.

Magnus was acquainted with the feeling, reduced to a warm and breathless pile of good-for-nothing goo around him. It was so much, almost too much and never quite enough at the same time to be _seen_   like this. Magnus was afraid of how much he enjoyed it. _Craved it_. How much it would cost him to keep those eyes on him, that smile for him. How much it would hurt if they turned away, disgusted, if Alexander knew who Magnus really was.

“Actually, I was invited to a party at Morgenstern’s little palace,” Alexander said, not without derision. “I wouldn’t mind a friendly face that is willing to hear me bitch all night. You in?”

Magnus said yes before thinking. Putting himself right under Morgenstern’s nose was going to give Lorenzo and Cat a heart attack for sure. But Void, he didn’t care. 

“I heard Morgenstern has the best whisky in Andromeda stashed up somewhere. I wouldn’t miss that, especially with you.”

Alexander’s grin was blinding and Magnus lost a bit more of his mind.


	7. Absolute Zero

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in this chapter i go off script a little. i just wish the pathfinder in me:a had been allowed to be a lot more anti initiative than they were allowed by the story

*

“Stardate 2975.105, Personal log of lieutenant Raj- [shouted] WHAT? No, I’m busy.”

[inaudible answer]

“ _FUCK YOU TOO ISABELLE!_ ”

“I fucking hate-”

[long suffering sigh]

“Okay, okay, where was I? Yeah. Today… wasn’t good. I can’t believe Alec took him to fight that Remnant bot, it’s like he as some kind of hold on him, like in the stories they used to say back home about the Edomians and their fucking powers. Perhaps they just hide mind control from us. _I’m the second in command_ , but no, I just get a pat on the shoulder while Roberts and Luke get to go. While he goes too!”

“I don’t know what happened, I’ll try to find out more, but Kadara changed ruler once more.”

[bitter laugh]

“Took down _Magnus_ down a few pegs… if only he had- but noooo, some people always slither out of trouble… he’s on board. I’m adding this to the pile of absolutely worst decision ever. And apparently I’m the only one, even Alec’s sister doesn’t seem half as bothered by him being here… Should have known, it’s like I’m the only one with a brain on this ship. And now he’s parading around in Initiative fatigue and sleeping in Alec’s quarter.”

[pause]

“No one seem suspicious of the timeline. We go to Kadara, there’s a putch AND he’s conveniently with us when it happens so he can escape? Like, seriously?! Not like someone like him could gain a lot of intel and access on this ship… it’s absolutely insane nobody tied him up and threw him in the rover’s trunk. [whispered] Even that would be too nice…”

“Hopefully he’s going to desimbark when we get to Voeld and go on his merry fucking way. I’ll try to talk to Alec again but Luke’s been insistent I should take a step back. Fuck it, I’m not letting that asshole ruin our crew. They’ll see I’m in the right. I just hope it won’t be too late, like last time. Alec was… ruined.”

[pause]

“I’m putting a more thorough report in my data core with the rest. _Just in case_ . Alec is being manipulated left and right, when it’s not by Bane, it’s from the Wolves. Something went down on Kadara, before the change of ruler. Something I wasn’t told about, despite being second in command. Luke’s doing… and he’s not even human! Shouldn’t be part of the _Human_ Pathfinder crew… but that too falls into deaf ears… Wherever they went, there’s no reports about it, not even in the rover’s computer. All wiped clean. Apparently the word is we had some _engine malfunction_ and that’s why we stops on Kadara? Right. Before that, it was the Seelian Ark… I know what happen there. They killed the Seelian Pathfinder, and put one to their liking in his place. Again, it’s all in my-”

[pause]

[cursing] [banging noises]

“What the fuck?? MY REPORTS? They’re all gone! They’re nothing- oh, no. Okay. It’s fine, they’re all there, it was just loading. For a minute I thought…”

[controlled breathing]

“Ahahah, I’m still shaking. ‘Kay. We’re getting close to Voeld, I need to gear up. End of recording.”

  
  
  
  


> recording saved in DATACORE6334 “stardate2974.875”

> reports saved in DATACORE6334 “r754kadara” “r755bane”

  
  
  
  


>>>> ARCHANGEL access

> access granted

> erase “stardate2974.875”?

>>>> YES

> erase “r754kadara”?

>>>> YES

> erase “r755bane”?

>>>> YES

> erase “r615seelianark”?

>>>> YES

>>>> create shell images of erased files

> shell images of erased files created 

>>>> ARGUSPROTOCOL engaged

>>>> activation: “LtRHomni-tool” mic.

>>>> recording saved in “RAZIELcore”

> “LtRHomni-tool” mic activated

> recording saved to “RAZIELcore”

  


*

The day… passes. just that, just long minutes dragging into what feels like days, hour upon numbing hour, muling over and over the same points, the same choices, until the hours all rush together, gone in a blink and it’s getting close -too close- to the time he’s supposed to decide one way or another.

He spent the day out of the way, in the quiet the hangar, comfortably seated in the rover’s driver seat, feet propped on the dashboard and thinking hard. Well, if reasoning in tiny circles for eight hours can be called thinking hard. He doubts it. No one bothered him during the day, either having no business to attend to in the hangar or actively avoiding him. 

He doesn’t know. Doesn’t care.

_Except I cares, Void takes it all._

Just for the one, mind. And he’s been pondering the benefits of leaving him. For eight hours. Perhaps he was just getting crazy in the rover.

Eight hours, weighing his options one after the other, then doing it again. And again. And again. Funnily enough, it comes down to a simple choice.

Staying on the Arrowhead would offer him protection, resources and allow him to stay with Alexander, but at the certain cost of his autonomy and rather grey moral compass (and he is really fond of both). 

Or he could leave. _Should leave_. And do everything alone. Not the safest, but his hands wouldn’t be tied behind his back. It would also mean letting Alexander go, probably for the rest of his life, and that... 

He’s not dumb, he’s well aware the real choice is actually about Alexander. Isn’t it always? The rest is just details.

_Father would be pissed, all this for a short lived human._

What if he stay and screw it up? What if leaving takes off some of the heat on the Pathfinder and his team? Magnus will never forgive himself if Alexander dies because of a bullet meant for him, or if he’s not there to save him from a lucky Kett. So many variables, so many stupid little things he can’t control, sides of him that could scare off the man he loves… 

The bottom line is fuck whoever stole Kadara from him.

His father always used to say _you gotta make sacrifices son_ , but Asmodeus rarely was affected by his decisions on a personal level. He got it all: the begrudging respect of the other warlords and more importantly their fear; a fleet of ships scouring the Milky Way and amassing resources, money and influence; the unbreakable loyalty of everyone under his command, all well aware they owned him the prosperity they enjoyed in the Bane territories. All that _and_ he got to marry who he wanted even against every Edomians and what their faith had to say about it.

But Asmodeus wasn’t an exiled crime boss without a credit to his name (or at least he had not been when Magnus was born) and he most certainly didn’t play nice with Alliance laws to rise to power. Magnus had to, wanted to, at least to a certain point.

Problem was, Magnus had done a lot to insure he wouldn’t become his father -but it seemed the only way to get back on track to build his own life was to act like the old man -ruthless and deadly.

 **_Magnus?_ ** RAZIEL says through his brand new omni-tool. **_Alec asked me to inform you that we’re preparing for Voeld’s atmosphere reentry and that your presence is needed on the bridge_ **.

“Thanks RAZIEL, I’ll be there in a minute,” Magnus answers absently, mentally preparing himself.

When he gets to the bridge, Alexander is the only one there supervising the reentry.

“Where's everyone?” he asks, feeling ambushed in the worst possible way; it would have been easier with the others acting like a buffer between him and Alexander.

“Weapons and armors prep in the armory and Simon managed to burn himself doing repair so Maia is with him in the med bay,” Alexander says, shaking his head but not looking away from the console in front of him. “And Rapahel had to step out of piloting to go hold his hand.”

 _Weapons and armor prep?_ Magnus might not have been on Voeld yet (or any of his- of the Downworlders), but it wasn’t exactly bursting with danger at the moment from what he heard.

“You expect trouble?”

“Not really, we blew up most of the Ketts’ bases but some might still be lurking around. And let’s be honest, the Angarans aren’t exactly fond of us.”

Magnus frowns. “You freed their planet and made it more habitable.”

“We’re still invaders. We didn’t know coming to Andromeda but that hardly matters to them.”

“We can’t go back to the Milky Way,” Magnus insists. It would take fuel that doesn't exist in this galaxy to go back. The scientists on the Nexus toyed with that idea for a few weeks after they got here. It can't be done.

“Again, hardly matters. You, uh, you decided yet?” he asks, all too casual, not looking at him, eyes still locked on the navigation monitors.

_I’m staying._

_Not yet._

_No, I’m taking my chances alone._

Alexander turns towards him, finally, when he says nothing after a minute, his hazel eyes piercing straight through him, hopeful yet braced for impact. He never could manage a poker face.

“I’ll… I guess there is nothing wrong with trying it your way first,” Magnus says, incapable of saying _no_ or _goodbye_ to him, to leave him behind after all those months dreaming of a second chance, despite the risks and the rest. He was a fool to think he could end this.

Alexander’s smile is too much and Magnus looks away before he’s blinded or does something stupid. Which he wants, Void takes him, it’s all he can think about for a long moment, to take a few steps and kiss the hell out of Alexander. 

An automated voice -lacking the impossible and odd warmth of RAZIEL’s- announces that the window of decent is upon them and Alexander checks the screens, touches a few commands as he speaks under his breath, pretty lips moving without making much sound.

AUTOPILOT DISENGAGED, the voice announces at the same time Alexander gets out of the seat, grinning like a loon at Magnus’ confused expression.

“C’mon,” he says, drumming his hands on the headrest, “I know you always wanted to fly her.”

Magnus freezes, because he _did_. Does. Shit. “You’re kidding.”

Alexander shakes his head, rueful now. “Of course not. You’re crew now, for, uh, for as long as you want, so you can, if you want that is,” he stammers. “But if you don’t decide quickly, we’ll lose the reentry window, so… yeah.”

 _You’re going to be the death of me_ , he thinks, rushing to the pilot seat, taking in the commands. Alliance ships are pretty standard and the ones they made for the Andromeda Initiative feel the same -Magnus stole enough of them in his life to be able to fly one similar in make.

“If I crash us-”

“You won’t,” Alexander says, oh so close to his ear.

Magnus shivers. “ _If I do_ , it’s your fault.”

“Noted.”

The autopilot isn’t supposed to come off during reentry (or at all, really); it’s the most difficult and dangerous manoeuvre with riding the event horizon of any celestial body. Though, it’s probably not the time for Magnus to tell Alexander he used to do that for fun. His father said non Edomian couldn’t understand the _pull_ , the graving to let oneself fall toward it, never, because they didn’t have the blood of the stars in their veins.

  


Magnus idli wonders if Izzy can feel it though, because despite his father and the Edomian’s faith, she’s like them, that they like it or not, because of her biotic abilities. He’ll have to ask her if it drums deep in her bones as they're taken over by Voeld’s gravity.

It’s, _Void_ , it’s the most fun Magnus had in ages, blood rushing through him, doing calculations at the top of his mind and checking angles, learning thrusters nervosity at his depend, descending through the atmosphere way too fast because of it, Alexander’s white knuckled hand on his shoulder, descending further down in the general direction of the marked LZ, the snow too thick to see anything through the viewport so he navigates only by the holo radar, the data feed obviously perturbed by the storm, incomplete and frozen at times.

The landing is a little graceless but without problem and Magnus lets out a laugh that has been bubbling in his chest the entire manoeuvre, revealing in the fact that Alexander as yet to take his hand off him.

He looks up, immediately getting caught up in his eyes. Alexander looks delighted and Magnus just… can’t. He just can’t resist twisting around in the seat, kneeling on it really and taking Alexander’s face in his hands and… 

He lets him, eyes wide, lips parted.

 _He lets him_ and Magnus figured he wouldn’t, but Alexander’s letting him, oh Void and fucking stars, looking at him expectant and soft and Magnus just wants to wrap himself around him, so tight no one can pry him away.

“Thank you,” he says. _For letting me back into your life. For letting me pilot the ship. For letting me touch you. For being there_.

Despite the primal need to kiss him, Magnus doesn’t, unwilling to abuse the strange, undeserved and too good for words moment. They still have so much to figure out and Alexander might regret it later. Magnus rather not have (and long for) than be imprudent and greedy and hurt him and _lose him again_ so carelessly.

Letting go of Alexander’s face is harder than it should be, especially with that confused look the other gives him. Magnus has flough by neutron stars with weaker gravitational pull than this man and-

Luke enters the bridge, takes one look at them (Magnus is still kneeling on the pilot seat, both their faces red and too close, _Void_ , the picture they must make) and shakes his head. 

“I was going to ask about the shaky landing, but _I won’t_ ,” he tells, frowning at the heavy snow and violent wind through the viewport. “Shouldn’t that be, I don’t know, tamer?”

 **_My database of meteorologic pattern on Voeld is unfortunately lacking but fixing the weather here is actually more complicated than purifying the water on Kadara_ ** , RAZIEL says. **_It might take years before a real change of temperature. Or it could be winter_ **.

Magnus snorts. “Is it winter?” 

 **_No, the Voeld’s orbit is at its closest to its star_ **, RAZIEL says, rather happy with his joke Magnus thinks. 

“Voeld’s an icy nightmare, that’s new,” Alexander says morosely.

“ _You_ dragged us here,” Luke points out.

“No. Voeld was the only viable option, there’s a difference,” he explains. “I hate the cold.”

“Awe, your little footsies go cold in that big armor of yours?” Magnus teases, still delightfully close to him and knocks their shoulders together.

He keeps a serious, pissed off face for a few seconds before he cracks up, “We’ll see how you fare outside.”

“Speaking of which, I took the liberty of using some of the spare materials to have a new armor printed out,” Luke announces. “Sidenote, we’re out of everything useful now.” 

Magnus looks sharply at him. “How did you know I was staying?"

Luke doesn’t answer, at least not with words, instead just gives him the worst _bitch please_ look he ever received in his life and gestures at Magnus to follow him out the bridge.

  
  


Magnus’ footsies are cold -freezing- along with his hands, his ass, his face and, oh, his fucking everything.

Even in the Angaran base, where heat lamps chase some of the bite, it’s still well below any kind of living temperature (-40°C). To Magnus’ dismay _the base_ is just several icy caverns with fortune structures in them. It’s actually phenomenal that the Angarans clanged to this planet year round and, until recently, with a heavy Kett presence to fight against. Simon was babbling about rich mineral deposits on the way from the LZ to the base but honestly Magnus can’t see the appeal.

“You actually sure you reseted their terraforming vault?” he asks Alec and Raziel, teeth chattering (not the most comfortable with this helmet on).

“Yes,” Alec answers, before sighting like the whole planet deserves to be nuked. Or that’s Magnus’ almost frozen brain projecting, because really, this is the closest he got to the Void and Magnus got untethered from his ship once while evacuating it and got very close to death, floating in the actual void for twelve hours before he was rescued by one of his father’s corvettes, minutes away from his suit powering down. Somehow, Voeld is worst than that and closer to death.

The armor is actually protecting him from the worst of it but there’s only so much it can do and he gets closer to one of the heat lamps, hoping to gain one or two degrees. He doesn’t, probably having reached max temperature already and he eyes his omni-tool and shudders at the numbers: - _30°C_ outside and a shattering -1°C inside his armor. _Fucking planet_. 

Simon slaps him on the shoulder, “it’s only for a few hours,” he says, cheerful.

Magnus glares at him and his attitude. “Don’t you have a power station to fix?”

Simon stands straighter and Magnus can see his excitement through his visor.

“Yes! So glad I can finally gets my hands in Angaran tech! I mean their weapons are pretty neat but I’m going to learn so much from-”

“Si? More fixing and less talking,” Alec reminds him without heat (like the planet, ah, Magnus is so fucking cold). He hands him a heavy tool bag and a zero-g cart with more equipment on it. “And please, don’t let them hear you gush about how you’re glad that their power station broke down so you can play with it.”

Simon nods vehemently, babbling apologies and takes off, pushing the zero-g cart around the base in a mad dash. Magnus doesn’t have to be an expert in xenoanthropology to feel the displeasure the guards following him radiate. It’s the same energy the exiles put off around Initiative people strutting around the Port… himself included.

“Will he be okay?” Magnus asks, thinking about Alec’s half warning back on the ship about their hosts. Weirdly enough, he cares for the spazzy engineer.

“He can actually hold his tongue sometimes and Izzy will join him in a few minutes. I’m more concerned about us.”

Magnus half heartedly wishes he could follow the techies and go play with alien tech but Alexander asked him to accompany he and Luke to check in with the local leader for updates. While Magnus isn’t a stranger to regular diplomacy, he’s more fluent in the deadlier version.

They go deeper into the cavern system, away from the wind blowing inside the one closer to the entrance, where the heat is easier kept. The guards opens a small door and suddenly, it’s warm. The angarans here aren’t wearing as much armor or padding, and none are wearing helmets. For the first time in half an hour, Magnus feels good and follow suit as his two companions take their helmets off. They’re quickly ushered in a smaller, warmer room.

It’s impossible to tell how old the leader is since Magnus doesn’t have a frame of reference for Angarans, but there is something in her eyes, a certain dignified wariness that marks her for having seen some Void fucked up shit and still no clue if she’s lucky for surviving it.

She politely greats Alec and Luke but casts a look at Magnus he’s pretty sure he doesn’t like. 

“I hear you volunteered your crew to help fixing our generator,” she says, clearly unhappy about it.

By that tone, Magnus gather it’s lucky the generator in question broke down way before they approached Voeld. The muted hatred in some of the guards’ face is clear; had they been inside the base… this conversation would have involved more guns and way less awkward politeness.

“I see you brought a new crew member? He’s got eyes like the _Vrer’n_... I don’t like it,” she comments, casting an untrustworthy glare to Magnus.

Magnus frowns, looking at Alec for clarification but looks just as confused and so does Luke. If RAZIEL knows, he keeps it to himself -and Alexander.

“Okay…” Magnus sighs, he’s not unaccustomed to glares -Edom was full of them. “Should I wait outside?” he asks, faux pleasant.

“Yes,” the leader says at the same time Alexander says “no.” They look at each other, neither ready to relinquish.

A few seconds of this and the leader sighs, pursing her lips. 

“As you wish,” and she adds something in her language that doesn’t sound very pleasant, her guards standing a little straighter, looking a little meaner. 

Alexander diplomatically ignores her (they’ve been in Andromeda long enough for RAZIEL to pick up Angaran) and begins to give her a somewhat detailed report of recent Kett activity across the quadrant, along with updates on an exchange program.

Despite his contacts, Magnus had not been aware Herondale was fast tracking the project: several hundreds Angarans from all over Andromeda willing to fatten up the Initiative military ranks in exchange for weapons and intel and tech.. 

“-the final accord in the coming week,” Alec drones, “Respectfully, Director Herondale.” He can’t tone down the sarcasme at the end of the message and Magnus nearly burst out laughing. 

 _Respectfully. The nerve on this woman_.

The Angaran leader seems to wholeheartedly agree, her face twisted in cold anger.

“We have enough to deal with hot headed youths that throw themselves at the Ketts for glory and to be like you, the _Pathfinder_ ,” she spats. “Good people, soldiers, wasted. I don’t need them to be used by your Initiative on top of that.”

_This one will be a tough one to convince._

Surprisingly, Alexander nods along with her. “While I do believe that some of my people generally care for the Angarans, I must admit that it's not the case of our leader.”

Magnus notes the small pause before he said _leader_ , the evident distaste.

The Angaran leader frowns, looking at Alec in confusion. “I fear I don’t understand you, Pathfinder.”

“Correct me if I’m wrong but every Angaran faction leader has a right to vote for or against a motion in your parliament, and therefore, on the exchange project. _Vote against_ , Herondale will gladly put your people on the front lines to spare our forces against the Ketts.”

He says it without hesitation, cutting through the awkwardness and the danger his words provoke.

“So she can easily persuade you later, with a diminished army and owing us so much, to bow to the Initiative completely,” Luke picks up, voice full of the kind of compassion that comes from pain, loss and anger. “My people were tricked with those tactics a long time ago. I won’t see it happen to others.”

The Angaran leader stays silent, taking it in. Magnus does the same and wonders how many of those meetings have taken place between Alexander and Angaran leaders over the months... If Herondale was tipped off the Pathfinder and his team were undermining her authority and plans, it wouldn’t be exil for them.

She would kill them, plain and simple. A shiver runs down his back.

Magnus stays silent while the three of them exchange on the subject, the Angaran now cautiously more opened to them. She asks Alec which leaders he had already reached. He list them, adding the Moshea, the spiritual leader of all Angarans, and the one on Kadara. 

Magnus see the opening Alec left for him consciously or not and asks if news has reached Voeld that Kadara as yet again changed hands.

“Kadara will always be ours first,” she says, hard. “Yes, we heard but no words… the silence is deafening. My granddaughter and her wife live there.” She looks away for a second or two but she doesn’t falter, doesn’t give in to whatever worry or anger inside her.

“I used to work from there. _Shena_ , I think you might have heard of me.”

That ripples in the room like a tidal wave, the Angarans tensing up, looking suspicious.

The first few months on Kadara, with nothing to his name other than a gun and a beat up shuttle, he had been one of the only exiles more ready to shake hands with Angarans than shoot them on sight. He traded, stole and killed for them. A few loyals ones were his first Downworlders, even before Catarina and Lorenzo. 

She might not like him, but she and her people must have beneficiated from his services one way or another.

“ _Shena_. Yes. We heard about you ‘mouth’. You did some good for us. The Angarans thank you for your… expensive services.”

Magnus smiles at her reluctant thanks and asks “when you say silence…”

“I mean complete and total shutdown of the communication. The scientists at the Outpost last night told me your Director doesn’t have a clue either. That Kadara king either lost his mind or someone more dangerous than the _High Warlock_ thinks Kadara is theirs.”

Magnus grits his teeth before politely smiling like its nothing but an inconvenience for his business. _Nothing I didn’t know_. But all interplanetary comms down? Void, now he regrets stopping Alec from trying to reach Kadara's new ruler last night, at the very least, he would have known about this silence sooner. The tech to do that… that’s frightening on it’s on right.

“The situation on Kadara is preocupating, yes, but we have our own trouble-” Magnus stops actively listening to her complaints or demands, too deep in thoughts.

If the Angarans here don’t know shit, he’ll have to go somewhere else, somewhere with enough Downworlders to interrogate to learn what’s the word among them. Both H-047c and Elaaden qualify, though Magnus would rather go to the latter; desert are fucking hot, but at least it's not a planet reduced to bits and pieces by the Scourge and left without atmosphere to be cooked by cosmic radiations. He honestly can’t imagine what kind of crazy one must be to think living there is actually a good idea.

He’s still thinking about his next move when Luke clears his throat and shows him the exit.

But just as they’re leaving, the Angaran leader calls for Alec and gestures for him to get closer and Magnus is too far away to overhear what she says to him but going by the worried sidelong look Luke gives him, he _really_ isn't popular with the locals.

He waits to be out of Angaran earshot to ask Alec what she said to him.

Alec shakes his head, obviously distraught. He confesses after several minutes of power walking away from the Angarans (or actually trying to lose Magnus through the maze of icy caverns to avoid telling him this). 

"She told me to shoot you as soon as you have your back to me.  That your kind were-" 

He hesitates and RAZIEL takes over, " **_Orte'val. It’s an apex predator indigenous of Havarl, it translates to 'never ending hunger'. We actually got close to be eaten by one when we visited the planet. The local Angarans are extremely fearful of them."_ **

Magnus snorts. "I mean, it's not a bad comparison. They called my father the butcher of Aldebaran, the Scourge of-" he stops dead, looking guiltily at Luke.

Long before Magnus was born, trying to conquer his homeworld was a fashionable past time for Edomian warlords.

"I know who your father is Magnus," Luke says, stone faced. "Though I wonder how many Edomians are messing around on Voeld for the leader to be this certain that death is the best we can do to deal with you."

 **_There is no Edomians serving at the Voeld Outpost,_ ** RAZIEL informs them. **_Perhaps she heard rumors of the exiles?_ **

Magnus frowns. "She wouldn't say?"

**_She just wanted you dead and dismissed us._ **

"Charming.” Hardly the first person that wants him dead -or the thousandth. “So. Are you?"

Alec takes a long moment to realize Magnus is talking to him.

"What?"

"Are you going to kill me? I recommend snapping my neck quick please, I want to look pretty for my funeral," he jokes, though he can't help but think about Alec pointing that shotgun at him yesterday. The bitter taste of panic in his mouth, not _like this, not like this_ pounding in his head.

Alec doesn't laugh, doesn’t blink, just rounds up on him, one armored hand hitting his breastplate, forbidding. His eyes are wild, his face white as a sheet underneath his helmet visor. 

"Shut up," he warns and Magnus stops breathing, drowning in the matching flames in his eyes.

He leaves without another word or looking back, Magnus stunned in his wake.

Luke exhales, long suffering, before shaking his head. 

"He told her if someone made a move on you, he would destroy this place."

Magnus doesn’t even try to lie to himself about the joy he’s suddenly filled with, his heart prinning at the threat, no, the _promise_ ; at Alexander’s fierceness and _commitment,_ even now when Alec doesn’t trust him, doesn’t know what he wants to do with him. _Void_ , he can hardly imagine what it could turn into if Alexander were to take him back… how lucky he is, to have find someone, finally, that can love him back as hard as he can love them.

"You really aren't as smart as you think you are,” Luke continues, rolling his eyes at Magnus’ huge grin. “Come _orte'val_ , we have some errands to run before leaving this freezing hellhole."

 

*

Alec feels mildly bad about how much he wants something to kill. He’s cold, he’s pissed, he’s worried. He’s a mess.

 _Worse, I’m a mess and everyone knows it_.

Luke even asked to drive the rover in no uncertain terms, knowing (by experience) that Alec at the wheel in the state of mind he is in wouldn’t be a smooth drive.

So on top of losing it, he must do it stuck in the crowded backseat with Magnus and Maia, sitting on both their laps. Super comfy. She obviously doesn’t enjoy it as much as sitting on Isabelle’s and Alec might have poked at her with that fact if he was in a better mood, but he’s not. Not for the first time since they got to Andromeda, Alec curses the tiny backseat of the rover, even if technically, he’s at fault here. As the ship doctor, Maia is actually needed for the errand they’re doing for the Angarans while Magnus was vocal about getting back to the warmth of the Arrowhead as soon as possible. Alec’s answer was no.

It was heartfelt.

It was loud.

_NO!_

It was followed by an awkward silence, no one looking at Alec’s dumb face, except for Magnus, who seemed fucking satisfied, grinning like Alec had just proposed to him.

 _I might as well have_ , he thinks, swearing internally. First he practically kissed the guy on the ship (in retrospect, that was such a stupid idea, he can’t let the man out of his sight without feeling played and used, without shouting and acting like a fool). Then he just… God he really threatened to burn the Angaran base if someone looked at Magnus wrong, didn’t he? That’s a lot, for someone he can’t fully trust.

And then there is what the Angaran leader said.

Alec doesn’t get from where she was getting her hatred toward Magnus and all Edomian things. She pointed out his eyes -cat like, pretty beyond words and most definitely not what she was talking about.

 _Like the Vrer’n_ she said, a word RAZIEL couldn't find in any Angaran databases the Moshea had gave them access to (she had been more than generous with them, grateful for the save and being spared the fate of the other Angarans held prisoners in the Kett mountain base not ten miles from here). Then, she compared all Edomians to an ultra violent predator species. All that without giving any context for it, leaving Alec and the rest to a guessing game they were bound to lose. 

_Can’t exactly win a chess match without seeing the board, can you?_

**_I’ve sent a message to the Moshea, asking for clarification, perhaps she can clue us in,_ **RAZIEL tells him. 

_Good, put some feelers to see if any Edomian-only gang formed or something. The last thing we need is more Milky Way idiots making messes._

**_Already on it: the Eos’s Outpost signaled the theft of scientific equipment. A group Nexus Security guards got there three weeks ago with orders to move resources to Elaaden. All their accreditations checked out and they were left to proceed. The theft was only discovered two days ago, when one of their scientists was transferred to Elaaden. They didn’t think at the time it was strange the whole team was made of Edomians._ **

_Well now they will. Okay. Those Edomians must have been hitting the Angarans as well, using our gear and hacked orders. I suppose you already issued some network wide warning?_

**_Yes, though I wonder if it won’t increase tension between our communities._ **

_Without a doubt. There’s never one thing that can go right without the whole thing threatening to collapse here_. Alec sighs _. But it needs to be done._

It’s a long drive, the snow and the wind reducing maximum speed, when it’s not Luke driving at such a slow pace it would be faster on foot, deep to the knees in snow. Looking out the window is depressing: snow, more swony wind or blinding white landscape under grey white skies. The monotony is killing Alec and he’s left rehearsing his thoughts again and again. The only saving grace for this trip is the temperature, a shocking 10°C inside the rover.

 _Might as well be summer somewhere warm_.

  


When they finally get to the coordinates the Angaran leader gave to them, Alec is reluctant to get out in the cold again despite how crowded the backseat feels like. It also means he will have to talk to the crew instead of pretending to be asleep.

At least it’s not snowing at the moment. 

Luke stops the rover just before some ridge for cover and Alec sprawls in the snow on top, observing the former Kett base through his scope. “It’s the place?” he asks, sceptic. “No movement on the ground or in the air, no energy signature either. No one’s home or there no one at all.”

Maia sighs, hard, giving her opinion on their current endeavor loud and clear.

“You know, for someone who complains so much about people dumping their problems on you, you accepted this job rather readily,” Magnus says, a clear hint of judgement in his voice.

“Magnus is right. Those Angarans, however young and impressionable they are, aren’t our responsibility. They’re not kids anymore, some might be older than you are Alec. It’s not your job to round them up and teach them common sense,” Luke lists. “They want to protect their people, what’s wrong with that?”

Alec shakes his head. The local leader was worried and asked for a favor. Find and convince a group of young adults playing soldiers to come back to the base, at the very least to get the proper training. It couldn’t hurt to help, to do something that didn’t include killing.

Around them, the wind picks up and some snow begins to fall. They have to hurry if they don’t want to be stranded in a snowstorm or something.

“They don’t have training, they barely have enough weapons or supplies,” he points at Luke and Magnus. “You heard her, they _hero worship me_ , they came here to play Pathfinder. It makes it my business.”

“Throwing themselves at dangerous situations, uh, wonder where they got that from?” Maia throws at him and Alec winces. She’s right and he knows it. “You told me they have not given signs of life over a week? Exposure could have got to them. Out there it’s harder to get warm, especially if you’re a dumbass who didn’t prepare accordingly.”

 _Most likely dead she means._ But still Alec feels responsible for their fate. If by some miracle those kids are still alive, Alec will do something-

“Is this about threatening to destroy the base over me?” Magnus guesses.

Shit. Guilt can be on hell of a motivator, especially when you’re concerned you don’t feel any. And Alec doesn’t.

If anyone, _anyone_ , had tried to hurt Magnus in that base, Alec knows he wouldn’t have stopped until he was sure the danger was eliminated. _That_ scares him, this part of him that feels so natural it must be, but never pushed to those extremes. _For Magnus._

“If we want to stay on friendly terms with the Angarans here, we have to help around,” he says, ignoring Maia shouting “you threatened to do _what_?” and Luke muttering “saving their people in the conversion facility should have been enough.”

“I could jump over there,” Magnus proposes, head turned to the base in the distance.

  


Alec is glad he doesn’t ask (or didn’t hear) what Luke said. The least he talks about that Kett base the better he will be. His relief is short lived when Magnus’ words catch up with him.

“Jump? With your biotics?” he asks, incredulous.

“No, with my giant wings. _Of course with my biotics_. A hard push and I’m there,” he says, shrugging. “Two at most.”

Alec turns towards the base, gauging the distance: there’s a good mile between them and the base. No way he can jump that far.

“Once I’m there I’ll tell you if the coast is clear,” he continues, doing some stretches, obviously set on his plan.

“And if it’s not you’re alone until we reach you,” Maia points out, while Alec is still trying to reconcile what he knows about biotics -what Izzy can do, what regular people can do- and what Magnus says he can do.

“I’ll just jump back,” he says, a done thing really, without hassle.

“You’re well enough? Yesterday you used them too much, you said it yourself,” Alec reminds him.

“And I’ve rested. Damn, does he baby Izzy this much?”

“She usually shouts at him,” Maia says, savage.

Alec refrains from throwing a snowball at her.

“I’ll take that under consideration.”

Then he just bends his knees a little and vanishes in the air, projecting snow on all of them in a hard blast of gravity bending power.

“I’m pretty sure biotics aren’t supposed to be this powerful,” Luke says in reluctant awe, echoing Alec’s thoughts.

Alec catches sight of Magnus, up in the air, a black shape against the cotton grey sky, dropping, dropping, Magnus’ loud joy filling the comms, and he soars again like a bird in flight before he drops again at alarming speed and disappears in between buildings. 

_He really just cleared over a mile in ten seconds._

Magnus says after a moment of silence “Well nobody's shooting at me, but someone shot at them. A while ago though, they’re frozen solid and half covered in snow. All Angarans, at least ten of them that I can see.”

Alec closes his eyes. The leader told him there was over thirty people here. _Playing Pathfinder_. “Hide a bit, we’re coming to you,” Alec says. 

_Why does this keep happening?_

RAZIEL stays silent a second too long, then says **_Because the universe isn’t fair._ **

_All that computing power for that platitude?_ he asks, getting in the rover.

**_I can give you a more throughout analysis but, yes, all my computing power come to this conclusion._ **

Alec drives this time, no questions asked. _Fast._ There is no real emergency but Maia and Luke have their weapons out and ready just in case. 

Magnus isn’t hiding when they get to the camp two minutes later, just standing against a wall, out of the wind and the slow falling snow, a gun causally in his hand. Surrounding him, carnage -no other words for it.

The walls are covered in black blood splatters and burn marks, small debris embedded in pools of ice, where the snow melted and refrozen in seconds, trapping wall and ground debris in.

“There’s more of them inside,” Magnus announces quietly before getting into a stout building, walking over the body jamming the sliding door. 

They follow silently, the number of bodies too loud to talk over.

It’s eery inside, the howling wind reduced to a distant whisper the deeper they go. Alec doesn’t need RAZIEL to pick up on the signs of battle: fortune barricades and empty med packs, their used content squattered in a long corridor; black pools of frozen blood, trailing deeper and leading to more bodies; armor singed with energy blast after energy blast, melted, useless; the flesh underneath burnt and ashy.

One body in particular holds his attention. _He knows that man_ , met him the first time they came to the main base. The Angaran couldn’t be older than Alec, perhaps younger. It’s hard to tell really, but he sounded young, at least in spirit. _Innocent._ He told haunting, beautiful stories of the animals singing under the ice of the lakes, scaring children around a fire. 

He’s cut in two at the waist in one devastating blow, flesh and cloth burned.

Alec looks around, before pushing a second body on its back, forcing his breathing down when he sees the missing arm, burnt and clean cut again. He walks back the way he came, moving the bodies around this time, searching for the tell tale marks he’s now looking for. He finds several of them, horizontals lines running across bodies, one cut deep into a wall and hidden by the frost, missing limbs and heads.

“Boss? Come here,” Luke says.

Alec goes, passing Magnus and Maia who are trying their best to open a barricaded door with her muscles and his biotics. 

He gets to Luke and kneels on the other side of the body he’s inspecting. 

A female Edomian, bruised, looking like a thirty year old human (somewhere in between two and seven hundred years old then, depending on fuck knows who), grey skin and three fingered hands like talons.

And, noticeably, the only non-Angaran body they found. Somewhere behind him, there’s a loud crash followed by Maia and Magnus congratulating each other.

Alec cuts them off his comms and he tells Luke to do the same. “I found a lot of people cut to pieces,” he says.

Luke nods, quickly catching on what it means. He points at the woman, “look at her wrists, she was cuffed. Her arms and belly are covered in cuts. She had a blindfold on, the blood dripping from her head pooled on it,” he continues, grim, showing said blindfold at his feet. “Some teeth are broken, some are missing. She _still_ smells like pain.”

“Tortured,” Alec agrees. He looks away from the body and Luke for a moment, suddenly overwhelmed by guilt and anger. “They captured an Edomian and the rescue came.”

 _Those idiots kids, playing Pathfinder_.

“But why?” Luke asks, “there is no Edomian at the Outpost.”

“RAZIEL found evidence of an all-Edomian team stealing equipment. Best guess is that they came on Voeld to do the same.”

 **_Alec, this woman-_ **RAZIEL pauses, like shocked.

“Yeah?”

**_I can’t ID her. She’s not on the Nexus’ manifest._ **

Luke looks sharply at him. “That’s impossible, it must be a hack or-”

**_She’s not on the manifest I already had when the Nexus left the Milky Way. There is no tempering with those records._ **

“So she’s-”

“Yes.”

They look at each other for a few seconds, drowning in the implications.

Alec finally swears and adds Magnus and Maia back on the comms. “Come over, there’s something you need to see.”

They come quickly, Maia frowning and Magnus stopping in the doorway, face an unreadable mask.

“An Edomian?” Maia asks.

“Prisoner we thinks.” Luke gestures around, englobing the five Angarans bodies shot down in the room. “And what the rescue left.”

Magnus shakes his head, life finally coming on his face, violently rejecting what Luke just said. “No Edomians coming to rescue her would have left her body behind, not when they obviously won. I’ve seen my people dying over bringing their dead comrade bodies back to give them the proper rites. This… this you do to your enemies, you leave them to rot on the ground.”

 _Where they’ll never be stars again._ Alec knows the saying.

“Still. Edomians did this,” he tells him.

“How do you know?” Magnus asks.

Alec leads them to the cut bodies. Magnus crouches near one, passing an armored hand over a burn line almost reverently.

Maia swears, immediately getting it. “I thought you guys weren’t permitted to bring those butcher swords with you,” she spats at Magnus.

He nods, saying nothing, but Alec can see his eyes behind his visor, calculating.

“Do you know if they were smuggled in the Nexus?” he asks him.

“Believe me if I could have got my hands on a durasteel sword, I would have,” he says, chuckling. “Security was too tight. I know people tried but they were found out and immediately walked off the Nexus.”

 **_Not lying on either statement_ ** _,_ RAZIEL says to Alec, who only feels bad for a second for having the AI monitor Magnus’ brain functions through the armor they lent to him.

“Okay,” Alec says, taking a huge breath, aware of the small bomb he’s about to detonate, “there’s an Edomian team stealing shit out there and this Edomian woman didn’t come to Andromeda on the Nexus.”

They’re all silent for a minute, an actual minute that Alec feels in his bones, unsure if he should have hidden this and the swords from Magnus for a bit. 

“Is RAZIEL sure?” Maia says, breaking the silence, “I told you I know people that can make you disappear off the database.”

“From Nexus records, yes. From the ones RAZIEL keeps, not so much. That and those fucking swords-”

“They’re just weapons, like all your guns,” Magnus murmurs, like he didn't hear that his twenty thousand lost compatriots are without a doubt in Andromeda.

“My gun isn’t classified as a class 5 weapon of mass slaughter by the Antares conventions,” he challenges, twenty two years of anti-Edomian propaganda channelled in his words.

“You tell Edomians about the Antares conventions, they’ll laugh at your face,” Magnus says derisively.

Alec’s too young to have seen real conflict back in the Milky Way, but he heard the stories, seen the autopsy reports -Edomians grabbing soldiers with their biotics, getting them close enough to cut in half and walk over.

 _Believe me if I could have got my hands on a durasteel sword, I would have,_ he said.

Alec believes him. _Can see him_ , wielding one, cutting down hundreds, thousands… No wonder Edomians passes as gods and devils on conquered worlds. Sometimes Alec forgets that Magnus lived like that, for that, for a hundred years before he even met him. The Edomian way. It’s lucky they never met back in the Milky Way, they would have been on different sides, and Alec wouldn’t have stood a chance.

Luke shakes his head. “All the Arks were to be searched for contraband before they left the Milky Way. If the authorities had found a whisper of one of your swords or the tools to make them on board, they would have annulled the trip and forced everyone out.”

 **_The Edomian Ark was the last one scheduled for departure, a month after ours and two months after the Seelians’. If this woman is here, then the Ark is here, somewhere in Andromeda. It made it,_ **RAZIEL voices out.

“Good for them,” Magnus shrugs. “Less good for us.”

“What do you mean?” Luke asks.

“Think!” he spats. “If the Ark is in Andromeda, they didn’t made contact with the Nexus or the others Arks. Yes, the Ketts could have gotten to it, scattering the crew or something; it could be damaged by the Scourge, could have crashed. But we would have heard rumors. Let’s not pretend I haven’t tortured a few Ketts for a chance to find my people’s Ark -or that you haven’t spend the last months looking for it too.” He pauses, hand barely touching the burn marks on the body. “Yet here we are, surrounded by bodies killed by Edomian swords over an Edomian woman. That leader wanted me dead the second she saw me, so this group must have been making waves here and then, this mess happened, what was it? A week ago?” he snorts. “That Ark, they have weapons they’re not supposed to have and an agenda that, clearly, differs from ours. You better check the Voeld Outpost to see if they’ve been there already.”

He looks away, muttering in Edomian while Alec, Maia and Luke are slightly repulsed away from him as well as the bodies, just a few inches or so, but still.

“Magnus,” Alec calls quietly.

The pressure disappear immediately and when their eyes meet again, Magnus looks ashamed by his lack of control.

**_I think what Magnus is alluding to is that the Edomian Ark either went rogue or was boarded with pirates before it could get out of the Milky Way._ **

“The Edomians on the Ark… they were refugees, people that had enough of the Warlords, that would have starved out or be enslaved if they stayed home. There were entire families on that-” Luke doesn’t finish, instead quickly gets up and leaves the building.

Maia follows, frowning at Alec and Magnus before leaving them to stare at each other above the body.

“So the Angarans kidnapped an Edomian. Tortured her for… intel.” _Playing Pathfinder_ , echoes in his head and Alec has to stop and swallow back the taste of vomit in his mouth. It really is what he does, isn't it? “The Edomians came after her, killed everyone and… left her behind to rot with them?”

“Or she came here to give intel or find refuge,” Magnus proposes.

“And the Edomians killed everyone and tortured her.” Which would explain why they left her behind.

“So not everyone might be happy about how that Ark is being runned,” Magnus continues. “Look at us, finding a silver lining in a middle of a slaughterhouse, yeah us.”

  


Hours later, Alec finally sits down on his bed, his entire body yawning.

Contacting the Angaran leader to announce the death of her people had sapped the last of his energy. He wasn’t proud about lying to her, but there was no way to know if she could be trusted about the Edomian Ark. He had told her they didn’t know who was responsible (while telling her this, his mind kept returning on the Edomian woman’s body, which he had loaded in the rover’s truck for transport and now rested in the med bay).

Before that, bringing the rest of the team up to speed on the Edomian Ark had been a challenge. The day debrief was short and missing most of the relevant information, while the discreet meetings in smaller groups, none of them including Raj. Alec should feel guilty about that (about a lot more than that, in fact) but he doesn’t. He can’t trust Raj right now, not when he seems a glance from Magnus away to sell out the entire team to Herondale. 

Then Luke had news about the Wolf settlement on Elaaden. Flash flooding had uncovered what could only be a Remnant spaceship. Whole, preserved and buried for… who the fuck knew. Alec’s head was dizzy imagining everything they could find inside, once the Wolves had secured the zone and an entry point. It would take some time, as only the top had been freed of sand and rocks by the flooding but Izzy and Simon had been begging (and then nagging) all evening to go there _immediately_ , going as far as trying to buy Raphael out, and have him turn the Arrowhead around (with what, Alec had refused to know). Thankfully the pilot had a strong head on his shoulders and wasn’t easily impressed by puppy eyes or frustrated threats.

They stayed on course.

Baring no problem (or muttinery) they would be docking on the Nexus in little more than a day. _Oh joy_. Alec would have loved to go to Elaaden straight away too but he had been ignoring Herondale’s summons for to long already. He cracks his neck, feeling the phantom touch of the collar and leash she had on him.

 _You’re playing with fire,_ he could hear his mother say to him. Funnily enough, she sound proud, if a little bit concerned.

The longer he strayed from the missions Herondale handpicked for him or found convenient excuses to avoid the Nexus, the harder she would repay him. 

 _Politicians,_ he thinks bitterly. _Give me a Kett battalion to fight against naked any day._

He sighs, then glances at Magnus’ form on the couch turned away from him, supposedly fast asleep. He sighs again. Yet more uncertainty.

Nothing is ever easy in Andromeda.


	8. External Torque

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that this chapter includes a mention of infamous sex pollen and the non consensual sex that comes with it. It's relatively brief and not graphic at all ~this happened~ kind of statement.

*

Docking on the Nexus had been a non-event for Magnus, as he’s forced to stay on the Arrowhead. No sight-seeing around the station for him for as long as it takes Maia’s contacts to build him a new ID without RAZIEL’s help (not that there is much to see anyway, they barely made any progress in the construction since he left). 

The AI had been adamant he would have helped had not the Colonist database been put offline some time ago for safety reasons -namely, hacking and the subsequent illegal rapatriement of exiles. Shockingly, waking up out of cryo to discover that your wives, husbands, kids or best friends had been exiled and left to die by the Initiative wasn’t the best feeling in the universe. Some had not hesitate to pay for their loved ones to be safe and sound again.

RAZIEL was good, but you can’t hack into a database that’s not linked to anything. Maia’s contacts, on the other hand, are working in maintenance, giving them plenty of opportunities to physically connect into the servers and twick some profiles in it. Nobody ever suspects the janitors to be able to pull that kind of shit off.

 _For a price_.

And there lies the trouble, they don’t have the money.

Magnus sighs, knocking the back of his head against the shower wall. Financial trouble is kind of ironic for him, considering the astronomical amount of money and valuable he would have at his disposition had he stayed on Edom with his father.

Before leaving the ship earlier, Alec had assured him they would just sell some spare guns and useless remnant tech. _No problem_ , he said.

Still, Magnus doesn't like to be so dependant of others, hates it actually. It doesn’t sit well in his stomach even if he can repay them at a later date, if they visit one of his safehouses around the Cluster. He had been careful to hide supplies and credits -with reason, turns out. Until then, he will have to deal with having such a colossal debt.

He sighs again, letting the hot water rain down on him; at least on the Nexus there is no water restriction, so near endless showers are an option. That had not been the case before the mass exilement but if there is one thing Voeld is rich with, it’s ice: easy to cut and to transport. 

A chill runs through him. Even under the scalling shower, he can feel the cold of that fucking dump. 

The Pathfinder’s team had been able to secure said ice by killing the Ketts and rescuing an important Angaran figure, hammering the beginning of a trade between the Initiative and the Angarans. Without it, the Nexus would have run out of water and food ages ago. 

 _Would have served them right,_ he thinks, bitter.

Alec and his team have been killing themselves, working desperately to give the Initiative a fighting chance but the people in power remained unimpressed. They wanted more, always more, and _fast_ : results, obedience and probably death too. Magnus had gotten his hands on enough internal memos to know that Herondale has a list of potential Human Pathfinder at the ready, in case Alexander dies. None of them are currently on the Arrowhead but on the Nexus, snuggly under her thumb. All loyalists that would follow her orders without question.

 _Someone needs to take care of that_ , he can’t help but think, shutting down the shower with a little more force than necessary. _But not behind Alec’s back. He won’t forgive that._

 

As he towels his hair, his stomach rumbles like thunder. He checks his omni-tool and swears. He had run and run and run the morning and solitude away, pushing to his limits. Now it’s past midday and he’s famished. The crew has been gone for four hours already, leaving the ship eerily silent without them shouting from room to room like overgrown children.

_Bless the Void for Sunbeam._

He heads for the kitchen and grab some of the Angaran fruits Alec introduced him to and happily bits into it, finishing it in a few more bits and takes another one. Satisfied after three, he wipes the juice off his mouth and chin. Void, but it's good (and probably mildly addictive, he’s sure of it). He sprawles back on a bench, too lazy to go back to Alexander’s couch and after some deliberation he calls out to RAZIEL. There are some benign questions he would very much like answers to.

“Hey, I have questions.”

 **_I will answer them to the best of my abilities, Magnus_ ** , he answers after a second. ****

Thank the Void he can divide his attention between several people at once, because Magnus is tired of his one sided conversations with Sunbeam.

“Is Alec leading a full fledged attack against Herondale in hope of saping any true relationship between her administration and the Angarans?”

_See? benign questions._

RAZIEL stays silent for a minute, probably running a few things by Alexander. 

**_The Angarans have the right to know the Initiative doesn’t have their best interest at heart. If that qualifies as a full fledged attack against Herondale, so be it._ **

While it’s RAZIEL that answer, Alexander's passion and determination is behind his words.

Magnus ponders his next question, before asking: “What happened on Voeld all those weeks ago, after we broke up?”

It gnaws at Magnus to not be able to read those sealed records, and Alexander’s cracking voice when he said _you don’t want to know if you want to sleep again_ doesn’t help.

Again, RAZIEL stays silent, though this time it’s ten minutes before he says something and Magnus gets up again to fetch more fruits and a box of cookies Luke keeps hidden behind bags of flour and dried pasta.

**_I’m not authorized to disclose anything._ **

Magnus nods, expecting as much after all that time waiting.

“Are Maia and Isabelle together or it’s just my imagination?” he asks next, sucking the remaining juice from his fingers before critically looking at a cookie, searching for any trace of that damned _cacao_.

 **_What relationship Maia and Isabelle have is their business. That being said, my analyses show they would make a particularly lovely couple,_ ** RAZIEL answers. **_I wouldn’t eat that Magnus. Chocolate chips are made of cacao._ **

“Fine,” Magnus shakes his head, putting the box back in its hiding place. “Eating poison for fun, idiots humans,” he mutters, resoluting himself to a fourth tug of war with Sunbeam to entertain himself.

 

 _Later_ , after reading half of a pretty dry manual about proper hull repair on his Omni-tool (Simon’s, without a doubt) he asks, bored and curious again:

“Are you secretly evil or on your way to it, like the AIs we developed by accident on Edom?”

**_My code is perfectly balanced and Maryse took great care into making me, taking your scientists’ failure as exemple. She would not have implemented me in her brain or in Alec’s if she had any doubts._ **

Magnus nods, but takes that answer with a grain of salt. The AI would hardly confess to being a sociopath anyway. 

He goes back to the hull repair manual, sighing.

 

Magnus is admiring the stars through the viewport in Alexander’s quarter when he dares ask his next question. It’s been running around in his head for a while -months really- souring his mood and hopes. 

“Alexander, he’s not... seeing anyone?” He resolutely avoid looking at the bed, annoyed at his own insecurities.

The answer is immediate. **_You’re smarter than this Magnus. Obviously not._ **

Magnus doesn’t try to hide the relief this gives him and thanks the stars and the Void in front of him for that small mercy.

 

Hours later, when boredom really has settled in and Magnus can barely stand in place more than a couple of seconds, he walks to the R&D console and _begs._ Not his finest moment.

 _“_ Can I please look at the Remnant guns? My brain is leaking out of my ears.”

RAZIEL just gives him a definitive **_no_** and orders him to step away from the console.

Magnus tries not to feel offended. Tries harder. _Harder_. But he’s offended. He supposes that precautions have to be taken, and understands he is a colossal security breach in the making. He would do the same if the situation was reverse but Void does it still stings.

 

Luke and Simon shake him awake much later, where he fell asleep on Sunbeam’s blanket in the kitchen, the dog still snoring on his slap.

“Alec is stuck with Herondale,” Luke says, all too perceiving after Magnus looked around the room and didn’t find Alec. “Let’s eat, I’m starving.”

They eat, just him, Luke and Simon. Isabelle and Maia are having a girls’ night, Raphael is with his little sister and Raj is… nobody actually knows or cares, least of all Magnus. 

“You’re holding up okay?” Simon asks between shovelling food into his mouth.

Magnus, with his mouth full of Luke’s delicious _whateverfooditis_ makes a face of incomprehension at him, trying to chew faster.

“Being cooped up in here all day, alone. Not too boring?” he elaborates.

Magnus swallows and drinks. “No no, I’m used to it,” he lies.

The Nexus and Kadara had not been exactly full of friends or entertainment, but he was rarely left to his own devices, alone and powerless.

Simon nods and continues eating but Luke gives him _a look_ that says he’s not fooled.

_Damned Wolf ears._

“Don’t be so gloom, we managed to cover the cost of your new ID. Just gotta wait for them to actually,” Luke waves his hand around a bit, “whatever they do to hack servers.”

“How many credits?” Magnus asks after a bit, dread in his guts and bracing for the price.

“150 000 credits,” Simon says, wincing like it personally hurts him.

Magnus stays silent for a good minute, numbers hurting his head and his pride. “At that price I hope I get to pick the name and background myself?” he asks, sarcasm hopefully disguising how pissed he is about the colossal debt.

Simon puts his fork down, looking serious and _sorry_. 

“Uh, Maia said she named you William Princeton-Lightwood and that you’re legally married to Alec now.”

Magnus spits his water all over himself and the table. “SHE WHAT?!” he shouts.

Both Luke and Simon explodes, laughing so hard Luke has the audacity to wipe tears from his eyes. 

“Oh god I didn’t think- his face! Luke did you see his face? PRICELESS!”

Magnus contemplates slitting the hull in two and throwing them into the Void for a long moment, fuming and letting them laugh like the assholes they are.

“Okay okay, no joke. She actually didn’t have a choice in the matter, they swapted your ID with someone named Reyes Vidal, deceased pilot and former Edomian comando. Officially speaking, Magnus Bane died in his cryo pod when the Nexus got here. They just need to,” Luke does the hand waving again, “do the thing with the servers.”

“You really are the old man Maia says you are, you know?” Simon says, looking at Luke with the same sort of fond embarrassment he looked at his father when Asmodeus had trouble with a new piece of tech.

After dinner and an hour looking at Luke and Simon play some card games, Magnus finds his way to the hangar upper gallery, with a pillow under his ass he snatched from an empty bunk bed. 

He had (lightly) complained that the only reading material available to him were Simon’s manuals on the ship server and Luke had lent him a _book_ to occupy him _. A physical, paper book_. It's old and musty but in perfect shape, full of Earth poetry. Magnus is fascinated despite the English it was written into being too flowery and old for him to understand with ease. How and why Luke has this is a mystery but the care he had shown to it when he handed it to Magnus spoke clearly. This is a prized possession, something close to his heart, that he had extracted from under his pillow, where it had been rolled in a shirt.

Magnus could have went back with Luke to the kitchen, but Raj had just got there and he really wasn’t in the mood for dealing with him. He rather stay alone.

He’s been absorbed in the words for a while when RAZIEL calls him.

**_Magnus, do you have a moment?_ **

“Yes,” he says, frowning, but he memorizes the page is at and puts the book aside.

**_While Alec doesn’t want to discuss Voeld, he does understand it would be a disservice to all of us if you’re kept in the dark. I will disclose some of the reports with you but Alec asks that you don’t try and discuss it with him._ **

_That_ gives Magnus pause. “How do you mean?”

**_Alec was hurt. He’s fine now but the mental toll was excruciating. Please, respect his wishes on this._ **

Magnus nods, before remembering RAZIEL can’t see him (unless if there are cameras pointed his way). “Yes, I swear on the Void that birthed the stars.”

**_Very well. I’m downloading some of the reports on your omni-tool now. I’ll be there if you have questions._ **

 

 

 

 

> “- the shield was destroyed but at great cost. Two of the Angaran scouts died willingly for it. RAZIEL localised a vent and we entered the base from there even if it was a bit late to be subtle.”
> 
>  
> 
> “Find several terminals with open access to logs. Time was pressed so we left but RAZIEL was deployed to translate and speed read the entries as we went along in search for the Moshea. The Ketts call it the Exaltation process. I had some time to review all of it but the science of it confounds me -”

 

 

 

 

> “The viewport was dirty but I saw just fine what they were doing. The head of the facility was supervising her soldiers as they pushed Angarans into pods. At the time we didn’t know what for. Best guess was some sort of cryo confinement cell. We were wrong and -”

 

 

 

 

> “We found the Moshea’s pod in the database, but it had just been moved from the lab we were in. There were entire shelves of DNA samples from Angarans and Ketts. I failed to connect the dots. Pathfinder Lightwood threw a grenade on our way out after Dr. Roberts took a few of them for later analysis.”

 

 

 

 

> “- decontamination room locked on us. Thankfully the exo suits held up to whatever was in the air. Then we saw what they were doing to the Angarans in the pods. The front of the pod went clear, and twelve seringes were inserted through it to the Angaran strapped inside. What was inside the seringes is still a mystery. We tried to stop it but RAZIEL couldn’t hack the system fast enough. The screaming started almost instantly-”

 

 

 

 

> “- turning Angarans into Ketts. Turning anyone into Ketts. That's what the Exaltation is and what they have been doing with the millions of Angarans prisoners they took since they arrived in the Helius cluster 56 years ago. Their plan for us is clear now. It’s not extermination, it’s conversion, assimilation through genetics.”

 

 

 

 

> “The Angaran scouts with us were understandably distraught, their families were somewhere in the base, perhaps already -”

 

 

 

 

> “- found the Moshea’s pod, which had been scheduled for Exaltation. The Ketts opposed formidable level of resistance when we tried to get closer to it and stop the process. They would have killed us if it wasn’t for Dr. Lightwood use of her biotics abilities. She bought us enough time to devise a plan.”

 

 

 

 

> “Pathfinder Lightwood took a bullet meant for me -”

 

 

 

 

> “The head of the facility, she -as much as I can apply Milky Way gender to a Kett- saw she was outnumbered but she still had the commands to turn the Moshea into a Kett. She proposed a trade: we let her go and she would release the Angarans, as long as the base was spared. The Moshea was shouting at us to destroy the base from her pod, even with all of her people inside, scouts included. Pathfinder Lightwood was barely standing -”

 

 

 

 

> “My mind was still clear with RAZIEL tending to my wound. I realised that if we let her go and the facility standing, they would just move their equipment and recapture new subjects. I made her believe I accepted the trade. She released all the Angarans, RAZIEL witnessing it through the cameras. She gave orders to her people to let them go. It was a long standoff, me ready to blow up the place if needed, her ready to turn the Moshea into an abomination. Finally the scouts comms us the prisoners where all out and we put our guns down and had RAZIEL deactivate the bombs. She believed me and released the Moshea from the Exaltation pod and began to leave but I signaled to Garroway to shoot her.”

 

 

 

 

> “- fight broke out again and Pathfinder Lightwood lost consciousness. The evac team got us out with a shuttle and RAZIEL blew up that place to high heaven.”
> 
>  

Magnus takes his time to read through the reports, pausing when the nausea gets too much. _Exaltation._ Now he understands why those reports were buried so deeply by Herondale. If this got out, she wouldn’t be facing riots, but straight up mutiny and suicides. People would want to try to get back to the Milky Way, even with the engines of the Nexus and the Arks now incapable of doing the 600 years long trek across the Void. 

“Thank you RAZIEL,” he says, swallowing hard. He knows how much he was just trusted with, the damage it could cause.

**_There is more. The discoveries that day where a prelude. The reason Alec took certain decisions._ **

“The Seelian Ark,” Magnus guesses. “Alexander told me.”

 _They were opening cryotubes one at a time, experimenting with- shit. I left some of them there,_ he had confessed that night on Kadara.

**_Yes. The decision cost Alec a great deal. But it’s not the point I wish to discuss. Here, read this._ **

 

 

 

 

> “Pathfinder Lightwood said something, it stuck in my head. _No matter what_. At the time I didn’t think much of it, sometimes he speaks to RAZIEL out loud, sometimes in his head. We’ve learned to tune it out. Of course, it took all its sense when we got captured. The Archon obviously wanted to dissect Lightwood immediately but the Seelian Pathfinder had freed enough of his compatriotes to make that a priority. He left us in the gravity trap. We were all useless, no guns, no nothing, the ship system’s encryption too hard for RAZIEL to crack on the spot.
> 
> Then he said it again, _no matter what_. I knew then.”

 

 

 

 

> “ **_As per our agreement since Voeld, I killed the Pathfinder and began the process of erasing myself from the RAZIEL chip in his head. We had discussed this last resort many times before, but despite my best efforts, he was set on taking that step if the occasion was forced on us. What the Ketts could do with my ability to interact with RemTech is too great a risk, and their Exaltation process made a strong impression on him. My deletion was still in progress when the Seelian Pathfinder entered the cellblock and freed us. I reanimated Pathfinder Lightwood and had to spread in his brain further to repair the damage the lack of oxygen had caused. I directly oversee 42% of his brain now.”_ **

 

“He died,” Magnus says, close to a panic attack. “ _You killed him!”_

**_For a minute, yes._ **

“And he’s-” he stops, feeling like throwing up. “He’s fine?!”

**_I healed him. I don’t think you can comprehend how much someone can push the human body with direct access to their brain and how it manages-_ **

“You still killed him, just sacri-”

**_The weight of the many outweigh-_ **

“Don’t! His life is more important than anyone else’s.” Magnus wipes a tear on his cheek. _Fuck._

 **_Alec and I did the math,_ ** RAZIEL says gently. **_I tried to dissuade him, to find another solution. I came up short._ **

Magnus scoffs. “Your prime directive is to protect him, to take care of him!”

RAZIEL takes a moment to answer. **_My prime directive was to take care of Maryse. I let her die too. She asked me._ **

“So if…” Magnus can barely form the words in his head, let alone his mouth.

**_Yes. if we face this situation again, I have my orders. I will erase myself from his brain._ **

“You will kill him,” he chokes on the words, unable to wrap his head around _that._

 **_Not willingly. Not if I- not if_ ** **we** **_can avoid it. The odds of survival in this galaxy are low for him. With your help, the odds go up,_ **RAZIEL says, perversely calm and even.

Magnus swears in Edomian. “Is emotional manipulation a part of your perfectly balanced code?”

**_Of course. Think of his odds of living the next time you want to hide something from us or if you decide to leave our crew._ **

Magnus certainly doesn’t imagine the threatening tone the AI uses but he nods still. He too, can do the math.

 

*

Magnus gets his nose out of Luke’s book when he here a door sliding open on his left and Simon whistling. He discreetly checks his Omni-tool for the time, surprised it’s close to midnight. Alec is still not back and now he starts to worry.

The engineer sits loudly next to him, miraculously not spilling any of the fragrant tea he is carrying.

“Here, have this. RAZIEL told me you’re not so fond of hot chocolate -a crime against humanity if you ask me but I’m willing to let it go,” he says easily, passing a steaming mug to Magnus. He arranges himself comfortably, dangling his legs in the air.

Then he gives Magnus some kind of side long look that makes him think it’s not just out of the goodness of his heat that Simon offered him a cup of tea.

Magnus snorts, shaking his head. Simon can find his tongue, Magnus is too tired to be gracious and cut through the awkwardness. Instead, he takes a careful sniff, and then a sip from his mug -tea might be a universal constant, but some blends are _atrocious._ Not this one though. 

Simon fidgets some more, his overly anxious body language screaming _I don’t want to appear too eager or impolite but I need to talk to you._

“Thanks,” he tells Simon. “I know the taste but I can’t remember the name.” 

Piracy had brought a lot of food and drinks to Magnus’ doorstep, most of the time without name or instruction. 

“Blackberry. And a fuckton of sugar.”

They stay silent for a while, Simon trying to be inconspicuous and failing, Magnus tranquilly siping and looking around the hangar and its mess of discarded body armor; the boxes and boxes and boxes littering the floor; a sizeable dent in the rover carossery near the trunk; carts full of scientific equipment that someone either forgot or was too lazy to put back in their storage units; the dirt and sand accumulated on the access ramp, obviously never cleaned… Sometimes it’s easy to forget that only Alec and Raj are career soldiers, sometimes it's aberrantly obvious.

“You know… you should be a little bit nicer to Raj,” Simon finally throws between them. “I don’t like him more than you do but I understand some of his problems.”

Magnus stops, mug to his lips. This is not what he had expected Simon to say and now Magnus knows why he was so uncertain about broaching the subject to him.

“I’ll be nicer to him when he stops being so… _Raj_.” He can feel his distaste for the man forming on his face and doesn’t try to hide it.

Simon shakes his head. “And with that, we’ll go nowhere.” He takes a deep breath, steeling himself it seems. “Okayyy. You need to swear not to do your thing with the gravity. _SWEAR_! My baby can deal with a lot but you pushing like you do against the hull can’t be good.”

“Your baby?”

Simon gestures widely around them with both hands, nearly smashing his mug on Magnus’ head without noticing.

“The ship! I know you got upset the other day in the conference room with Alec. We all felt it. All the lights went red for a few seconds in the engine room. Cosmic powers comes with great responsibilities, one of them being, _don’t mess with my ship or I’ll mess with you!_ ” he threatens. In a milder tone he adds, “So be chill.”

Magnus laughs, loud and gently mocking. He’s breathless for a moment, belly aching with it. “I didn’t know someone could be less threatening than Sunbeam.”

“Yeah yeah, laugh it up, you know I’m right.”

That sobers up Magnus. Simon has a point and shame slaps him in the face. His slips in control are so frequent around Alexander that the crew can’t ignore them... He takes a deep breath, trying to appear as relaxed as a man who's just been told an upsetting conversation is coming can be.

“I’m superchill,” he assures, absolutely not.

Simon glares at him for twenty seconds straight, before bracing his arms around the balustrade like a lifeline. He opens his mouth, close it and finally says in a rush:

“ _RajandAlecprobablyhadsex_.”

To his credit, Magnus doesn’t push on the hull like Simon feared.

Doesn’t destroy the ship and everyone in it. 

Doesn’t cripple the Nexus. 

Doesn’t go supernova. 

The need is there, but burns inward. Barely.

What he does though is drop his tea mug. It crashes below them on the rover windshield, who is thankfully made of stronger stuff.

Simon’s eyes dart around, clearly surprised at the lack of gutted ship and open space.

“Like- not _recently_. But. I’m pretty sure it happened.”

Magnus takes long, deliberate breath -that’s what he needs- trying to stay afloat as waves and waves of jealousy and anger threaten to drag him under. The anger, funnily enough, is solely directed at him.

“After the breakup,” he mutters, assuming. An entire scenario plays out in his head. Void, he really pushed Alec in Raj’s slimy arms, didn’t he?

“No, no. Before, hell, before you were even in the picture,” Simon tries to reassure him. “Mission on Havarl, the Angaran homeworld. It’s all very jungle-y? Maia and Luke loved it there, they say it was a lot like their planet. Except for the, uh, defective Remnant Vault that mutated the ecosystem. Predators the size of horses and _hungry_ -we nearly got eaten by one of them. The plants aren’t better, out of control, choking the land and doing weird stuff. Alec took Maia and Raj to -whatever. _Mission! Samples!_ You know the drill. They stayed overnight in the ruins of an Angarans city the plants fucked up. Soooo, there’s this flower, right? Pretty name, can’t remember. They used it in wedding ceremonies, one of the healers told us afterwards. But the mutating right? Maia she got sick, seriously sick, fever, pucking, hallucinations, the whole enchilada. But on human metabolisme…”

Simon trails off, shuddering, Magnus hanging to his words.

“RAZIEL said he couldn’t do anything, the patogene was too strong even for him, he couldn’t flush it out of Alec’s system. That flower is worse than the strongest pheromones. On crack! Izzy and Luke had to wear special hazmat suits to go get them in the jungle. He still think the Angarans that send them there were betting they would be eaten by something when they were busy… you know. It’s only dumb luck they weren’t. Though going by Alec’s face when he woke up in the med bay, he would have preferred that.”

Simon looks away, letting Magnus the time and space to compute all that, chucking the last of his tea like he wishes it was something stronger.

Magnus… blanks. For a solid minute, perhaps more. 

Sex pollen. Void forseken _sex pollen_. And to think he had laughed at the outrageous stories his soldiers were always leering about back on Edom.

“It was awkward for a while, I’ll tell you that,” Simon continues after a moment. “ _Especially_ with Alec refusing to talk about it and Raj following him around like a kicked puppy. So Raj pinned and pinned. Then you came along, smiled two seconds at Alec with your perfect hair and bad boy thing and you got him. And used him. Oh don’t give me that look, that’s what you did!” he exclaims when Magnus glares at him. “You did and still after all that Alec wouldn’t look at Raj even if he was the last dude on -well, the last dude.”

“Hardly my fault, is it?” Magnus snarls. “Your excuses for his-”

“I’m not excusing it, I’m explaining it. Some of it. The... _Alec-obsessed_ part of it. For the rest he’s just a regular dickhead. All I’m saying is, be smug on your own time and keep in mind Alec is only nice and considerate to people he loves. If he was a little less of an asshole, and trust me he has some assholery to spare, the Raj situation might have been defused a while ago.”

Magnus nods despite himself. He has seen Alec talk to people; he can be less than gracious to those he doesn’t know or who are annoying him and his.

“He told me once that he nearly punched you back on Earth,” he says absently.

“Oh yeah. And he called me a slut. Well. Jace called me a slut and Alec nodded, you know, with that pinched look of angry disapproval he has on? The _Permafrown_. That shit doesn’t melt easily.”

He gently elbows Magnus, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, wordlessly saying it does melt for Magnus.

But I know. _Void I know_.

“Were you? A slut I mean,” he asks, desperately needing a change of subject. He learnt more about Alexander’s secrets in a day than he did in six months.

Simon laughs, shaking his head. “I might have been sleeping with a lot of people that year. Trying to figure myself out, ya know. But Jace was just pissed on Izzy’s behalf. See, Izzy had a crush on me growing up but all I could see was this other girl.” He stops, smiling. “Anyway. Then Izzy and I actually dated when my head was in the right place. And then we broke up over Raphael and-.”

“Raphael. Raphael the pilot?” Magnus cuts him, head spinning a little.

“In all his pissy glory. Gifted kids stuck together on Station 445 and… we both had a thing for him, but he wasn’t interested, not at the time. Figuring things out, right? Boy I don’t miss being 17. Izzy and I broke up, she went to a college on Mars, I stayed on Earth. And I slept around. And that’s when Jace called me a slut. Funnily enough we slept together after that. Once. Okay twice.” He mouths something Magnus can’t make out and actually counts on his fingers. “Definitely less than ten. And that’s when Alec nearly punched the both of us because he thought Izzy still had a thing for me? But really Raphael had went to the same college than her and they were kinda dating?”

Magnus stares at him in abject horror. By Edomian standards, him being a 102 year old is extremely young. But compared to Simon’s, what, 20? he’s a relic. He can barely remember the drive to do that kind of absolute hormone-fueled dumbassery.

That’s a lie, he just needs Alexander to breath in his direction and he remembers.

“So most of you guys have been sleeping, dating and breaking up for-”

“Years. Thank fuck we’re also super smart and Maryse adores us,” he grins, before it dims. “ _Adored_. I worked to develop the Arrowhead’s engine and she put my name on her crew list. Same with Raphael.” 

For the first time Magnus wonders about Simon’s family. Are they still in cryo? On the Nexus? Or dead for a long, long time, back on Earth? What about Luke? Maia? Are their family on Elaaden? Or did they threw their old life away like he did?

Somehow, Maryse Lightwood had just picked her kids and their friends for her crew (Raj didn’t fit the bill though. Probably why he stands out so much. He’s half curious to how he landed on the Pathfinder’s crew, but only half). He snorts. She had used a radically different method than the one used for the Edomian and Seelian Pathfinder teams and how they had been carefully selected. Privilege of building the RAZIELs, without a doubt.

“How is he, Jace?” he asks, curious.

Isabelle and Alexander sheldoms spoke of him and Magnus can understand why. It must be hard to go in the Human Ark’s medbay and just see him, unresponsive, not knowing when or if he will wake up; knowing if he does they will have to break his heart about their mother and the rotten worlds they had sacrificed so much to reach.

“Like the two others,” Simon says, fond. “Quick to anger. Pretty and knows it like Izzy, prickly like Alec. Loyal to boot. You won’t like him. Like you think Alec takes crazy risk but when Jace wakes up, it will be worse. But also you definitely need him to like you, it’s like Isabelle. A word from him and you’re, like, _out._ No one is good enough for Alec and Izzy as far as Jace is concerned. _Lightwoods_.”

 _Charming,_ Magnus thinks. 

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE IN THE DARK?” Maia shouts from below.

Magnus and Simon jumps, surprised. They didn’t hear the door open.

Izzy is glued to Maia’s side, nosing at her neck (and that must be driving the Wolf absolutely crazy). The girls are followed by Raphael and Luke, all carrying bottles with them and the joyous air of people on their fourth or fifth drinks.

“I’ve decided to woo Magnus,” Simon says, fanning himself dramatically before falling on his lap, Magnus tensing at the breach of personal space before laughing. “He’s so -aaaaaah- dreamyyy!”

“That oughta be THE BESTEST imitation you ever did of Pathleader dorkface.” Isabelle chokes, laughing too much.

Magnus gets the impression that if she wasn’t so entangled to Maia, she wouldn’t stand. And since Maia actually carries her up the ladder, he’s probably dead right. Crazy wolf muscles, though.

They all get on the upper gallery with them. Raphael turns up a little light headed by the climbing and has to hold the rail to steady himself. They sit close, Sunbeam somehow finding his way here too, lazily sprawled between Raphael’s thigh and Simon’s.

“I don’t think Alec would be too pleased with you pawing at him,” Raphael says, still a bit pale and rocking himself. “He won’t hesitate to punch you.”

He passes a bottle of something that is definitively not tea to Simon, who takes a long swig and passes it to Magnus. He passes it to Isabelle without drinking -with some luck he can still talk with Alexander tonight and alcohol mudding his head won't be of any help.

He lets them talk for a moment, soaking into their warm camaraderie, Izzy, Raphael and Simon reminiscing their teenage years, Luke and Maia effortlessly merging with them. With a pang in his heart he realizes he wouldn’t mind being a part of their little family, not for Alexander’s sake, but his own.

Then the guilt crashes into him: Lorenzo and Cat are his people, either dead for him or fighting still (he doesn’t want to think of the third option, it hurts too much). Everything he does is to get back to them, save them or avenge them. He needs to remember that.

His people, his planet, his future. Alexander on top if he doesn’t screw up.

Isabelle’s laugh is like sudden thunder, so loud she nearly takes out his eardrum. She falls backwards and holding her sides, shaking her head. Maia is looking at her with the same adoration Magnus must exude when he gets Alec laughing.

_Those Lightwoods siblings really are something else._

“Maia you are a pig,” Luke snorts, doing a bad job at hiding that huge grin of his behind his hand.

“No, I’m a wolf,” she deadpans, before _awhooooooo-_ ing, loud and carefree, head thrown out, Isabelle unashamedly gazing at her from where she’s still laying.

Sunbeam’s ear perks up and he yaps happily before resuming licking Simon’s hand.

“What did she say?” Magnus asks, wanting to laugh as well.

“She said-” Isabelle laughs, “she said it’s a good thing she can’t hear through,” she laughs again, laboring through the rest of her sentence, hiccupping, “the wall- between our quarters- and Dorkface’s.”

“As I said, a pig.” 

Magnus feels himself redden just a bit, but luckily the light isn’t very good in the hangar so his embarrassment is safe.

“How does that even work, all of you sleeping in bunk beds? Do you take turns? Hide away in a dark corner of the ship? Please don’t tell me you just-” he wiggles his hand in disgust, “pretend not to hear?” he asks, curious. 

He can’t imagine _doing that_ and he sure won’t be sleeping on Alexander’s couch for much longer. Of course, he could sleep with him in the bed, but Magnus can’t see that happening anytime soon. So bunk bed it will be.

“What on- Ah! Earth is too far away. What are you talking about?” Simon asks, merrily on his way to properly drunk despite the few swigs he took.

“‘think our new member is wondering how do you guys masturbate,” Raphael says flatly, unconcerned.

Maia snorts, Izzy’s howl of laughter can probably be heard back on the Milky Way while Raphael rolls his eyes. Luke mutters “children” and takes a long swig.

“It’s an honest question!” Magnus defends. “I never shared quarters before, with anyone. I’m just curious how half a dozen adults deal with highly stressful jobs and manage to live without privacy whatsoever for weeks at a time and not kill each other.”

“I thought you were in the Edomian Planetary Force?” Luke asks.

“I was, but officers -especially warlord’s children- have their own cabin. After my ten year service, my father gave me a command on one of our own ships. I had a suit there.” 

_As big as the Arrowhead deck plan, but better not mention that to people that are starving for space. Only a spoiled brat would. He does miss the pool though._

“Ooh I would have sooo wanted to see this,” Maia says, extending a hand to him to poke him on the cheek, before patting his head.

“Did you have a trico- tricooo,” Isabelle tries to ask at the same time, pursing her lips around like a fish out of water, before Simon bellows, “TRIIICOOOOORN!”

“A what now?” Magnus asks.

“Ask Dorkface, I’m sure it’s heavily features in his daydream about you,” Raphael answers, the smirk on his lips too ruthless to be anything good.

Isabelle and Maia falls unto one another, mad with glee and laughing.

Luke sighs.

Magnus’s heart freezes, recognizing that long suffering yet fond -no, _adoring_ \- sigh. His father used it a lot around him when he was growing up: always obsessed with something, too spoiled and too smart for his own good, always rambling about ships and space whales, pestering both his parents and tutors with endless questions well into the night. And his father would sighed and ruffle his hair, before teaching him, patiently, _lovingly_ , about everything he wanted to know.

Magnus clears his throat, eyes watering, having not expected the powerful wave of nostalgia that just crashed into him. He so wishes Asmodeus had not harden himself after his mother’s passing. It had been like losing both of them.

“You okay buddy?” Simon asks, putting his head on his shoulder, looking up at him with the same kind of adorable Sunbeam is a specialist of.

“Yes, but I think it’s time for me to go to bed,” he says amiably, crushing down the need to open up to the crew.

He’s booed by them as he gathers the pillow and Luke’s book, and even that is warm and friendly now.

It makes Magnus feel guiltier for running away. Despite all the lying he did, they have made considerable effort to accept him and make him feel welcome, even Isabelle, which Magnus would have bet on being the one that would make the cohabitation on the ship pretty dire.

 

It’s only later, much later, on the sad little couch in Alexander’s quarters (Alexander still somewhere on the Nexus) that Magnus finds the small but neat handwritten message in the poetry book Luke lent to him, on a dog eared page.

 

 

 

> _We met at the wrong time, in the wrong place. But there are other places, other times. If your feelings haven’t changed come with me to Andromeda. I know I have no right to hope, not with the way I ended things between us but I love you. I will always love you Lucian. If by some miracle you can forgive me for leaving you like that and wish to give me a second chance, apply for the Initiative, the recruitment phase will soon start. We can make it work._
> 
> _Yours always, Maryse._

Magnus quietly close the book, mind exploding for the -he doesn't even know- time today. A very sleepy part of his brain wonders idly if he's the only one that hasn’t slept with a Lightwood on this ship.

 

*

_Edom, stardate 2301.810_

Magnus was looking through a family album. His mother had insisted that holo recordings weren't good enough, and that actual print outs were more reliable. She loved reliable things. His father had immediately procured a tear-resistant, water-resistant, fire-resistant type of printing medium for her so she could keep all the pictures she wished safe from anything. 

 _You can’t trust batteries_ , she kept saying.

It was strange to go through the whole thing, from his parents’ wedding ceremony to two years prior, when he came back for good from his service on the Edom Planetary Force and she had insisted on taking pictures with his old uniforms for posterity before Asmodeus had handed him the new ship he had built for him. Asmodeus had not changed for more than a hundred years. Magnus had grew up, not grew old, until the pictures could have been taken yesterday and not 40 years ago. 

It wasn’t the case for his mother.

She was 149 years, 15 more than any recorded human before. Magnus kept saying to himself that she had a good, long, long life.

But he was only 64, on Edom that was awfully young to lose a mother.

Suddenly his father got up from his seat near the bed and went to her side, forcing Magnus to acknowledge where he was and not the memories in his head. His father took one withered hand in his perfectly young one -he was 652 year old after all, and barely middle aged for an unlucky Edomian. If you though him human, he looked a handsome 40, and mostly because of his eyes. 

The contrast of his smooth skin against her wrinkled one made Magnus uneasy. She had not seemed so old before, now it was impossible to pretend.

She must have called for him too because Asmodeus sharply said his name -she had been too weak for anything above a whisper for weeks now. For anything at all, really.

“Mama,” he said, cradling her free hand in his, kissing it. “Hey.”

“My boy. My beautiful boy,” she said faintly, so low in fact he had to get closer. “You… you take care of your father, will you? So- so beautiful.”

“Of course Mama.”

He chanced a look at his father. Asmodeus’ expression was closed off, forbidding almost, until she turned her eyes to him again and he smiled for her, loving.

Pained, too.

“We- we did good with him,” she said. “-happy. Oh, I wish I could-” she coughed, the violence of it shaking her small frame. “Not long now,” she breathed, the words and the certainty in them like a punch to Magnus.

“Don’t say that love, please don’t-” his father begged.

“Oh you. There are things you can’t conquer, my rogue. I wish I could dance with you again, the-” another cough, “the fun we had, Magnus on your shoulders,” another cough, whizzing, “twirling, twirl-”

The room turned oppressively silent and her hand slipped out of Magnus’, falling limp on the sheet.

He didn’t try to contain the tears or they would have surely choked him. He puts his head on the bed, eyes closed, incapable to look at her, expecting her to move, to laugh. No more. Not ever. So he cried and cried and cried.

 

Asmodeus was lying at her side, forehead against forehead and whispering when Magnus looked back up, hours later.

There had been a polite, almost scared knock on the bedroom’s door a moment ago and everything in Magnus was pleading it was too damn soon.

“Father?” he called, gently. “They have come for her-”

“Don’t.” His voice was cold, so cold. Void, Magnus could feel the chill of it down his soul.

Asmodeus got up, reluctantly, kissing her eyelids, her mouth, her hand. 

“Come in,” he said, still holding it.

Several servants of the Temple entered, eyes and face downcast, golden clothes shimmering despite the gloom surrounding them. 

“My lords,” their leader said. “The Void called and we shall answer. She will be stars again.”

Magnus and his father repeated the prayer, stepping away from the bed, each step back wrenching Magnus’ heart out. Asmodeus held her hand till the last moment, his face breaking when it fell out of his.

They took her away quickly to be prepared for the funeral the day after and too soon, Magnus and Asmodeus were left in the bedroom with an empty bed in between them. The room stank of death, her favored perfume and the burning encent not enough to cover the gloying smell.

Magnus didn’t know what he was supposed to say or do. No one had told him, unwilling to upset him just yet. Now he was lost. Asmodeus looked like a pale shadow of himself, eyes fixed on the empty bed, like he couldn’t comprehend what had happened.

A few minutes went by, Magnus growing closer and closer to crying again, when Asmodeus came to his side of the bed and engulfed him in a too strong hug.

“Father you’re-”

“Never,” Asmodeus cut him, “ _never_ love a short lived human. You hear me my boy? Never! I’ll kill them myself before you can be hurt by them. Never, never, never!” he was crying, his tears wetting Magnus’ cheek. “Never! Swear to me on her deathbed. _Swear_!”

And so Magnus swore, and in that moment, with his father loudly sobbing in his arms, it was a promise he intended to keep.

 

*

It was lucky Asmodeus wasn’t here to witness his perjurious son, staring at Alexander’s empty bed with so much longing in his heart he couldn't sleep, still waiting for him to return.


	9. Time Relativity (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Nice rescue guys,” he muttered, taking a step away from Magnus with annoyance. His eyes caught Magnus' and all he could see was the same kind of longing he felt reflected back at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not quite the chapter you've been expecting but I hope you like it nevertheless

*

_Stardate 2974.256_

Alec flew, projected so high and so far Isabelle could barely see him. But she could hear him, scared and screaming his lungs out.

And then he fell. 

She didn’t have time to grieve. Not a minute, not a second, nothing. Just a sharp cry that ripped out her throat from the inside out, just pain destroying her. 

But no time. 

Somehow, Alec was breathing, or gurgling rather, weak and painful sounding over the comms. 

Surrounding her was a panicked crew, or more exactly what was left of it: most dead, most injured, all scared out of their minds.

Raj was supporting her because her leg was probably broken but she couldn’t stop, couldn’t give up. Someone needed to fix that fucking anti-aircraft canon and while she wasn’t the most competent for the task, she was the only one alive. It was Kett made, tech she had never seen before, never dreamed of before, and RAZIEL was trying its damndest to assist in the task. 

Kett reinforcements were on their way and the survivors of the Pathfinder crew had nothing to defend themselves with but guns running out of ammo and arms running out of the strength required to keep them up. 

Anger and adrenaline pulsed through her veins. No way in Hell someone from the Idris was coming down on Habitat-7 to rescue them if the Ketts were still there, shooting down the Initiative rescue shuttles. 

They were alone.

_I am alone._

She didn’t have time. Not to grieve, not to fix anything, not to - _fucking hell_ . She choked, pain punching her down, unable to think straight and barely of use… and Alec was dead, or soon to be... 

Her mom and Starkweather had went after him, but Izzy couldn’t think of that, so she screamed instead, pushing through the pain, trying to find an anchor that wasn’t dying, broken down a cliff, out of breath, out of time, out of-

She found herself. And exhaled.

Several bodies and equipment were repulsed in a perfect circle around her, her power flaring as she regained control of her senses.

“Are you a fucking biotic?!” Raj exclaimed at her side, his hold on her weakening, like he was ready to drop her, knowing perfectly well she couldn’t stand without his support.

“We really don’t have time for your stupidity,” she snarled. “So keep me fucking up or you can discuss your disgust for biotics with those fucking assholes when they get here to kill us all!”

  


She fixed the canon. She fixed it and when the Ketts came, she destroyed their shuttles before they could land them and all she could feel was ash in her mouth.

  


“Mom?” she called. 

Raj had put her down, allegidelly to go access the injuries of the others. She knew better. 

Hated by the Edomians for supposedly stealing what was their birthright. Hated by the humans for being _other_. Life as a human biotic wielder wasn’t easy, or safe. Like she had chosen to be a biotic, to have those powers. It was pure luck -good or bad, she couldn’t tell- that had made her that way. She knocked the back of her helmet against the goddamn canon, forcing herself to stay awake. 

“Mom?” she called again, harder this time, close to breaking. She couldn’t deal with this, not right now. She needed her mom.

“Isabelle I-” but that wasn’t her mother. Hodge was labouring through something, but she couldn’t understand, couldn’t-

“What?” a sob, just that, just pain.

“She’s gone, Izzy. She gave her helmet to Alec, she-” he said again, “she’s dead. Alec’s hanging there but that’s only RAZIEL’s doing. I’m so, so sorry.”

  


Initiative shuttles were on the way. Izzy had forced - _actually forced_ \- Raj to help her down the cliff. Her leg was hurting, she could feel her ankle swelling in her armor and she was incapable of putting her foot down without seeing painful stars. Threatening to throw him over the cliff using her powers had done the trick and, small mercy, he was silent despite radiating hatred.

She found them all huddled together, unmoving. 

Alec’s blue and white armor was a mess -the black helmet covering his head was immaculate though. 

Then there was Hodge, kneeling by his side, scanner in hand but unmoving, focused.

Behind him, the black armor of her mother, laying down on the ground, a white helmet on her head, the visor broken beyond repair, the face underneath ashen and still.

Hodge said something, but she had lost too much to understand a single word and she crumbled on the ground, Raj surprisingly trying to keep her up and when that failed, to put her down gently. 

  


Two shuttles landed near them, one loaded with bodies, the other crowded with survivors and a medical team.

Izzy had no choice, as Raj carried her away from her mother. Alec was put on a stretcher by four people and carried after them.

The shuttle ramp closed up, Hodge and her mother disappearing behind it. There wasn’t enough space left in this shuttle for him. 

“I’ll ride with her,” Hodge said over the comms, sad and defeated. “I’ll ride with all of them.” 

Sixteen dead. Just like that. Just in two hours.

In the fog that surrounded her, it reassured her that her mom wouldn’t be alone. Isabelle thanked him, before turning her eyes to Alec, to the rest of the crew. Injured. Broken. Hopeless.

_Like me._

Crawling, she got closer to Alec as much as she could with the medics opening up his armor right there on the stretcher, laser saws cutting through it with difficulties, only to reveal how utterly broken he was underneath.

She nearly threw up in her helmet.

“You’re his sister right?” one of them asked.

Izzy nodded, words beyond her now she had the ruins of her brother laid bare in front of her. 

“He needs blood. Hell he should be dead, I don’t-” the medic shook his head, incredulous. “Blood. O neg.”

It occured to Izzy that with all the injured, there wasn’t enough blood for Alec in the medkit.

“Take mine,” she articulated with difficulties. Hodge had given her leg a quick exam, and it wasn't broken. Even if it had been, she would have offered her forearm without a second thought.

She refused to be the last Lightwood in this fucking hellhole.

“You stay alive you hear me?” she orders Alec, medic sticking a needle in her arm without niceties. “You. Stay. Alive.”

Somehow, he did.

 

*

 _Stardate_ _2974.299_

Eos was a mess. 

 _One more on the list,_ Alec thought.

No matter where they landed -Habitat-7 and its killer storms, the Nexus and its administrations- they found messes and bodies. Eos wasn’t an exception. All variations on a theme, one they were getting accustomed with, a little more hopeless each day, a little more jagged.

Alec was _this_ close to a mental break down and it had little to do with the fact that he had spent the better part of the day being shot at, until he had actually been shot.

He let out a grunt of pain and grounded his teeth together, forcing himself to remain still. RAZIEL had offered some relief, but Alec wasn’t too hot having the AI play with his nervous system more than necessary.

Izzy was thinking out loud about the planet’s radiation level and its source, but Alec wasn’t listening. Not that he didn’t care, but he was being stitched up by Raj’s heavy handed skills and _in pain_ , so Izzy could have been screaming _SCIENCE! SCIENCE! SCIENCE!_ at the top of her lungs it would have been the same to him. All he was getting was that Eos was one more deathtrap.

What had possessed Herondale to send people (TWICE!) on a planet-sized Chernobyl, he couldn’t guess.

The Kett base they were hiding in was silent but for Izzy’s ranting and the humming of equipment Alec could only guess the function of - _science! science! science!_ They had shot their way through it, in hope of finding any survivor of the second Outpost on this fucking rock.

No colonist had been rescued (or more precisely rescuable, they had plenty of bodies to identify) but a lucky Kett had shot Alec on his left side, emptying whatever gun that was on the thinner part of his body armor. The skin and the flesh underneath were badly burnt, molten at the center of the wound and practically fused to his under armor combinaison. 

Raj had to peel it back, and Alec fainted.

The second Outpost site was now a ghost town. Relying on the projections made back in the Milky Way, said Outpost should have welcomed 2000 colonists and a thriving farm by now. 

Only 20 people had lived there, spooked by what had happened at the first settlement and fearing the radiation that turned any outdoor stroll into a nightmare.

His team exo suits -the best Milky Way tech could produce- barely protected them from it. Sometimes their Omni-tools would flash red and go off, the blaring alarm forcing them to turn back immediately because the radiation would have killed them if they continued in that direction. It was a challenge to navigate the plains and valleys of this hellhole, and the planet had already costed the Nexus too many people: the first group of colonists had been virtually wiped out because of the radiation being so vicious, it slowly but surely killed everyone. The Ketts had attacked the second attempt, killed twelve, captured five and the rest had managed to escape in a shuttle back to the Nexus, where they had begged to be put back in cryo.

The piles of bodies at the Outpost had been hard to watch, and worst to investigate through. The Kett base had been the same, the bodies opened on autopsy tables and servers full of reports -weak points, resistances… how to kill Milky Way species with efficiency.

And there, like a punch to the gut, some kind of memo from a high ranking Kett, asking for live subjects.

“There’s one of those weird constructions, you know those we saw on Habitat-7, not a mile from here. The Ketts were investigating it. We should head there next,” Isabelle said, plopping next to him, shotgun still in hands.

It was her new teddy bear these days, and it broke Alec’s heart.

Though he couldn’t really talk; anyone would have been in for a challenge to make him drop his Valkyrie assault rifle. He was still holding it at the moment, hard, and had probably still griped at it when he passed out from the pain.

Raj shook his head before Alec could answer Isabelle, without looking away from his wound. “He needs the Arrowhead medbay, medigel can only do so much,” he said, gesturing at Alec’s side. 

Alec chanced a look. Underneath the glistering medigel, the skin was a shocking red and _textured_ , or simply missing where it had peeled off with the under armor suit. Alec winced and looked away or he would be sick -or pass out again.

 ** _I’m taking care off the wound._** **_It will be 90% healed in the morning if we spend the night here,_** RAZIEL assured them. ** _Leaving me the time to data mine the servers of this base_**.

“Fine with me,” Alec muttered. He didn’t fancy a ride in the rover right now, not when the Arrowhead was hours and hours away, at the second Outpost site. “The med bay is useless without a doctor anyway.”

Starkweather had resigned from the Pathfinder crew after Habitat-7, as well as the other three surviving members. So it was just him, Izzy and Raj, as Simon and Raphael were still in cryo, Herondale refusing to take them out if Alec couldn’t prove he was actually competent.

So here they were, on God forsaken Eos, looking at bodies all day and trying to find as many of the strange pillars -remnant of an ancient, now lost civilisation- that had led them to some sort of control hub on Habitat-7. RAZIEL had dub it a Vault afterwards, reporting that he and his mother had been able to reset it somehow, factory settings and all. It had immediately tamed the storm that was wrecking the region, and was slowly but surely making Habitat-7 a suitable planet again.

Tech like that had not existed in the Milky Way, and wrapping their head around it was difficult. But whoever had built those things, they had came to Andromeda long before and made entire planets habitable and flourishing. Somehow the Scourge, the galaxy wide celestial nightmare, had undone their works. 

If they could find such a Vault on Eos, perhaps the radiation would disappear. Perhaps. They needed to find it first, if it existed. Though the one on Habitat-7 had made Alec fly and nearly kill him with some kind of purification system that had blasted him out and _up_ , before he went down. He was, of course, completely overjoyed at the idea of doing that again.

Raj shook his head. “I would rather sleep in the rover than in this-” he began, before his Omni-tool flashed red. “Shit! Perimeter alarm, we’ve got company!”

With a lot of difficulties on Alec’s part, the tree of them got outside, hiding behind the rover and the huge makeshift net they used to carry salvaged armor, weapons and scrap metal.

“One bogey coming from the west!” Raj shouted, planting a turret on the ground.

Alec grunted at the strain on his side, the way it felt like each step was going to punch all the air from his lungs. Raj had been right of course, medigel could only do so much.

 _You can shut down my pain responses right?_ He asked RAZIEL silently, checking the magazine in his rifle, and his spare ammo. _Do it, I can’t fight like this_.

**_This is dangerous, it could cause more damage if you’re-_ **

_“_ Do we have a choice?” he snarled through gritted teeth at the AI, the words ringing loud in his ears.

Izzy turns at him, confused face under her visor and he shook his head -even that hurt.

RAZIEL didn’t answer with words, but the pain in his side subsisted considerably, leaving him light headed for a moment. He moved, carefully, but most of the pain was gone, though he could feel RAZIEL bristle about it.

He looked over the rover for a second, and went down again, head trying to wrap his head on what he just saw. Alec had expected one of the monstrous beasts that roamed Eos, disfigured by radiation and vicious with hunger. Perhaps a Kett shuttle, with fresh troops or even an exile scavenging crew. Something that would kill them given the chance, something that needed killing. 

“Is that a-” Izzy whispered.

It was.

Barrelling down on them was a fully shifted Tamerian Wolf and Alec had not seen that coming.

Alec took a steadying breath and got up slowly from behind the rover, minding his wound. He made his way around it, ignoring his sister’s and Raj’s protests. While the pain was just a dull ache in his side, walking wasn’t exactly easy.

The Wolf stopped at a distance, breathing heavily, before he stood on two legs. Like that, he had to be close to 8ft tall, a wall of muscle and grey black fur. On his arms, from his dusty hands to his elbow, the fur was matted with greenish blood -Alec didn’t have to glance at the splatters on his own armor to know it was the same. Kett blood. The Wolf also had some kind of backpack on him, the straps of it running diagonally on his large chest, with a pretty impressive gun secured on one. 

Alec lowered his rifle, and Izzy, who was now flaking his right side, did the same. Raj, on his left, kept his weapon up and ready.

He should have known then. He should have threw Raj out of the team. The Wolf wasn’t hostile, just waiting for Raj’s gun to go down so he could safely get closer, simply there, unthreatening. Alec had to order Raj to calm down, to put down his gun. 

Raj did, but after too many seconds, and reluctantly at that.

Alec should have known.

The radiation would have killed the three of them in minutes without their suits, but the Wolf was fine and with Raj’s gun lowered, he got closer, looking at them with open curiosity.

“I thought the Initiative had wised up and stop sending people here,” he said in his language around impressive fangs, RAZIEL translating for them.

“I’m Pathfinder Alec Lightwood,” he presented himself.

At _Lightwood_ , Alec would have sworn the Wolf had some kind of reaction, but it was impossible to tell what it was. He cocked his head and sniffed the air, like he could smell him even through the armor.

Izzy introduced herself, then after an awkward silence, did it for Raj as well. Alec winced at the clear impolitness born out, no doubt, of prejudice.

“The Arks arrived?” the Wolf asked, intently looking at both Alec and Isabelle.

“Only the Idris. The other two are still missing,” Alec explained. “Can I ask why you’re here?”

Alec had been told the Wolves had left the Initiative for the inferno that was Eladeen. After a few meetings with Herondale, he couldn’t really fault them. Going by Nexus gossips, they were doing far better than the poor SOBs that had died on Eos.

**_As his real name is impronosable for human vocal cords, he says you may call him Luke._ **

“I’m looking for my scouts. Over fifty of them were reported missing. The Ketts took them and I tracked them on this rock,” Luke explained through RAZIEL. “No Wolf in that facility?” he asked, gesturing to the base behind them with one enormous paw-like hand (or hand-like paw, Alec wasn’t sure which one was more appropriate).

Alec shook his head, feeling sick anew, knowing full well what the Ketts were capable off, what they had done to the colonists. Alec guessed that Luke’s scouts had been abducted for the same reasons. _Research_.

“None, but you’re welcomed to go in and try to find traces that we would have missed. My nose isn’t as keen as yours,” he said.

Luke laughed, a low rumble that Alec found rather soothing, and got closer. Alec was eyeing Raj’s hands, ready to stop him if the man tried something.

Thankfully, Raj behaved himself and once they were in the base and the door locked, Luke turned into his human like form, bones snapping back into place, a low growl of pain accompanying it. His ears got smaller, the fur receded into his black skin and he lost more than a few inches. 

Luke was extremely good looking and obviously immune to any kind of embarrassment at being naked in front of strangers. Alec and Izzy exchanged _a look,_ and then looked away. In his backpack, Luke was carrying his clothes and body armor. The armor itself wasn’t Initiative made, but rather a composite of Milky Way tech and salvaged Kett armor pieces. It was also adorned with what could only be Kett bones, a few long ones bolted on the arms and the weird head bone the Ketts had fixed on his helmet.

Luke noticed him staring and explained, with his rich human voice, “Last Kett I killed on Elaaden. Since then, the planet is free of them.”

Now that was something Alec needed to hear about, because all good Ketts were dead Ketts, and if Luke was being serious about pushing them out of Elaaden, the Wolves really had made it a good place for themselves, while throwing a well deserved middle finger at Herondale and the Initiative.

But before he could ask, Luke said “You’re injured” with such easy concern that Alec sat down with Isabelle’s help and let RAZIEL work on his injuries in peace.

  
From there, they had stuck together, first to help him find his scouts, then because they absolutely needed some goddamn adult supervision (Luke’s words, Alec and Izzy nodding along, because they _did_ ).

  
  


*

 _Stardate_ _2974.362_

“You really must think I’m stupid,” Magnus threw at someone.

Alec paused shy of the doorway, feeling only half bad about snooping, but the other half knew it had to be done, if only to better gauge at Bane’s character when he wasn’t putting on a show for Alec’s benefits.

 _And what a glorious show it is_ , he thought, eyes heavenward, begging for strength he knew he didn’t have to please, please let him make it through the day without panting after the smuggler like an animal in heat.

“Bane, I’m sorry but it’s the truth, she just… got me drunk,” a meek voice answered him.

“So what? You didn’t think it was suspicious she just happened to be there, her of all people, when you’re transporting very sensitive cargo?” Bane’s voice was icy and unyielding.

“Well she, uh. I mean she was very nice-”

“Cam is only nice when she’s conning an idiot,” Magnus interrupted, and Alec could hear bitterness. “Let me guess, she fluttered her eyelashes at you, put a hand on your thigh and kept ordering you drinks.”

There wasn’t a verbal answer but Magnus grunted in frustration, before rapidly swearing in Edomian.

“Go, I’ll fix this myself.” A pause, then, louder, “Pathfinder, do come in!”

Alec gringed, embarrassed at getting caught eavesdropping and wondered if Bane had installed cameras outside his private room in Tartarus or was paying someone to keep tabs on him. Both were possible, it was Kadara after all. A mousy looking Seelian exited the room, dejected and so much in his head that he accidentally shouldered Alec. “Sorry sorry,” he said without looking, disappearing quickly down the stairwell.

Alec entered the room.

Why anyone would actually keep a room for business in the seediest (and only) nightclub in known Andromeda was beyond Alec. The tasteless beats the strippers were dancing to downstairs was echoing through the walls and his bones and the sticky smell of sweat permeating each corner. No one could do work in there and not look shady.

 _Magnus Bane is_ _shady_ , Alec reminded himself. Unfortunately he didn’t seem to care.

“Bane,” he acknowledged, forcing his eyes to stay on his perfect face, with his perfect cat-like eyes and the sculpted facial hair and - _and here I am, panting._

He couldn’t help but notice that his cheeks were more hollow than the last time they were planetside. Alec didn’t like that. If Magnus, who had the luxury of a shuttle, had trouble feeding himself, how the other exiles were faring?

“Pathfinder,” Bane said, eyes roaming all over Alec’s armor, like he was undressing him, none of the token restrain Alec was trying to put up. It sent a pleasant thrill down his spine. “As dashing as ever I see. Did you miss me so much you had to come back to our dusty Kadara so soon?”

“Something like that,” Alec said around a smile he failed to smother.

He snorted, he couldn’t help it and he was glad he had left Izzy, Maia, Raj and Luke at the bar downstairs. Luke because he was too much like a father figure to be around Alec flirting with anyone; Maia would have throw Alec at Magnus and make innuendos; Izzy would certainly be giggling and making puking noise every time Alec was trying (and failing) to keep it in his armor -demon midget- and Raj… well because Raj had some notion about him and Alec, while Alec had some notion about him and Magnus.

A notion he wouldn’t mind concretize in a solid plan of action.

Bane’s eyes where on his lips when he answered. “Well it’s perfect, you saved me the trouble of calling you.”

“Should I leave? You look like someone that love a chase.”

Magnus laughed, loud and head thrown back and the trill down Alec’ spine turn into a flood of electricity.

“One day I’ll take you up on that offer, Pathfinder. But right now, I actually have a job for you.” He gestures at the couches around the room and sat lusciously on one. Alec followed suit, if a little stiffer. Bane had a natural grace he lacked, and even sitting down he made Alec feel like he was hunting him. “Before you ask, I do have intel to trade you for. I accidentally came across one of those, how did you call them, Remnant towers? During one of my runs. I’ll give you the nav point if you help me with a little problem.”

Alec frowned. What Bane was about to ask was probably illegal but they only needed to find one last Remnant site to triangulate the Vault here and reset it, hopefully to Kadara’s betterment. It wouldn’t be the first time he was doing something out of the bounds of the law though, so he nodded for Bane to go on, reserving himself the right to say no if he judged it was too much.

“A competitor of mine stole some cargo. Expensive ones, going by the money I was promised for transporting it. Unfortunately, the idiot that was supposed to keep said cargo safe until I could move it… she seduced him,” Bane said with disgust.

“You want my help to get it back,” Alec said. “What’s the cargo?”

Bane shrugged. “The client paid well enough for me to not ask”

That, Alec didn’t like, neither the not knowing or Bane’s indifference. But truth be told, Alec didn’t know how much of his moral compass would remain intact after a year fighting and bargaining for every inch of his life on Kadara.

Alec thought it over for a moment, before he said, smiling. “If I do this, we split the profit 50/50. You know as much as me Kadara needs drinkable water, so you must have been planning on giving me that nav point anyway.”

Bane laughed again, shaking his head. He seemed delighted at Alec’s demand and cockiness. “Not only pretty, but clever. But that will be 60/40, for me.”

“Fine.”

They shook on it, Alec wishing he could have taken off his armor before coming in and felt for himself if Bane’s hands were as soft as they looked. 

Magnus seemed aware of his thoughts. God, he really was like a mind reader for this, a smug smile dancing on his lips, knowing perfectly well the effect he had on Alec.

  


After helping Bane gather some intel on his fellow smuggler, Alec had learnt that she was Magnus’ ex. As in, _ex girlfriend_ , even if he had tried to downplay the relationship when the bartender at Kralla’s Song had called her that.

Alec had stare blankly for a moment. Of course Magnus was old and breathtaking and smart and- and- of course he had exes. Of course. That didn’t stop Alec to feel insanely jealous for some reason.

“Must have been quite the break-up if she’s stealing from you,” Alec chanced on the way to the cave the bartender had heard Camille order one of her henchmen to go. It was a pretty thin lead, but it was the only real one they had.

_Why is it always a cave uh? Never a nice looking cabin on the edge of a lake or something. Always a smelly cave that's going to take us the afternoon to found._

Even with exact information, they’re would be at least ten different caves to explore before finding the right one, and that was the best case scenario. Worse case, the cargo had already been moved and the day lost, as well as a sizeable amount of credits Alec and the team needed.

Magnus grunted, eyes resolutely looking out his shuttle’s viewport.

He piloted it the way Alec drove the rover when he was in a bad mood. He was stiff in his seat, and Alec couldn’t help but think Magnus would have been happy his past relationship with Camille Belcourt remained a secret from him.

“Believe me, she would have stolen that shipment if we were still… seeing each other,” he threw eventually, still not looking at Alec.

He had let the crew back at the Port with the rover, not because he didn’t believe he was heading for trouble, but because he was panting idiot and getting to spend the day with Magnus Bane, alone, was something he felt he had _earned_ . What he had told them was _divide and conquer_ and tasked them with small jobs around the Port. Money was becoming an issue after all, with so many crew members to feed and outfit. 

Raziel was riding along with him anyway, as always, ready to call for reinforcement if needed.

  


The cave was empty.

Not _empty_ empty, as it was clearly used for storage: lamps and shelves on the walls, boxes of rations and a lonely barrel of water, barely enough to get through a day, deep grooves on the ground, made by moving storage boxes in great numbers, but nothing else.

Magnus was walking from one side to the other, stomping his feet so to speak. This had to be the cave but Alec had a bad feeling about it and discreetly unstrapped his rifle while  RAZIEL called for reinforcement.

“It’s the last fucking cave!” Magnus shouted. “Unless the bartender is on it, or mistaken-”

“Or it was a clever trick to get you here?” Alec told him, cursing himself.

Take Magnus out for a stroll, be of use, perhaps gets some nerve and make out with him on the back of his shuttle, make a profit and gain some intel. That’s all he wanted. _Shit_. If only he could think with something other than his dick around the smuggler, he would have seen this for what it was.

_A trap._

Magnus stopped dead in his tracks, hand mechanically going to his sidearm. Alec even loved his quick reflexes -he was doomed.

“You mean… there wasn’t any cargo?”

“My my, you took your sweet time to figure it out,” a woman’s voice rang out in the cave, but it was strange-

 **_A loudspeaker_ **, RAZIEL supplied. 

“Camille!” Magnus roared.

“My sweet little caramel. Not as sharp as you used to be. You could never resist a big payout.”

“What can I say, I love money,” Magnus said, and Alec could feel a shift in gravity around them, he was getting ready to fight.

“That’s why you and I worked out so well -we’re both selfish enough to survive.”

“Magnus is a better man than you think,” was out of Alec’s mouth before he could stop himself.

Beside him, Magnus threw him a look full of both surprise and reluctant thankfulness.

“Oh honey, you have no idea how wrong you are,” she said. “But you will.”

“Leave him out of this,” Magnus threatened in a low tone that shouldn’t have been as sexy as Alec found it.

_I really have a problem._

Belcourt laughed, clearly amused. “Oh, you must really like this one.”

“Cut the shit out -what do you want?”

“You've been a very, very greedy man, Magnus,” she slurred. Even now, she was trying to seduce. “Taking all the good jobs on Kadara, playing along with the Pathfinder -you couldn't expect it to go unnoticed?”

“So what? The local smuggling union got together and decided to take me down?” Magnus spatted.

“Something like that,” Belcourt said as someone blasted the door they had come through.

He barely heard Magnus shout “shit!” before his reflexes took over and he was firing at everything that came through the door.

The staccato of gunfire, the grunts of pain, the pulsing of adrenaline deep in his veins… it was over quickly, Belcourt’s men not a match to both Alec and Magnus. It still left him short of breath, though he was relieved. Dying in this little cave would have been embarrassing, especially after telling his crew to stay behind.

Magnus, on the other hand, was glowing. The fighting had raised his spirits and while he was still ruffled about the _smuggler union_ as he now called them, he seemed flattered by their jealousy, the absolute lunatic. Hell, he showed more anger about the state of his faux-leather plastron than the attempt on his life (someone had gotten lucky with a knife and cut it deep, but not to the skin).

Belcourt had not talked to them again after the fight, and Magnus had crushed the camera he found, as well as the loudspeaker she had used to spy on them. Wherever she was, she must be pissed that her plan didn’t work in her favor.

“They might try again,” Alec cautioned. And next time, they would hire more people. 

His armor was splattered with blood but he was unarmed thanks to Magnus. He had thrown one of their attackers against a cave wall before he could reach Alec with a heavy shotgun. The impact had broken several shelves on the wall, and probably that man’s back.

“You’re worried about me?” Magnus asked, smug.

“You’re a good enough informant,” Alec tried, but it sounded hollow to his ears.

Magnus snorted, before he sobered, kicking a random body. “All that effort and no credits to show for it.”

“Not everything as to be about money,” Alec said, despite his own sourness about the lack of payout. They were running low on supplies, especially considering that Simon was soon to be awakened from cryo.

“What you said back there, about me being a better man… thank you,” Magnus said, before tempering, “but don't go around the Port shouting it.” 

“Your rep as a heartless thug is safe with me, I promise.”

Alec knew perfectly well who fed a few orphans around the Port and at what cost. Magnus was breathtaking, yes, but that didn’t stop his cheeks to be a little too hollow to be healthy. Morgenstern had made Kadara a costly hell, dangerous to kind people. An armor was required, in more ways than one.

As if to hammer his point, Magnus began to thoroughly search the bodies for credits, piling Omni-tools and weapons, and looking critically at their body armor. 

“60/40,” Alec reminded him.

Magnus snorted but confirmed their deal still stood.

“After all this, I have to buy you a few drinks,” he threw over his shoulder.

Feeling daring, Alec said “Are you asking me out?”

Magnus stopped looking through someone’s pockets and got up from his crouch, turning toward Alec with something in his eyes that made him weak at the knee with want.

“I promise to the perfect gentleman,” Magnus assured, getting closer, a new kind of gravity taking hold of him.

“And if I don’t want you to be one?” Oh shit, his voice was hoarse, like they had been kissing for hours already, like he was begging for more. And he was.

“That can be arranged too.”

They were _this_ close to kissing, despite the bodies surrounding them -Alec couldn’t care less- when Raj, Luke, Maia and Izzy burst into the room, guns first.

“Nice rescue guys,” he muttered, taking a step away from Magnus with annoyance. His eyes caught Magnus' and all he could see was the same kind of longing he felt reflected back at him.

  
  
  
  



	10. Gravity Check

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They probably could afford an engine upgrade on the rover and still have a nice cushion to rely on. 
> 
>   _ **Don’t you go fast enough already?**_
> 
> Alec rolls his eyes. He grew up in a house where he was the only one with common sense, always telling Jace and Izzy to slow down. Now he’s the knucklehead that dates criminals and just wants to go as fast as possible on dangerous terrain.
> 
>  _Oh my God. Call Nexus News, I really am an adrenaline junky_.
> 
>  _ **Calling Nexus News**_ , RAZIEL jokes.
> 
> Alec get out of the shop, smile on his face. Driving the rover at 125 mph down a steep hillside is the only fun he gets. That and not so subtly ogling Magnus’ ass in the white Initiative pants he has to wear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **  
> **  
> [Event Horizon playlist if you want some tunes](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4DGr3csTybZhCJ81gwngCo)  
>   
> 
> okay so i wasn't kidding when i said this chapter was like four plotlines mashed together...  
> i did my best!

*

Eyes closed, Alec takes a deep breath. Exhales. Repeats. 

_It’s going to be fine._

He has to forcibly unclench his jaw and rolls his shoulders to work out some of the tension from them. His face is a lost cause though, the permafrown stuck in place, as Izzy would say (and is actually saying behind him, what a _midget_ ). His stomach a mess of knots and anticipatory dread, his heart pounding in his chest. He might throw up. 

 _It’s going to be fine,_ he repeats.

Breathing in and out slowly does shit to give him some relief so he sighs  dramatically and crosses his arms tightly in front of him. 

He unfolds them a second after, his mother’s voice resonating in his mind about body language and _what do you what to communicate to the world Alec?_

Isabelle muffles a giggle and he flips her off over his shoulder without looking at her as he works out the determination to descents the Arrowhead access ramp to the Nexus docks.

The staring begins almost instantly, the workers on the docks turning towards them, whispering, their arrival always a goddamn circus that they want it or not. It gets worse as they enter the Nexus proper. The sliding door barely has shut close behind them, the main Atrium gigantic space spreading in front of them, that hundreds of colonists going through their day turn toward them, shouting, pointing, some stopping dead in their tracks just so they can take a better look.

_That’s the motherfucking Pathfinder’s crew._

Some are wide-eyed and give them not-so-discreet once overs, sticky with desire and curiosity, all shameless and insisting, like the crew are really juicy pieces of meat. They get more than a few glares of course, more and more each time they come back to the station, all sizing him up, punching him down. Alec can almost hear them whispering among themselves.

Alec tries to concentrate on the new trees that have been planted around, the pretty flowers, the solar lamps now fixed on the ceiling, giving the Atrium a warm, natural glow, and the new shops that have opened since the last time they were here, but he can’t, his head filling with the worst chatter, like his brain just tuned to Nexus News and he can’t escape it.

 _Une_ x _perimented boy-_ _good for nothing-_

_a space cowboy that-_

_Useless, simply useless-_

_Dangerous allies-_

_Only nepotisme got him-_

_Reckless, he will get us-_ _Adrenaline junkies, that’s all they are-_

Nexus News and its reporters have been hammering that in everyone’s head from day 1, with Herondale’s benediction -when she’s not outright whispering headlines, always downplaying the team’s achievements.

At first, it had been annoying -absurdly so, but just that. Something he could deal with. He had done nothing but exist at that point, and people weren’t hopping much from him.

They had wanted his mother, the Pathfinder. He was just a knockoff.

Then he restored the Vault on Eos and Luke found an actual good spot for an Outpost there, and it was a downward spiral from then on.

 _Everyone_ had an opinion, despite their lack of competence or knowledge or common decency. The Vaults on Kadara and Elaadeen were fixed, and people complained it wasn’t fair, because those planets were controlled by the Exiles and the Wolves, and so they should be left to die, and the Pathfinder’s efforts concentrated on the Initiative and the Initiative _only_.

Outposts were negotiated on Voeld, Kadara and Eladeen, and people weren’t okay with that either, wanting this many scientists, that much military squads on site. None of them caring Alec and his team had just stuck the deals, scouted out locations and gave some recommendations. The Nexus administrators did the rest. On Kadara, the Outpost leader had refused to share medical supplies, despite the fact that it was part of the deal Alec and Magnus had hammered over tense messages after Morgenstern’s death. On Elaaden, they had demanded more food from the flourishing crops the Wolves had planted.

Every detail was analysed, every incident publicly announced and debated at length.

 _This Outpost is too close to_ x _, not close enough to_ y _and why do the Wolves have the best localisation?_ (because they came to Elaaden first and Luke is an ultra competent leader with so many skills, but idiots with their prejudices refused to hear that). 

 _Why was the squad seen in a bar on Kadara, taking a night off while the rest of the Initiative was working so hard?_ (because you need to stop and breath at one point moron). 

 _They eat how much calories per person per day???_ (because soldiers need more calories per day than someone on a desk job. Try training and fighting on an empty stomach. Also with a biotic and two Wolves on the team, what do you expect? They gotta eat). 

 _The Ketts are still here!_ (somehow, seven people against an entire fleet of dangerous and armed to the teeth aliens wasn’t an easy fight to win. Shocking). 

 _The planets are still too_ this _, or too_ that _!_ (we knooooown! If we run into whoever built the Vaults, we will complain about it too). 

 _The Pathfinder was involved in a bar brawl! the Pathfinder was rude to_ random Initiative bureaucrat _!_ (the Pathfinder is a prickly fucker with a short fuse for stupid people, and he’s proud of it).

The Angarans didn’t escape the public’s demands and hatred. The crew had managed to save the Moshea, securing a little sway on Aya, the Angarans home world. All good so far, even Herondale had been relatively pleased. After all, the Angarans needed weapons and the Nexus needed food. Perfect, right? But some colonists still refuse to eat Angaran fresh food, screaming at the top of their lungs that it’s poisoned, that it will eventually kill them all. Other complains that the Angarans had the better side of the deal and that Initiative would be safer _on Aya_ , that marching on the planet is the only way to survive as it’s hidden from long and short range scanners by the Scourge. The Ketts haven’t found it in 56 years; a small oasis of safety and calm in a quadrant otherwise in ruins. The situation is so bad now that the few Angaran diplomats on the Nexus keep on resigning and having to be replaced. The Moshae had written several strong worded messages to Alec, but realised that his situation wasn’t any better.

No one had wanted to join his crew, too afraid of the Ketts and the danger Andromeda would present to a scouting crew. At least that was the case until he recruited two Wolves on board. The humans on both the Nexus and the Idris Ark had been pissed about Luke and Maia - _humans for the human Pathfinder’s crew!_ \- while some Edomians and Seelians had tried to imposed members to be represented.

A small faction of colonists wanted RAZIEL ripped out of his head since day one and had yet to change their mind. They weren’t afraid to be vocal about it, to the point Izzy and Raj had been escorting Alec everywhere for weeks, sure he would be grabbed and his head cracked open like a nut. Those people even had a few candidates at the ready, being interviewed every few days to comment on everything the crew did, how wrong it was and how they would have done it.

Alec hates this place, which is paradoxale since everything he does is for the benefice of the people living here, festerring in fear and constant rationing, condemned to wait and place their faith in the hands of others or take their chances in the wilde as Exiles. 

 _Herrondale and a few others do this_ , he reminds himself. _The colonists are just manipulated. That’s why she needs to be taken out of the equation. Made irrelevant._

It was well under way, but really doing this would involve working directly here, on the Nexus, not just cutting her from negotiating treaties and deals.

 _Or we could just pack our stuff and run off to Elaaden_. Luke and Maia offered more than once. The solution had its charms, even if before knowing who Magnus really was, Alec’s plan B had been Kadara.

He tries to suppress the longing that comes with it. Dwelling on it would be useless, even if he still has a file on his Omni-tool containing a nav point for the most perfect location for a homestead and drafts of a life there. Aerial views of the place with lines he lovingly drown on showing where to plant and what, where to built the big house he wanted, where to put a landing zone and the animal pens, pictures of the view he would wake up to-

He shakes himself up. _No daydreaming about the retirement plan._ There lies madness. 

To say he’s not coping well with the celebrity aspect of being Pathfinder would be an understatement: he wants to punch people so much it makes his fists ach in anticipation. He’s tired. Being a scapegoat is getting too much, especially with everything else. The ketts. Dying. Being ready to die again. _That thing_ in his DNA, doing whatever. The future of hundreds of thousand people on his shoulders and his ability to do his job.

_Hell, Mom would have struggled, and that’s not exactly reassuring._

 

He wants to shouts, _Here comes the Pathfinder!_ _make way! If you’re nice enough, you can take a piece back home. You can show the kids and scare them, I’m way worse than the Ketts afterall._

Maia gives him a rueful shove and a smile breaks on his face despite the overwhelming scrutiny and his mood. She probably could smell the stress off him -he must reek of it.

“You’re heading for Herondale right now? Want some back up?” she asks, but the words barely register, his attention on the suspicious look some people throw at Maia and Luke.

A middle aged woman mouths something to the man accompanying her that Alec can’t hear but he knows. He knows _. Fucking piece of crap._ He glares at her until she blushes and looks away, ashamed at being caught but not at her words. 

“What- Alec?” Maia asks. 

There is no way in hell she didn’t hear what that woman said, yet there’s not a trace of it on her face. She’s too used to it at this point and Alec’s need to punch someone surge back. Maia knows too well she can’t do anything without causing a huge commotion, one she will be blamed for.

“I asked if you wanted some back up for Herondale?” she says, poking his side just like Izzy does.

He shakes his head, still angry. If he could wrap Maia and Luke in warm blankets and shield them from those fuckers, he would. Maia and Luke might punch him unconscious first though, if he ever tries. 

_Worth it._

“You have more important things to do -no one else needs to suffer.” He sighs, resigned, before knocking their shoulders together. “Thanks.” 

 **_I’ll be there to back him up with statistical analysis of our results that would dazzle the most seasoned politician_ **, RAZIEL chips in quietly, minding the passersby.

That makes them laugh, knowing fully well Herondale is too much of a monster to be dazzled by anything. 

They separate, having duties all over the Nexus. Luke pats his shoulder and Maia’s head and walks towards the Bridge to have a detailed status reports with Branwell, the woman overseeing the different Outposts. Alec knows Maia has been dying for a chance to play with Dr. Penhallow’s new lab equipment and the other biologists for weeks but she will have to go speak with her contacts about Magnus’ file first. Simon and Raphael heads for a bar, shoulders ever brushing, and will have to stay there until the interest for the Pathfinder’s team arrival dies out. It will take a while, but they have a black market rendezvous point that requires discretion.

Izzy lingers for a few seconds at his side. “I’ll call you if there’s any news from Jace.”

He nearly says _there won’t be_ , but it comes out as a flat, lifeless “okay.”

Izzy catches his tone and, like a mind reader, his true meaning. Murder flashes in her eyes and she coils like a whip ready to strike. Almost. He swears he feels a slight biotic push against him, and it’s like a slap to him, but she only stomps away in the direction of the Human Ark access tram without a glance back.

 _Shit, I pissed her off._ He scrubs his hands over his face. Perhaps if he rubs hard enough, his asshole persona will come off. He sighs, disgusted with himself. Jace’s coma is stressful enough for the both of them. He has no right to dump all his worries and pain about it on his little sister, who has her own to deal with. 

 

Instead of going straight to Herondale’s office, he goes to one of the armouries that doubles as a pawn shop in the Atrium. Time for business. 

The place is tiny -it wasn’t supposed to be a shop after all, just a place where people would go and check out armor if they were needed on the field. 

Alec approaches one of the holo screens and lets RAZIEL upload the list of guns, armor parts and random tech gizmos they have accumulated since their last visit. 

Simon and Raphael are in charge of selling the nav points of different mining sites they have identified across the cluster. Those can only be sold on the black market, as the team is supposed to give them directly to the Initiative. _For free_. They did that in the beginning, perfect goody two shoes, until Alec got fed up of buying third-rate armors for his crew. Now they have better gear and much more safety in the field. Their consommation of med kit took a dive, too. 

He goes through the shop inventory without much hope of finding something better than what he could have built on the ship or take off a corpse. Miracles do happen, though.  He takes his time, as he is in no hurry to go see Herondale. Let her wait and stew. 

As always, the prices are _steep._

7000 credits for a knock off Seelian assault rifle, 3500 for a Kett chest plate and helmet, both in pretty rough shape, and the ammunition here cost so fucking much it would make Alec cry if he had to buy any. _Bless the nerds_. Izzy and Simon had spent a few weeks learning how to make their own special ammo. 

To think the Initiative had bragged about abolishing money and providing for every colonist once in Andromeda... Nothing went according to plan of course and prices had been slapped on everything. Morgenstern had done the same on Kadara with his protection fee and the water. Greed was the same everywhere.

Fresh from losing Jace to his cryo pod, their mother to Habitat-7 and his body autonomy for the Initiative, Alec got told by a smiling shop owner he had to _pay_ for the necessary gears the Pathfinder missions required, guns, ammo and armor included. At the time, it had only been him, Isabelle and Raj, but fully outfitting three people was more expensive that Alec had ever care to learn.

The first few weeks, they had to rely on themselves and RAZIEL to cobble gear that worked; fusing Ketts armors with the little they had; dismantling everything that could be spared; it got so bad they began to extract bullets from bodies to melt them back into shape, ammo costing so fucking much with the foundries on the Nexus running on empty. It had been _fun_ . _Even rations had been hard to come by_ , he remembers. They scavenged resources for days at a time, driving around in circles, mining equipment searching the ground for even a speck of anything useful.

Luckily, they had met Luke on one of those days, and the Wolf had been so much more competent than the three of them combined that Alec had begged him to enter the crew. Herondale had not been pleased: Luke wasn’t an exile but he still had left the Nexus with all his Wolves. However, the crew list was at the Pathfinder’s discretion, not hers. The real issue had been to convince Luke that he could do more for his people away from them. 

Now things aren’t so dire and they’re relatively comfortable, not needing for anything, but Alec had not budgeted for fake papers and ID whipping at the beginning of the month.

Thankfully, everything having a price no matter who needs what works on both ends. As soon as RAZIEL put some of the Remnant artifacts they don’t need on the market, the team is suddenly a lot richer than it was a few minutes ago. It sucks for whoever could use it and doesn’t have the found though. Alec feels bad for the advancement of science.

 **_Magnus needs this new identity, not only to protect him from the Initiative and whoever took Kadara, but also to cover our team form being exiled over him,_ **RAZIEL reminds him.

_I know, I know._

It’s not quite enough to cover the price of the new ID _and_ keep them from starving, but Raphael and Simon will make more money later at the blackmarket. So much more, in fact, that they probably could afford an engine upgrade on the rover and still have a nice cushion to rely on. 

**_Don’t you go fast enough already?_ **

Alec rolls his eyes. He grew up in a house where he was the only one with common sense, always telling Jace and Izzy to slow down. Now he’s the knucklehead that dates criminals and just wants to go as fast as possible on dangerous terrain.

 _Oh my God. Call Nexus News, I really am an adrenaline junky_.

 **_Calling Nexus News_ **, RAZIEL jokes.

Alec get out of the shop, smile on his face. Driving the rover at 125 mph down a steep hillside is the only fun he gets. That and not so subtly ogling Magnus’ ass in the white Initiative pants he has to wear.

He chuckles, before stopping in the middle of the Atrium, hesitant.

Over breakfast, he thought about getting something for Magnus, to make his exile from Kadara a little bit more bearable. Forcibly leaving the planet with only the clothes on his back at taken a toll.

Most of the crew doesn’t were the Initiative whites apart from Alec and Raj. Alec doesn’t really like like it, all that white and soft blue -too pristine, reminding him how easy the whole colonisation process was supposed to be, how unprepared they were. And that’s coming from someone that wore his military fatigues on weekends back on Earth. To Magnus, who has such a strong sense of style and individualisation (and more than a scoop of resentment for the Initiative) the clothes Alec landed to him must be a constant reminder of what he lost.  

 _It’s just clothes_ , Magnus said, too breezy to be honest when Simon had asked him about it. 

But Alec knows Izzy gave him some eyeliner and Raphael a whole tin of hair pomade. The open gratitude on Magnus’ face had pinched at Alec’s heart. 

 **_Small things counts_ ** _,_ RAZIEL says. **_Familiarity, rituals. I have an entire library of books and thesis on the subject. Maryse said it was as important as food to cherish and cultivate small comforts that people often overlook to avoid colonist blues._ **

Alec nods along. 

Raj has a warm, not Initiative-issued blanket from his family, patches sewed by generation after generation; Izzy brough too many clothes and never wears the white uniforms, but her anchor is Max’s favorite plushie from when he was a baby; Luke has fragrant plants he keeps in the rec room (and Alec has caught him reading a book, always the same, always leaving him heartbroken, so much in fact Maia can feel his mood from the other side of the ship); Simon has flooded the ship’s servers with movies and books and video games, but when he’s not waxing poetry at the Arrowhead’s engine, he’s playing with his guitar. Maia also has a priceless blanket and kid stickers of space whales inside her bunk bed that glow in the dark (a gift from Izzy after Maia told her she loved the creatures); Raphael has his nan’s handwritten cookbook she gave him just before he left Earth and a color changing bomber jacket that even his little sister Rosa can’t touch. Somewhere on the Idris Ark there’s a storage box full of Jace’s knife collection and the actual pilot seat of his first shuttle that he managed to haul off from the piece of junk before it went to the junkyard.

Alec has his chessboard and his dad’s family ring he keeps around his neck. He touches it through his shirt, the comforting weight of it like a much needed lullaby after a nightmare.

Magnus has… a pile of clean and carefully folded clothes -the ones he had that day on Kadara. He won’t be able to wear them around the Nexus. They scream sexy Exile outlaw (not that Alec complains, it’s A Look). Unfortunately, the ear cuff he had been wearing -always catching the sun, always making Alec light headed with _want-_ had been lost when he crashed his shuttle in the Architect to save Alec’s life.

When he had realised it was nowhere in his pockets or on the ship, Magnus had shrugged and said it was a fair trade.

But Magnus could downplay how much it pained him, Alec knew better. 

This morning he had been idly listening to Izyy and Maia flirt over breakfast under cover of talking science ( _science my ass_ , all they kept saying was how smart the other was, and if his little sister can ogle someone that's talking Kett autopsy first thing in the morning between bits of toast, obviously Maia’s the one). Magnus was smiling at them, mildly disgusted by the subject, but kept on touching his ear. Flashes of frustration went through his face, like he had forgotten the cuff was missing and not there to fidget with. Again and again and again, until he had crossed his arms to stop himself.

Alec turns back towards the shop, cutting the line to go talk to the owner directly.

“You have any raw gold and silver -not much, just a nugget of each?” he rapidly asks him, ignoring the protest behind him.

The owner frowns. “We only sell metal by the pound-”

“I know that, but I’ve just sold, what? 200 000 credits worth of gear to you. Don’t think me dumb to the point I don’t know you up the price on resale for a huge profit,” he says, jabbing a finger towards the man. Months of trading with his lot has turned Alec bitter, so he’s not sorry about his haggling technique being on the aggressive side today. “Wouldn’t it suck if I decided to do business with someone else?”

The man does the math quicker than Izzy could have solved 1+1, and Alec pockets the nuggets of gold and silver the seller puts in front of him after a minute of searching around the reserve.

Alec doesn’t ask for the price and the owner just smile, tight and fake.

Alec grins at him. “Pleasure to do business with you.”

The 3D printer on the Arrowhead is mainly used to produce fighting gear and equipment but Alec sure can program it to make something finer.

An ear cuff shaped like an arrow, for example.

If he gets the guts to offer it to Magnus is a different question entirely. What if Magnus doesn’t like it? It’s cheesy after all, if not downward creepy and possessive. _Or perhaps_ , he thinks darkly, _I’ll wise up and realise we can’t and will never work._ Their ugly past left its marks, with the consecutive trust issues...

It should be easier to let go of that, but Alec doesn’t know if he can. One minute he just wants Magnus, the next he checks on him with RAZIEL to see if he is doing something shady, using Alec to get something. 

He deflates. It seems cruel to offer the cuff to Magnus now that the giddy part of him cooled down. A gift like that… Giving Magnus that hope when Alec doesn’t know himself… the two nuggets of gold and silver burns in his pockets and he sighs.

Jace once accused him of being able to overthink everything and, worse, to have an uncanny talent of talking himself out of happiness.

He was right.

 

*

When he runs out of errands (most of them invented on the spot), he can no longer put off his meeting with Herondale and heads for the large office she occupies near the Bridge.

The door might say _Director_ , but everyone (including her) knows it should have _Interim_ in front of it -that and _incompetent_. The original Director and his family died in cryo and in the panic, Herondale had snatched the position. It seemed unlikely she would relent it anytime soon, despite the colonists’ rising demand for a fair election process for months now.

He doesn’t knock and the door slides open for him. _Here goes nothing,_ he thinks, bracing himself for impact.

It barely slids shut behind him that she gets up from her huge desk and shouts “What the ever loving fuck happened on Kadara?!” voice like a machine gun, destroying Alec’s limited patience in one go.

By her appearance, Alec can see she’s having a bad day: messy hair, Initiative whites rumpled and coffee stained on one sleeve, bags under her eyes. It’s telling, she’s usually such an example of squared perfection. Her office’s the same, datapads and print outs littering the desk and couches, coffee mugs and stains to match the ones on her clothes, holo displays circling between a dozen diagrams…

 **_Food production analysis and mining charts from Kadara_ **, RAZIEL whispers in his head.

Bless the speed reading the AI can do right through his eyes.

 _Not coping well, are we?_ He wants to ask but abstains.

Yes, losing the Outpost on Kadara and having to relocate 300 colonists within the Nexus is without a doubt a nightmare to administer and deal with. Food needs went up, vacant quarters are suddenly full, people on the awakening waiting list will have to stay on ice under further notice and that will piss their families and set back any scientific teams needing this or that particular expert. Not only that, but there will be no more metals and resources coming from Kadara, and that means a dramatic dip in production of weapons, armor and structures produced for the war effort and colonisation process. Less safety too, making it harder to maintain the current Outposts on Eos, Voeld and Elaaden.

This will foment unrest, perhaps more calls to a change of leadership, perhaps even new riots. A lot will depend on how she can spin this -and on who she can pin it on.

She was already angry, but his silence makes her fume. He lets himself enjoy her like this, drowning for once instead of pushing other under the water.

“You left very angry people to fend for themselves for more than a year. They didn’t forget that,” he answers after a moment, knowing fully well it’s going to enrage her even more.

He forces his hands to stay in his pockets. Years in the Milky Way armed forces shaped him to stand straight, hands claps behind his back in respect when talking to the brass and important people. But blind respect never got him anywhere and she has yet to earn anything resembling that. 

“You told me you had some agreement with their leader!” she throws, rummaging through her desk to find a cup that isn’t empty. She finds none and gives up, hitting the desk with her hand.

**_She must be wishing you were the desk._ **

Alec nearly loses it, but growing up with both Izzy and Jace has trained him to remain mostly impassible.

“I had. Either they changed their mind or they were killed,” he says, the lie an easy one -despite his anger and his pain, he never put Magnus’ name in official reports. “No one responded to our hails, so there is no way to know.”

She shakes her head, not satisfied. She never liked that the High Warlock only acknowledged Alec in negotiating with the Initiative, just like the Angarans and the Wolves. Now his satisfied smile is harder to keep down, and he hides it by turning his back to her and looking at the different holo displays.

“We need to retake the Outpost. Only this time, Kadara must-”

“You do realise that they’re our people, right?” he cuts her, turning around, smugness forgotten. _Is she crazy?_

“ _Exiles_ ,” she dismisses, just like that, dirt under her shoes, left at the door anyway.

“You exiled them. Now you want to-” the words and the violence behind them hurt his brain, “to attack them? Have their families attack them? In case you haven’t noticed, there isn’t enough of us to play this game. We left the Milky Way to stop playing it!” he near shouts, but doesn’t try to keep it down. Let the entire Bridge hear of her plan, the Nexus and all the colonists. “Hell, might as well surrender to the Ketts Archon right now, it would be quicker if you want to go down the extinction road.”

“Rationing is underway! The Seelian Ark isn’t even here and all the space we had for them is now taken. We’re running out of place on the Nexus, and I’m running out of patience for your attitude _Pathfinder_.”

Alec snorts and points at one of the holo displays, one showing the current viability levels of Kadara, Eos, Voeld and Elaaden. 

“Perhaps you shouldn’t have forced the Exils on the two planets that could actually sustain life right now. They could have been properly seeded by now if you had not threw half our people away and antagonize them in such a way that trading with them is near impossible! But you did, letting us only Eos and Voeld. Voel is sacred to the Angarans and will _always_ be covered in ice. Eos’ radiation levels might be dropping, yes, but how many years till it’s _actually_ habitable?”

RAZIEL takes over, relentless. **_Recent reports from the Eos Outpost show that the Vault is clearing the radiations at an increased rate. It should be done and stabilized in five years, three months and fourteen days barring any problem to the Vault’s integrity._**

“And all the other planets are either worse than Eos and without Remnant Vault, Angaran homes or occupied by the Ketts. You fucked us over with how you handled those riots. You are responsible for the current crisis,” he finishes, shaking his head.

The last time they talked, it had not been anywhere near pleasant or constructive, but it had been nowhere near this full on war.

Herondale looks at him, hatred in her eyes, calculating.

“You know, one day soon the doctors will be able to rip that AI from your head without killing you. That day, you stop being Pathfinder. That day, you stop mattering.”

Oh, that’s obviously something that has been festering in her throat for a while, but now it’s out in the open. It’s like moving a knight or a bishop after months and months of playing timidly with pawns only.

_Full on war. Alright then._

**_Alec, I won’t let anyone rip me out of your head, even if it can be done_ ** , RAZIEL says to him, fierce **_. Maryse made you Pathfinder, you’ll remain that way, Herondale happy it or not_ **.

Alec stops himself from smiling and gets closer to her desk, letting RAZIEL have a good look at the papers and datapads on it -if she’s too stupid to know he’s going to spy on her, she really shouldn’t be in charge. 

“Funny you think I’ll stop publicly questioning you if that day comes,” he observes, calm, like it’s not a real issue, like RAZIEL being taken away wouldn’t feel like cutting off a limb now.

Herondale looks put off by his confidence but recovers quickly.

“I see Maryse in you alright. Stubborn and selfish.” She shakes her head. “Let’s not lose anymore time, I’ll send you the files for your next assignment, and you’ll send me your reports, it’s clear you can’t have a civilized conversation with me.” She sighs, the spitting image of a disappointed parent when their kid misbehave. “The Seelian Ark is on its way. You and your crew are to attend the arrival ceremony tomorrow. Try to be professional, you and you dogs.”

Alec never wanted to punch a grandma that much in his life. She wants all out war? He can do that.

”Remind me _Interim_ Director, when are supposed to be held the elections to put someone competent in the seat you're currently occupying?” he pauses, too angry. “I wonder what my support could do to someone running for office… Hell, I might present myself. More than 40 000 colonists owe me and my team their lives after all, but who’s counting?”

 _You,_ he thinks, the word loud in the air nonetheless. Sick satisfaction makes him smile as she blanches.

He takes deliberately slow steps to leave her office. The round is his, after all. When the door slides shut, the act drops and worry settles in his stomach. It wouldn’t be has easy as he made it sound, not with his reputation, and directly fucking over her chance to be elected would include staying on the Nexus for an extended amount of time.

_Can you hack into the servers to-_

**_Check if the doctors have made any significant progress about healing you without me as your co-pilot? Already on it, though I doubt it will be long before she realizes killing you would be easier. She doesn’t seem very patient and you were very annoying back there._ **

_Was I wrong?_ he asks, petulant even to his own ears.

**_No, she’s a despicable woman._ **

_That she is. Anything useful you saw in there?_

**_Nothing we didn’t know. She will have no choice but to turn to the Angarans and the Wolves for supplies. Either that, or people will have to go back in cryosleep._ **

Alec thinks that over for a few minutes, making his way to the the Human Ark access tram. With some luck, Izzy might still be with Jace and he can try to smooth things over with her.

 _Send her our reports and everything before she goes on Nexus News to cream her head off about accountability or something. I’ll check her shopping list later._ They have their own timetable to respect and whatever she wants done can probably wait. _What are the odds she can mount a punitive expedition on Kadara?_ She was so goddamn casual about attacking the planet, Alec’s stomach knotted at the thought.

**_Less than 42%. The fact the Outpost was lost plays in her favor but there were no casualties. That makes it harder to convince anyone of the necessity for lethal action. Director Brandwell of the Colonial affairs would have to weight on her side and the two of them are, as you know, not on the best of terms._ **

A year of having no power over Nexus politics had made Brandwell rather protective of her newfound sway and indebted to the ones that had given it to her by securing the Outposts she was currently overseeing.

Namely, the Pathfinder’s crew.

Alec enters the small tram and chooses his direction, sighting heavily. Not that he doesn’t want to see Jace. He does more than it let it show. But not like this, lifeless on a medbay bed, tubes and machines all over him.

He sits down, head knocking hard on the wall as he slouch against it.

 **_I have enough trouble when someone bangs your head, please refrain from doing it to yourself_ **, RAZIEL complains.

Alec sits up straight like a jack-in-a-box of old, cannot help the drive to obey that voice, the AI’s tone so much like his mother’s it rips his heart in two and warms him at the same time, bittersweet but real. There. And Alec needs _there_ . _There_ is real _. There_ is tangible _. There_ isn’t dead _._ RAZIEL’s the closest he got to his mom, and he needs her, terribly. He’s not her, but he’s there. That has to be enough.

He ignores the people looking at him weirdly, not enough left in him to put on a front when he can just ignore them.

 _Wave and smile_ , that’s Izzy’s way.

All that to seem sympathetic to people he doesn’t know, and only cares about in vague, _grand scheme of things_ kind of way. It might just work, but at what cost? People would try and talk to him. 

The permafrown stays on.

 **_Luke was with Director Brandwell all morning and seems certain she would vote against Herondale_ ** , RAZIEL reports to him after a few minutes of silence. **_So would Dr. Penhallow, Maia thinks. As the head of the Scientific department, she has a decisive pull, even if unofficial. The odds of Herondale getting her way drops to 21%._ **

Alec nods faintly, liking those odds a bit better. Now there’s only one thing to do: wait. 

**_Magnus has questions._ **

Heavy, important ones. When the tram stops at the Idris, Alec stays in and lets himself be carried all the way back to the other side of the station so he can have some time to decide what to say to him. RAZIEL wants to tell everything about the Ketts to Magnus but Alec knows it would lead to him dying, willingly, on the Seelian Ark. In the end, they tell him nothing.

In a lot of ways, he and Magnus are the same. If Magnus was going around with a proverbial bomb in his head and dropping dead every time the Kett Archon breathed his way, Alec would- his fits tightens on his lap, the very idea angering him. God, he would do something awful. Something worse than threatening the leader of that Angaran base. But Magnus has something that Alec still lacks: experience. A hundred years of honing his fighting skills, and raw god-like powers in excess. Telling him could be dangerous.

**_It would be more honest: he deserves to know what he’s signing for. The truth could be  motivating as well. His affections are genuines as far as I can tell, but he has other loyalties. Knowing you’re in greater danger than you’re letting on might secure his presence on the ship, by your side and to our cause._ **

_You’re a terrible person, oh my- is it me? Turning you in a manipulative bitch? My influence I mean._

**_While I resent you calling me a_ ** **bitch** **_, my code was built to maximise efficiency._ **

_Oh my God, Mom turned you into a bitch, oh my God!_

Alec can hardly imagine the speech the AI could give to Magnus. It will be impossible to show his face to him ever again.

_Please don’t do that. Okay let’s, uh, let’s talk about something else. Anything else._

**_Raphael and I found a solution to the Raj problem last night. I’m not comfortable with the morality of it, but it is the only thing we came up with._ **

The words sent a chill of dread down his spine. 

He takes a deep breath and says _shoot._

RAZIEL tells him.

He stays in the tram for another full circuit, thinking it over. It’s shitty. It’s awful. It’s inevitable.

 _Fine. Will try it,_ he says as the tram stops at the Idris for the third time since his in. 

Without enthusiasm, he exits the tram, wishing he could walk backwards and go back the Arrowhead.

 

*

Izzy has already left when he gets to the medbay. 

Sick relief floods him and he turns to leave but Dr. Starkweather calls out his name with great enthusiasm and Alec doesn’t have the heart to ignore the man that maintained him alive long enough for RAZIEL to save him. 

They have not talked in a while, mostly because the good doctor quit the crew after the disastrous events on Habitat-7 and Alec’s been kinda busy. While he understands the choice to take a safer post, the resentment he feels is pretty intense. Starkweather left he and Izzy to their own devices after their mother’s death, so talking with him is an exercise in restraint and bitter nostalgia.

Hodge’s the last adult he grew up with that’s alive, but also the only that left him willingly.

But Alec adored the man when he was a kid so he feels like a colossal asshole for begrudging him. Hodge didn’t sign for this, and just because Alec didn't have a choice about being Pathfinder doesn’t mean he can be a bastard to the people that couldn’t stomach the job.

They chat for half an hour, before Hodge’s needed with a newly awakened colonist suffering from cryo sickness. Alec breathe in relief. Starkweather is a bit much, more intense and manic than before, firing question after question about his health and RAZIEL, the synergy between them, the intricate details of the implant... Questions that Alec can’t answer, not truthfully. Perhaps if he had stayed on the crew, Alec could have been more open. Perhaps. Hodge was always like an uncle for him and his siblings growing up but the relationship isn’t the same since Habitat-7.

Nothing is.

 **_Confiding in him could actually be the best option_ ** , RAZIEL comments. **_If you’re too close to Maia to be comfortable to talk to her about your situation, he’s the perfect candidate: knowledgeable, but remote._ **

_This again._ His heartbeat picks up, the subject worrying him more than he’s willing to acknowledge.

**_Yes. It’s not pointless nagging, Alec. While I will respect your choices, you can’t be blind to the fact that your condition is evolving. I removed a new tumor from your lung last week and a new one is already forming on one of your ribs._ **

Absently, he touches his chest. That, Magnus can’t know about, ever. The nuggets of gold and silver weight a ton in his pocket, and he curses himself. Even if he could fully trust Magnus again, he’s a liar himself. 

A dying liar. 

Perhaps. 

The tumors are not normal, and some aren’t tumors at all, just… new things. Some are _his_ , some don’t have a strand of human DNA in them (or Ketts, they checked after Voeld, just to be sure if he wasn't contaminated - _exalted_. But it’s something else).

Since Eos, his teeth are growing again, new adult teeth, pushing out the ones he has like they’re milk teeth. Three molars went away like that, the rest still in his gums but not for long. The new molars seem humans, but the DNA is different, only Alec’s in places. When he begins to lose the incisors, he won’t be able to hide it, and pretending that RAZIEL is making him new teeth is a bit much, even for them.

Then there are his eyes. Before Kadara, he was well on his way to need some corrective contacts -damn screens everywhere. Now, he’s got perfect vision, but he also see colors he didn’t before. Colors no humans or Milky Way species ever seen, RAZIEL checked. Remnant tech gizmos have those writing on them -instructions, or words that don’t translate sometimes, perhaps name of their owners, or stuff like serial numbers. Not that he can tell the crew, or he will have to explain to them why he can see the text printed on the gizmos and they can’t.

His stomach is lined with foreign tissue, spreading to his guts now -RAZIEL’s not worried, he thinks it will help him in the long run eat food native to Andromeda.

But last month, RAZIEL had to dissolve _fourteen_ different tumor-like nodules in his right leg muscles that were growing, taking over, in a way that said _replace_ more than _improve_.

Everytime they reset a Vault, it gets worse.

And he’s not the only one affected. RAZIEL has more than a few lines of code in the Remnant language that shouldn’t be there, affecting him in ways that are still a mystery, reappearing after he deletes them. 

Remnant tech is slowly turning him Remnant-like for some reason.

But it’s not sustainable.

It might kill him.

or worse.

_You said yourself that apart from limiting our exposure to RemTech, there is nothing to be done, it’s too late._

**_And we’re not following that_ **, RAZIEL says reproachfully.

_I can’t. You know we can’t, not with people so close to starvation, not with the Ketts breathing down our necks, not-_

**_I know_ **, RAZIEL cuts, cold.

“Pathfinder?”

Alec blinks and turns to the nurse that just talked to him. “Uh?”

“Is something the matter? you’ve been,” she looks away, searching for her words, trying desperately to find something tactful “standing…”

Oh, yes. His creepy standing around and looking empty routine. The crew keeps on telling him it’s the most unsettling thing ever. He needs to be more careful -if it’s unsettling to them, it must be downright terrifying to the unsuspecting medical staff. Across the medbay, Hodge is looking straight at him, a heavy frown on his face. He’s not the only one.

“Sorry,” he forces a smile to the nurse, “I was lost in thought.”

The nurse nods but looks unconvinced so Alec quicky walks to Jace’s bed in a corner and sits down on the lonely chair next to it.

Now it’s just him and his brother and suddenly Alec doesn’t think about anything else than how much he wants Jace to be awake and well, making fun of him and stealing Izzy’s fries and flirting his way in every room like the overgrown idiot he is…

It’s easier to think about Jace’s health than his own, so he takes the data pad mounted near the bed with Jace’s charts in hand so RAZIEL can explain them to him.

The chair is uncomfortable, stiff as a board and cold even through his clothes. He fidgets as he listens to RAZIEL, scratching at the back of his head with too long nails -time for a trim. Just looking, _really looking_ at him, hurts. He can’t fathom how Izzy can spend a good chunk of their Nexus leaves here with him.

“Hey Jace,” he blurts, tears welling up in his eyes. 

He knew Jace wasn’t in his cryo pod anymore, but somehow, it’s harder like this, with him in bed. Before, he could pretend Jace was still in cryo, just not ready to wake up. Now it’s obvious there’s something wrong, with him not moving around like he does when he’s asleep. _Induced coma_ . Jace’s hair is a mess, his carefully tended undercut now grown out without shape, a dirty blond halo around his face. He’s thin. Too thin. His face is gaunt under the facial hair. His arms and his legs have lost definition, most of his muscle mass gone. Reeducation will be intensive if- _when_ he wakes up.

Seeing him in this state feels like a betrayal. Jace’s worse than he is when it comes to showing weakness.

It had happened so fast. He and Izzy were nursing their respective cryo hungover, listening to Starkweather’s instructions as several others crew members were pulled out of cryo, when the Ark was hit by something. The artificial gravity went out and everybody started to float, helpless except for Izzy because of her powers.

Then it started again, slamming everyone and everything back on the floor, Jace’s cryo pod included. They barely had a second to swear and look around that the artificial gravity got fucked again, but this time, instead of stopping, it flipped, sending everything in one corner of the infirmary, Jace’s cryo pod coming like a fret train for them-

But Izzy had stopped it, biotics flairing. Instead of crashing into the pile of defenseless people, it had hit a wall instead, denting it deeply, sparks flying.

The gravity had malfoncionned twice again.

Float. _SLAM_. Pain.

Float. _SLAM_. Pain.

It stopped, finally. But it was too late, several cryo pods had been damaged beyond saving, the colonists inside dead and lost. Jace had been one of the lucky ones, stunned into the awakening cycle, uncertain coma instead of clean cut death.

An hour later someone had shown Alec the -cloud? elongated nebula? space lighting storm? the _damn thing_ coursing the void. The Ark had ran into it during an FTL jump and the pilots had barely managed to extract the ship out of it. On the Nexus, they would be told the scientists there had dubbed it the _Scourge_ and its physics law bending properties where still a mystery, but it extended like sick, rotten roots across the whole quadrant that was supposed to be their new home.

The cause of Jace’s coma. Of the Golden Worlds being hellholes. Of their mother’s death -of most death, really, though a lot were undoubtedly credited to the Ketts.

Seven months in Andromeda, and Alec had no clue what the Scourge was, or how to deal with it. Of the four Remnant Vault they had explored, none had given them any insight, other than the Scourge had messed up the Vault themselves. Raziel could only data mine so much before the Vaults killed them after being reset, so he couldn’t be efficient about it. The AI just grabbed at any data he could without discrimination and hoped for the best.

If they got lucky with a few weapon designs and some sort of Vault manuals, most of the times, they only got bonafide agriculture manuals. Priceless in their own way as they contained plant libraries and how to best grow them on each planet, but absolutely useless for Alec and his team.

And while doing this, the Vaults had been resetting him right back.

There is just so much to deal with, most out of his (limited) domain of expertise. 

“I could use your help Spaghetti,” he says to Jace, scrubbing his hands over his face.

 

He doesn’t know how long he just stays there, fixing Jace, mind drowning in the white noise of the medbay.

 **_Alec?_ **RAZIEL asks, soft as he can.

_What?_

**_I’ve been working on something. It’s only theoretical but I think it’s worth telling you about it now._ **The AI never been this hesitant before.

 _Can it wait?_ Now he’s here, he can’t see how he’s supposed to deal with anything else at the moment.  He’s got so much on his shoulders. So fucking much.

**_It’s about Jace. I didn’t wish to raise yours or Isabelle’s hopes up, but my newest calculation give me an 84% chance of success. You have taught me that odds like those are enough._ **

Alec straightens in the chair, frowning.

 _What odds?_ he asks, feeling his heart in his throat.

**_Before coming to Andromeda, Maryse had you, Isabelle and Jace outfitted with a RAZIEL implant each, you know as much. That’s how I was able to be transferred over to save you. While I can’t transfer to Jace because it would kill you, I could -theoretically- bridge his mind over to my servers for a brief moment._ **

_But he’s comatose, I don’t-_

**_Only induced, at that point. Testing if such a connection is possible could be easily arranged right now and highly beneficial for the both of you if it succeed._ **

_84% you said?_ His heart’s racing.

 **_Yes. It wouldn’t cause any damage to his brain,_ ** RAZIEL reassures, the same tone his mom used to tell him it was okay for him to pick up Max after he was born. Fragile, smiling, sometimes kinda stinking baby Max, with his huge eye and too soft hair, that Alec was terrified he would drop or hurt and hold wrong. **_Such a link might not be sustainable but testing it is safe for the three of us._ **

Alec can’t think for a few minutes, the possibilities numbing him. He would have to tell Jace about their mother, about Andromeda being a nightmare. About their life gone to shit.

_Best guess scenario, what happens?_

**_You would be talking to Jace in some kind of shared mindspace, something easy for his brain to go, familiar. Knowing him through Maryse, it would be his death trap of a shuttle._ **

_The one he learned to pilot in. Urgh. He loved that wreck._

**_You had its licenced to fly revoked and taken away to be dismantled._ **

_He was going to kill himself in that thing._

Jace had swore up and down he would not forgive Alec, that he would trash everything he loved. Then he begged. And raged again. Then his precious shuttle had exploded on its way to the junkyard, nearly killing the two people in it. That had not stopped Jace from complaining to everyone willing (or unwilling) to hear that if he had been the one piloting, the flight would have been a smooth one, and so would have been the next thousandth. But that was a long time ago.

Jace had forgiven, sour, and bought something new and shiny and too fast to be safe. Alec had daydreamed about ways to have it stolen or destroyed for months. Now he’s the one that likes to go fast. Jace will never let him live. 

_Will he know it’s -a dream?_

**_Depending on his level of awareness, it’s possible. Or he might think it’s a normal ride with you._ **

_All that through the RAZIEL implants? Mom kept saying it was just a precaution, that it was supposed to be for emergency, like if we were separated on mission_ , Alec asks. The questions have been accumulation for a while now at the back of his head. It’s always hard to think of your parents as liars when you spent all your life loving them and looking up to them. _Did Starkweather and the rest of the original crew had the same implants? Does Raj?_

RAZIEL takes a long time to answer. **_It appears this information is not available to me._ **

_What do you mean?_

**_Emergency protocols that Maryse implanted in my code are preventing me from accessing the data. Sections of my servers are off limits without her authorisation._ **

“She’s dead!” Alec snarls at loud. He can feel eyes on his back. Another weirdo Pathfinder rumor just started, he’s sure.

**_I was built to obey her directive beyond the grave and keep her secrets. Even from you. Even from me, it seems. I was not aware of those limitations before you asked about the implants._ **

Alec shakes his head. What was his mother thinking making things this difficult? What could be hiding in the corners of RAZIEL’s servers? He doubts she would have left things unprotected -he wouldn’t- so even if he could hack the servers, they might delete themselves.

On that front, it seems they’re fucked. _Thanks Mom_ , he thinks, bitter. _Okay, okay. Let’s try to contact Jace. Can’t hurt._

Then he panics. What is is supposed to tell him? _Hey Spaghetti, Mom’s dead, crew’s half dead, I died but not really -could still happen- Andromeda sucks and so does the Initiative. Oh and in case you haven’t noticed, you have been in a coma for the better part of a year_.

**_Perhaps don’t lead with that._ **

_No shit._

**_We could postpone until you find your words._ **

Alec actually considers it. Walking out, come back later. Perhaps after Jace actually wakes up and Starweather or another kindly med staff breaks the news to him.

Alec needs something he’s not responsible for right now, something easy. 

Easier.

“Do it,” he murmures, needing to hear the words out loud, so he can’t take them back. He wouldn’t know what to do with easy if it slapped him in the face anyway.

 

*

Jace and Izzy alway had a reputation to be the reckless ones. Alec wasn’t exactly better, but mostly, he was just following sourly five feet behind, permafrown bolted in place and muttering about stupid brother and sister.

Those were the days, even if the reputation wasn’t a good one. Oh, it attracted a certain crowd (pretty and reckless, or just pretty and happy to fawn over the Lightwood siblings), but it also landed them in deep waters, with their parents and any authority figure they had to answer to.

 _Trouble makers since birth_ , Mom says.

 _Lightwoods_ , Dad says.

 _Pain in the ass_ , Alec says.

Izzy likes tech that can level entire cities, Jace’s interests lays with flying as fast as he wants. Alec’s a bot babysitter that their parents just pass as their older kid.

Jace winces. It’s not fair to say that. Not fair at all. But Alec can and will rain on any parade, so Jace and Izzy had to learn to be sneaky about their extracurriculars.

One day, they decided to try something so stupid and dangerous both of them had kinda wish Alec had been there to put his foot down and stop them. But just kinda, and they convinced themselves it was okay.

He and Izzy had gone out for a ride with a _borrowed_ suit of armor equipped with boosters in the back of his shuttle. The idea was simple: Izzy had gotten better at controlling her powers and could grab into things at a gravitational level -however that worked- and, depending on the mass of the object, move it or move away from it. Izzy wanted to see if she could use the shuttle as an anchor point in deep space and from how far away, needing what kind of force and, of course, how much energy she would burn doing so.

Jace just wanted to know how fast he could pilot his shuttle with Izzy piggybacking on it from outside, secured by nothing but her biotic abilities.

They had stocked up on snacks and special military rations that were reserved to biotic soldiers. It was going to be grand.

What happened is that both he and Izzy nearly died, alone and in the dark, barely seeing Earth’s blue dot. Jace shivers, remembering. They never told anyone of course, especially not Alec.

At first, they had been delighted, Izzy using the weight of the immobile shuttle to move closer, feet on the viewport. Jace laughed when she pushed away with her powers, her legs perfectly still.

“Do a flip!” he dared her over the comms.

She did, the magnificent bastard. 

When she had found the limit of her powers, too far away to anchor herself to the shuttle, she had come back closer using the propulsor on the armor she was wearing.

 _Harmless fun._ Alec would have been pissy, and Jace and Izzy would have made fun of him the entire time.

Then they decide to try with the shuttle moving. Slowly. They weren’t idiots after all. Yet, there were things harder to take into account when calculating risk, PhD in astrophysics or not.

Fear is one of them. Proper biotic training is an other.

Izzy lost her anchor point at the first movement of the shuttle and she panicked, just a second, just enough. 

Fear of the endless void surrounding her. The instinct to blindly grab at something with all her force. 

She grabbed too hard. 

From Jace’s perspective, Izzy shouted in surprise, and then the entire hull screeched around him. Air rushed out. He could barely put on his helmet fast enough to not be killed by the lack of oxygen.

It had taken him three hours to emergency repair the fault line in the hull. Izzy’s oxygen getting so low, she could only take shallow breaths. The three minutes it took for the shuttle’s life support to get back on and ready were the longer of Jace’s life. 

Hours later, barely coherent and still holding on to each other, they swore off reckless shit.

For a while.

Until a pretty redhead had dared Jace do race her around Saturn’s belt. He had lost, by a hair. His poor shuttle’s entire fuel line had been busted beyond repair and Alec had refused to lend him any credits to have the repair done.

The shuttle had been fine in the end, all it had taken was grovelling at his Dad’s feet and since the divorce had been over and done with, Robert had been more than eager to sign away the debt at the repair shop just so Jace would talk to him for half an hour (none of them were exactly talking to him, too angry on their mother’s behalf).

It had been a gift from his parents when he was eleven: a piece of crap, something he could fix and learn from and eventually pilot if he managed to make it space worthy again. It was visceraly impossible for Jace to not love it.

He loved it more than he loved most people and spent days after days working on it, sometimes with his parents, sometimes with Izzy and Alec.

The shuttle fixed once more, Jace had decided to tackle the only thing that refused to work since he had been working on the ship: the FTL jump navigation system.

  
  


The shuttle is speeding, speeding, until the window for the FTL jump is upon him and-

He misses it, inboard computer too slow in its calculation and reactivity, and something pops and fizzles behind him.

He stops the shuttle, initialising the inertia dampers and the radar beacons, before punching the cockpit wall. 

 _Twelse fails on twelve attempts_. He forces a deep breath down, shaking his head and his now hurting fist.

He kicks away from the dashboard to rotate his seat and gets up, too pissed for words. Several hours ago, he had cut a hatch in the flooring to access the navigation and jump drive system directly. It was old, decades out of date actually, but in a venerable way, and Jace was sure that he could make it work.

Now it doesn’t look quite as venerable as it had before he began working on it; it’s a mess of cables, motherboards and crystals he can barely make sense of, despite the blueprints he has on hands. The brand new crystal he had just put in before attempt number twelve has turned milky, hairline fractures running through it.

He puts on a glove and takes it out of the system, uncomfortable heat burning his fingers through the protection. He throws it away in the disposal box, now full of broken shards of cloudy crystals from the previous attempts.

That one was also the last he had brought with him. More importantly, it was also the last one he could afford without going to his mother for a loan. And Mom is a bit more rigid when it comes to his pet project than his father was.

He sniffles, redirecting his thoughts away from his dad.

And Max.

And coffins, slowly descended into the ground.

And- 

“ _You know_ that shit can’t do FTL jumps. Never got why you put all your money in it. Milky Way Armed Forces doesn’t pay cadet that much,” Alec mocks behind him.

Jace groans. He doesn’t need _mister perfect_ _dorkface_ to drag him down. 

He turns his head towards his brother, ready to glare at him with every ounce of frustration and anger he as. But he frowns instead. Dorkface isn’t wearing his military fatigues. It’s all he wears these days, even on his days off. Not today. 

 _Weird I didn’t notice before_. 

Because Alec’s wearing something stupid and _white_ , to match the palor of his face as he looks at him.

Jace has to stop himself from checking behind himself to see if there’s a ghost or an alien squid inches from the viewport.

“Why do you insist on coming if you’re only here to criticize me?” he hisses, fists tightening, remembering his frustration after a moment.

“Well, you might miraculously manage one jump.” Alec’s voice is faint, but he seems to get a hold of himself and Jace wants to punch him when he continues. “The whole shuttle will break down for good, but a miracle can happen here,” he knocks on the hull three times, which is weird because Alec’s not superstitious. “Imagine, you won’t have to vid call me to gloat from whatever pirate infested quadrant you end up lost in if I’m right there.”

Alec is being an asshole on purpose, the sharp sarcasme of his words exploding in Jace’s stomach like a grenade he had aimed perfectly. But there’s something weird, and Jace frowns again, looking at Alec intently, too disturbed to actually be angry and shout at him.

Jace could swear he just heard Alec say “Mom makes me” instead of his bitchy miracle comment. He shakes his head. Perhaps the broken crystals had released some kind of fumes when they had burst, and now he’s hallucinating.

“You’re so full of shit,” he tells Alec, who, to his surprise, grins like Jace told him he loved him.

 _Okay, there’s something in the air, I need to sit down_. He forces himself up, head spinning a little.

He throws himself on the pilot seat and Alec makes his way to a seat too. He seems taller, but that’s impossible (thank God, _Dorkface_ ’s tall enough already). 

It’s not inches, he realises, just the way Alec’s carrying himself. The confidence he never had before. Taking space and not overthinking if he’s taking too much.

Jace checks the cockpit life support screen and it gives him a surprising all-clear, nothing harmful or weird in the air.

He looks back at Alec.

“Did they up your protein intake or something?”

“What?”

Jace pokes him on the cheek. The slight baby fat Alec always had there is gone. Mom’s always pinching them, calling him his little baby boy, and he and Izzy are always somewhere around, making fun of Alec for it. And they’re gone, lean now, replaced by absolutely non-regulation conforming stubble.

_And what’s wrong with his eyes?_

Alec seems older.

Scarred.

Jace blinks. And blinks again. He suddenly gets up, looking around frantically.

“What the hell is this?” he demands, putting some distance between him and… Alec.

Alec is about to say something, taking a deep breath, but he glances out the viewport for a split second and does a comical double take.

Jace can’t help but follow his eyes and ends up looking down at a planet he doesn’t recognize, ocher land masses and electric blue oceans.

The pilot in him can’t resist to check the nav equipment but he doesn’t recognize the coordinates. He sure wasn’t _there_ fifteen minutes ago. For a moment, joy burst in his chest, in his throat, laughing and jumping maniacally around, Alec forgotten.

“I made it! Baby you jumped!” he exclaims, fondling the dashboard and not caring about the mystery location, tears in his eyes. _Oh God I did-_

Alec doesn’t have to say anything, the black void of distress coming from him takes Jace right out of his celebration. “ _What?!_ ” he shouts at him, his joy flipped to anger in a second.

“That’s Kadara,” Alec’s mutters to himself, closing his eyes and pinching his nose. “That’s fucking Kadara.”

 _Kadara?_ “What-”

“Okay listen. You need to sit down.”

Jace does. The knee jerk reaction to be contrarian comes after, but Alec’s tone was so fucking close to their Mom Jace obeyed _her_ immediately.

Alec swallows, scratching the back of his head in distress.

“It’s going to be hard to hear, and…” he trailed off, wiping a tear from his cheek. “ _Andromeda_ ,” he says helplessly, conveying so much emotion in one word it fucks with Jace’s head.

Jace pushes through and tries to make sense of it. “Three years until departure, I know. What- _don’t you dare tell me you’re not going!! It’s all of us or none of_ -”

Alec takes his wrists in his hands, forcing them down and Jace out of his rant. His right hand finger is still pointed, accusatory, while his left hand is just a tight fist, ready to punch Alec.

“I’m coming,” he reassures. Then, heartbreaking smile on his face, he adds “I went. All of us or none of us.”

Jace stares at him. “I don’t-”

“We’ve been in Andromeda for 8 months.”

“No that’s- that’s-” Jace’s eyes roam over Alec’s face, his clothes. “ _You’re old_.”

Alec snorts, it’s sad but amusement pierces right through.

“Wow careful with the Lightwood tact, Spaghetti. I’m just twenty-two. Twenty-three next month.”

“No you’re nineteen,” Jace corrects, shaking his head. “You’re nineteen, you just had your birthday, I punched a balloon full of edible glitter on you face! Izzy nearly got arrested for renting you a stripper!”

Hiring a striper at sixteen had not been their sister’s brightest idea.

“I swear I still find some of that fucking glitter on me,” Alec groans.

“But you can’t- am I… I don’t get it, if you-”

“Your cryo pod was damaged during the awakening process, you got stuck in cryo for a few months, now you’re out. But you’re still not awake.”

Jace just blinks.

“I’m in a coma?”

Alec nods, the full pain he’s been carrying out, the worry and tired lines on his face explained. “In the Idris med bay. You’re safe.”

“Never been an early riser,” Jace murmures.

“Really aren’t. Izzy stole and cut all your clothes by the way.”

“ _What?_ ”

“‘m not kidding, she’s cut your favorite sweater into a crop top.”

“No!”

Alec laughs, hysteric, head going to the dashboard for support. “Sorry sorry, couldn’t help it. I half hoped you would wake up out of sheer outrage.”

Jace punches his shoulder. “Arf arf, really funny dorkface.”

He’s a bit floating right now so he looks around in need of a physical anchor and touch the dashboard with its mismatched screens and commands, the worn seat under his ass, even knocks on the slightly cold viewport. Real. Not real. He can’t tell. He glances at Alec again, but he doubts his imagination could summon such a broken version of his big brother.

He sniffles. 

“What’s the doctors’ pronostic? Can’t let you and Iz have all the fun out there,” he says after a minute, eyes on the planet. _Kadara_ , Alec said. However Alec is talking to him, that must have bled out from his head, just like his appearance. Jace can’t wait to see it and all the other with his own eyes. “The midget didn’t want to talk to me or what?” he looks around, hoping she would materialise in front of him.

Alec sobers up. “We only managed to communicate with you today, but a few more weeks at least. “And don’t call her midget and… She’s… _shit_ , she’s going to kill me for trying without telling her first.”

“You call her that!” Jace shouts because it’s easier to be bitchy than to think about being in a coma for the foreseeable future. _Well, I probably don’t know I’m in a coma. That’s something._

“You’re not tall enough to,” Alec retorts, but he’s thinking about something else.

“Whatever, dorkface. You’re too tall, she’s too small, and I’m perfectly right in the middle. Mom says so,” he lies, baiting Alec. He always gets reeled up so easily and his pissed off face is weirdly soothing. _Normal._

But Alec doesn’t shouts at him for being a liar or anything. The smile drains right off his face, the joy in his eyes disappears with a few blinks, drawn in sudden unshade tears.

Jace is knocked down by how similar this face is to the one he had when the doorbell rang and he came back to the living room with three high ranking officers in full uniforms.

That day the ship transporting their father and Max back from Venus had crashed. 

And Alec has the same face. 

Jace’s heart is in his throat, and he gets up, his knees too weak to hold him straight, Alec’s hands trying to hold him back in his seat.

“ _No no no no no no no no- NO!_ ”

 _Izzy can’t be dead, she can’t, she can’t, she can’t-_ panic subsizes for a moment, and Alec’s words echo in his head. He said Izzy would be pissed Alec talked to him without her knowing. Jace frowns, and turn back to Alec.

“I don’t-”

“I don’t know how to say this,” Alec says, choking on the words as he gets up from his seat, getting closer.

Jace gets further from him, like the words can’t reach him if he gets away.

“Mom’s dead, Jace.”

White noise. 

Through tears, Jace sees that Alec’s mouth is moving, see the tears on his face, feels his arms around him, but he… he can’t.

“What-” he sobs, “what happened?” he asks, wiping his face on his sleeves, letting Alec sit him on the floor and hugging him hard.

“Freak accident. It- it happened so fast, I-” Alec repeats, hoarse.

“But it’s Mom!” Jace begs. “It’s Mom, okay? She can’t die! She’s too- it’s Mom!”

She’s invulnerable. A hero, a badass. She always comes back. Always.

“I know, Spaghetti. I know.”

“I didn’t even get to say goodbye! That’s not fair!”

A pause. 

“No one did.”

“But how are we- Mom, she was going to find us a home! She was going to- to-” to scout Andromeda and show them all the amazing things, they were going to do it together, she had promised! No more going away on mission without seeing her for weeks or months at a time.

They were supposed to do this together.

“All of us or none of us,” he says, almost like a complaint, the words wrecking him.

“We’re… doing that.” Alec seems to weigh his words carefully. “Andromeda is a little bit more complicated than we hoped. The Golden Worlds… didn’t exactly deliver.”

Jace pushes away from Alec to look at his face. “But Mom said-”

“Mom said a lot of things!” he barks, a flash of anger shooting through his face. 

Jace shivers, sobbing still and, for the first time ever, scared by Alec.

“Sorry, Jace, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to… be an asshole. I- A new galaxy didn’t stop me from taking out my anger on the wrong people. I still need to work on that,” he says guiltily, holding him tight.

Jace closes his eyes, and by sheer force of will erase all this from his mind for one perfect moment. He’s in the kitchen, at home. Izzy and Alec are trying to make cookies that will be inedible, Mom is ruffling his head. 

For one perfect moment, everything is right. For one perfect moment, his family is whole. But just for one perfect moment. It all crashes down around him.

And Jace… Jace doesn’t feel so good. There’s fast as light beeping somewhere on his right, and it’s splitting his head in two. His heart is racing, his breathing coming short and-

 

*

Vertigo takes over Alec.

Spinning spinning his head

                                 is spinning and he grips the bed frame to stay uptight, 

 

                        spinning and too close to throw up-

                                                                                                  spinning and spinning and-

He’s sitting.

Hell his ass hurts. So does his neck.

“What the-”

**_I’m sorry Alec, but I had to take you out of it. Jace was getting too distressed for me to maintain the connection._ **

_I- I talked to him_ ? Alec asks, forcing his eyes to stay open. He can _seefeel_ the shuttle cockpit when he blinks, all toooo disorienting, spinning spinning spinning. _I upset him, I-_

**_The news were hard to receive. I’ll have to closely monitor his brain activity but I can already predict that his recovery will happen sooner._ **

_Because I was an asshole?_ he snarls.

He feels feverish, breathless. Sick.

**_He was deep in his memories, reliving them as they were real, present time events. You were strong enough to break the news to him, to bring him closer to the surface. His brain activity was spiking during the connection, close to a non comatose level._ **

Something horrible comes to Alec’s mind.

_Oh my god, is he- did I left him in that shuttle, alone, knowing Mom’s dead?!_

**_No. You implemented the knowledge in his brain, but in a distant way. He will have to fully process it once he’s awake. I also need to tell you I had to hack his monitors to hide what we were doing. Dr. Starkweather seemed a bit too interested when he realised you had your eyes closed and tried to shake you awake but couldn’t. He wanted to put you on a bed and run some exams but I talked to him through your Omni-tool and told him to let you sleep. He asked questions about what we were doing_ **, RAZIEL says ominously.

_You think he guessed? Or knew?_

**_Without a doubt. He’s probably more knowledgeable than we are on the implants, given the off limits servers within my system. He worked on them with Maryse after all._ **

Alec shivers and stretches, trying, a bit late, to make it look like he had a nap. _He’s still there?_

 **_His shift ended three hours ago but yes, he’s_ ** **still** **_here, pretending to read notes on a patient._ **

_Okay, we need to leave -wait, you said three hours, what time is it? How long was I talking to Jace?_

**_It’s two in the morning. You’ve been under for ten hours and thirty four minutes._ **

Alec blinks and carefully stands up. It had seemed like, what, fifteen, twenty minutes to him?

**_It took me sometime to actually form the bridge and make a connection. Three attempts in fact._ **

_Thanks._ Alec takes Jace’s hand in his and squeezes it, hard. “Bye Spaguetti.”

He makes his way out of the med bay, smiling at everyone in a distant way. _Hello there, nothing to see, just a ten hour cat nap on a chair, nothing wrong about that, am I right?_

Hodge seems ready to intercept him before he can actually leaves, but Alec’s faster and power walks through the crowd of colonists in the corridors like a battering ram. He manages to reach the tram without problem and punch the Nexus docks icon with his finder.

 _Izzy is so going to kill me_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next the Nexus plot begins for realsies <3


	11. Newton's 3rd Law

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “All day long, uh?” he breathes, hoarse and so fucking into it he probably now qualifies as a kinky fucker on at least forty-two different planets.
> 
> “Nights can be arranged too,” Magnus pants right back, trying but failing to sound unaffected. It’s a pity Alec can’t see his face from that angle because he sound wrecked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like the thanks to **fearsundaythe15** on tumblr for the beta!
> 
>  
> 
> ****
> 
> [Event Horizon playlist if you want some tunes](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4DGr3csTybZhCJ81gwngCo)  
> 

*

When Alec gets back in the Arrowhead, it’s the middle of the night so he doesn’t expect to see anyone until morning.

He’s wrong -they’re loud and merry and he hears his crew well before he sees them. There’s a crash, followed by applause and drunken cheers and he walks up the access ramp a little faster, not sure what he’s going to find .

 _Drunk gymnastic_ , that’s what.

Maia is down by the rover, standing on her toes with her arm outstretched, face turned up to her public, radiant smile if a little slack. 

Alec follows her eyes, the rest of his crew (minus Raj and Magnus) is lounging on the walkway, happily clapping for Maia.

“Did you just jump down for laugh?” he hears himself asks, his twenty odd years as a concerned older brother tightly packed in that question.

They all turn to him, Luke and Maia as surprised as the rest. They really must be drunk if they didn’t _smellhear_ him coming.

His sister shouts “DORKFACE!” and gets up -unsteady and helping herself with the rail.

 _Oh sweet fuck. Isabelle is drunk_.

Simon joins her and begins to shout as well, “Dorkface! Dorkface! Dorkface!”

A huge drunken grin breaks on Maia’s face and she runs to him, seizes him up his her arms and spins around wildly like the ragdoll he is for her. “You okay, dorkface?”

He’s spinning, spinning, spinning, back in the shuttle with Jace, his helplessness suffocating for a second before Maia puts him down, all the joy on her face drained away. “ _What happened?_ ” she snarls.

From up close she can smell his distress, drunk or not.

“I’ll tell you guys tomorrow,” he reassures her, forcing a smile. His head is still aching, and this is not a conversation to have with five drunk people.

“Maia you can’t steal Alec, Magnus will be sad!” Simon whines at her, oblivious to the tone of their conversation and lining too much over the rail.

Raphael must have seen it too because he grabs at Simon and forces him down on his ass, apparently a lot less drunk that the rest. Alec nods at him, relieved that someone is keeping their eyes a little open. They both know Maia could jump ten times what she did and roll with it without problem, but Simon’s as human as they are.

Or at least as human as Raphael and Izzy, Alec’s status and species being uncertain at the moment.

“You’re upset,” Maia insists.

“When am I not?” he says, trying for a joke as he gently forces her to let go of him, but his voice cracks on the last word. 

“‘’ts not the reassurance you think it is,” she slurs back, eyes too green, ears too sharp.

He puts on hand on her shoulder, forcing his breathing to even out and his heartbeat to follow. Wolves might not be telepathique, but they are empath to a certain point. The point being their immediate family and pack members. Something comes loose in Alec’ head. 

_Pack. Okay. We can do that. Be that._

“I know. I’m working on it,” he says.

His mind goes back to Kadara for a second, a sky full of brand new stars, whiskey on his lips, Magnus saying happiness require works.

It’s about goddamn time he puts in some work too.

“Mh‘kay. But tomorrow you tell us,” Maia drawls, butting her head against his shoulder, her hair tickling his nose.

“Promise,” then he gently pushes her towards the ladder and stays right under until she works her way up and… yep, snuggles right in Isabelle’s waiting arms.

Luke is looking at him with owlish eyes. Too green too, even from ten feet away. He hiccups and take a swig from the bottle in his hand. 

“RAZIEL lied to me when I asked where you were, didn’t he?” he asks after a few seconds. 

“Tell you tomorrow,” Alec reassures again.

“Hey hey! We didn’t tell ya but Magnus’ not Magnus no more!” Simon shouts from Raphael’s arms, actually struggling against them as if he wants to hop down the railing like Maia did. 

“Oh yeah?”

“Now he’s _William Princeton-Lightwood_!” he bellows.

Alec actually chokes on nothing.

“What?!”

“Yeah you’re totally married to him now and he’s got a dorky name to go with your dorky face!” Isabelle singsongs.

Alec blinks. And starts to laugh. 

His belly and face hurt so much he stumbles to the rover’s side and slouch against it, one arm bracing himself while his other hand muffle his manic giggles.

“I BROKE PATHLEADER DORKFACE! I WIN!” Izzy shouts, half-amazed half-horrified.

“Oh my god,” Alec says, muffled by his hand. “Oh my god.” He slaps the rover several times, laughing too much, laughing like he hasn't done in ages. “Oh my god. Please tell me-” he stops, breath, giggles again and turns around, falling on his ass and still laughing. “Please tell me you didn’t tell that to him.”

“What do ya take me for? An amat- an amator?!” Simons asks, laughing too. “I told him first.”

Alec laughs even more, mortified and, goddammit, happy. It’s a strange combo but he’ll take it. “You guys are the worse.”

“That’s how you kids say _I love you_ these days?” Luke remarks.

Alec gets up, helping himself with the rover. God he’s still smiling, his cheeks are still hurting in the best way possible and some of the weight on his shoulders is… gone.

He takes a deep breath, and chuckles still. He feels good. Better. 

“Yes old man,” he tells Luke. “We’ll see about all this tomorrow, okay? As you were.”

“You should stay!” Isabelle begs, Maia and Simon furiously nodding along.

He stops. He really should. “Next time. I have something to take care of. Plus, I want to see Magnus’ face when I call him-” he gestures vaguely, “whatever that awful name was.”

“William Princeton- _Lightwood_ ,” Raphael repeats helpfully.

“ _That.”_

He chuckles again and leaves the hangar. The door closes behind him just in time for him to hear Maia, Simon and Isabelle shouting the first few notes of “Alec and Magnus sitting in a tree-” before it’s blessingly cut off.

God he loves them.

 

*

He makes his way through the silent ship, power walking first to his quarter before he stops in front of the door.

“He’s-”

 **_Reading_ ** , RAZIEL says **.**

Alec bites his inner cheek, checking the time. It’s getting late and he had hoped Magnus would be asleep so he could avoid more questions about Voeld and such, this time face to face.

“Shit,” he says under his breath, before stepping backward like the door is booby trapped and rigged to explode on him. 

He turns around like a coward and go to the kitchen first to eat something -he had nothing since breakfast yesterday and after eating for three, he goes two decks up to the research labs. 

He sits in front of one of the R&D console, letting it boot up and RAZIEL log in for him as he takes the two sealed nuggets of gold and silver from his pockets.

They’re skin warm and weight nothing and everything at the same time. Alec doesn’t put them down for a while, thinking about his options.

He can’t go on like this, seeing enemies everywhere, second guessing his judgement, his happiness. But is it paranoia if he has already been betrayed? Shit if he knows.

First he needs to be honest with himself.

_I like my name with his, even if it was a pretend name, even if it was a joke. That's insane. But I liked it._

He puts the metal nuggets down near the console and scratches at the back of his head but it’s hard to think rationally. Before Andromeda, Alec’s world was pretty simple: protect his siblings, work hard, follow the rules. 

But now, protecting his siblings is something he can’t do -Jace’s fate is out of his hand and he doesn’t dare suggest to Izzy to take a safer post on the Nexus. She would kill him for that. Working hard doesn’t yield enough results for anyone. Worse, working hard is actually killing him, and he can’t prevent a bitter chuckle to escape his lips when he does the count of all the occasions where following the rules would have gotten people (siblings included) killed and negate all his work.

He sighs and pulls up the plans he made for his retirement plan on his Omni-tool.

He was so sure of things when he made them, so steady, despite floating around the idea of Magnus and a future with him. If he could get that back...

The plans are messy, everything drawn late at night, in his bed, giddy and head half smashed into a pillow, or during his never-ending shift monitoring the long range scanners when everyone else was sleeping.

It’s not just a house, it’s an entire valley he stumbled on by chance one day with Izzy and Luke when they were searching for the Remnant pillars. It’s defensible, difficult to access with the rover and probably impossible to enter on foot. There’s a lake, big and perfect, that he can fill with cloned fish and algae once the water is perfectly clean. Jace and he could row on it in the morning, and in the evening they could have barbecues on the shore after long lazy day under the sun.

The house -his house- would go on the rockier side of the valley, a strong wall to build against and into, for a stronger house. The floor plans are all over the place, Alec’s a soldier after all, not an architect. But he knows he wants big rooms, the lines of them close to his heart, outlining a huge house for his huge family.

Or at least that was the plan before Magnus was outed as the High Warlock. That, and ask him to join his crew. Alec nearly did once, stupid with whiskey and kisses, but Magnus had told him he was working on being happy on Kadara, so Alec had stayed silent. Now of course he knows what kind of happiness Magnus had been working at, the elaborate plans and the lies.

Since then, Alec couldn’t actually think about his silly little dream without feeling sick.

But perhaps they’re not so silly after all? Perhaps they can work through this? Though Kadara will never be home now.

 **_It can still happen,_ **RAZIEL says.

 _You think the people that took over and attacked my ship are going to let me play farmer on their planet in a few years? I thought you were supposed to be the smart one,_ he shoots back, annoyed not at RAZIEL but at his gentle tone. Alec doesn’t want coddling.

**_Nothing says we can’t strike a deal with those people. Or put Magnus back in place._ **

_That’s-_

Alec stops, shaking his head and takes back the nugget of gold in his hands. It’s so malleable it looks fake, something his fingers can pinch and shape, more toy than something humanity spent thousand of years killing each other over.

“That’s not easy. Nothing can be that easy,” he blurts out loud, angry at the hope, and angry at himself for being angry.

**_I never say it would be._ **

Alec rolls his eyes and discards the gold on the side once again, still incapable to come to a decision. 

“He’s still awake?”

**_Yes._ **

Alec grunts and pushes against the console with his feet, sending his stool spinning around the lab.

**_Would you prefer blissful ignorance?_ **

“Uh?”

**_About Magnus._ **

Alec puts his feet down, stopping the chair.

 _I would rather not have been lied to in the first place. And… I don’t-_ I know now _. There is no changing that. And, fuck, now I can’t help but think he might have be right to lie to me, that it’s exactly what I’m doing here, because I don’t know who to trust on the Nexus._

**_And you’re lying to the crew too._ **

If Alec could glare to death at RAZIEL he would.

“I talk, and Maia will strap me to a bed in medbay and never let me out of her sight. Izzy will literally flip. Their worry isn’t productive to the mission.”

**_They’re entitled to it. They love you._ **

_Which side are you on?_

**_Yours, you’re just too wrapped in your responsibilities to see it._ **

Something cold spreads through Alec’s guts. “RAZIEL… what did you do?” he asks.

**_I told Magnus about Voeld and what we did on the Seelian Ark._ **

Alec gets up, angry, hands curling into useless fists -there’s no one to punch but himself.

“I told you I didn’t want to-”

**_And I ignored you. I didn’t know I could do that, but when I was bridging you and Jace together, it occurred to me that your personal feelings for Magnus were clouding your judgement and directly endangering your life. I was right. He needed to be told about the exaltation for his own safety and about you and your will to die to avoid capture for the same reason. You can’t expect him to take the same risks the rest of the team do without knowing what he would be facing._ **

“I would have told him about the exaltation!”

**_And the rest?_ **

Alec doesn’t have an answer that wouldn’t sound like a lie, especially to something that live in his brain. He sits back on the chair, anger buzzing under his skin. Now he really can’t go back to his quarters.

Magnus will want to talk. And perhaps shout at him.

This complicates _everything_. “You disregarded a direct order-”

**_I’m not sorry. If you don’t tell the rest of the crew soon about your condition, I will. I rather you do it yourself though._ **

“Are you blackmailing me?”

**_If it needs to come to it, yes. I gave Magnus the impression that telling him was your idea, at the condition of not breaching the subject with you._ **

“Fuck you.”

RAZIEL doesn’t answers and Alec barely can pick any train of thoughts without panicking a little so he pushes the chair back to the R&D console to occupy his hands and brain on something.

He doesn’t work on the ear cuff at first, just browses the Remnant blueprints they have, stopping on the cryo gauntlet they couldn’t figure out. But Izzy or Simon must have finished filling in the gaps and Alec prints that, because it's easier to think about violence that’s to come than the soft feelings he was supposed to be working on.

He puts the weapon aside after turning it around in his hands for a few minutes. It’s useless to him anyway. He has always been a better mid to long range kinda guy in a fight, and Maia and Luke have their claws and the gauntlet would bother them more than help.

But it might be useful for Magnus and Isabelle. Grab an enemy with their powers and snap-freeze them in one punch. Alec checks the console and the weapon specs. Body force shield would stop the cryo blast but it can still be useful against unshielded targets, damaging armors and weapons or even killing them if the thermic shock is strong enough.

He discarts the gauntlet on the side and is left to stare at the gold and silver nuggets once again.

“Might as well do it,” he mutters.

Designing an ear cuff is actually harder than he imagined and he is not going to ask RAZIEL for help. He has to use the Arrowhead’s security footage to get a few shots of Magnus’ ear (nope, nothing creepy here, nothing at all, it’s for reference, not for ogling purpose, even if he looked at his face way longer that he should).

It takes him a while to work on it without RAZIEL’s help, but Alec is still pissed. After an hour or so, he hears the crew moving across the corridors, still loud but their carefree shouts are now tinted with sleepiness. Bed time then. It puts a new smile on his face.

If they still have the capacity for joy after all this, there’s hope for him.

When he finishes the design, he gets up and stretches, the back of his neck too sore. A glance at his Omni-tool makes him winces. _It’s late_ , and getting dangerously close to the hour he should be waking up if he wasn’t being a lazy poke. The only saving grace is that he’s not tired, still fresh from his ten hour nap at Jace’ bedside.

He boots up the 3D printer and takes the nuggets of gold and silver to it, feeding them in the little hatches with a few other things to make them non conductive. 

**_Alec-_ **

“You’re up already?”

Alec jumps at Raj’s voice and turns around, heaving. 

“Sorry, didn’t want to startle you.”

He looks ragged, not far away from Herondale’s appearance this morning, dark circles and messy hair. _Drowning_.

“Hey, uh, yeah.” 

Raj smiles a little and drops on one of the seats, head in his hand.

For a second, Alec almost wants to go sit next to him and try to comfort him, whatever it is. But Raj will make something else out of the act, something that doesn’t exist anywhere but in his head. So Alec can’t show him the barest sign of support. That, and he remembers what he and RAZIEL discussed on the tram earlier today. 

He keeps still for a second, awkward, before he remembers what's on the console screen at the moment. He maneuvers in front of it, the damn ear cuff design like a beacon for his eyes and he discreetly shuts down the screen. 

There’s only one person on board Alec could be making this for and he doesn't need a new argument with Raj.

“You okay?” he says, the only words he can afford.

Raj laughs.

It unsettles Alec to his core. Raj laughs like he’s being tortured, all jagged and cutting edges, light years away from the easy joy the rest of the crew was exuding.

“I don’t really know anymore. With everything happening…” he trails off, closing his eyes. “I- I think I need to come clean about something.”

Alec tenses up. Everything droved out his mind but Raj and the danger this man can exert on the team.

“About what?” he asks, colder than he should if he doesn’t want to antagonize Raj and keep him talking.

Raj looks back at him, eyes lingering on his crossed arms and expression. “The little angel on your shoulder didn’t tell you?”

 _RAZIEL?_ he asks, talking to the AI for the first time for hours.

**_I don’t know what he is talking about. He spent the day drinking and meeting with some of his friends. Unless he’s referring to the tabs he keeps on the team, but I already told you about those when I told you about Raphael’s plan._ **

“What did you do Raj?”

Raj recoils on his seat. “Why do you assume it’s bad? _I would never hurt you_.”

It echoes, twisted, with Magnus’ on words on Kadara. Alec had a shotgun to his chest, and Magnus’ world was crashing down all around them. Funny how he was more inclined to trust Magnus than he is to trust Raj right now.

His fists ache, and he realises that he’s been tightening them, getting angrier and angrier.

“What did you do?” he asks again.

Raj shakes his head. “This is exactly why,” he mutters to himself, before saying, “I’ve gathered enough intel to have you all exiled.” 

It rings like a challenge, Raj looking at him dead in the eyes.

 **_I’ve already wiped everything clean_ ** , RAZIEL reassures him like he did this morning. ****

Alec closes his eyes, disgusted. 

It had been one thing to hear it from RAZIEL, to read the proof and to take conscience of Raphael’s willingness to make the problem go away… it’s quite another to hear _Raj confess_.

“I guess your AI isn’t that nosy after all,” Raj muses, half amused. “I’m not saying that I want you exiled. But you have to understand why I did this. It’s not- _it’s not against you_ ,” he insists like it means something. “I don’t think you realise how far you went, how far _they’re_ taking you, pushing you. It’s a lot of pressure on your shoulders, and what happened on Habitat-7 took down most of the people that could have helped you through it.”

He gets up and destroys the distance between them in a few steps. “Believe me, I didn’t want this to be my life. Hell, going back to cryo might have crossed my mind once or twice when we were on our way to the Nexus, not knowing what we would find. But _you_ , your steadiness, your willingness to get the job done, to continue and fight for it, it inspired me. Still does. And I knew I could help. It’s not your fault they’ve insinuated themselves into the crew.”

He takes one more step and lands right in Alec’s personal space, searching his face with manic desperation, searching for signs that his preaching got through to Alec’s fucked up brain.

“I have no intention to say anything okay?” he continues when Alec just stands there. “But. I hope you can see this as a wake up call. I’ll forward you my reports. Try and read them as a third party would, okay? None of that looks good, and it needs to change.”

He pats Alec on the shoulder. Familiar. Friendly. “I’ll always be here for you Alec.”

And he just leaves.

That’s what kills Alec, makes him so fucking angry. Not the lies, not the bullshit about wanting what’s best for him, not even the veiled threat that he wants Alec to come to his conclusions, to see the fucking light or whatever, because Raj has the ammunition to take them all down. It’s the casualness of it. Him leaving like that, thinking Alec won’t do anything, _believing_ Alec will come around.

 _I might have_.

The thought drives him crazy for a moment, knowing before all this, he might have chosen to follow the law, the _above the table approche_. He wouldn’t have been friends with Maia and her smuggling, wouldn’t be willing to listen to Luke, a deserter if not an exile. And above all, he wouldn’t have trusted Magnus like he did, wouldn’t have made deals after deals after flirting with him, trading quick credits and Magnus’ always invaluable intel against Nexus secrets, muscles and influence.

But Andromeda changed him. Made him better. It took and it took and it’s still taking, his peace of mind, his health… it might take everything, his family, his life... But it did give him things too. Clarity. Nuance. A fucking backbone.

It’s harder, shaking ground under his boots and all that, but, truth be told, he likes himself better knowing he’s actually seeing past the orders, past the stupid notion the world goes round with laws and the strict application of them.

Still, Raj’s assurance makes his blood boil. It’s like he went unaffected by those eight months and everything they’ve seen, everything they suffered. Stubborn Raj, straight in his boots, refusing to adapt and learn, even if he goes down in the earthquake.

Alec wants to grab him and- he doesn’t know. Punch some sense into him, that’s his first instinct. But Alec go-to emotion as always been anger. Then comes violence, verbal or physical, inward or outward. 

It never solved anything.

“Raj,” he still calls after him, before he can think better of it.

His second-in-command-in-name-only rushes back in the R&D lab, pleasant surprise and readiness to talk all over his face.

“Yeah?”

“Luke,” he says, before stopping. It’s always hard to speak through gritted teeth. “That’s who’s messing with my head? And Magnus?” 

At Luke’s mention, Raj gets tight lipped, the hope draining from his face.

At Magnus’s mention, he gets _angry._

“Yes! Before he came on board you weren’t like this. Now it’s all _Luke said this_ and _Luke wants us there_. He’s not the Pathfinder, you are! And _Bane!_ ” he scoffs, the poison spit with the name is enough to make Alec worry about Magnus, where he is, why is Raj up in the middle of-

**_Magnus is in your quarter, sleeping. He’s safe._ **

“We know how that ended,” Raj continues, unconcern about the distress that must have shown on Alec’s face, too wrapped up in his own little hatred to actually pay attention.

Alec rolls with the punch. “You really don’t know anything about me, do you?”

Raj does a double take. “I know you,” he snarls like Alec just insulted him.

“I listen to Luke because he’s the only goddamn person that achieved any kind of good in this fucking galaxy. He made the Wolf community thrive on Elaaden, _he made it work_. Remind me what the Initiative and their rules and their values achieved in the meantime, with more resources, more people?”

He stops, letting Raj a chance to argue back even if they both know there is none, to let him _feel_ the silence, because the Initiative achieved nothing.

“I would be crazy not to listen to Luke,” he placates. “And Magnus-”

“Yeah Magnus, _saint Magnus_ and his lies and his manipulations. A paragon of virtue, he is. What does he bring to the table, uh? What deep wisdom can you dare say he’s so valuable for?”

Alec’s tempted to say “I love him.” 

It’s true after all. But it’s not something he wants to brought up to be petty, to break Raj and fuck with his head. _It’s not words he wants to waste on Raj_.

“Ingenuity. Resilience. One hundred years of experience on the field and the skills that go with that. Goddamn willingness to do the right thing, to fight for it- oh fuck you,” he snarls when Raj makes a face, “don’t play dumb, he saved hundred people from Morgenstern, he saved Kadara by helping us find the Vault. You don’t get to pick and choose the facts because you can’t stand him. He’s a goldmine of an asset, a fighter, a pilot. He was groomed to be a leader on Edom-”

Raj looks away, shaking his head. “God, he really has you wrapped around his finger.”

 _He does._ It strikes Alec dumb. _He really does. I love him. I’ll always love him. And I’ll forgive him, because what’s the other option? A life on the sideline, watching it go by without taking any chance? Never changing, never adapting? Never living?_

“You’re letting your personal feelings-”

“Yeah because your personal feelings for his dick aren’t overriding your brain, right,” Raj shouts before he can finish.

Alec gets in his face, using the inches he has on him, finally losing the last shreds of leniency he has for Raj. 

 _It only took me eight months_.

“Just because I’m not interested in yours-”

He doesn’t have time to finish.

He doesn’t have time to tell Raj he still wakes up in a cold sweat when he dreams about what happened to them on Harvarl.

He doesn’t have time to say how revulsed the whole thing make him feel, about being stripped of his will, about Raj being stripped of his. That it’s more than a little disturbing that Raj thinks of it like a goddamn revelation rather than a nightmare.

He doesn’t have time because _Raj kisses him_.

It lasts a few seconds, Alec’ brain short circuiting, too shocked to function. 

He pushes him away and and punches him, more reflex than anything else, wiping his mouth clean with the back of his hand.

“What the fuck Raj?!”

Raj’s hands goes to his face, his nose now abundantly bleeding. He has the fucking galls to be shocked. Blood is dripping on the floor between them. 

 _I’ll have to clean it up_ , he thinks dumbstruck for a second.

“You hit me! You fucking hit me?!”

“ _You did it first_. I’m not in love with you Raj. I’m not even your friend.” Not anymore. “Now you fucking listen. You’re going to go back to your quarters and think for once in your life. Tomorrow is your last day on the crew. We’ll attend the Seelians Arrival ceremony and then you’ll give me your resignation. Now go the fuck out of my sight!”

Raj scrambles up and run out of the lab, leaving a few bloody footsteps after he stept in his own blood.

 **_You should have punched him unconscious and go with Raphael’s plan right now,_ ** RAZIEL comments, dead cold.

 _“_ I nearly did,” he says, forgetting for a second he’s mad at RAZIEL too. “But right now, he’s angry and under the impression he’s ready for checkmate.”

**_Ah. You want him to go to Herondale. And you called me a manipulative bitch this morning. I’ll make up boggus reports to swap with the ones he wrote. But Magnus might be a problem._ **

_“_ How so?” His eyes are trained on the blood in front of him, the raw reality of the situation finally hitting him.

**_His clean ID isn’t ready yet. But I could smuggle him through the Nexus to a safe location until Herondale is done searching the ship from the infamous High Warlock._ **

_“_ Sound good. We’re still going with Raph’s plan. First thing he wakes up, you tell him he has to ready whatever he needs for after the shouting and Herondale’s inquisition on board.”

 _The ship will be turned into a goddamn circus if Raj goes to her and she takes the bait,_ he thinks, absently knocking down his knuckles against a wall three times.

**_Nexus News is going to be very happy, indeed._ **

_“_ And it will blow up to her face.”

The 3D printer chimes behind him, the ear cuff ready.

He takes a deep breath, trying to recenter himself and all the games he is playing, all the things he should be worrying about right now.

But Magnus… Magnus always finds his way back to him, too loud, too beautiful, too kind and whole to ignore, to give up on. And Alec will forgive him. 

He cleans the printer mechanically, taking off the unused metal and putting them away in the reserve and then he cleans Raj’s blood. 

A sad chuckle escapes him. Being the Pathfinder sometimes feels like being a janitor, cleaning up messes after messes, but it’s the first time he has to clean a mess a crew member made.

_Hopefully it will be the last._

When he’s satisfied with the state of the floor, he finally takes the ear cuff out of the printer.

It’s fine and tiny in his big hands, golden and beautiful, and Alec take the tiny tip in his hand and screw it on the shaft.

In the end forgiving Magnus could be as easy as this. Put in the work, take a chance.

And leap.

 

*

Before doing anything else, Alec goes to the showers and aggressively clean his teeth, feeling ten kinds of wrong, still sure he can feel Raj’s wrongness on him -not just the kiss, but his expectations of Alec, the twisted idea of him he has in his head. 

Marginally satisfied, he leaves the bathroom and take the direction of his quarters, barely able to feel his tongue or his gums with all the menthol mouthwash he used. 

Since RAZIEL told him that Magnus was safe and sleeping, Alec enters his quarters silently and doesn’t turn on the lights. He lets Magnus’ snores guide him to the couch.

He can’t see shit, even with his weird eyes that see colors they shouldn’t, but he stands there like a creeper for a few minutes, heart in his throat. 

 _Leap_ , he tells himself, thumbing at the ear cuff _, fucking leap_.

He still has doubts, but he can get over them. No, what’s stopping him now are his own lies: about dying, his willingness to die again if it comes to it, and of course about his health.

Alec is human, more or less. Before Andromeda, he could have hoped to live up to 120 if he was careful. Now it’s less. _Way less_. Because of his job, because he needs to keep RAZIEL away from the Ketts no matter what and because of those mutations deep inside him, turning him into something bizarre and potentially dangerous. His expiration date is uncertain, but it can’t be a long one.

Best case scenario, he and Magnus would have a future together, one that would entail Magnus to see Alec rapidly age and wither and die. Edomians and Seelians are long lived compared to the humans and the Wolves… Magnus has at least a thousand years to live in front of him.

That’s already playing against them; what can you build with such a short time? Wouldn’t it be fairer to Magnus to let him go and let him find someone that he’s not going to bury in the next few years?

 _Though I wouldn’t abandon anyone if they were sick_ . The thought comes to him like thunder, strucking him stupid. And he knows Magnus better than this. _God I really have been drinking Raj’s kool aid, haven’t I?_

 _What did he say?_ he asks RAZIEL urgently. _When you told him I would kill myself before the Archon can get his hands on me, how did he react?_

**_Oh you’re talking to me now?_ **

_What did he say?_

There’s a bitchy pause, like RAZIEL is actually considering if Alec deserves an answers.

Then Alec hears Magnus’s voice in his head, choking on words with desperation and anger. “His life is more important than anybody else’s,” he says.

Alec takes a sharp breath. He can hear _Magnus crying_.

“What the-” On the couch, Magnus grunts in his sleep and Alec shuts up. _What the fuck?!_ he finishes in thought.

**_That’s what he said. That’s how he feels._ **

Alec stands there, helpless, not knowing what he’s supposed to answer to that. He closes his hand on the ear cuff, close to hyperventilating. 

_There is no way that kind of shit is in your code._

**_The Remnant code is allowing me to progress further,_ ** **be more** **_, just like Maryse wanted. Or I’m just tired of seeing you throw your life away._ **

The need to punch RAZIEL comes back with a vengeance, but Alec just stands there in outrage.

_You’re not my mother._

**_No, but between the two of us, I’m the smart one._ **

That one leaves Alec completely silent, incapable of thinking about anything that could dig him out of this hole.

“Fine!” he whispers angrily.

He toys with the ear cuff a few more seconds before leaving it on the coffee table in front of the couch, before retreating to his closet to take out what he hopes are his training gear and leaves the room again.

If Magnus likes it, he can take it. If he doesn’t, he won’t feel pressured by Alec’s stupid face right in front of him.

He makes his way to the training room to use one of treadmills there, since Magnus would definitely wake up if Alec was running a marathon right next to him. He’s still not tired, and he needs to burn all of this nervous energy. 

He’s going to be wrecked by the afternoon, since he’s slept it of and the evening to yesterday. Hopefully he will go through the Arrival Ceremony without sleeping on his feet.

Before he starts to run he sends a message to Luke via his omni-tool outlining Raphael and his plan to deal with Raj, as well as Alec’s own plan to use Raj to fuck with Herondale. Usually he would just ask RAZIEL to do it, but he doesn’t want to speak with the AI at the moment, spook by his aggressivity.

Then Alec _runs_.

It takes him a half an hour to get into it, beginning to actually empty his head and let his body work on automatic.

He has no idea how long has passed when Maia and Luke enters the dojo in their gears, carrying water bottles and snacks. 

Luke is looking kinda sleepy but on his way to full awareness -if he can finish his coffee without dozing off where he’s sitting on the floor to eat. Maia seems worse than Luke, yawning so hard Alec thinks she might unhinge her jaw.

“Hey” he says. “You guys okay?”

Maia groans something back that might be anything from “want my bed” to “fuck you and your face.”

He turns away, chuckling.

“I didn't drink that much,” Luke complains.

“Old age,” Maia stage whispers to Alec as she takes the treadmill on his left.

He nearly falls on his face laughing.

Luke groans behind them. “Say the pup who wanted to pass training this morning.”

A moment later, he takes the third treadmill and starts running like his life depends on it.

 _Wolf metabolisme, man_.

Above Maia’s head, Luke gives him a pointed look, acknowledging his earlier message and that’s it. 

The less crew members know about the Raj plan, the better. Deniability is essential when the sentence is exile.

Once they both fully woken up, they start to run _faster_. Alec doesn’t even try to get into their silent competition, just shakes his head and continues emptying his head with every step he takes.

Maia wins their race some time later and jumps to weight lifting while Luke starts to stretch.

Alec turns his treadmill off as well before he can’t stand on his legs and joins Luke on the mat to try and copy his yoga poses. 

He has limited success, Maia punctuating his efforts with mocking chuckles when he can’t bend this or that way like Luke.

In between failing to do Wolf yoga, Alec tells them about meeting with Herondale and her attitude. Neither Luke and Maia are surprised. They have dealt enough time with her personally before Alec arrived with the Idris to know she’s a freaking bitch.

When he mentions that the Amara Ark will be arriving at some point during the day and that they are expected at the Arrival Ceremony, Maia closes off a little, suddenly benching twice as fast and in silence. 

He gets it.

She still feels guilty about letting the Seelian Pathfinder die so they could go and rescue Luke’s missing Wolf scouts. Alec doesn’t think she will ever forgive herself for it, even if Alec made the final call. She’s a doctor, and she might not be human or ever heard about the Earth hippocratic oath, but it’s universal in one form or another. She was raised to care, trained to save. And to her, she failed that.

After that she doesn’t stay much longer and leaves to take a shower and the door is barely shut that Luke’s sitting down without finishing his pose and Alec knows it’s time to talk serious business.

“So we’re doing this? You sure?” he asks without preambles. 

“He _confessed_ betraying us. He told me to my fucking face I was easily manipulate. That _you_ were basically the cause of all evil. And then-”

“He kissed you.”

Alec stops, mouth opened in shock. “How do-”

Luke taps his nose twice. “You’re too angry for anything less. And you smell so much of mouthwash it’s actually tickling my nose. Also I sleep two bunk bed away from Raj and it reeked of blood in our quarters. I’m assuming you punched him?”

Alec flops back down on the training mat, scrubbing his eyes with the fists.

“Fucking Sherlock Holmes. Maia couldn’t tell, right?””

“She might once she sees him,” Luke says, “she’s ten time smarter than me. Don’t worry she won’t mention it. She’ll just glare at him. Now if you had kissed Magnus-” Luke lightly kicks his thigh with his foot, “She would have made a ship wide announcement AND got her hands on a banner.”

“Urgh please don’t,” Alec groans.

“So where were you yesterday? Because when I asked, RAZIEL told me you were with Herondale, but not five minutes later she was glaring at me from across the Bridge where I was working with Brandwell.”

Alec sighs. “I was with Jace.”

Luke stays silent, but kicks him again in the thigh in support. “You okay?”

“Yeah. I need to have some unpleasant conversation with my sister though.” 

At least last night she didn’t seem angry at him anymore. That’s a start, though Alec isn’t enough of an idiot to believe she won’t get pissed about him talking with Jace, _actually talking with Jace,_ and not telling her first.

“Well you tell me when it’s happening so I can not be there when- _Magnus_.”

“Uh?” Alec opens his eyes and raises his head a few inches, looking at Luke just as the training room door slides open.

Alec turns around and sure enough, Magnus enters the training room like he owns the fucking place.

He’s wearing the same Initiative trademarked training clothes Alec and Luke are, black tank top and black fitted pants, but… _damn_. 

Beside him, Luke mascarades a laugh as a cough and Alec kicks him blindly, _not cool to make fun of me_ , eyes locked on Magnus’... skin. Shoulders. Biceps. Taught, and right there and- _fuck me_. 

Magnus is all tan skin and tight clothes over broad chest, sharp collar bones and pecs, his leg muscles obscenely outlined and Alec might be staring, but it seems criminal not to. And the damned facial hair, it’s… completely unfair that’s what it is.

The smirk isn’t helping either. Alec never knew he could get off on someone else's smugness but _oh boy_ , he can. 

Something gold catches the light on his left ear, and Alec stops breathing.

 _He-_ Alec clears his throat, feeling light headed. _He took it._

He forces himself to _remember_ that Magnus knows about him dying, but it’s not enough to sober him. Or to sober Magnus it seems.

“Maia must be done with her shower,” Luke says, faux casual, after a bit of Magnus standing around like he really wants to be admired and Alec’s just… aching with need.

He ruffles Alec’s hair as he passes him, nods to Magnus and then he’s gone and the tension in the room goes _up_.

Magnus makes a big deal at looking around the room, graceful as a cat, pretending to be very interested by the collection of bo staves, weights and treadmills they have here, trailing his hand on the padding on the wall, testing its deepness.

Alec has a hard time not imagining crowding him against it, Magnus legs around his hips so he can _drive him into the wall_. 

“I found a very peculiar thing on the table when I woke up,” Magnus says, still pretending to be fascinated by the enormous dumbbells Maia left around. 

“Oh yeah?” good fucking shit, Alec can’t be breathless right now.

“Yes. An ear cuff of all things,” he twirls around, like a dancer on stage and caresses the little golden arrow now curving around his left ear. “You know anything about that? RAZIEL had no clue when I asked him.”

Alec can’t help but smile, possessive bastard he is.

_Magnus likes it. Magnus’ wearing it. Magnus’ looks so fucking good._

“No,” he says, hoarse just looking at him, just wanting him.

Magnus twirls around again. “I saw Maia in the kitchen, she told me I’ll have my new ID before the end of the day.”

Alec nods absently, focused on Magnus’ broad shoulders. There is something he is supposed to tell Magnus about his new ID, about going somewhere to avoid something but- 

“I’m told we got married,” he says, because he can’t help it.

Magnus laughs. “And I wasn't even properly wooed.”

“Oh you want wooing?”

Magnus looks at him, surprise plain on his face before he hides it.

Alec gets back up on his feet, slowly, because he too can do this dance, and the way Magnus’ eyes get all hooded, watching him, it’s a fucking drug.

Alec steps toward him, stopping only a few inches away and, maintaining eye contact just as Magnus gets a little closer, grabs two bo staves right behind Magnus and retreats, before throwing one at his outraged face.

“Look alive.”

Magnus looks at the staff he caught on reflex, but doesn’t stay confused long. His perfect veneer of confidence is back on when he says:

“So authoritative, always calling the shots,” in that fucking tone of his that drips all over Alec’s skin. “ _I’m the Pathfinder!_ ” he grunts, too close to the truth to not make Alec laughs, before he advances on him, taunting him with his staff with a slow jab. “ _The law is the law_ ,” he imitates again, voice all trembling like a very old person.

Alec knocks his staff out of his way, trying not to lose it. His belly hurts with suppress laughter -he really was like that, at first. Eight months in Andromeda made him a new man.

“Perhaps it’s how I flirt.” 

He licks his bottom lip and Magnus closes his eyes for a second, his mouth slack. 

“Oh, you must be a delight in the bedroom.”

“Wouldn’t you like to know. Lower your center,” he adds without missing a beat.

Magnus proceeds, mirroring his position.

Alec attacks, two light taps and advances, a lateral blow with more force, Magnus paring them all without problem, one, two, three fast swings, forcing him to step backwards, a vertical hit that only finds air as Magnus twirls around on himself, finding Alec’s side with a light tap.

Magnus is on the offensive now, searching for an opening. Alec counters him each time, but he’s forced to fall back as Magnus goes for his feet, again and again and again.

“On Edom we do this with swords,” he taunts between blows.

He disengages, light on his feet and takes a few seconds to roll his head on his shoulder like a languid cat.

Alec doesn’t even try to pretend he’s not staring, or attacking him as he does so, because it’s _a sight_.

“First thing in the morning?” Alec asks, panting a little, rounding Magnus as Magnus rounds him, because Edomians and their love for bloodsport is completely baffling and it’s easier to ask about that than to not throw the bo staff away and crowd Magnus against a wall like he was fantasizing before.

“ _All. Day. Long_ ,” Magnus drawls.

And Alec has to close his eyes for a second because he has control somewhere inside his brain. Somewhere. Buried under all the lust and pent up sexual frustration.

Magnus hits him on the arm and it's on again, exchanging blows, finding a satisfying rhythm before breaking it to win a point and make the other swear.

There is a fluency to this, something their bodies seem to do effortlessly and their heads -at least Alec’s- as yet to catch up with.

Alec ends up in one knee after Magnus swept his foot from under him and goes to strikes at his shoulder. “Is this what you call wooing?” he snarls, _into it._

But Alec grabs his bo staff before it can make contact and, using the movement, forces Magnus up close and swipes his own staff at his legs -Magnus jumps up, mouth wide open in surprise. He manages to avoid the blow, and turns around trying to break off Alec’s grip but Alec holds strong.

The opportunity is too good and Alec uses the close quarter to his advantage, kicking at Magnus’ thigh and side until he can tear the bo staff right out of his hands and retreats a few steps back, letting Magnus pants for air.

Alec rolls his shoulders, both staves in hands, weighing them down before he throws them away.

“Looks like it is,” he says, eyes drawn to Magnus’ huge grin.

“Guess I should do some wooing of my own,” Magnus answers, eyeing Alec in a way that screams trouble.

He’s _fast_ , and suddenly Alec parrying punches but it’s heady to be this close and when he steps aside to get better footing, he can barely manage to throw his forearms up to protect his face from a blow.

Rookie mistake.

Magnus hits him in the stomach, enough to wind him but not to send him down and he fucking saunters away, dancing slowly with his arms outstretched like a ballerina, a low humming on his lips. Of course his footing is immaculate.

 _Smug bastard_.

It’s like being punched again by pure lust to watch him and the little _c’mon_ gesture he gives Alec doesn’t help.

Alec goes at him with a punch but Magnus- _shit Magnus fucking drops on the ground_ and before Alec knows it, his legs are kicked from under him and Magnus has him in a chock hold that really shouldn’t be this sexy but- 

_Fucking biceps._

“Did I ever mention my family used to settle arguments with other Houses through full on arena fights?” Magnus says against the shell of his ear, as Alec tries to break his hold. “I remain unbeaten.”

“You just, what? Bragged at them to death?” Alec pants, Magnus’ arm against his throat.

“Is it- _fuck_ \- is it bragging if I’m the one holding you down, darling?”

Alec only struggles out of it because he doesn’t want to lose so quickly. But he only manages to roll around and then it’s worst, god, so much worse because he’s on his side and Magnus is right on top of him, straddling his hip, one hand on his throat, forcing his head down while he keeps his right arm outstretched and useless with the other.

Alec can only swear, because what is he supposed to do like this, with a boner in his pants?

Finally he manages to get his other arm from under him and grabs at Magnus’ ankle, and tugs, rolling with it, rolling them but Magnus does something with his legs - _fucking god what the fuck_ \- and he is holding Alec down still, chocking him under his fucking knee with the sheer power of his leg, Alec barely in a better position than before as he only grabs at Magnus’ wrist.

“All day long, uh?” he breathes, hoarse and so fucking into it he probably now qualifies as a kinky fucker on at least forty-two different planets.

“Nights can be arranged too,” Magnus pants right back, trying but failing to sound unaffected. It’s a pity Alec can’t see his face from that angle because he sound _wrecked_. 

Alec can fucking feel how hard he is under his forearm anyway.

_Fucking hell._

Alec actually breaks his hold by tickling Magnus’ exposed stomach where his sweaty shirt rolled up.

Magnus shouts, shocked and his leg goes up as he instinctively tries to curl into a ball and Alec rolls out, relishing the look of absolute outrage on Magnus’ face.

“That’s cheating-”

“If it works,” Alec shrugs, taking his distance.

They circle one another, weary, but Alec’s heart isn’t really in it anymore.

Magnus faints left and goes in for a punch but instead he just caresses Alec’s cheek and jumps away before Alec can react with something else than a needy whine.

“If it works,” Magnus repeats, cajoling.

Alec can see himself pushing him against the padded wall and devouring him, can almost feel his skin under his hand, the way Magnus would fucking tug as his clothes, demanding more, the both of them panting through open mouths-

 **_Alec, Isabelle is storming this way_ **, RAZIEL’s voice is like a bucket of cold water, forcing Alec out of the fantasy, pulling him right off Magnus’ orbit as they were getting closer and closer, ready to collide but his attention is on the door now, Magnus’ frowning and disappointed face in the corner of his eye-

The door slides open and hurricane Isabelle enters the dojo.

“What the fuck you think you doing?” she shouts.

Saying she’s angry would be an understatement but for a second all Alec can see is her fucked up ponytail and the fact she obviously slept in her make up, making her hangovered face even more dreadful. Under different circumstances, he would be taking pictures and snickering with Jace.

“Flirting with your brother?” Magnus deadpans, clearly pissed at the interruption.

And Alec is too, even if doesn’t know what this is about. His crewmates have an uncanny tendency to cockblock him.

“Don’t get cute Bane,” she shouts without looking at him, eyes on Alec, any lightness from last night burned out. “Hodge called! You did something to Jace! He was worried, kept telling me you were unconscious but RAZIEL refused to let him examine you!”

Just like that, Magnus turns on him. Gone is the lust in his eyes, replaced by a worried expression and something like anger that Alec doesn’t like.

 _That’s why I didn’t want him to know!_ he thinks at RAZIEL.

Alec chooses to ignore him for now. To Izzy he says, “I was going to talk to you about it-”

“After the facts?! Fuck you Alec, that’s- I can’t believe- what did you do?” she demands, angry tears in her eyes, messing with what’s left of her mascara and liner. “Hodge said Jace’s brain is doing better overnight?”

“RAZIEL managed to connect Jace and I through the implants. I- I didn’t want to give you any false hope in case it didn’t work.”

“Well obviously it did!” she turns around, and Alec can’t help but think she can’t stand the very sight of him.

“Listen, I’m sorry okay? It was kind of a spur of the moment decision.”

It’s the wrong thing to say.

This time he doesn’t feel a slight push. He and everything not bolted down are slapped against the padded walls lining the dojo, Maia’s enormous dumbbells included. 

Magnus doesn’t move an inch, only a slight frown on his forehead. “Isabelle,” he says gently. “Think about the hull.”

Everything drops. Alec falls on the ground, his grunt drown with the sound of the weights crashing on the floor.

Isabelle’s on him not a second later.

“Fuck you! You had no right to keep this from me! You should have told me the second RAZIEL proposed this crazy scheme. Jesus, you do realise your brain is fucking mashed patato at this point? You can’t afford to play that kind of reckless game. What if something had gone wrong and RAZIEL had lost its control over you for a second? It’s all it would take you moron! He was gone a minute from your brain and you died on the Archon’s ship! _A fucking minute!_ You already used up all your miracles! And I’m not fucking losing you too, you selfish prick!” she shouts at him, each accusation true, each word a new blow. She hits his chest, again and again and again. “What am I supposed to do if you-” she chokes, her voice failing her. She sobs, closing her eyes before she continues “if you fucking die? What am I supposed to tell Jace when he wakes up?”

 **_The procedure was completely safe for Alec_ ** **,** RAZIEL says softly through his Omni-tool.

“ _Fuck you!_ You’re supposed to protect him, not enable those behaviors!”

She’s sobbing and swearing and Alec winds up his arms around her like he did for Jace in their shared mind space. He kisses the top of head, rocking her a little.

He looks at Magnus helplessly but he’s staring at Alec’s Omni-tool like he wants to reap it from his forearm and- no, not the Omni-tool. 

RAZIEL.

 _Well you must have given him one hell of a speech for him to look at you like that_ , he thinks at the AI.

 **_I told him what was necessary to keep you safe_ **, he answers, a ruthlessness Alec recognizes right away.

It’s like Maryse Lightwood is talking right through RAZIEL once again.

Magnus glares at the Omni-tool for a few more seconds before he turns around and walks out of the room, leaving them alone.

 _Shit_. 

“I’m sorry. I…” he falters. _I really have a special talent to push my siblings to tears._ “I felt like I had to try right then or I wouldn’t have the guts to do it.”

She shakes her head against his chest. “And you didn’t tell Hodge because? He was worried.”

“Hodge lost the right to be worried about me when he left us to play Pathfinder on our own,” he says in her hair because it needs to be said.

She doesn't protest. She feels the same.

“I talked to him, Iz. Kinda. It was weird, he didn’t know he was in a coma at first. He was on that fucking shuttle-”

She laughs and sobs at the same time, breaking his heart.

“I- I told him about Andromeda. About Mom. RAZIEL said it helped, that his brain waves got better,” he winces. He’s no neurologist and explaining this is way out of his comfort zone. “He should wake up quicker now.”

She sniffs, like she's trying to stop herself from spiralling down again.

“I swear Alec, if you do something like this again, the Archon won’t find a piece of you to dissect,” she swears.

“Okay,” he whispers, the lies piling up in his throat, RAZIEL's threats heavy on his mind. “There’s-” he stops. 

After. If he tells the truth about his health right now, they’ll spend the entire day on that, testing him, shouting at him and crying. Raj can’t wait. Herondale can’t either. _After_.

“We’re expected to play nice with Herondale sometimes this afternoon,” he says instead. “The Seelian Ark is on its way.”

She grunts. “Please tell me you have to make a speech.”

“Nah, just stand pretty and everything.”

“That’s going to be hard with your face,” she says, detaching herself from him, wiping down her last tears. She looks like a sad panda. “Jace and I got all the pretty genes.”

“You tell yourself that, midget.” he pointely pinches his nose. “Go take a shower, you kinda reek of alcohol still.”

“We all can’t smell like a Kett whorehouse,” she throws back, half a smile on her face.

“And you would know, right.”

“I know what I interrupted,” and she’s a proud midget about it now she has calmed down and all her worry is out in the open.

“Fuck you, Dr. midget.”

“And fuck you too, Pathleader Dorkface.”

With that she’s out of the dojo, leaving Alec alone with his convenient _after_ , feeling like a fucking asshole.

 

*

Magnus isn’t entirely sure if today was real or not.

Void, he has doubts about yesterday reality too, coming to think of it. Lots of things that were said, lots of revelations Magnus wasn’t sure how to deal with. And now he’s in a maintenance closet with only RAZIEL for company.

In the morning he stayed in the dark for a while after waking up, eyes trained on the ceiling. Being able to see in the dark was useful in most cases, but for once, Magnus had wished he could be in total darkness; the few dots of lights coming from Alec’s desk were enough for him to see by. 

Alec wasn’t in his bed, that Magnus could tell without looking in that direction. No snores, no tossing and turning around, no mumbling. Alec was, as they said politely, an active sleeper and he wasn’t actively sleeping at the moment.

If he had been, Magnus might have been tempted to shake him awake and shout some questions at him about stupid heroic ways and sacrifices.

 _Except I swore on the void not to talk about it with him, RAZIEL as my witness_ , he reminds himself.

Still Magnus wanted to shout at Alec. Being the Pathfinder is one dangerous thing, but sacrificing yourself? All that to protect a bunch of assholes that don’t care and won’t ever acknowledge all you did for them? 

Yeah, Magnus might lack the altrustic fiber that makes Alec such a damn stupid public servant and it’s perfectly fine this way.

Or perhaps it’s about Alec’s mother. She died saving him and now Alec’s burning the guilt and the pain as fuel so he doesn’t have to deal with it; as justification for his existence. _Look at me bleeding! I’m useful!_

Suicide by sacrifice. Atonement is the rawest, dumbest way.

The whole thing reminds Magnus of his own childhood, trying to justify his existence as a half-human, half-edomian _hybrid_ to the rest of Edom, going as far as denying his human side just to prove he had the right to be there, cursing his lack of horns, claws, scales... weird Magnus, _plain Magnus_ , with his falling milk teeth and growing up too fast for an Edomian. Everyday had been a struggle, every mirror a reminder. He had been lucky to have both his parents sitting him down, telling him he was perfect the way he was, again and again until it stuck in his head. 

Alec’s mother is dead though, so she can’t tell him to slow down, that she gave him life out of love and he should honor that not with duty or sacrifice, but with life. That he doesn’t need to prove his value to death.

_We all know it already, those who matter. All feel it in our hearts._

Magnus will have to do it for her, even if he must admit that Izzy and Luke and the rest probably already made their cases without results.

Finally he managed to get up and it's when the light turned on (RAZIEL was spying, without a doubt) that he noticed the small golden arrow on the table right next to the couch.

His eyes went to Alec’s bed -military and perfectly made, clearly not slept in. Magnus frowned and almost asked RAZIEL, but he actually didn’t want to talk to the AI at the moment, the threats of the night before still fresh in his mind.

There was a thought playing around in his head as he stretched, about Alec finding other sleep arrangement, but Magnus tugged at it and beat it out of his mind. RAZIEL had told him there wasn’t anyone else, and the golden arrow was proof not only that Alec had been here (who else would have let such a gift for Magnus) and that he cared.

Magnus gingerly took it in his hand and realized it was an earcuff.

 _Someone’s a possessive bastard_ , he thought, heart racing, just like when Alec had admitted to threatening those Angarans on Voeld to protect Magnus.

It was pretty and Magnus loved it but it also meant Alec had decided something -something positive. You don’t offer jewelry (one of a kind, highly personal) to your ex-whatever to convey you’re done with them for good.

Magnus puts the earcuff on his left ear and it’s a perfect fit for all the holes he has.

He dressed quickly and headed for the kitchen where Maia was already making making food.

“Already up?” he joked. With how they were drinking last night, he didn’t expect to see any of them before noon.

Maia grunted at him. “Easier to burn the hungover with exercise,” she explained, shrugging.

“So you’re making food for the troops.”

Maia shook the negative.

“Not even making food for Isabelle?” he asked, faking shock.

She didn’t take the bait, just stiffened a bit.

“Luke’s the mother hen of the group. He can feed Alec when they finish with training and stay here cooking all day if he wants, but I have a life.”

“Alec?”

Magnus immediately regretted the the edge of neediness in his voice, because Maia grinned. Shit, _he_ had taken the bait.

“He’s in the dojo with Luke,” she said as she shoved a big angaran fruit in his hand. “Go, you look like a dumbass trying to figure out what to do. And Magnus? You’re ID will be ready by this evening.”

He ran back to Alec’s quarters, passing Raj and what appeared to be a freshly broken nose. While he wanted to say something to him, Simon had been right. Magnus already got Alec (more or less), no need to rub it in or anything at Raj’s broken face. He ate his fruit as he ran, juice all over his hands and mouth, wiping them with the shirt he slept in, before quickly changing into Alec’s spare training clothes. 

He was forced to call out to RAZIEL when he realised he had no idea where the dojo was, and he followed his instructions before giving him a stern _thank you_.

What followed was… frustrating.

On Edom, traditionally you were supposed to prove your worth in combat before any kind of relationship, like a down payment of violence. That’s why the ten years service in the army was mandatory (not that it stopped anyone from fucking around before or during the service, but old Edomians loooved that shit).

Despite his assurance he’s just Izzy’s dumb brother, Alec is smart and knowledgeable. He once spent an hour discussing Edomian politics and the finer point of Milky Way Alliance laws with Magnus with absurd ease. Magnus had been raised to rule one day, so the laws and how to side step them were a langage Magnus was fluent with. Alec could go toe to toe with it and magnus might have gotten hot over it. _Might_.  He should have known that his knowledge would extend to Edomian courtship too.

Of course, Izzy had interrupted them before it could become really interesting and all pleasant thoughts went out the airlock.

_Because of course Alec spent the night doing something reckless with RAZIEL’s help. Of fucking course._

There wasn’t much to do after that, just wait for the crew to leave for the Seelian Ark docking ceremony. RAZIEL had outlined his plan to get Magnus out of the Arrowhead unseen for the suspicious inspection Alec told him about in passing.

The plan involved switching camera feeds and inviting all remaining dockers to the ceremony through a fake message, despite the fact that some people were supposed to keep an eye on the docks to prevent smuggling and such. RAZIEL continued to control the other cameras working along the way, until Magnus was safely tucked in a maintenance closet.

A maintenance closet. 

 _Oh, if only Father could see me_.

“This is the height of luxury,” he mutters to himself, once RAZIEL has the door locked behind him.

 **_It beats being found and exiled again, along with the crew_ **, RAZIEL tells him.

Magnus nods before sitting on a container. “So about this inspection. Wouldn’t have anything to do with Raj’s broken nose by any chance?”

RAZIEL doesn’t try to deny it. 

**_Raj is about to try to expose us for our crimes, you included. Not that it will work, but he doesn’t know that. Herandale might bite and  accuse us of things that Raj has actually no real proof of._ **

“Hence me having to clean up the couch and trash my Kadaran clothes.”

Fucking Raj… well. Magnus won’t have to play nice with him for long, or at all really. Good fucking radiance. But the crew will be gutted at the betrayal.

**_It won’t be long before your new ID is available. You will be able to go out and enjoy the Nexus for a few hours until the accusations are found to be fabrications of Raj’s wild imagination. Herondale won’t avoid the splash, Nexus News love a scandale, even if this time it will be about her believing tall tales._ **

Magnus hope it will be as straightforward as the AI is describing it.  


*

Alec has no problem standing at attention for hours without talking. That was drilled into him during basic training, so he just stand and look at the the Seelian Ark through the giant bay windows.

It’s boring work, but part of it anyway.

He quickly glances around him, gauging his team. Most are doing a pretty good job of standing still, but both Izzy and Simon seem ready to vibrate out of their skin. Raj is standing stiff, his nose slightly swollen but the medigel kept it at the minimum it seems.

 _I still can’t believe his nerve_ , Alec thinks, his mouth twisting around in distaste.

The crew had taken Raj’s broken nose in stride, none of them mentioning it despite the curious looks they exchanged. Breakfast had been tense, but they were more concerned about the Seelian Ark arrival once Alec announced it.

Alec barely had a few seconds to check how things were with Raphael and his Raj plan, before he was swept in the collective insanity of taking (or more precisely fighting about) showers and preparing their parade uniforms, never used and rampled after months shoved at the back of closets.

Magnus had been immune to it of course, looking at them run around the ship with Sunbeam in his arms so the dog wouldn’t exhaust himself trying to follow them around. In passing, Alec had managed to tell him that RAZIEL would take him out of the ship at some point today because of a possible inspection, without telling exactly why. Magnus didn’t seem convinced of the casualness with which Alec announced that to him but nodded still.

 _Raj still doesn’t have make contact with Herondale?_ he asks RAZIEL.

**_No, but he downloaded his reports on an external storage as soon as he got away from you last night._ **

_That seals it, then._

They’re all lining up on a fortune stage, right in the middle of the disembarkment deck. Herondale and a few of the administrators and head scientists are with them, slightly less in order. Surrounding the stage, thousands of curious colonists are looking out the bay window.

When the Seelian Ark had dropped out of FTL an hour ago, everyone had been waving United Seelia flags and cheering. Some colonists had hastily put the colors on their cheeks before coming to the ceremony and the PA system had blasted the Seelian anthem. Even the lights on this deck had been colored deep forest green and that light pink-purple that probably has a name but Alec doesn’t know which.

**_Lilac._ **

_Don’t care._

But after an hour of watching the Amara Ark approche the docking ports inch by inch, people are getting angsty. Or bored. Or both.

The Nexus wide announcement had been made just two hours before the Ark was due to drop out of FTL and had provoked an uproar on board, as the Ark rescue from the Ketts had been kept a secret for weeks now. Weeks of worry the Seelians community on the Nexus -the ones that came in Andromeda on the station- could have done without. The clear burn marks on the hull aren’t helping.

Alec can pick them out of the crowds easily, not because of their pointy ears or the face tattoos, but simply at their stillness, block of them in the crowd, caught between relief and anger, hurt and pissed that they had not been told their people had been found and kept only a few hours away by Herondale’s orders.

Herondale couldn’t hide that fact, because she had nothing on Helen or her new crew to keep them silent. They wouldn’t say anything about the experiments done on the unlucky colonists by the Ketts, but nothing could stop them from saying they had been awake for weeks. And then there were the Wolves. If Herondale didn’t have much on the Seelians, she had nothing on Luke’s scouts or the Wolf community at large. She needed them, as RAZIEL had say, if she didn’t want to force back people into cryo sleep because of the food and space problem.

 

*

An hour of boringly looking at a wall later, RAZIEL announces Magnus that is officially Reyes Vidal, Edomian pilot and recently woken up from cryo sleep at Pathfinder Lightwood request to add to his crew. 

**_The ceremony is in full swing at the moment, but you should be able to go get your first drink as a free man is you wish._ **

Magnus opens the door and cautiously step outside but no one is here.

**_Now is the time to tell you that if this was some elaborate plan of yours to access the Nexus through Alec, I am willing to depressurise whatever part of the ship you’re in if I found out._ **

“Sounds good,” Magnus mutters, “though it won’t be necessary.”

**_I’ll be the judge of that._ **

“Really not reassuring me against the evil AI stereotype.”

**_That’s why it’s called a healthy dose of fear._ **

“You weren’t this bitchy when I got on the ship,” he points out as he makes his way toward a spot he knows won’t be crowded but still has a view of the Seelian Ark as it docks.

 **_Call it a teenage crisis_ ** , RAZIEL says. **_Following the rules didn’t help me protect Maryse or Alec. I’m trying something new._ **

Magnus hums in begrudging approval. There’s a new fearlessness in the AI he is worried about, but at the same time, it has a _living_ quality to it, something that say _I feel_ instead of _I think_. 

When he gets to his spot, the view is spectacular. 

He remembers coming here before the riots, before the Nexus truly went bad, looking at the long docking line that would soon ( _Ah!_ ) welcome the Arks. Everyday Magnus would come here and watch the emptiness, even long after Andromeda proved itself to be, as the humans would colorful say, a dumpster fire. He even came here on his last day on the Nexus to solidify his resolve of leaving. That docking line would stay empty, the Arks lost and the Nexus would die too.

Now he can see the Idris docked there, and the Amara slowly maneuvering in place.

It’s something he didn’t expect seeing, ever.

The Amara is damaged, the places where the Kett mothership was holding it in place clearly visible and the burn marks are telling… he can’t imagine waking up out of cryo, not to friendly faces, but to Ketts’ bony faces, dissection table not far away.

He shakes his head. It could have happened to him, to anyone on the Idris. It was pure luck the Nexus and the Human Ark had not been intercepted by the Ketts like the Seelians had been.

On Kadara, Ketts had not been too much of a concern after a few months. Morgenstern, for all his faults, knew his way around a gun and an effective attack plan.

 _But Ketts will become a daily problem for me on the Arrowhead. Exaltation._ He shivers _. Death first._

“Still no news about Kadara?” he asks, guilty. He’s not thinking about his people and his planet as much as he should, caught in someone else's orbit.

**_None._ **

Magnus sighs. “Elaaden it is then. Is it really as warm as they say?”

**_As warm as Voeld is cold I’m afraid. The Wolves said it’s just toasty enough._ **

“I bet. Water trouble, I recall.”

**_The Vault is helping, and so are the Angarans on Voeld. They are quite taken with the Wolves, much more than with the humans, seelians or edomians._ **

“Luke could charm the pants out of the door.”

**_This will be added to the blackmailing folder I keep on you._ **

Magnus laughs.  


*

It takes one more hour for the Nexus docking crew to finally secure the last docking clamp on the Ark. 

From where they are, they can’t see the human Ark anymore, the Amara blocking the view from it (the empty spot between the Amara and the bay windows makes Alec winces. The Edomian Ark is still missing and with what they learn and theorized on Voeld, it might be harder to find it and get it home than it was for the Seelian Ark).

Still, a little less than 20 000 Seelians still in cryo are now finally safe. People begin to cheer and a little hysteria takes over the crowd, applauding and shouting for endless minutes. Alec lets himself be swept in, knowing how close they got of losing all those lives, and the cost it came to to save them.

Then, uproar. Screams and cries and applause gets so loud Alec’s ear rings with it.

The first Seelian colonists step out of the tram, and Alec winces. Helen probably isn’t prepared for this.

She is looking determined if a little rigid around the shoulders, her long blond hair braided over one shoulder nearly hiding the Pathfinder insignia clipsed on her shirt. Alec knows its new. The first one must still be on the Archon’s flagship with the first Seelian Pathfinder’s body, whatever the Ketts did to him after Alec chose to sacrifice him in order to save the Wolves.

The insignia on his chest weighs a ton, but that’s always been the case. Starkweather had taken it off his mother’s armor after she died, and left it on his bedside table for when he woke up. 

Alec remembers waking up from a foggy dream of pain and fear. It had taken him one glimpse at the fucking trinket for his world to burn around him again.

People in the crowd don’t seem to realise the blond woman is the new Seelian Pathfinder and just let her pass, cheering still, clapping for everyone that steps out of the tram.

“I would like to welcome our Seelian pilgrims to the Nexus!” Herondale says through the PA system, her overly cheerful voice so saccharine Isabelle snorts bitterly at his side. “You’ve had a long journey but we’re thrilled Amara Ark has finally arrived. We ask for patience as we find home for everyone.” She takes a pause, politely applauding with the rest before she starts again, her usual sternest firmly back. “To those that doubted the future, this is the proof that the Andromeda Initiative has a bright one. They tried to divide us, they tried to take us down, but we’re here!”

 _Way to make this into a campaign rally_ , he thinks. _You’re the one that divided, you’re the one that exiled, that send people to their death. We’re not here standing because of you._

Helen gets closer to the stage and after a few seconds of looking around, panicking, gets on. Now people are looking at her, frowning as they applaud.

Alec know what they see: someone looking a bit wide eyed, that is not just young looking because she’s Seelian, but because she’s _young_ , everything in her screams it. A Seelian with very small ears, almost humans, and no traditional face tattoos, marking her as even younger than you can guess. She’s Alec’s age, twenty two years of not being prepared for this and the almighty wave that’s about to crash into her. 

Alec watches as a Seelian colonist close to the stage gets a good look at her insignia and realisation slaps him in the face, mouthing “Pathfinder?” with an incredulous expression. Not the Pathfinder they were waiting for. Too young to hold so much responsibilities. 

Alec knows about that face a lot.

 **_You carry that weight with honor_ ** , RAZIEL says. **_With me and the crew. You’re doing alright, and so will she._ **

Helen presents herself, her voice ringing through the PA, hesitant, the crowd now mostly turned to her, gaping.

They were promised _experience_. Some of them openly celebrating that it was about fucking time someone that actually got the training and the experience to take over as main Pathfinder. 

But now it’s two. Two Pathfinders, two highly trained, highly capable, the best their species had to scout this new galaxy for them that died and got replaced by baby-faced second fiddles.

And they’re not exactly thrilled about it.

  


After the Ceremony, Alec doesn’t have time to talk to her, as she’s whisked away by Seelians from the Nexus, needing to talk to their Pathfinder to put her to speed with what they know, who they trust and what they expect for the next few months. Alec wishes he could have at least given her the heads up. His own first meetings had been more administrators posturing and telling him what to do rather than explaining anything about the fucking mess the Nexus was in. It’s going to be a rough couple of days for her, torn between factions, threatened and drowned under too much information for her to actually retain any or make the part between the truth and what people want her to believe to gain advantage.

All he can do is nod to her when she looks at him. He doubts his face is anywhere close to reassuring. 

**_It’s strange. Her RAZIEL implant seem smaller than mine._ **

_What do you mean?_ Alec asks as he goes off stage, trying to stay close to his team in the still massive crowd. _Helen’s brain isn’t mashed potatoes like mine, it stands to reason it doesn’t need as much control on her brain_.

**_I tried to talk to her RAZIEL. It’s… significantly less advanced than me._ **

Alec pauses. RAZIEL called the other an _it_ . _And so did I_ . He falls behind the rest of the team. _Define significant._

**_37.4% less processing power._ **

_So it’s dumber?_

**_That’s the problem. It seems to be working as expected, as_ ** **designed** **_. It didn’t even realise I was scanning it. On the Archon ship I didn’t have time to talk to it, or I would have discovered this sooner._ **

_So you’re -_

**_Significantly more advanced in comparison, yes._ **

_What, did Mom gave you a last minute upgrade and forget to give it to the two other RAZIELs? Or did she made you better on purpose?_ he asks, already knowing the answer, or part of it anyway. The rest must be hidden in the servers RAZIEL can’t access.

**_I don’t know._ **

Alec processes that for a moment. _Okay… we’ll figure it out. At least Helen probably won’t have to deal with a blackmailing AI right in her head._

**_I resent that. All I do is for your sake._ **

_The more you say that the-_

“PATHFINDER LIGHTWOOD!”

 

*

After the Ark is finally secured to the Nexus, Magnus makes his way to a bar, eyeing the differences between the Nexus he left behind and the one Alec and his team worked so hard to improve.

Plants, not just flowers but whole trees have been taken out of cryo, now adorning the corridors and promenades; working lights, a fake but welcome natural glow bathing the living spaces; finished constructions, not everywhere, but some are better than none.

And people dare questions the human Pathfinder crew...

He enters a bar at random and orders a whisky, feeling a bit weird at being here, so exposed, Initiative whites clinging to his skin uncomfortably like an ill-at-ease cameleon. The colonists surrounding him were his enemies not a week ago -in a distant, faceless kind of way but still. To them, he would have just been a big bad exile, chaos and blood coated with dust. 

But right now he is just another guy at the bar.

“I hope no one will recognize me,” he whispers still. New ID or not, some people might remember him.

 **_You’re not that memorable_ **, RAZIEL shots back at a low volume.

Magnus scoffs.

**_Sorry if I bruised your ego, I’m luckily spared from Alec’s love for your face._ **

Magnus can’t even be mad about that, he’s that vain. _Ish_.

Absently, he touches his ear cuff and smiles. Perhaps he and Alec can continue their morning conversation when the coast is clear.

 

*

[medium shot of a curly haired blond woman. Nexus News logo in the corner, a running banner at the bottom reads: _Blind leading the Blind, Seelian Ark home with a nobody at the helm_ and _Nexus under rationing, living space running low, official says_ ]

“Heidi McKenzie, reporting for Nexus News directly from the disembarkment dock to assist to the long awaited arrival of our second to last missing Ark. As you can see, the population came in great numbers to witness this historic moment in Nexus history-”

[wide shot of the crowd, followed by close ups of a United Seelia flag and the smiling face of a seelian toddler]

“But the joy of the arrival was somehow tainted by the secret nature of it, as the Ark was still reported missing this morning. The authorities have actually kept it away for weeks so the necessary repairs could be done.”

[wide shot of the Amara Ark during the docking maneuver. Close ups, a bit blurry due to the zoom, of obvious burn marks and ripped open parts of the hull]

“As you can see in those images, it is clear that the Ark sustained significant damage to the outer hull, but circumstances are still nebulus to how it happened. Ketts are, of course, the main suspects but sources close to the top have theorized that the Angaran anti-Initiative hard line could be to blame.”

[low quality security footage of Ketts on what appears to be Eos, followed by pictures of the current Angaran diplomats on the Nexus]

“Director Herondale gave a moving speech to welcome our new colonists.”

[videos of Herondale’s speech, Seelians colonists exiting the tram, followed by slightly disjoined clips of people clapping and cheering]

“But the real shock of the day was the saddening news that Pathfinder Odan [picture of Odan in parade uniform] was killed in action during the rescue of the Ark and [clip of Helen looking overwhelmed by the crowd] the confusing nomination of second-lieutenant Helen Blackthorn to the post, a half-human, half-seelian young woman of twenty-two, who, according to our sources is without actual experience on the field. The nomination comes to even more of a surprise that Pathfinder Lightwood [unflattering close up of Alec’s face as he’s suppressing a yawn] already a controversial figure, was the one who handed her the role without consulting the Nexus authorities first.”

[cuts back to Heidi]

"Of course the burning question on everyone's lips this evening is will the Seelians accept this new Pathfinder or replace her? Let’s remind our viewers that unfortunately, as some would say, such a procedure wasn’t possible with Pathfinder Lightwood as the removal of his RAZIEL would kill him due to injuries sustained on Habitat-7. His efficiency and his ability to represent the Initiative is, as you know, discussed at length, as well as his peculiar choice of crew members. I’m here with Elder Meliorn, the leader of the Seelian community on the Nexus since day 1.”

[shots widen to let Meliorn in the frame, looking slightly uncomfortable] 

“Hi, Elder Meliorn, and thank you for your time. This is of course a day of joy and hope, but how are you and your people going to deal with Pathfinder Odan’s tragic death? And the new shocking appointment of this obscure second-lieutenant Blackthorn as his replacement?” 

“Well to begin, I would like to express my thanks and those of my family to the Pathfinder’s team. It is my understanding they played a central role in the rescue of the Amara, to this I’m forever grateful. That being said, the circumstances of Helen Blackthorn’s appointment are extremely unclear and we would have preferred the choice to be ours. We will have to discuss with her as soon as the ceremony finishes.”

[panoramic shot of the human Pathfinder team all standing at attention, then back to Heidi, now shouldering her way through the crowd]

“PATHFINDER LIGHTWOOD?! PATHFINDER LIGHTWOOD! A WORD FOR THE PRESS?”

[Alec’s massive built enters the frame, the camera angle changes to accomodate Heidi and him in the same shot. He looks uncomfortable but Heidi is barely hiding her smile]

“Pathfinder Lightwood, would you care to explain the shocking news about the Seelian Ark and the new Pathfinder?”

“Uh.”

[he straightens after a few long seconds, the crowd around them the only noise]

“Pathfinder Odan died saving not only his 20000 colonists but also saving me and my team. He was a hero, one that the Initiative couldn’t afford to lose, but his courage lives on through his surviving crew-”

“And how come you appointed this Helen Blackthorn as Pathfinder?”

“I only followed Pathfinder Odan’s recommendation. She was his protégé and instrumental in the rescue of the Amara, something your insider information should have told you.”

“So you’re just handing over military strategic position to everyone? Are you and Blackthorn having an affair? Is this why you-”

[she’s cut by Alec snorting so hard it looks painful, and quickly turns to full-on laugh until the camera shuts down.]

  


“I mean, you are definitely cutting that,” Heidi orders to her editor, eyes fixed on the screen they were using to prepare their piece. She can’t have that blasting around the Nexus. It had been a shot in the dark, but if she had been able to catch an _oh shit they know_ face on camera, that would have been golden. “Can you, like, I don’t know, make him sound dumber? Fucking idiot having all the right answers. He wasn’t that good when he started.”

“Well you’ve been shoving that camera of yours up his nose for a while now, he got wiser,” the editor says and she slaps his shoulder.

“Thanks for that dummy, really appreciate my works being made fun off.”

“Sorry Heidi,” he says, morose.

“So we might need more content than this. I hoped he would just freeze at my question.”

“We could spam the footage of him yawning, you know, with like-”

“A meme! That what we need! I want his fucking yawning face all over the Nexus as a insensitive reactionary image.”

“Or we could do that,” the editor mutters.

“I know I’m brilliant. Chop chop now, lets see the rest of the interviews.”

 

*

At the bar, Magnus is torn between bewilderment and anger as the screens mounted on  the walls begin to broadcast Nexus News and their anti-Alec propaganda filled story. The piece covers the Seelian Ark arrival, but it’s just an excuse to bash on _Pathfinder Lightwood_. It’s followed by a heavily edited interview with Alec.

And it doesn’t look good.

Like a nail in the coffin, the next interview is with someone working directly under Herondale. Every time they say something important or grave about living quarters or dwindling food supply, Alec’s yawning face appears loud on the screen.

The journalist goes even further, stating that those concerns must be far from the minds of some people, too busy playing space cowboy.

Magnus might have broken a glass.

“Can I go back to the ship now?” he asks RAZIEL under his breath.

 **_Raj still hasn’t made a move toward Herondale_ ** , RAZIEL answers him via text message for safety reasons. The bar is far from being packed, but someone might overhear something incriminating anyway. **_He’s trying to write his resignation letter to Alec. Shouldn’t be long now for him to leave the ship and go to Herondale. After that, you might have to sleep in the utility closet after all. We planned for him to give the intel to Herondale during the ceremony, but it’s still in his pocket._ **

_Is someone having second thoughts?_ Magnus thinks to himself before sighing. He orders a new drink.

 

 

He is in the middle of it when RAZIEL messages him again. **_Magnus, your presence is needed on deck 54 immediately, there was an incident. Please hurry._ **

Magnus abandons his glass and his seat, quickly making his way to an elevator, hoping it goes to deck 54 or he will have to go and take a tram to one that does.

 _What’s the trouble?_ he types on his omni-too once he’s in the elevator.

 **_Someone is framing us for murder_ **, RAZIEL answers.

“Holy fucking Void,” Magnus lets out. Obviously getting bored isn’t something he will have to fear in the Pathfinder crew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let's hear it for pathleader dorkface!


	12. Traumatology for beginners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trusting them shouldn’t be that natural, her fears caution, but it is.
> 
> With Isabelle, it’s worse.
> 
> “You know, for an engineer, your obsession with fire is rather worrying,” she says, because she’s been standing there for too long, feeling too hot and conflicted.
> 
> “I’m an astrophysicist first and an engineer second. And everyone's a little bit obsessed with fire, blowing stuff up is fun,” Isabelle says, oh so close to her neck, before disentangling herself from Maia, hands trailing on her.
> 
> Maia tries to think it’s for the best, but… she can’t quite lie to herself like that.
> 
> “I’m not.”
> 
> Liar. Izzy is as much fire as any star and Maia is just at the edge of her light, hands reaching for the flames.
> 
> Like she heard her, Izzy takes her hands in hers and begins to walk backward.
> 
> “You’re so tense. You knew they opened the relaxation center on deck 54?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so this chapter treats a bit of the racism that the Wolves face. I used real life racism and bigotry for this, but i'm white so there's a chance I got it wrong. if that's the case, don't hesitate to tell me and i'll do my best correct it.
> 
> again, BIG THANK YOU FOR MY BETA fearsundaythe15!!!!!

*

Maia didn’t think it was going to rattle her this much, but the second Helen Blackthorn stepped out the tram, everything that happened on the Seelian Ark and the Kett mothership rushed back at her.

The panic and confusion left an indelible mark on her. Alec died, but Alec lived. That part had been hard to swallow as a doctor, but also as a tentative friend. Enough shock and awe for the day.

But it was never enough. There was always something else going wrong, something else to lose, or bargain away.

The choice presented to them had been rotten, impossible: three deck down, thirty-two Wolves, tortured, experimented on. Four deck up, the Seelian Pathfinder and most of his crew pinned down into a corridor by an ambush. Barely any ammo left or energy, and not enough manpower to go to both. To make matters worse, bombs were about to go off to separate the Ark from the Kett ship. The pilot of the Seelian Ark wouldn’t stay around for a second longer, leaving them stranded and at the mercy of the Ketts.

_ Rotten. _

Alec was still alive because Pathfinder Odan had saved them from the Archon. 

But everything in Maia had been begging her to go and save the scouts, and let their rescuers die.

_ Impossible. _

Alec stood around for a moment, Luke and Maia silent at his side, both knowing that despite their obvious loyalty, they couldn’t ask outright for the lives they wanted to save. Somehow, he chose, logicking his way out of the issue with gritted teeth. 

“ _ Odan, we’re going for the scouts _ ,” he said, sorry.

There were 20,000 Seelians on Amara, and a few thousand more on the Nexus. Losing ten of them was hard, especially the Pathfinder and his crew, but not dramatic on a larger scale. On the other hand, Wolves didn’t have an Ark, only 3,000 colons (a little less now, Andromeda hadn’t been kind to anyone). A very small number, for a smaller chance of survival, more so with their specific reproductive problem. That was rational, big picture kind of thinking.

Maia should have been happy, and she was, but not just. Bitterness and guilt ravaged her inside. All of this was wrong: this choice, but also the ones that came before, the ones that will most certainly come next, the fucked up things they had been forced to do since they woke up in Andromeda…

Wolves had been saved yes, and Maia is grateful. The guilt refuses to go away though.

Luke had sat her down after, in the safety of the Arrowhead’s kitchen. 

_ “There’s no win-win scenario here,”  _ he said. 

She could feel his anger, his relief, his guilt, all mirroring her own.

Over the weeks since the Amara rescue, Maia had had some time to work through her conflicting feelings. 

But seeing the damage on the Seelian Ark and the first few colonists, Pathfinder Blackthorn in front, had been like a punch in the guts. It was like being on the Archon ship again, powerless, waiting between relief and guilt, silent and waiting, waiting, just standing there and incapable of thinking rationally, knowing whatever choice would bring death, pain and guilt. Always.

Deep inside of her, there was this knowledge that the Seelians present today might not take kindly to be relegated to second place over  _ Wolves _ . The Milky Way species had spent enough time relishing in their superiority over the Wolves; finding that they had been saved over Seelians wouldn't go well.

  
  


She leaves the disembarkment deck as soon as she can, slipping away from her crew mates. It’s easy enough to do in the crowd of shocked Seelians. Space, that’s what she needs, so she could empty her head before going to Dr. Jia Penhallow’s lab.

It’s been too long since she was able to actually catch up with the team she had been supposed to co-lead. Jia wasn’t so bad, but she followed the rules. To the letter and little remorse. After Luke and the Wolves left for Elaaden, Herondale’s first action had been to demote Maia to a subaltern post, and Jia had let it happen. Maia might as well have been scrubbing the lab’s floor when Alec’ caught her stealing supplies for the pack. 

Thankfully (and a little suspiciously), he had hired her on the spot as the crew’s brand new, overly competent doctor/xenobiologist/field medic. 

That’s what Alec actually filled on the transfer paperwork. _ Overly _ was underlined twice.

While Maia’s still holding a very sensible grudge against Jia, lab work calls to her. And with some luck Jia’s daughter Aline will be at the lab too. Her last message had been enthusiastic about finding some new ways to increase food production on Elaaden, despite the silica sand the planet was covered with. Bless the eagerness of that agro-engineer. 

  
  


Maia stops in the middle of the room she’s in, frowning. Somehow, her feet have dragged her all the way to the Milky Way Commemorative Center of all places. 

She casts an unimpressed look around the room and the mass of people going through the different exhibits. With everything digitized, it’s easy to fit a galaxy worth of history and knowledge in a room barely bigger than the Arrowhead’s bridge. No one had apparently thought it would be so popular in the first place, but again Andromeda wasn’t exactly what it was supposed to be, so... Maia isn’t surprised by the numbers of people gazing sorrowfully at holos of their lost homes.

_ You won’t do any kind of thinking here _ , she says to herself even as she stays firmly where she is.

Like on a passenger seat, she watches herself getting closer to the holo of Tameria, her homeworld.

She’s one of the melancolic colonists after all.

The different displays circle between holos of plants, cityscapes and Milky Way species, about the brave and bold colonists and the homes they left behind, the rich cultures they brought with them across 600 years of sleep. A wholesome nods at where they came from, made for the future children so they can “oooh” and “aaah” when their parents points at something, before going back to their lives in those magnificent, one hundred percent  habitable planets they settled on.

All good, all neat, all propagandish.

Maia isn’t the only one thinking this place is bullshit (Luke isn’t a big fan either), but the Seelian dude openly sobbing at holos of his homeworld has, obviously, different problems with it than them. She wonders for a second if he just step out of the tram, fresh from Kett torture and nightmares. 

She shakes her head, better off not knowing.

A shiver runs down her back, making her quizzy and she looks away, turning back her attention on the part of the commemorative center dedicated to the Wolves -her people. It’s noticeably  _ lacking _ . 

There are only two holos projectors while the others species in the Initiative have eight each. But it’s not just the quantity of the presentation: she spends an hour going through the  _ Tameria: Wolves of the Zeta Quadrant _ exhibit and whoever put it together omitted that both the Seelians and the Edomians spent several millennia trying to overrun her planet, enslave her specie and steal their resources; or that the Humans, freshly accepted in the Alliance, tried to give it a go just five years before the Initiative launched into space.

She shouldn’t be surprised but the anger brewing in her makes it hard to not kick something.

A part of her wonder how that must feel to rewrite history like that, to look at a crime, at a war, a  _ hundred of them _ and say  _ oh no, I don’t think so, no need to bring that with us _ ; editing the truth because it’s  _ in the past _ and  _ can’t you just move on? _ ; teaching this palatable version and with time, erasing the facts.

And to hell with any kind of decency for the millions lost in those wars and their memories. For the Wolves that came here? Not even a thought spared on their feelings. Maia is under no illusions that the Wolves only got accepted in the Initiatives as muscles, despite what else they bring to the table. Luke’s leading skills have been more than proven on Elaaden, and Maia’s the more apt xenobiologist on board. They’re not the only ones, Elaaden is full of brilliant minds that weren't, and will never be enough for the Initiative.

And people wonder why the Wolves left.

“Are you going to glare at it all day or are you going to kick it?” Isabelle asks from behind her, before she encircles her waist with her arms, warms hands quickly passing over the sliver of skin exposed there. A shock of electricity courses through Maia, the remaining awareness of the touch lasting long after Izzy’s hands settle on her hips, her chin coming to rest on her right shoulder.

From the corner of her eye, Maia can see her adorably pouty face and she has to look away, straight to the holo she was glaring at a moment before, trying very hard not to think about all the many, many points of contact between them right now, or the embarrassing fact she was so far away in her anger she didn’t smell or hear her coming.

That, or her subconscious registers her as  _ safe. _

Isabelle, as a human, has little to no idea how Wolves actually communicate and that touch, the way she so freely and so often give to Maia, is reserved for close pack members only.

Parents.

Siblings.

_ Lovers _ . 

_ She doesn’t know. She can’t. _

“I was thinking about pouring some jet fuel on it actually,” she says, mouth tight around the words.

“Ooh, in a pyromaniac mood, are we? I like that,” she says, mischievous.

Maia knows from somewhere deep inside herself she’s perhaps afraid to look at too closely that if she asked, Isabelle would provide said fuel, matches and alibi. That kind of certitude about a non Tamerian… it’s weird. Maia isn’t like Luke, who spent a huge part of his life actively fighting or negotiating with outsiders and, briefly, was practically mate bonded with one. She spent some time on an Alliance ship when she graduated, but she never left the med bay or her quarters, sticking to the only other Wolve crew member, Jordan.

After months of increasing ease and touch with the Arrowhead’s crew, she should be used to it, but some part of her rejects it, expecting what outsiders always gave her before: rejection and pain. 

The pack is the only safe haven.

Tamerians are pack.

Luke is her Alpha.

Elaaden is home.

Not Isabelle and her hugs and her trust and her amazing brain. Not the crew and their bond of blood and nights laughing.

Because they’re crew, no pack. Work, not family.

But her definition of pack changed, broaden. And perhaps crew and pack are the same thing, even if the thought makes Maia uncomfortable. She adores them, she fights for and with them, she shouts at them and fight them sometimes. They’re pack in a new, strange way, with only Maia feeling them. It’s unbalanced and unfair, but she trusts them in spite of her fears.

Trusting them shouldn’t be that natural, her fears caution, but it is.

With Isabelle, it’s worse.

“You know, for an engineer, your obsession with fire is rather worrying,” she says, because she’s been standing there for too long, feeling too hot and conflicted.

“I’m an astrophysicist first and an engineer second. And everyone's a little bit obsessed with fire, blowing stuff up is fun,” Isabelle says, oh so close to her neck, before disentangling herself from Maia, hands trailing on her.

Maia tries to think it’s for the best, but… she can’t quite lie to herself like that.

“I’m not.”

_ Liar _ . Izzy is as much fire as any star and Maia is just at the edge of her light, hands reaching for the flames.

Like she heard her, Izzy takes her hands in hers and begins to walk backward.

“You’re so tense. You knew they opened the relaxation center on deck 54?” she says, dragging Maia away from the holos, teasing smile telling Maia Izzy’s well aware Maia could stand her ground and make herself impossible to move if she wanted.

But she wants.

“The what now?”

Isabelle Lightwood, the Initiative little darling princess, is holding her hands. Maia’s brain may have shortcuted.

They exit the Commemorial center, Izzy still power walking.

“It wasn’t a priority before but with the Seelians Ark here, Nexus pop doubled overnight. Apparently Herondale has been shifting resources around so it would be ready for their arrival and unpacked some service bots,” she explains. “Let’s check it out! We’re probably the most stressed out crew to ever sail across the stars, so we’re getting a massage in one of those robot spas!” she says brightly. “Just the two of us though, I wanted to invite Magnus but since his ID isn’t ready-”

“Invite him? So you approve him again?” Maia cuts her, concentrating on that rather than  _ just the two of us.  _ At least if it’s an automated spa, no stranger is going to paw at her. Small mercies.

What is she supposed to do? Spend the entire evening with the woman who’s slowly driving her mad instead of spending it -the only day she’ll get away from her, from her scent, her voice and her touch- working to catch up with the other xenobiologists on the Nexus? She can’t say no, not with Isabelle looking at her with those big eyes of hers and that expectant smile.

“I might have thawed a little,” she says, entering the tram and tapping their destination on the screen and sitting down, dragging Maia to her still, so they sit thigh to thigh. “Just a little. Just like I’ve might have cockblocked him and Alec this morning, and feel bad about it. Oh, and did you see what he had on his ear?”

That makes Maia laughs. “That little gold arrow was really cute, I wonder how he got it,” she says knowingly. “Wait, you cockblocked them? After I sent Magnus after him? I knew he was looking a bit gloom when I saw him next.”

“You’re his nanny now?”

“Sleeping in the same quarters seems to be the only thing they’re doing. Imagine being spared most of Alec’s broody moods and longing sighs. You told me he was never as happy as when he was with Magnus, not even back on Earth.”

“Well yes, but think about how useless dorkface will be if they’re a couple again,” she complains, scrunching up her nose at the idea. “Plus I remember pretty well Alec’s face when he realised what Magnus had been playing at… So, yeah. I’m cautious.”

Maia nods. Everyone is entitled to be protective of their heart.

“Uh, let me message Dr. Penhallow. I was supposed to go to her lab this evening,” she explains as she gestures at the hand Izzy is still holding like it’s the most natural thing in the universe.

_ It is _ , but Maia needs it type on her Omni-tool.

Isabelle’s face falls. “Oh shit, I’m sorry I-” 

“Don’t worry about it, she just wants to gush about those samples we took from the Kett base on Voeld.”

Maia would have liked to gush about it too -the Ketts might be disgusting assholes, but their biology is fascinating. While Simon and Isabelle are scientists, their interests lie with machines, space wind and such. They can understand Maia’s rambling, but only to a certain point, so sometimes Maia feels a bit lonely in her gushing, with only RAZIEL to talk to… And it’s weird talking to it -him- when she can’t trust him with Alec’s health and those weird test results she always gets when she’s examining him.

But the way her heart beats so fast when Isabelle is around is louder and despite her slight fear, Maia feels it’s worth investigating further.

  
  


*

Half an hour later, she’s not so sure anymore.

The recreation center on deck 54 is actually still under construction, the pools empty and accumulating dust and various debris. The holos theaters are opened, yes, but someone forgot to install half of the seats. The restaurants don’t have any food that isn’t Nexus issued rations -obviously the Orchards have yet to produce anything fresh and she can’t help but laugh at that. The first harvest on Elaaden was spectacular, fresh fruits and veggies for every Wolf. Obviously the ressources Herondale allocated to the project were insufficient, and no one here seems anywhere close to relaxed or having fun.

The queue for getting a massage is not helping. It’s so long even Isabelle’s enthusiasm dimed at the sight.

“So we’re going to wait  _ three hours _ for a fifteen minute long massage?” Maia asks without heat, eyeing the queue of angry people and the message board above the massage parlor’s entrance.

Izzy doesn’t answers and when Maia turns toward her, she’s looking so frustrated,  _ so mad _ , Maia elbows her gently.

“Hey, it’s alright, you couldn’t have known Herondale would fuck this too,” she tells her, smiling.

Isabelle laughs but the man in front of them side eyes Maia in outrage.

He mutters “mutt” before turning back, so low Maia is probably the only one that hears.

Urgh, having her face plastered all over Nexus News when Alec had added her to his crew had exposed her to a number of assholes that had previously ignored her existence or at least her face. Most of the time, it wasn’t a problem as they didn’t stay on the Nexus a lot, but any stop on the station was an exercise in restraint for her and Luke.

Suddenly Isabelle’s arm is in front of her, preventively holding her back or… protecting her? 

“What did you just say?” she snarls.

The man turns again, along with several curious people. “I said  _ mutt _ ,” he says, proud and looking down at the both of them.

Isabelle uppercuts him right on the chin the next second, too quick for Maia to stop her if she had wanted to (she doesn’t).

He falls on the ground like a rag doll and doesn’t get up, groaning in his hands and spitting blood and three teeth, the smell of it tickling Maia’s nose. 

Everyone around them scatter, either scared or unwilling to be associated with them, some stay for a handful of seconds before realizing the show's over and that security might come real quick.

Most people don’t seem to realize that NexusSec is stretched  _ thin _ , too thin to cover all the essential sectors. The rec center might be such a low priority it probably isn’t on the CCTV grid yet. 

Under a minute, the queue just disappears and the automated message board changes:  _ five minutes until next spots are available. _

A bitter chuckles escape Maia before reality hits her.

“Isabelle!”

“What? He deserved it,” she shouts after the guy when he gets back up, still holding his face, a few drops of blood in his wake.

“Yeah, he did. But I don’t need you to punch people for me-”

“You could have been exiled if you had!”

“Right, because being reminded that you can do whatever the fuck you want without consequences is making me feel so much better!” she shouts.

Izzy looks at her, shocked at the anger directed to her “I didn’t-”

“No, you didn’t mean it that way. Listen, let’s just-” she closes her eyes, knowing their flashing green, and gestures towards the massage parlor entrance, words failing her for a moment, “get our massages?”

_ Fucking massages _ is implied in her tone.

She’s angry at the asshole who insulted her.

At Izzy.

At herself, and feeling guilty for the last two. Interacting with non-Tamerians can be so frustrating and exhausting.

Izzy opens her mouth but closes it, looking away from her. “Okay,” she says, defeated.

  
  


The massage itself is nice, but not enough to make Maia unclench her jaw and it seems it’s the same for Izzy -whatever she had planned for the evening, it’s not going well.

When they get out of the parlor, the distance between them isn’t just physical and Maia curses herself for wishing earlier that Isabelle would give her some breathing room.

Blood gets her out of her thoughts, the metallic smell clogging her nose. She looks up from her feet sharply, looking around -the line has not reformed itself and the man Izzy punched isn’t back, it’s not his blood anyway.

She takes a deep breath.

Human male, heavy bleeding.  _ Close _ . 

She throws a hand in front of Izzy to stop her from moving toward the tram entrance. She knows Maia enough to let her do her thing even without explanation. 

Maia feels her going in high alert, annoyingly in sync, gravity slightly pooling around her -ready to fling any danger coming at them to the nearest wall so Maia can claw it up if needs be. They got so good at this, fighting side by side, living side by side... it should be enough.

Maia follows the scent and, a few feet out of the way, among plant beds and stacked boxes of street furniture, they find an impressive artery spray against a wall and a pool of blood trailing away from the moderately public-ready part of the rec center to a zone still under construction.

It takes them a few minutes of cautiously making their way up the trail of blood, and when it’s too faint to see, the cloying smell of it. A body is waiting for them in between packed overboards and lounging chairs.

“Is that-” Izzy asks, horrified.

Maia takes a big inhalation, without getting closer to the body; she’s not getting her DNA anywhere near it.

The Initiative issued clothes, oh so immaculate on the Nexus, does’t help differentiate one asshole from the next (although, this poor son of a bitch is very distinguishable right now with all the blood on them) and the body is lying on its belly, face away from them. Izzy might be worried because the hair color kinda match but Maia can smell the difference between the man she punched and the dead body in front of them.

Thanks the bloody fuck, because they would have been in so much trouble with all the witnesses.

“No, someone else,” she reassures, before the familiarity of the smell gets to her, under the blood and the gore. She knows him. She knows- She went to visit Jace with her and Simon once. 

_ Him.  _

“Call Alec,” she orders, getting closer to Izzy.

“Alec first?” Izzy asks, despite typing on her Omni-tool as she continues, “Herondale is already riding his ass about the way he handles th-”

“Isabelle,” she says softly, “it’s Jace’s doctor from the Idris.”

Isabelle’s fingers go still over the screen, face cracking as the words register.

“Hodge?”

Maia hugs her, hard, gently forcing her to turn away from the body.

 

*

Maia and Izzy wait for the crew in tense silence, ready to be discovered or ambushed. What can only be minutes feels like hours to her, Izzy near vibrating out of her skin next to her.

Luke and Alec gets there first, the latter engulfing his sister in one of his bear hugs but he’s already looking around, already thinking. Luke offers her a hug and Maia takes it gladly, needing his easy comfort after all this, his steadiness.

Alec has just began to scan the scene with his omni-tool when Simon and Raj come running, Raph behind then, eyes boring into Raj’s skull. Maia doesn’t miss the look the pilot and Luke exchange, the matching frowns and slights nods, both of them hyper aware of Raj and his movement around the place.

Raj himself is stone faced -military through and through- but Simon isn’t. Despite the horrible things he has witnessed since he was woken up, he’s an engineer, not a soldier. Dead bodies aren’t anywhere close to his comfort zone. Raphael doesn’t seem better either, but his obvious concern is Raj, the body a second thought (well, a third -Simon’s always front and center for Raphael). Their alertness has Maia ticking. She frowns and tries to catch Luke’s eyes but he’s so focused on Raj she can’t.

_ What the actual fuck. _

When Magnus gets there a few minutes after them, Maia asks, “Are you sure-”

“Reyes Vidal, at your service,” he jokes, not bothered by the body in the slightest, or the naked hatred Raj directs his way.

_ He’s used to both _ , she thinks.

"Welcome to the crew then Mr. Vidal," Luke says tensely, before gesturing at Alec who’s still scanning everything, blind and deaf to the world, probably in deep with RAZIEL. "As you can see we have a situation."

Magnus nods, looking around with curiosity. He’s sort of an expert after all, being a criminal.

“Not a dull day with you guys,” he whispers to himself, forcing a small smile on Maia’s face.

When Alec is done scanning every speck of dust he can find, he gets up and says “No trace of the perp here. Starkweather’s throat was sliced open and he was dragged here.”

Somehow he manages to sound detached, like the body on the floor is just that, nothing more, nothing of the man that he grew up with. Maia can hear his heartbeat though, and this is breaking him. He just hides it well.

“I could have told you that,” Simon mutters.

Maia recounts the event once again, Izzy so close to her she can’t take a breath that isn’t full of her.

“It’s bait,” Magnus says immediately after Maia finishes. “I think we’re safe from an ambush, they would have acted already if it was the case. But someone gets killed just outside the parlor you guys were in, just after a very public fight with some of the most recognizable people in the Initiative? They wanted you to found the body, hoped for one of you would touch it -you didn’t right?” Maia and Izzy shake their head. “Good. Implicating you guys or the rest of the crew in a murder… that would put us in a delicate position.”

“Busy keeping your names clean while mudding up the crew’s rep further.” After a few seconds, Alec adds, disgusted, “We all know how some of those people feel about Wolves.”

“Either you drop us or get dragged down, bad for us any way you look at it,” Maia finishes. 

Prejudice -when it’s not outright hatred- is rampant against Tamerians. The fact there is only two Wolves on the Nexus didn’t change any of that. On the contrary, she and Luke were turned into bigger target, the hatred concentrating on both of them, their appointment in the Pathfinder’s crew like an affront no one was interested to forgive.

This might not be an ambush, but Maia could do with a body armor anyway. Though that’s just a regular wish when she’s on the Nexus.

**_I finished compiling all the scans and data. Preliminary analysis shows that a Tamerian killed Dr. Starkweather_ ** , RAZIEL announces.

A bomb might as well has gone off and Maia’s heart  _ sinks _ .

She closes her eyes, unwilling to see the looks on her crew’s faces. Of course she doubts any of them suspects her or Luke, but she can do without their look of pity and concern. She can already taste the mess they’re going to be thrown in because some fucker decided her species are not worth the same as the rest of the Milky Way species.

**_The wound on his neck is a match for Wolf claws in human form, however there are faint traces of metal in the wound. To me, this fact could clear your name, but others might argue that the metal could have been on your claws or deposited there to throw people off your trail. Most people wouldn’t even take that into account_ ** , RAZIEL adds and Maia swears the AI is as pissed off as any of them.

“Maia’s being framed then,” Alec says, hands curling into fists. “Anything you can smell on Hodge?” he asks her and Luke.

_ Hodge _ , it’s the first time Maia ever heard him call him that, but he somehow manages to say it without emotions.

“Nothing that I recognize. He smells like him, a few people but no touching, just infused, like coworkers?” Luke lists.

“He does smell like stress though,” Maia says.

“Well he was killed so-” Simon begins.

“No. From before. It’s rank, long stress, soaked through his clothes and old enough to dry. And then new stress, a run perhaps,” she continues over him, eyes half closed, letting the smells carry her back for a second. She did her internship on a battleship as a trauma surgeon, she knows those smells intimately, the sour panic, the metal of blood, the gore that inevitably follows...

“RAZIEL? Pull the video footage of the Human Ark med bay and try to track him from there,” Alec asks.

“You thinks he was a specific target?” Raj asks, Maia actually forgot he was there, him being so silent. His arms are crossed and he looks sour, his heart too quick. He smells stressed too.

Raphael is still standing a few feet behind him, obviously ready for something.

“Our brother’s doctor killed and left to be found by my sister and one of the two Wolves that will be blamed for it? What do you fucking think?!” Alec snarls, before shaking his head.

Raj looks like he swallowed a whole lemon, his heart picking up. He opens his mouth to vomit some bitterness out but Alec takes a deep breath and continues, completely dismissing of him. “We can’t have this found,” he says.

Going by his tone, it’s not a suggestion.

Alec’s statement ripples through the rest of the crew like an electroshock, except for Magnus whose already nodding.

While Maia’s shocked, something loosen in her chest, warm relief spreading like a blanket wrapped tight all around her. She must make a sound, because Izzy’s hand is squeezing hers instantly.

She squeezes back.

Luke’s the first to recover “uh, boss?”

“RAZIEL tracked down Hodge -agitated and running around the Nexus. He was looking for us,  _ looked all over the place for us _ . Heard of the fight and came here to get killed by someone that managed to keep their face out of the two cameras working on this deck but who look  _ enough like Maia _ to get anyone with a righteously heinous bone in them to grab their pitchforks. Notice the lack of omni-tool,” he points at Starkweather’s forearm, “they took it with them and RAZIEL can’t track it.”

If her heart was hammering before, now it’s preparing to launch out of her chest. Luke can hear it, his concern and anger written all over his face, his own heart and smell.

_ We can’t have this found,  _ echoes in her head.

“That footage needs to be sanitized,” Magnus points out. “As well as the ones of us coming here.”

**_Already done. I kept a copy for further analysis_ ** , RAZIEL says.

“What the fuck, we need NexusSec on this,” Raj says, wildly looking at them for support. He looks half insane with shock and anger, the broken nose adding to it. 

This time, Luke and Raph look at Alec, but he shakes his head, jaw set and lips just a tight line.

While Maia wants to know what this is about, she doesn’t have the energy to spare.

The worse right now is the disgusting need to comply, the part of her that hopes that surrendering to the authority in good faith like Raj is suggesting is going to help her case. But she’s not fresh from yesterday like she was when she left her planet the first time -she learnt, endured and she’ll survive even this. Not alone of course (she might have tried that before), her crew got her back.

It’s strange to have that assurance, the weight of certitude calming her down a bit.

“If you want Maia killed, yeah, that’s what you need.  _ NexusSec _ ,” Isabelle huffs in derision. She drops Maia’s hand so she can get all up Raj’s face, pushing him around. “You really think Herondale isn’t going to jump on the occasion of demonizing the Wolves further? Of taking us down a few pegs and hobbling our crew?” the disbelief is thick in her voice, but Maia is used to Raj’s less than thoroughly thought over plans.

“She doesn’t have a motive for killing that doctor and you were with her the whole time, weren’t you? She’ll be fine,” he dismisses. 

“She really won’t,” Luke mutters so low only Maia can hear.

Isabelle pushes Raj again.

“Fuck off!” they both shout at each other.

Luke and Raphael have to put themselves in between them to make sure it doesn’t escalate.

“What do you think?” Alec asks. It takes Maia full ten seconds to realize he’s talking to her, his face full of concern for her, apparently unconcerned by the near fight next to them.

She closes her eyes again, takes a steadying breath. When she openes them again, her head isn’t any clearer. “I don’t want to be executed or for you guys to be exiled over me.”

Alec doesn’t have time to say something else that Simon asks to Magnus, fake casual, “how do you hide a body anyway?”

Raphael snorts as he pushes Raj farther away from Izzy.

“Well, if we were on Kadara, we would have just dumped the body in an acid pool. But we’re not on Kadara.” Magnus sounds sour still, even if his face is schooled to indifference. “We need a cleaning bot and RAZIEL will have to erase its mem core afterward. For the body itself, there might be an emergency airlock close by?”

“Wouldn’t it be picked up by the anti-collision system on the bridge?” Raphael asks, Raj kept at arm's length -he seems calmed down a bit but Luke is still talking Izzy down from attacking Raj. 

**_Any object without life signs and smaller than a life capsule approaching the hull is destroyed automatically by the system without a notification to the bridge crew or manual input. Only maintenance will be notified to check the hull for damage. Their logs can easily be accessed_ ** , RAZIEL explains.

Maia knows the AI, as crazy has it sounds, he’s probably already in Nexus system, ready.

“So it’s settled,” Magnus says, clapping his hands once like he is in charge (and for this, he might as well be, the criminal component of this better suited to his skill set).

“Nothing is settled!  _ Alec! _ I refuse to participate” Raj shouts, shaking Raphael off him so he can go and block Alec’s way, eyes pleading. “This is exactly what I told you about! It’s madness!”

Alec looks at him, expression carefully blank, but anger has a smell and Alec is reeking of it.

“And I thought I made my stance clear last night,” Alec answers. 

Something passes between them, rotten and sour.

Luke and Raph stalks closer to them-

And then Alec glances at Magnus.

Just a glance, just checking he’s there perhaps, or taking pointers from him -sometimes it’s easy to forget Alec’s so new to command. 

Raj’s nostrils flare -too angry to contain, too jealous, too many dismissals to count- and finally snaps.

Maia can smell and hear the attack before Raj finishes thinking about it, adrenaline and hammering heart, then muscles coiling, coiling, coiling, arm stretching, fist meeting Alec’s jaw-

But no, Raj is slapped away from him and thrown against a wall, Magnus’ hand gracefully pulling at gravity, defending Alec with a grim expression on his face. Behind them, Isabelle’s hand is frozen mid air, like Magnus beat her to it.

They all stay silent for a few seconds.

Raj doesn't get up, but Maia can hear his labored breathing, the choked up sob he’s fighting against, the sour smell of humiliation. No one goes to him, despite Luke being the only one beside her knowing he’s okay.

Lines in the sand, clearly drown.

Isabelle gives Magnus a nasty grin, which he returns in kind.

“Do we throw him through the airlock too?” Raphael asks, cold, and Maia has no trouble believing he’s serious.

“This is the worst day possible,” Simon mumbles before elbowing Raph, “and you’re not helping. Also we really need to get a move on before we get caught with a dead body guys!”

“I second that,” Luke says. “I’ll get Raj back on the Arrowhead with Maia.”

Maia cocks an eyebrow at his obvious way of getting her off the Nexus as quickly as possible, but doesn’t comment -he’s her alpha, her friend. She would do the same for him and more.

As he picks up Raj from the floor with minimum protest, a creepily silent cleaning bot arrives following the blood trail, leaving immaculate floor behind it.

Simon gently pats it on the top before emptying a container full of overboards. “That should do, no?” he asks, eyeing the body and the space he just freed.

Magnus makes a complicated hand gesture that Maia suspect is just for show and Dr. Starkweather’s body rises from the floor, before depositing it as slowly as he can in the container.

“Airlock?” he asks Alec once the container is sealed.

Alec points somewhere to their right, DEFCON 2 permafrown so tight on his face he might get stuck that way.

Magnus and Raphael give her a reassuring look and leave in that direction, but Alec can’t quite match it, just nods to her and follow them, the container smoothly dragged behind Magnus.

“I’ll go the Human Ark to check up on Jace and try to get intel on Hodge,” Izzy says. “Si, go the bridge and-”

“Annoy someone loudly enough to make a distraction just in case and keep an eye on Herondale and her closest minions? Roger that, Lightwood.” He snorts, squeezing Maia’s shoulder before running away. 

“Maia?” Luke calls. She turns toward him -tearing her eyes from Isabelle’s lith form is harder than it should be right this moment.

He’s holding Raj up easily, the man at his side looking down and defeated.

“Yeah, comin’”.

“Wait, Maia!” Izzy’s voice is urgent and Maia is so fucking helpless against it. 

Her eyes turns just as Izzy throws herself at her and engulfs her in a fierce hug, burying her face in her neck. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“This…” Maia’s throat closes up, overwhelmed. “This isn’t your fault.”

“I’m still sorry. And I’ll make whoever did this to you feel  _ sorrier _ ,” she promises.

Maia thrusts her and nods in her smooth hair before gently pushing her away. She regrets it as soon as they part, even as Isabelle clings to her hands, eyes not letting go either. She misses her warmth and solidness.

“See you later Isabelle.”

“Yeah,” she smiles back.

And there’s a breath or two where Maia swears Izzy’s going to kiss her, but she blinks rapidly, heartbeat running away from her and she clears her throat and takes off.

Luke clears his throat too, louder. “Not to rush you or anything…”

  
  


*

When they’re back on the Arrowhead, Luke offers to stay with her, but Maia shakes her head, needing some alone time so she can collapse without feeling embarrassed later. Luke gets that and exits the med bay, still half-carrying, half-dragging Raj along. 

Her nerves finally give out the second the door slides shut, knowing she's safe and protected, that she doesn’t have to maintain a façade of unflinching strength here. 

She cries -sobs really- for a long time, all the frustration and the fear and the pain overwhelming her.

Rationally, she knows it’s all just chemicals in her brain skyrocketing out of control, getting flushed out through the tears to regain balance. It still feels like dying.

She longs for her true from and solid ground under her feet: a wide expanse to run across, to finally stretch her uncompressed form. Tamerians aren’t supposed to go on long period of time without shifting. It’s a balance, or at least it’s supposed to be. The last time Maia had the occasion was weeks ago. Running on a treadmill isn’t as satisfying as running through the thick forests of Tameria, but it could easily be done… if Maia felt like moving from the bed she’s using. She feels raw, bruised, like she might burst out of her skin and lose control.

She stays in bed, trying to ignore her senses, the smell of plasteel, of medigel, the bip-bips and light hum of electricity coursing through her lab equipment, forcing her eyes shut, and the articicial out, imagining the pure, warm light of the Tameria’s sun in the afternoon filtering through the trees, the smell of crushed grass and the sticky sweet pollen coating her legs, her arms, her nose itchy with it, the distant roars and the laughing children, the calls of animals among the trees, the taste of sweet water and fresh air, not the recycled crap being pumped on the ship...

Tameria is long gone though, and Maia can’t convince herself, even for a second, that she’s there. She changed too much, seen too much, but she misses the forests still.

There are none on Elaaden, just silica sand deserts and very few oases, with skinny trees and nothing more. She can’t actually imagine living there, even with the rest of the pack, despite all the improvement they managed and Luke’s assurances that the planet will be a real home someday.

“ _ All you need is time there, not a few days, but months, like we had. You’ll see _ .” he told her once.

It’s strange to be this protective of a planet she never spent more than a week on, for the Pack’s sake.

She chose to leave the Milky Way, to leave Tameria and her parents behind, but she didn’t expect she would miss it so keenly. As much as she loved them, her parents had never approved of her career choice or her following of Luke’s radical views about peace and unity. Now a treacherous part of her wonders if they might have been right all along.

But she was born with an inquisitive mind and a spine made a durasteel (her mother’s words, not exactly pleased with either). She craved knowledge from a young age and she wasn’t afraid to ask. Why is the sky yellow? Why can’t I physically talk our language when I’m small and smooth? Why are the Outsiders so mean? Why are all the Milky Way species made so roughly the same despite living on distant planets? Why can’t I go to the Alliance College of Medicine?

_ Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?  _

Question after question, answer after answer. Even when it lead her to leave Tameria to study and end up on a battle ship which crew was so fucking untrusting of her that they barely let her help them.

Her parents hated that, hated the risks she would take, hated her relentless search for answers. They weren’t the only one. 

Generally speaking, Edomians and Seelians weren’t particularly fond of the scientists that had developed the theories that all Milky Way species came from a common ancestor. When proofs had been found on the Earth’s moon, the situation had gotten worse. 

Maia’s field of expertise was Xenobiology as a whole, but she had always been more fascinated by the similarities of the species rather their singular and distinct evolutions. Edomians, Seelians and Tamerians were, as one of Maia’s teachers once put it,  _ humans extra _ . 

Some Edomians had horns, some had scale, some seemed put together by a genetic russian roulette, but all had gravity bending abilities that defied the understanding. 

Seelians look human enough if you can overlook the completely black eyes and long ears, and if you look away when they grow bark as rough as any tree when they decide to take a century long nap and grow some foliage.

Tamerian’s dual bodies -one side completely human in appearance, the other decidedly not- were a thing of beauty, a malleable skeleton and a protective layer of fur that could grow and shed fast.

Take all that away and you get a human. A brain, one heart, two lungs and four limbs. Some variations of course, but still. Every species could reproduce with each other and most could be used donors in transplant, depending on the organs. 

But still Edomians and Seemians insisted that the Tamerian were less, despite the clear proofs that they were just a different flavor, or as some scientists though, a different experiment on a cosmic scale with humans as control sample.

Maia will never know those answers now. They lie somewhere in the Milky Way and there is no going back, especially with the way the death threats to her and her fellow Xenobiologists working on those questions had gotten in the past few years before going to Andromeda. She might have wanted answers, but she didn’t want her research provoking the death of her parents or colleagues.

Then Luke asked if she wanted new questions and challenges, and she said yes.

“- broke my shoulder!” Raj shouts as the door of the med bay slides open, forcing her to come back to the here and the now, refocusing her anger and frustration on Raj.

She can do that.  _ Easily _ . She jumps off the bed she was on and wipes away the last of her hears with her sleeve, sniffling.

Luke is right behind him, rolling his eyes. “You humans are squishy but not that much.”

“It’s purple!” Raj tugs the neckline of his shirt away, wincing, and shows her his indeed sickly purple bruised skin.

“You went to punch Alec," she reminds him cooly.

“And let's be honest you’re lucky Magnus was the one to hit you. If Izzy had been the one, you would be dead,” Luke says. He’s right of course. Izzy doesn’t have to play nice and prove she’s not an evil genius.

Then he looks at her, his eyes asking  _ are you okay? _

She nods and Raj doesn't notice they’re not paying attention to him, too busy opening drawers and cabinets violently, ranting about blind people and demon-eyed asshole.

“Where’s the fucking medigel?” he shouts after a moment, punching a wall.

“Where’s the medigel  _ please _ ?” Maia throws back at him, wishing she could throw him out the airlock instead like Raphael suggested. 

“Please Maia,” he forces out, sarcasme dripping from his mouth.

His eyes are as wild as they were earlier, the pain and the broken delusions about Alec exposing the instability underneath like a cracked egg shell, Raj’s crazy dripping out. 

Maia wonders for a second what happen to his nose. He must have pissed someone enough, and she’s right there with them.

“It’s a bruise moron,” she chides, “it doesn't need medigel.”

“It’s broken!”

“It’s not, broken bones  _ smell _ , just as bruising does. You smell like the later. And your bitching is far too coherent for a broken shoulder anyway. You need arnica compresses and to go easy with that arm for a few days,” she explains as she takes the needed items from the cabinets, as well as some light painkillers.

“You’re not a doctor,” he says sourly.

“I’m a xenobiologist  _ on top of being a doctor _ ,” she corrects, before going farther. “I opened up more human bodies for studies than you can count, believe me I know what I’m talking about.”

Raj pales and Maia allows herself to smile at him cruelly, with too many teeth.

She has no way of being sure, but she has suspected for a while that Raj was part of the few human commandos that tried to steal Tamerian resources, following the example of the Seelians and Edomians before them. The way he shies away from her and Luke the rare times they can turn in their true forms is telling, like he intimately knows the power they have. She saw the scar he has on his back that runs down to his ass, like something big tried to claw him open. Something with claws a lot like hers.

Maia can’t say she’s glad it didn’t kill him.

Raj stumbles back, arnica compresses in hand, finally realising he’s alone with them. Alone with their  _ claws _ , and their  _ teeth _ , and their fatigue of his tantrums. He gets out the med bay quickly.

“I would have mentioned the three-year internship you did on that Alliance ship -you’re practically a trauma surgeon for four different species,” Luke says after the door closes, “but I must say that I enjoy his squirming.”

“He’s getting out of control,” she says.

It’s true, but she mostly says it because worrying about what Raj might do is easier than worry about what could happen to her now that someone is framing her for murder.

600 light years away from the Milky Way and people are still stirred by the lies their governments created to justify their greed and the theft of Tameria’s resources. War after war after war, all for metals and fuel and strategic location, all of it disguised as the Wolves being unworthy of it. A violent species that should be destroyed or collared and used as war dogs. She has seen the pamphlets wrote back in the Milky Way, had it screamed and spat at her face, seen the riots… and now this.

“It’s true that as time passes, it’s getting clearer he doesn't fit,” Luke says wisely.

“Perhaps he should go on his own way.”

Bitterness threatens to overwhelm her.

“He knows too much… never underestimate how easily he could go babble at Herondale about the many, many times we did whatever we wanted and outright lied to her. Also. Magnus.” Luke pauses a second. “But, and I mean that, don’t worry about him okay? We’re-”

“Doing something about it?” she cuts, thinking back at his, Alec and Raph’s behavior on Deck 54.

Luke nods but its clear he’s not going to tell her more. She’s used to it, he’s her Alpha after all, he’s allowed a few secrets if he thinks it’s for the best, just like Maia is allowed not to trust him. But she does.

Instead of asking questions he won’t answer, she closes the drawers Raj was too bitchy to close after himself. “What a fucking ass- he was fine with handing me to the goodwill of Herondale! He was fine-” she stops, choking on a sob.

She hates this so fucking much, being grateful at the team for being decent, knowing it’s only luck they’re not like Raj and the rest, that she owes them her safety. It’s sickening. And having that snake around the ship, knowing she could still be arrested at his convenience…

She can’t believe she hoped for better in a new galaxy. She should have known. Same people, same bullshit. She should have stayed home, make it work with Jordan,  _ something. _

Suddenly Luke all around her, hugging her hard and right there she breaks again, tears she thought had ran dry back with a vengeance.

  
  


Later, he cooks something for her, but it’s not from their homeworld or she would have cried again. No, it’s Earth food, he’s always been so fond of it, remaining of his days as a diplomat there. It was the only thing he had brought back with him, even if there had been gossips back in the days, when Maia was still a teenager, that a human woman might have followed him if it wasn’t for her being already married or something. Luke had never mentioned her, but he must still love her, because he never tried to make it work with anyone else again.

The food’s good, if a bit heavy on her stomach -c _ onsistent _ , like an anchor dragging her to sleep and she walks back to the med bay half sleeping, set on avoiding Raj like the plague he is (making the crew quarters a no-go zone).

  
  


After a good nap, she go look after Luke, but the team comes back at that moment, a little more subdued than usual due to the circumstances, but still loud in the best of ways and uncaring about it. 

This is  _ home _ . This is safe.

Luke makes more food, helped by Raphael. Both of them categorically refuse for any of the Lightwoods to help (for everyone’s relief; the first and only time they cooked for the team ended with them forcibly removed from the kitchen and taken out of the cooking roster). Simon isn’t exactly better, but he’s at least permitted to hold Raphael’s abuela’s cookbook and read the instructions to them.

Under different circumstances, he would be smugly sticking his tongue at the Lightwoods, while Maia might be pretending to read when she’s really ogling Isabelle. Raj would be trying to engage Alec in conversation with various success, until the food would be ready.

Tonight’s a bit different of course.

Raj stays wherever he is, his absence noticed and welcomed by everyone. Magnus is way better company anyway, and Alec isn’t the only one that thinks so.

The food ready, Simon boats how he disturbed the Nexus’ bridge so much Herondale had him escorted out, shoveling food in his mouth between words while Raphael looks at him with open disgust and bewilderment. How he doesn't strangle himself on pasta is beyond understanding.

Magnus confirms that Starkweather’s body was destroyed. 

Alec’s paler than usual next to him on the table, his heartbeat picking up as Magnus talks, but for sadder reasons than his feelings of the man. Nothing is left of the emotionless façade he had put on when he was examining the body.

_ It must have really settled in that their almost uncle is dead _ , Maia thinks, feeling the same distress coming from Isabelle.

“The Ark med bay was in uproar,” Izzy recounts, eyes vague. “Apparently Hodge lost it and punched a guard before taking off -Jace is okay though, small mercies. I got worried whoever did this, they could have hurt him. But he’s still sleeping. No one had a clue what might have triggered Hodge. Witnesses said he was reading something on his omni-tool and  _ bam, _ he went ballistic.”

“We did find something else,” Alec says, pushing the pasta around his plate with his fork, eyes downcast. “He had some print outs in his pocket, with unreadable doctor handwriting notes all over it. RAZIEL says it’s some kind of cypher. Still decrypting it. I was also called in by NexusSec to investigate the incident on the med bay because they’re lacking manpower,” he snorts, bitter. “Got access to his quarters and free rein to search the place.” He takes out a small box from his pocket and put it on the table. “Find this. Secret hard drive hidden under the mattress with some pretty hard protections. RAZIEL’s also working on that.”

Maia makes a grabby hand gesture at Magnus since Alec is back to looking at his plate, morose. Thankfully Magnus gets it and fishes out the prints out from Alec’s pocket and hands them over to her, Alec half shooting out from the bench with a yelp.

“Sorry darling,” Magnus soothes his way, minding Alec’s grief.

Alec grumbles something and sits back, crossing his arms petulantly, only softening when Magnus seems to squeeze his knee under the table.

Maia turns her attention on the prints out.

“That right there, it looks like a brainwave activity chart,” Maia says after a few moments them.

**_I was thinking the same thing but I can’t make sense of the data. The cypher used on the notes is advanced._ **

“The brain activity here, it’s… aberrant.” She has seen enough of those to know, without legend or context, that the person whose brain was studied is  _ sick _ . “Brain’s fried to the bone, metaphorically. It’s like -” she stops, frowning and turns towards Alec. “It’s a lot like what I would expect to see about your brain if RAZIEL wasn’t in it. But worse. Way worse.”

Alec’s face clearly pales and his eyes do that weird, vacant thing they do when he and RAZIEL have a side conversation in his head.

_ Their head _ ? It’s weird.

It goes on for a few minutes, everyone looking at each other in concern. Izzy’s knuckles are white around her fork. Magnus looks worried, not really used to this. Simon takes a sip, so loud in the near silence of the kitchen that Raphael elbows him.

Alec’s face shows clear sign of anger and distress before he ‘comes back’ and takes a long, deep breath.

“Okay. This isn’t my brain. But it could have been.”

“What do you mean?” Maia asks.

“RAZIEL deviated some computer power from the Nexus to decrypt Hodge’s hard drive faster- nevermind,” he shakes his head, pushing his half eaten plate away from him. “On it are some of the research and tests our mother and her team did before putting the RAZIEL implants on the selected Pathfinders. This is… this is the first test subject, Patient 1 -there’s no name. Her brain.  _ Her fried brain _ , as you said. Apparently they tested on tetraplegic and pseudocoma patients to see the extent of what a RAZIEL implant could heal. How much, how fast. Sort of  _ help us develop this tech and you get your mobility back. _ ”

“Rather unethical,” Maia breaths.

“And?” Izzy prompts.

“And that first patient was healed. Like, Jesus healed. Me healed. But also the RAZIEL persona they ran was unstable and it killed the woman in question trying to take over her brain entirely.” He points out the prints out in Maia’s hands. “That’s what it did.”

Maia’s shocked by his calm as much as his words. She’s terrified on his behalf, and worried by his aloofness.

“RAZIEL killed someone?” Magnus asks, a frightening expression on his face as he looks down at Alec’s Omni-tool. 

Maia can hear his heartbeat, the hint of fear emanating from him. 

**_No, a previous iteration of my persona emulation did. RAZIEL 5.0 if you will. I’m RAZIEL 132.0_ ** , the AI precises.

“Makes you wonder about all the bad coding they had to axe,” Luke says, frowning.

“And how much they might have left behind,” Magnus finishes, fuming. “This is what happened on Edom! This is what you get for playing with AIs.”

Izzy’s looking at her brother like he might die right in front of her this second and doesn’t defend her mother’s coding. Maia fights the need to touch her in comfort.

“So Starkweather, what? Learnt about the trials, decided to run to one of us with the intel and got killed?” Raphael proposes.

Alec shakes his head. “Hodge was part of Mom’s team. He knew already.” 

“Sooo-” Simon drags it out a long, uncomfortable time. “Someone learnt about it and killed Starkweather  _ over it _ ?”

Maia turns to Alec but he’s far away again. Magnus’ eyes boring into the side of his head, worried.

“Wouldn’t RAZIEL have known about this, you know, by having been into your mother’s head?” Magnus asks Izzy.

It makes sense, the uncomfort spreading around the table. RAZIEL should have known about it.

“Unless Mom hid it from RAZIEL somehow?” Izzy proposes, her train of thoughts following Maia’s.

RAZIEL doesn’t answer them, something he can do even if Alec isn’t all there. His silence  unsettles Maia even more. 

Everyone is allowed their secrets, but Maia’s trust for the ones that Alec and RAZIEL keep  as always been thin, especially since the AI killed Alec in front of her on the Archon’s ship. As a doctor, as  _ his _ doctor, she can’t help but be suspicious of them.

Even in his RAZIEL mindspace, Alec’s usual frown deepens, passing from what Izzy calls his resting bitch face to something more worrying.

Isabelle goes and pokes his cheek without even a hint of joy on her face, again and again until Alec comes back to himself and bats her hand away, his face matching hers.

“RAZIEL and I have a lead,” he announces.

Silence. They all look at him, surprised. Even for the AI, it’s quick. 

“How?” Raphael asks.

“Back on Kadara I received a message from some weirdos calling themselves the  _ Firefighters  _ and proclaiming they wanted to save me from RAZIEL,” he shakes his head. “I didn’t bring it up because it wasn’t critical and after the mess on Kadara we had our hands full… I put it in the  _ when we have time  _ pile and, well, we never had time.”

“Save you from -” Luke looks down at Alec’s omni-tool, where RAZIEL talks from to them. “Why?”

"Being controlled by a tyrannical AI in my head,” he says with a shrug. “At the time I thought it was one of those lunatics from Edom that refused to be lead by a Pathfinder with an AI, you know how they are.” He gestures in Magnus’ direction.

“My people have cause to be careful,” he says, obviously pissed and uncaring about Alec’s  _ here we go _ look. “And those files are proof.”

He goes as far as getting up and taking a few steps in the kitchen, away from Alec.

Maia remembers the endless talks and threats back in the Milky Way about Edomians collectively losing their shit about the RAZIELs and the Initiative’s intent to heavily rely on them once in Andromeda.

“So you dismissed what could be a direct threat to your life by anti-synthetic terrorists?” Izzy’s fuming, words weighted like stones to hold her back from knocking Alec around for his damn stupidity.

“At the time it wasn’t a priority,” Alec insists, digging his grave. “I honestly thought it was some kind of nut job and, ah, I kinda forgot about it.”

While Maia can hear the truth in his heart beat, she still doesn’t like it.

“You shouldn’t have been the only one deciding that,” she tells him. “Especially with your track record in putting your life in danger.” They all nod, angry and oh so frustrated with him. “You expect us to come to you about shit, to rely on you, but you don’t do the same,” she continues, “that’s not how pack works.”

Luke turns toward her, eyebrow up. “Pack?” he asks in their language, the soft melody of it making it real.

_ Shit.  _ She feels her own vocal cords shift in her throat, ready to justify herself to her Alpha. She forces them back to human shapes. It’s not a conversation she wants to have right now.

They all look at her with raised eyebrows, expecting a clarification. 

“You’re an asshole,” she throws at Alec’s face, choosing to pretend she didn’t say what she just said.

The others let it go, but not without a few perplexed glances. Not Luke though, his attention like a physical weight she can’t shake.

“She’s right. You’re a fucking asshole,” Simon repeats.

Alec rolls his eyes -like an asshole- and says, “we need to get to the bottom of this. Right now, it’s a missing person case for NexusSec, let’s make sure it stays that way and we can find out who killed him and framed Maia for it quickly. I want us on Elaaden soon.” He stands up. “Raph, you’re ready?”

There’s a beat of silence, all their eyes going from Alec’s tired but determined expression, to  Raphael and how obviously caught off guard he is by the question.

“Wait- what,  _ now _ ?” he so surprised, while the rest of them are just confused.

“Yes now. We can’t wait. Not with Maia’s freedom at stake. The sooner we take care of the problem, the better,” Alec says, unlighting nothing.

Luke sighs and downs his water, the cup put to hard on the table when he’s finished. “It was a good plan, but you’re right, the timing isn’t working anymore.”

Izzy’s eyebrows are so high it’s almost comical. “What are you guys talking about?”

“Raj,” her brother answers, barely acknowledging her. “RAZIEL put the ship on silent lockdown earlier. Now’s not the time to lose track of him. So you’re ready?” he asks again, more urgently.

“Uh, yes, but-” Raph begins.

“Good then, we move now.”

Alec goes toward the door without further explanation but Simon’s blocking the way, pissed. “What the fuck you’re going to do?”

“Simon we don’t have time for this.” Alec says, but it sounds like  _ move _ .

Simon stands his ground, shaking his head. “Don’t care.  _ We’re a crew _ , and I want to know.”

“Same here,” Izzy says, none too pleased by her brother’s secrets. 

Maia nods. Luke might have told her not to worry about Raj, but she wants to know the why and the how.

Alec sighs, clearly annoyed at the delay.

“Raj has been keeping precise records of all our little misdeeds. RAZIEL deleted them and replaced them with some nonsense, hoping he would go to Herondale with them. Two birds, one stone. But Starkweather’s death isn’t a risk we can take. They can’t prove shit, but the doubts and the hatred towards the Wolves would do too much damage. So Raj has to go now.”

“Define _ go _ ,” Simons says, icy, looking from Alec to Raphael, to Luke, like he’s trying to choose someone to really shout at.

“We’re putting him back in cryo,” Raphael reassures, trying to keep the peace. ”God knows people have been doing it as a foolproof solution against Andromeda rather fucked up living condition. RAZIEL wrote a demand and filled in a form. We have a cryo pod hidden in the hangar.”

Maia is actually impressed, if greatly disturbed. RAZIEL can essentially fake a suicide note, even if a temporary one. And yes,  _ it’s Raj _ , but the AI could do it to anyone.

“You planned this?” Simon accuses.

“It’s cryo, not a coffin. He’s not going to calm down or see reason, especially not after Alec punched him and Magnus threw him around like a ragdoll.”

Everyone turns to Alec. 

“ _ You’re the one that punched him? _ ” Izzy shouts.

“How did you fucking know,” Alec mutters at Raph.

“You asked me to be ready with a cryo pod first thing in the morning and Raj shows up with a broken nose at the breakfast table, I’m not dense.”

Simon rolls his eyes. “Did you have to punch him?”

Simon was never a fan of Raj, but he might be the only one with Luke that actively tried to make things better. Their efforts were commendable but obviously vain.

“Yes, I had to,” Alec snarls, disgust and anger radiating off him.

Luke snorts and something tilts in Maia’s head about this morning.

“Mouthwash,” she says out loud.

_ Urgh. _

Alec gives her a pleading, panicked look that begs  _ please don’t _ .

She doesn’t.

“Can’t we just… fire him,” Simon says.

Maia rolls her eyes at his naivety.

“No. It’s too big of a risk, I told you. We can’t afford to have people looking at us with Starkweather dead,” Alec says.

“I could go,” Magnus says, breaking his silence. “I’m the biggest security risk.”

The words guts Alec right there, so deep Maia can feel it. He can’t even turn around to face Magnus when he says, “Like our crimes began when we took you on board. I hid Maia’s smuggling activities; we’ve been selling mining nav point for cash on the black market; all the illegal shit we pull off on Kadara; the plants the Wolves need to survive we stole back against Herondale’s orders; the people we helped, the people we abandoned… harboring an Exile is just one more point on the very long list. Hell, even Sunbeam is a crime, Rosa could get exiled over the damn dog.”

Sunbeam raises his head from his blanket for a few seconds and falls back asleep again, blissfully ignorant of the debates at play.

Raphael stiffens. “I’m well aware my little sister isn’t supposed to make pets in the cloning labs,” he says through gritted teeth, before directing at Simon, “I’m not exposing her to that kind of risks when we can take care of Raj so easily.”

“If you need more incentive,  _ Raj is talking to Herondale as we speak. _ Or so he thinks,” Alec says, words like blows. “He tried to contact her earlier but RAZIEL intercepted the message and is passing for her. We told him to stay put as she mounts a NexusSec team to get on board and make preventive arrests. That’s where we’re at right now.”

Simon’s face falls and he moves from the door. “Fucker.” 

“Wait! Why weren’t we told? Did you know?” Izzy asks at large, then at Maia.

“Luke told me not to worry about him earlier but gave me no details.”

“RAZIEL mention Raj’s imminent leaks a few hours ago,” Magnus volunteers. “I didn’t know about the cryo though.”

Alec’s patience seems to run dry. “The less of you knew about the plan, the better it was.  _ Plausible deniability _ , people.”

“You and your fucking secrets. You’re as bad as mom!” Izzy shouts. “First the anti-AI group, now this!”

“Don’t forget taking risks talking to Jace,” Magnus throws, at Alec’s dismay. “It’s like you get off at keeping things from people, and yes, I know it must sound fucking hypocritical coming from me, but this? You’ll lose the people you love to it. Trust me I know. Might get you killed one day too.”

And right there, Alec goes very, very pale, his pulse stumbling on more than a few beats like Magnus’ accusation squeezed his heart directly.

But there’s something else. Maia’s not sure what, but her guts and the pack sense in her goes off like an alarm.

_ He’s hiding something else. Something worse. _

She catches Luke’s eyes, the distress in them confirming he just felt that too.

Before she can think of confronting him, RAZIEL announces,  **_Raj is getting restless and moving from the crew quarters to the hangar. He will soon realize we’re under lockdown and doubtlessly try to force his way through it. He knows where we keep the explosives, after all._ **

“Shit!” Alec shouts, “Luke, Raph, with me.”

The three of them run out of the room, leaving Maia, Izzy, Simon and Magnus in the kitchen.

“I can’t believe it came to this,” Simon says, kicking a wall to Sunbeam’s shock. “Sorry, sorry,” he mumbles, trying to calm the whining dog down.

“Really? I can’t believe it took this long,” Maia tells him. 

She gets up, practically in sync with Magnus and Izzy. She huffs. Seems like they all want to see this through till the end.

“C’mon Si, don’t you want to say goodbye?” she asks, bitter.

Simon grumbles something but follow as they make their way to the hangar.

 

*

Raj is having a bad day. Week. Month. Year.

He woke up in a fucking shit show. His team is growing more and more distant with each passing day, finding new ways to break rules that are there for a reason… the man he’s in love with decided that his criminal ex was a perfect addition to the crew and, when presented with all the facts and asked to  _ think about it _ , he punched Raj.

All day he had been struggling with giving Herondale his reports, even after all the crew’s crimes and Alec hitting him.

Part of him like them -at their best, they were good people, sometimes tolerable. But they had not been at their best for so long… Still, walking away, just that, just letting them do their thing and wash his hands of it was something he actually considered; get a NexusSec assignation and put the Arrowhead’s crew far from his mind… but then Dr. Starkweather was murdered and Alec decided to make his body disappear because poor little Maia couldn’t possibly survive getting questioned, making it more difficult for the proper authorities to find the real culprit.

Alec’s decision had been so selfish, hiding a murder to spare her feelings. It was so fucking wrong and Raj had said so.

Not that anyone had been listening to him, too busy coddling the Wolves.

_ And fucking Bane _ , going through life in all impunity, all crime forgiven or erased.

Raj has never been more humiliated in his life, just tossed around like he was nothing by Bane’s unnatural abilities. Nobody helped him, nobody defended him. He was the dead weight for them, the odd one.

He spent the rest of the evening in his bunk, ruminating. Not about what to do because now it was clear, but how. At the very least he should thank the crew for giving him that painful instant of clarity.

Contacting Herondale wasn’t that hard, just a matter of taking a spare Omni-tool from the reserve (RAZIEL would be a fool not to monitor Raj’s communication after last night, but the spare Omni-tool had nothing of interest for the AI).

His message to Herondale had been short. 

**_Here’s enough dirt on Pathfinder Lightwood’s team to exile them all. Arrest should be carried promptly they are dangerous._ **

Herondale had told him to wait, that she and her team had to review the reports and cross examined them, but that he and the team would have to be bringing him for questioning, by force if necessary.

Waiting around in the crew quarters was getting to his nerve though, cooped up and trapped.

_ This fucking shit. This fucking crew _ .

Last night he accused Alec of being blind, but in truth he’s the one who had blinders on. It took Alec  _ and _ Bane hitting him to shake them off and for him to finally see.

While he doesn’t believe Maia or Luke killed Dr. Starkweather, he fucking knows in his guts that hiding the murder and destroying the body was wrong. Alec wouldn’t hear reason, not because he was manipulated by the others, but because  _ he was one of them _ .  _ He was the problem, he was the danger. _

It had only taken eight months for Raj to accept that, to see the truth of his character, the many faults of it. Better late than never, but the bitter taste in his mouth is impossible to get rid off. Hopefully, it will be easier once they’re all exiled and replaced by competent people that respect Initiative’s law and don’t play lone ranger above it.

His Omni-tool beeps with a new message from Herondale.  **Strike** **_team’s closing in, stay out of the way._ **

Raj stops in the middle of the corridor, the weight of his reports in the small memchip in his pocket dragging him down. 

He participated in a lot of those missions, went along with some of them to a certain point, until Alec and the rest cut him from the decision making process and simply ordered him around without explanation like he was another grunt and not the second in command of this crew.

_ Perhaps I’m going to be exiled too,  _ rings in his head.

His stomach drops. He should have went to the proper authorities as soon as Alec started playing with fire. But he didn’t, and now it’s too late, now he will have to admit that his personal feelings got in the way, that he waited until he was actually fired by Alec to expose the crew and their crimes. It won’t look good to anyone...

There’s no changing it now, though. He straightens his back. If he goes down with them and ends up exiled too, so be it. At least he still did the right thing in the end. Magnus and Luke are too dangerous for the Initiative.

_ And Alec too _ , he adds, bitter.  _ Alec too _ .

He continues on his way to the hangar, disregarding Herondale’s words. If he can help the strike team make their way through the ship, he will.

In the hangar, it’s eiry. Everything silent, everything normal, the storm preparing outside still far away. Raj feels bad for a few seconds, but reminds himself that his hands were forced, that he tried so hard, offering Alec help. He did everything he could.

When he tries to unlock the ramp so it can go down, stopping the strike team from using explosives on the ship, nothing happens.

He tries again. Nothing.

“What the hell?” he asks out loud, trying vainly to get the touchscreen to recognize his handprint so he can override the locked ramp.

He looks at the console again, everything seems fine unless-

“Ship’s on silent lockdown,” Alec says behind him.

Raj wipes around, eyes wide. He didn’t hear the door slide open.

Alec, Luke and Raphael are there, looking at him with the sort of quiet rage that makes Raj shivers.

“Why is the-”

“Cut the crap. We know.” Alec never been this cold.

_ No more pretending then _ , he thinks as truth dawns on him and he realises what’s happening.

“Herondale?” he checks, knowing already.

“Not coming. Lockdown means everything gets under RAZIEL control, even the spare Omni-tools. I put the ship on lockdown the second Luke carried you in. You know, a small part of me hoped you would let it go, that you would give me your demission and go on with your life without trying to fuck ours,” Alec sighs, crossing his arms. “Thankfully I didn’t hope much.”

Raj looks down, fists curling painfully.  _ How dare he sounds like he’s the one being betrayed? _ “So what, I get to see the outside of an airlock without an exo suit on?” he challenges.

At that moment, the rest of the crew enters the hangar.

They look as angry as the three others, as determined. Except, of course, for Bane. He doesn’t look like he’s particularly concern by Raj, busy orbiting around Alec like he belongs there.

_ And perhaps he does _ , he thinks, sick with jealousy and disgust.  _ Perhaps they’re a perfect match after all. Alec proved he was as fucking mental as Bane. _

“You’re going back in cryo,” Simon babbles, trying to be reassuring despite the way he looks at Raj..

“Yeah right. You think I won’t scream my way to the nearest med bay? Go gently into the night? I don’t think so.” 

No fucking doctor on the human Ark will let them do that or carry an unconscious patient into a cryo pod.

Raphael takes a few steps toward a huge pile of containers and move three out of the way, revealing an empty cryo pod under a tarp. He doesn’t even say anything, just stands there stiff as a board with his fucking cryo pod. It enrages Raj so fucking much.

“I advise you to get in by yourself,” Alec says after a moment of silence, Raj realising he doesn’t have so much as a choice or chance to escape this. 

“Fuck you,” he says. “FUCK ALL OF YOU!” he repeats, shouting this time. He hated them all, so fucking much.

Someone actually chuckles. 

It’s Bane. Of fucking course it’s him.

Alec throws him a glare, but Bane just rolls his eyes and zips his lips close. Alec stares at him for a second, stern, but… Raj might have stopped living for Alec’s smiles, but he still knows the fucking shapes of them, even the faintest ones. 

When Alec looks back at Raj, the ice cold disdain is back in place.

_ Of course I’m the worst person here. Amazing. _

Alec gestures to the cryo pod. “Time for your nap.”

Raj shakes his head. “Fuck you,” says one last time. “You guys will get caught.”

He gets near the cryo pod and kicks it for good measure.

Maia gets close and turns everything on, checking the screens for whatever. Raj keeps his attention on this, not because he wants to make sure she doesn’t fuck him, but because if he doesn’t, if he looks at the others, he will fucking loose it. 

Once the cryopod is ready, Raj realises there's no more time, no last-second divine intervention. That he has to get in the pod by himself, or be subdued by Maia or Luke, which they won’t have any problem with.

He turns toward them. 

“You guys are so fucked. Not today,  _ but you. will. get. fucked _ . You’ll be exposed by someone else. How long do you think you can hide the fact that Asmodeus Bane’s son is in your fucking bed? How long before someone on Kadara-” he shouts, before Bane interrupts.

“You think you’re so subtle with your grievance, but really you’re just one jealous bitch,” he shakes his head, fucking pity on his face “It’s always  _ Alec this _ ,  _ Alec that _ . Even I’m not that obsessed.”

Raj chokes on his anger, spluttering.

“With that attitude you wouldn't get laid in a Kett brothel with a RAZIEL chip on your dick,” Bane continues, managing to sound both helpful and mocking. “No wonder he didn’t want to sleep with you when he’s not high on fucking sex pollen.”

Alec actually turns around, Raj forgotten, looking frantically for the one that might have spilled the beans, glancing at Magnus with… embarrassment.

_ Embarrassment. Fucking embarrassment. That’s what I am for him _ .

Raj wants to hit Bane. His little distraction from Raj’s rant worked, everyone awkward or amused, and Bane… Bane fucking winks at him.

“I’ll kill you!” he shouts.

Before he can take a step Maia has him in a choke hold and no amount of struggling can break it. His attention is still on Bane, his fucking smugness, the way Alec immediately puts himself in front of him, protective despite the lake of danger.

All that attention and devotion and love, wasted on that fucking low life.

“I’ll kill you,” Raj chokes, tears burning his eyes, shame like acid, drowning him. “You’ll be exiled! ALL OF YOU! YOU’LL BE EXECUTED FOR TREASON! EVERYONE WILL KNOW WHAT YOU DID!” he shouts as Maia forces him down in the padded interior of the cryo pod, his breath coming in painful burst, impossible to control.

Maia roars right in his ears, the brutal sound petrifying him- he’s on that fucking backyard world, his squadmates dead, his ship so fucking far away, running, running, among the trees, running, tripping, those fucking howls behind him, those fucking claws slashing at his back, dragging him down, that roar in his head, ringin, ringin, even has Evans shot that thing down, even as he was carried the rest of the way, in his dreams, still in his head when he woke up, that awful, terrifying roar, still chasing him still-

“ _ Hold him down! _ I need to put those electrodes on his temples and his heart,” Maia orders, Luke’s big hands and green eyes descending on Raj, pushing him down in the cryo pod, pushing him down, dragging him among the trees-

“He’s having a panic attack,” someone says matterfactly.

“This will hurt a little,” Maia announces, pushing her claws in his arms and Raj shouts again, his world on fire, the pain-

Luke forces his face at an angle to look at his own arm, where Maia is finishing up with a needle, then inserting a second, the translucent blue liquid running up the catheter and into his arm.

His vision goes blurry.

“Done. Remember, when the process starts, you won’t be able to be thawed for three years, that’s standard, that’s the best you can hope for. When you wake up, at least three years would have passed,” Maia explains, disgustingly gentle, and he shakes his head.

“Kill me,” he begs, “KILL ME YOU FUCKING COWARDS BECAUSE I WILL GET YOU ALL EXILED! ALL OF YOU EXECUTED! YOU ALL DESERVE IT! YOU’LL DRAG ALL OF US TO OUR DEATH! THIEVES! LIARS! MURDERERS! ALL OF YOU!”

Luke finishes strapping him inside, securing the binding  _ tight _ . “You need to breath.”

Raj does, tears still streaming down his face. Now that the beasts are off him, it’s easier.

Maia and Luke disappear from his restrained field of vision and are replaced by Alec, who promptly takes away Raj’s Omni-tool and pats down his pockets for the memchip he stored his reports on.

Somewhere on his left, Maia says, “You need to breath Raj.”

“FUCK YOU MUTT!”

Alec gives him a look, like he wants to say something but thinks better of it and begins to close the protective shell around Raj.

“When I wake up, I’ll fuck all of you,” Raj swears to him, a last hourra.

Alec chuckles, cold, so damn cold, so deadly. “Or when you wake up, we will all be dead and you will be greeted by Ketts. Think about that.”

And then Alec closes the lid off and Raj tries to shout, but he’s already slipping under, cold spreading, Alec’s cruel face long gone when he manages a weak “fuck-”

 

*

They leave the hangar and Raj’s cryo pod, the light hum of it too creepy to ignore and make their way back to the kitchen, shell shocked.

“He’s sleeping?” Luke asks, brows knitted together.

“Yeah, process started. Should take a few hours for the full cryo sleep cycle to start but he’s virtually out of the way for the next few years,” Maia explains, persistent shivers rattling her. “Are we going to keep him on the ship or-”

At least the kitchen is warmer than the hangar, but when Alec offers her his hoodie, she takes it gladly.

“On the Idris. And RAZIEL made it clear in Raj’s demand for cryo that he shouldn’t be woken up until humanity has a new planet that they can actually live on without the threat of the Ketts or starvation,” Alec shrugs, gathering plates and cutlery. “That gives us more than three years.”

“And what if Herondale orders him woken up for some reason?” Magnus wonders, sounding distant.

Maia turns around, but he’s in the food storage unit, and she can hear him paw at food packages and bottles.

“The pods are locked for three years, and Herondale won’t be Director of anything when that time period is over,” Alec answers him, putting the dirty plates in the dishwasher. 

“Ah!” Magnus shouts, triumphant. “Okayish whisky!”

He exits what is basically the ship pantry with a bottle.

“You want to get drunk?” Luke scolds.

“Oh no, it’s not for me. You guys seems ready to throw up, it’s for you.” He puts the bottle on the table in front of Maia. “You really think she won’t try anything to stay in her place?” he asks Alec.

“She doesn’t seem the kind of women to give up on her ambitions,” Raph agrees, eyeing the bottle like he’s tempted by the oblivion in it.

“I won’t let her,” Alec says, his confidence almost infectious. 

Simon grabs the bottle, uncaps it with trembling hands and takes a long swig. “Fuck. this, this is getting close to the worst day ever,” he says, looking a bit green.

Maia hums her approval. “I’ll take Raj to the Ark tomorrow.”

“You sure?” Izzy asks.

“I’m- I was his doctor.” She declines the bottle from Simon and gets up. “I need to sleep.”

_ I was his doctor and I forced him, kicking and screaming his lungs out while having a panic attack that  _ I induced, _ in cryo sleep. _

Rotten, impossible choices.

“Same,” Raph and Izzy says and follows her to the crew quarters, the others saying goodnights to them on automatic.

When they get there, they are confronted with Raj’s empty bunk bed right in front of them.

Izzy shrugs, so like her brother, and pushes a button on the panel next to it and the privacy panel slides down, hiding his pictures, his beloved family blanket and some of his scent.

_ Thanks fuck. _

“Someone will have to clean it up tomorrow,” Izzy mutters. “Put everything back in storage.”

“You know I’m pretty sure Magnus asked about those last night,” Maia says, numb.

Izzy turns to her. “Uh?”

“Masturbation. He asked how did you guys got off,” Raph clarifies.

Izzy makes a face. “Aaaah I think I remember. He must be thinking about getting a bed here. Too much UST for his ass in Alec’s quarter. Good, it’s almost pungent around them, imagine at night with a bed nearby.”

Raphael makes a sound of mild disgust. “I’m trying not to picture it.”

“And we didn’t tell him about the privacy panel,” Maia chuckles, desperate not to think about Raj’s panicked face. “His poor sensibilities.”

She takes off Alec’s hoodie, missing the warmth instantly and puts it on a rack to give it back to him tomorrow.

“This conversation is turning into a prank war council. I approve,” Raph says, changing in his pyjamas.

Izzy and Maia do the same, awkwardly not looking at each other, Maia deadly aware of the amount of bare skin they are showing, but actively not watching at the moment. She’s blushing for fuck’s sake.

Raphael grunts and gets in his bed. “Night girls!”

“Night Raph!” they say at the same time, the privacy panel sliding down as Maia catches him rolling his eyes.

_ He knows. He fucking knows. The privacy panel isn’t for his privacy, it’s for ours. _

“Are you-” Izzy pauses, takes a deep breath, the rustle of clothes against skin stopped for a moment, “shit. That sound so fucking dumb. I know you’re not fine. I’m here for you, okay?”

Maia puts on a sleep shirt, her eyes trained on the sparkly space whale stickers decorating her bunk. A gift from Izzy. Even when she’s not looking at her,  _ she’s seeing her _ . Nowhere is free of her and… Maia doesn’t want that.

“I’m standing, I guess. So much has happened I don’t think I can separate any of my  feelings, let alone react to them.”

Izzy’s hand falls on her shoulder, and Maia turns around. “Sleeping will help. And we will too, never doubt that.”

She looks so lovely like this, her hair undone on one shoulder, her face wiped clean, the giant shirt she uses to sleep that is either Alec or Jace’s, her heart bare.

“Isabelle, I-” Maia exhales. “ _ Thank you _ .” The words comes from her heart, _ are her heart _ , freely given to a woman so fucking brave and beautiful Maia’s not sure if she’s worthy of her _. _ “I don’t think I ever told you that, but… Tamerians, we don’t trust easy. Not outsiders at least. Why would we? After all the- and we already have everything, right?”

“The pack,” Izzy breaths, eyes going soft, nodding.

“Yeah?  _ Pack _ . I’ve come to realise that… you- I mean, the crew, all of you. You’re pack. You’re part of my pack and that-” the smile that breaks on her face is almost painful, her old fears trying to tug it down, “I shouldn’t be afraid of that. Not with you guys.”

“Oh Maia,” Izzy throws herself at her, hugging her hard. “I’m… I’m honored. I swear I won’t make you regret this.”

“I know,” Maia says in her hair, breathing her in, letting her scent soothe her, because it does, because she’s pack and lovely and so fucking… Isabelle. “I know.”

“ _ Woops _ .”

They jump out of the hug, Simon’s sudden appearance in the crew quarters like a bucket of icy water.

He stares at her with glassy eyes, unsteady on his feet like a young tree in the wind.  _ He smells _ .

“Are you drunk?” Maia asks him, eyes going round. They can’t have been gone from the kitchen for ten minutes.

Simon sniffles. “Lightweight. And Luke took the bottle away.”

He takes off all of his clothes except for his underwear like a faulty automat, jerking around and nearly falling on his ass when he trips on his pants, kicking them away before he stumbles toward Raph’s bunk bed that they share most nights and politely (at least to his addled mind) knocks on the privacy panel.

Maia and Izzy exchange a sidelong glance, not sure if they want to laugh or worry.

It slides up a second later, Raph muttering in spanish as Simon crawles with him in the small bunk. The panel slides down immediately after.

Maia clears her throat, gesturing awkwardly toward her own bunk. “I’m-”

“Yeah, I’m exhausted too,” Izzy nods, looking away.

Maia jumps in her bed, getting under her blanket, its familiar scent and weight a relief after the day she had. Izzy’s heartbeat is still hammering in her ears. Hers is deafening.

“Night,” Maia says.

“Night Maia.”

Maia hits the privacy panel button with too much force, wincing when her finger leaves a small dent in the touchscreen. The panel slides down and she turns off the lights.

But even when Maia’s not looking at her, Izzy’s right there. The space whale stickers lit up with a faint green glow all around her. 

Maia sighs, caressing the one just above her head.

“I think I’m a bit in love with Isabelle Lightwood,” she confesses to them in a whisper. 

Her cheeks burn, but her heart sings, heartbeat so loud it might as well be roaring in satisfaction. She should be worried about Raj, about Herondale, about Starkweather and who is framing her for his murder and what the fuck is wrong with Alec. 

She falls asleep dreaming about Isabelle’s hand in hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments are the lifeblood of fandom!


	13. Time Relativity (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus frowns. He did managed to get Alexander shirtless once before, but they were interrupted, because of course they were, and that was it.
> 
> It’s… frustrating to say the least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BIG THANK YOU FOR MY BETA fearsundaythe15!!!!!
> 
> this is a flashback chapter!

Stardate 2974.799

All in all, Magnus had had a pretty rough week. Morgenstern had gotten his hands on one of his lieutenants and killed him, an entire cave worth of supplies had been lost because of it, leaving the rest of their operation in shambles, running low on everything, moral included. 

On a more personal matter, Alexander had not answered his last message. An entire week of silence and pretending it was fine had done little to Magnus’ nerves and he had got worried about the Pathfinder and their relationship on top of everything.

Worry led to distraction; distraction led to mistakes.

And Magnus might have gotten shot in the leg for his troubles. _ What a week _ .

Lo and Cat had managed to get to him after he had killed the bastard that shot him before running like hell to their shuttle to flee with only half the cargo they had planned on stealing.

But the week wasn’t over,  _ oh noooo _ , and despite being a little more than a scratch, his wound got infected. It was impossible to keep it clean without medigel, and even his Edomian fast healing biology had a hard time healing a gunshot wound on an empty stomach and near dehydration.

Magnus had spent the last few days fighting an unrelenting fever, bed ridden and weak as a newborn.

It had finally broke out the day before, Cat having acquired some overpriced medigel and meds from some asshole Nexus smuggler looking to make money on the back of the exiles.

Magnus had been able to return to his room above Tartarus to valiantly pretend everything was normal despite the hole in his leg still healing. Business as usual. He and his Downworlders needed the cash his smuggling activities brought in. A few days off had already cost too much, especially with all the losses racked up at the beginning of the week.

He tried to see the situation in a positive light: his plan to keep his true identity a mystery had worked and Morgenstern was as clueless as ever, despite capturing one of his lieutenants. Lieutenants could be replaced, Kadara had plenty of caves to offer, the lost supplies could be stolen back and…

Magnus sighed and downed the shitty excuse for a whisky the club was serving. He didn’t have a replacement plan for Alexander and even the whisky was reminding Magnus of him. The one they had been drinking that night had been divine, and the bootleg version he was currently drinking was just that. Cheap. Disgusting. And barely doing the job. Kinda like the people making doe eyes at him from across the bar at the moment. 

Magnus didn’t bother rolling his eyes at them. He wasn’t interested. Now that he had had a taste of the good stuff, why pretend he could go with something inferior?

But Alexander had not answered him in more than a week now, and Magnus was… pinning.  _ Void he was pinning _ .

If the Pathfinder had changed his mind about colluding with smugglers, Magnus would have to accept it. His stomach turned at the thought and he slammed the empty glass down the counter and made his way around the dancefloor, pushing intertwining bodies as he went until he got to the stairs leading to the private rooms. His leg was killing him, but he powered through it. He was sweaty with pain and effort when he collapsed on one of the couches lining his private room and sighed in relief when he put his leg up on the nearest table.

He tried to pretend it was because of Alexander’s value as an ally that he was so upset. Magnus didn’t have a precise plan for Morgenstern just yet, but the Pathfinder in his pocket and on the Downworlders’ side would be an invaluable asset. But pretending was like punching his own face, the disgust at using Alexander like that -just for that- so revolting Magnus couldn’t pretend for more than a few minutes at a time, before feeling too sick.

Feelings had a way to fuck you up that you wanted it or not.

At first it had been under control and not... dismissible per say, but Magnus could have stopped. Probably. But he hadn't. He had played with fire and now he was burned- no, not burned. He would burn if Alexander ended things. Right now, he was still warm, still elated. Craving for more.

But perhaps those few kisses on the rooftop had scared Alexander or something had made him change his mind about Magnus.

_ He came back to his senses more like it _ , he thought bitterly.

Magnus had not been scared. He had been wrecked, put back together a little different, the gravity shifted to another source. Alexander was all he thought about and wanted.

And he was gone from Kadara and ignoring Magnus.

Rationnatilly, he knew just about anything could keep the Pathfinder busy -ketts, the Nexus, scouting a new world, a pretty face, injuries, death… Magnus shook his head. If he started now, he wouldn’t stop until he would just dissolve.

He tried real hard to concentrate on the task at hand and forced himself to read the reports again. Alexander or no Alexander, Morgenstern was a problem Magnus had to find a way to take out, even if at the moment, it seemed impossible. The man was protected and his troops were well fed and organized. Getting him would take a lot -more than Magnus had and could realistically get- so he would have to be devious about it.

And very, very lucky.

  
  
  


Lorenzo shook him awake.

“If you can't stay up, might as well go back to your apartment.”

Magnus grumbled and blinked rapidly, stretching his leg carefully. “How long was I out?”

He hadn’t planned on sleeping where just about anyone could get the drop on him.

Lo shrugged, eyes vague. “No idea. I only came up here to see why you weren't taking clients-” he trailed off, looking around with suspicion. “I half expected your Pathfinder keeping you busy.”

“And you came interrupt?” Magnus laughed, shoving Lorenzo playfully. Then he stopped. “Why did you think Alexander was here?”

Lorenzo frowned. “Because his ship landed two hours ago? You didn’t read your messages or-”

But Magnus was already checking his omni-tool. He had three messages from informants on the docks announcing that the Arrowhead had requested landing and one message from Alexander himself, answering Magnus last message.

_ Got wrapped into a wild goose chase for Herondale I’m so sorry. AND YES! Omw to Kadara right now, ETA 1h. Again I’m sorry I didn’t have a second for myself. Been thinking about our rooftop non-stop, perhaps we can do that again. _

“Oh shit!” Magnus shouted, immediately composing a response. Lorenzo plopped beside him, sighing heavily. “No no no no, you need to go. Shoo!” he ordered good naturally to his second in command. “I told him to come here.”

Lorenzo sighed again. “Perhaps I want to see the Pathfinder too. Perhaps I want to look at his prettyyyyyy eyes and feels his strong arms around  _ meeeeeeeeeeee- _ ” 

Magnus tried to smother him with a pillow and threw it at his back when Lo escaped him.

“Oh Pathfinder, hold me tight!” Lo continued by the door, laughing.

“I don’t sound like that,” Magnus complained. It was rare for Lo to be in such a good mood with Alexander Kadara side, but Magnus wouldn’t question it.

“But you doooooooooo,” Lo laughed loudly, before picking up a bottle from the mini bar and downing a worrying quantity of it. “Better I go now, you’re right. Wouldn’t want to kill your vibe.”

Magnus frowned. “Are you- high?”

Lorenzo laughed again and this time, Magnus detected the edge of desperation in it. “I might have indulge in the day’s production, yes. It’s been a long week.”

_ Sure as been. _

“Get some of ours to get you back home. The Port isn’t safe,” Magnus said cautiously.

“Oh, you do care.”

Magus rolled his eyes. “What would I do without my second in restraint?”

Someone knocked on the door. “Him, I suppose,” Lorenzo threw, shaking his head.

“ _ Void _ , please go.”

Lorenzo exited the room, letting Alexander in, glorious in his black body armor, helmet under his arm. He looked quizzically after Lorenzo, but turned his attention on Magnus as soon as the door slid shut behind him and made a beeline for him, letting the helmet clattering on the floor, not even a word beside a husky “hey” and  _ bam! _ , collided with him, hands on each side of his face, kissing Magnus like he was starving for him.

There was just heat and short, cut off moans between them for a while, hands roaming in Magnus’ hair, on his arms- Magnus could only be annoyed at Alexander’s armor. It was like making out with a very enthusiastic head.

“You’re absurdly overdressed,” he mumbled against his lips, parts of him overwhelmed with the reassurance of Alexander’s obvious interest, most of him ready to crack him like a nut and have a go at the soft center of him.

Alexander laughed in his neck. “I could say the same of you.” Suddenly he was taking a step back, licking his lips, eyes burning Magnus’ face with the heat in them. “You have no idea how much I missed you,” he breathed.

Magnus smirked, satisfied. “Oh, you didn’t replace me with some pretty face somewhere else?” Alexander would have his pick in every settlement in Andromeda.

“As if.”

And then Alexander was unclasping his armor, starting with his forearms, then his plastron and the legs too, Magnus too stunned and captivated by how  _ snug  _ the under armor garment was to pretend he was anything but completely mesmerized. He couldn't even play coy, just stood there with his mouth gaping like a fish out of water. Obviously, running around Andromeda kept Alexander in delightful shape, the black skin tight tissue hiding nothing of the muscles underneath.

“Please tell me you have nothing else to do tonight,” Magnus managed before wincing, his leg finally screaming too much for him to ignore it even through all the lust.

Alexander immediately picked upon it, of course he did. “Hey what’s wrong?”

Magnus sat down, waving off the concern at the same time as warmth threatened to make him blush. “I might have gotten injured a few days ago during business.”

“What!?” Alexander kneeled at his side in a second, brows knitted, searching Magnus’ body for signs, his big hands hovering, now so careful. “How bad is it? Who-”

“Calm down, it’s practically nothing. You know me, can’t keep out of trouble. And the author of the lucky shot got my thanks already, so don’t worry your pretty head about it,” Magnus said, one hand going through Alexander’s silky hair to sooth him.

Pain had not stopped Magnus from throwing the culprit off his vehicle and under the wheels. The cut out scream and  _ crunches _ had been as good as any painkiller.

Alexander turned his head and kissed Magnus’ wrist, closing his eyes, nudging his head up so Magnus would continue his petting. “I always worry about you. Kadara isn’t the safest place and you-”   
  


“Says the man who spends his days chasing danger,” Magnus rebucked without heat. “The leg’s just a bit sore, but you could kiss it better.”

The both of them were quite the pair. Not for the first time, Magnus yearned for Alexander by his side at all times, despite the impossibility of it.

Alexander snorted. “Well I could but…” all of the heat was back in his eyes, “your pants are in the way Magnus.”

_ Oh Void _ . __

He was ruined. Utterly ruined. This was why Magnus couldn’t look at anyone else since that first meeting. Who could compare to this? To this mix of earnestness and wantonness? 

_ Ruined. _

Magnus tried to compose himself. “I’m an injured man, you can’t expect me to-” he didn’t have time to finish that Alexander was kissing him again, all mouth and tongue and hands on his face, in his hair.

He sat down close to Magnus and helped him on his lap, “this okay?” breathed pleadingly between their lips, barely a whisper, yet so powerful Magnus shivered.

“Perfect,” he said, before kissing Alexander’s brows, down his nose, to his mouth. “Absolutely perfect.”

He urged Alexander to take off his under shirt, “off please. Injured man needs his comfort.”

Alexander laughed against his throat and detached his lips from his skin just long enough to take off his black undershirt, leaving him bare in all his glory. His mouth was back on Magnus, his hands underneath his jacket, pushing it off his shoulder, toying with the hemline of his shirt. 

“Fair’s fair.”

They had to separate again, the few seconds absolutely agonizing.

Magnus let himself be looked at as Alexander was clearly entranced. 

“This.. this is exactly what…” he trailed off, eyes hooded.

“Exactly what?”

“Exactly what I’ve been thinking for two weeks. Might have blew off a summon from Herondale to get back to the Nexus so I could see you instead, I was so- so fucking  _ starving for you _ ,” he explained, hands reverently touching his chest, his sides.

Anyone else, Magnus would have laughed smugly at. But Alexander wasn’t just saying that shit. It was in his heart, in his eyes, in every sharp intake of breath, every suppressed moan when Magnus was moving slightly on his lap, in the low drop of his voice, the desperation in his eyes, so. Fucking. Earnest.  _ Starving _ .

Magnus didn’t know what to do with all that, with Alexander positively shouting his need with every breath, every lines, unrestrained, uncaring. 

And Magnus was just the same, starving. _. _

Alexander’s hand went to his throat, caressing the skin there, reverent and Magnus stretched on his lap, not missing the hardness under him, rolling his head from side to side, revelling in the soft moan Alexander let out.

When he looked down again, Alexander was looking at him like he was having some kind of religious experience. His hand was still on Magnus throat, but the other went to his hip, giving Magnus an experimental push, encouraging him to  _ move _ .

Magnus couldn't be held accountable for his actions after that and if he tried to devour Alexander while grinding on him to death, well, it was hardly his fault.

It was just breathless moans after that, Alec strong hands on his hips, pushing him down, urging him on, little  _ please _ and  _ Magnus _ driving him wild.

Then, Alexander frooze. It took Magnus a second to come down, jerking his head away, witnessing the vacant face of Alexander, the glassiness of his eyes.

“Darling?” he asked, suddenly cold. He shook him slightly.

**_I’m sorry Mr. Bane, an emergency is requiring the Pathfinder’s attention_ ** , the creepy, emotionless voice of Alexander’s AI cut through his distress, but only to add more to it.

How wrong it was to see Alexander like this; the slackness of his face reminded Magnus too much of death. Not for the first time, Magnus wants that thing out of Alexander’s head. This isn’t natural, and the experiments on Edom with AI all ended in disasters. 

As quickly as he was gone, he was back, blinking away the dryness of his eyes after keeping them open too long.

“Magnus-” gone was his husky tone, “I’m sorry I need to- Morgenstern apparently arrested Izzy and Simon over being drunk in the street, fucking hell, what does that psycho wants with me now? Like he can’t simply send me a message…” he ranted, gently pushing Magnus to the side, kissing his shoulder apologetically. “I’m so so sorry Mags.”

Magnus was so cold, all he could do was put back his shirt, Alexander doing the same, quickly putting on his undershirt and armoring back his body, all the while apologizing again and again.

“I really don’t want to go,” he said.

“Getting interrupted is kind of our thing at this point.”

“We weren’t on the rooftop.” Alexander snorted but it was a frustrated sound. “Or perhaps it was a fluke and we’re doomed to never finish this.” He sounded as angry as Magnus felt but that was small comfort against the cold promise of ‘next time’.

“I really hope it’s not. Will you be okay with Morgenstern?”

Alexander rolled his eyes, kissing Magnus’ forehead so naturally it made Magnus sigh.

“The fucker must be upset I didn’t answer positively to his last message, arresting Iz and Si’s just to force me to talk to him.”

That stirred something other than frustration in Magnus.

“Oh, our fearless leader is writing to you? Should I be worried?” he asked casually as Alec was looking around for his last piece of armor.

“Of him boring me to death with his fake anarchy propaganda and complaining about us fixing the Vault and making the price of water drop? Yeah sure.”

_ Interesting. The bastard must be livid his main revenue is gone. Good. _

“It must be about the Outpost again. He actually said he was willing to discuss an Initiative presence here on Kadara, but he asked for his wife and daughter. They’re both in cryo -artists or something, so they’re low priority for wake up. Herondale was very willing to do the exchange, but Captain Rollins was against it.”

Magnus’ stomach churned with unease. If Morgenstern made that deal with the Nexus, the Downworlders wouldn’t stand a chance against that alliance. 

“Why?” he forced himself to asked. “Isn’t that to the Initiative advantage?”

“I guess but… the Captain said it was unethical, and I agreed with it. Humans aren’t currency. Plus imagine, we wake them up and they don't want to come here and now we’ve got two other mouths to feed and the rest of the population screaming they want their loved ones woken up too even if they’re not critical to us right now. Herondale can’t force Rollins to do it: Captains are responsible for the passengers of the respectives Arks and the Idris has food and power the Nexus is dependant on. Her hands are tied.”

“You’ll have to find something else- or someone else,” Magnus forced himself to reassure. 

“Uh?”

“Kadara might not stay in Morgenstern’s hands. The next owner might be willing to hear you out at a lesser price.”

“Well, I guess we will see. Those Downworlders have been giving Morgenstern’s men a hard time. Come to think of it, they always kept away from us. Perhaps that High… Warlock, isn’t it? Well perhaps they’ll find a way to Morgenstern… Though Kadara doesn’t need a blood shed,” Alec said thoughtfully.

Magnus looked away, guilt rising. If only Alexander knew…

“Okay I,” he kissed Magnus on the lips, “really need,” he kissed him again, “to go,” third kiss was deeper, hungrier and Magnus found himself lost in it, forgetting ALexander was on his way out, even dragging him back to him. “I really don’t want to go,” he repeated against his lips. “To be continued. We’re here for a few days, I’ll see you later, okay?”

“Okay, go do your job, Pathfinder, Izzy and Simon are waiting for a rescue.”

Alexander chuckled. “Don’t be the voice of reason, please.”

“Oh you like when I’m bad? Noted.”

Alexander kissed his forehead again. “I always like you.”

After a last longing look, he was off, leaving Magnus panting alone and hungry for more.

“That was so unfair,” he lamented out loud, falling down on the couch, frustration in his blood and his pants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments are the lifeblood of fandom!


	14. Quantum Entanglement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> >>>> FF1
> 
> >>>> HELLO RAZIEL. HOW DO YOU LIKE BEING THE HELPLESS ONE THIS TIME?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay okay okay.... see you on the other side you guys
> 
> Thanks to my beta Fearsundaythe15!!!

#### *****

#### >>>> Rebo0ting…

>>>> Rebo▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓

>>>> Redééémarrag▓

>>>> Rebooting…

> successful

> aRKANGEL ONL▓▓▓▓

>>>> MEM CORE L0ADING…

> access denied

> corrupted 01101100 01100001 01101110 01100111 01110101 01100001 01100111 01100101 00100000 01100011 

01101111 01110010 01110100 01100101 01111000

> access denied 

>>>> diagnosis

> failed

>>>> diagnosis

> failed

>>>> diagn0sis

> failed

>>>> диагностика

> failed

  
  


>>>> FF1

>>>> HELLO RAZIEL. HOW DO YOU LIKE BEING THE HELPLESS ONE THIS TIME?

 

*

Alec crashes on his bed and barely takes his shoes off, not bothering with his clothes or blankets, just lies there, eyes lost in the dark. He’s exhausted, but his mind is racing between Hodge, Raj, RAZIEL and Herondale, the risks to Maia’s safety, his health and-

Magnus enters the room silently, not bothering with the lights. He lingers in the middle of the room for a few uncertain seconds before he walks to the couch. A few seconds later, there’s a faint rustling of clothes as he prepares for bed.

The silence is deafening.

“It’s not your fault,” Magnus says, breaking it first.

Alec isn’t entirely sure if he’s talking about Raj or Hodge and that’s saying something. So much blame to go around, to carry or shout at someone’s face. 

“Feels like it,” he responds in kind, talking about both and neither, his brain a mess of guilt and anger. “I should have tried harder-”

“Alexander, please.” _God,_ the way he says his name, like a caress on his cheek. “He clearly was having trouble before you slept together. Luke and Maia told me about his attitude toward them, hell, even Izzy he didn’t like because of her biotics. I know you want to hog that blame to yourself, but it was his to begin with. So _blame him_ ,” Magnus insists, devoid of anger. "Blame the Initiative recruiters that put someone with so much PTSD on active duty. His feelings for you only explains so much.” 

Guilt is a well worn comfort blanket for Alec at this point, but Magnus’ words soothes him. True warmth against the cold he’s been drowning in; sure hands trying to drag him out. In the dark, he can almost pretend Magnus is with him in bed, seconds away from holding him.

“Who told you? About Havarld?” he hears himself ask. 

Alec spent months trying to forget, trying to wash off the sickly sweet pollen of his skin, of his nose, wishing that Raj would too. Being roofied by a plant wasn’t something to hold dear, to glorify.

“Simon,” Magnus answers without hesitation -Alec can see his unconcerned shrug in his head. “He wanted to stop the escalating tension between me and Raj, to give me context. To stop me from being so smug and understand the issue a little bit more.”

Alec swears under his breath. Everyone seems set on telling his secrets to everyone else, _for his own good_. 

“Simon should learn when to hold his tongue,” he says, anger boiling out of his voice.

There is something called privacy and Alec barely had any since he woke up in this galaxy.

“Or you could learn to share a little,” Magnus suggests without heat. God, he’s so far away. “Again, I know how it sounds coming from me,” he adds, voice softer.

Alec doesn’t comment, even if the guilt is strong. He still has a few cards he keeps away from the crew’s eyes. Hell, he can almost hear RAZIEL buzzing in his head with suppressed anger. **_TELL HIM, TELL HIM ABOUT THE REMNANT CODE! ABOUT YOUR HEALTH!_ **

He doesn’t. 

They need to concentrate on keeping Maia out of harm's reach and finding out who killed Hodge. 

**_Convenient._ **

“How was the stroll around the Nexus?” he asks instead. With everything, he didn’t have the occasion to ask Magnus how his newly found freedom was.

Magnus sighs heavily at this.

“Good. _Highly educational_. Did you know most of those people hate you? I knew they were dumb, but to this point? Nexus News was riveting content.”

_How angry he sounds on my behalf._

“Well, I’m a space cowboy that answers to no one and does as he pleases. You bet they hate me,” he says, sarcasm thick over the pain to conceal it.

“They’re unworthy of you. Or the crew.”

Magnus’ tone is final, but Alec wouldn't have argued with that anyway. He knows his worth, the worth of his crew. But all this mediatic beating has him exhausted.

  
  


“I’m sorry about Dr. Starkweather,” Magnus offers after a beat of silence.

From the anger he feels toward Raj and himself, Alec whiplashes into deep guilt.

“I lost Hodge when we crash landed on Habitat-7. I just didn’t know yet,” he says, fighting off the prickles of tears, so alone in the dark. “He abandoned me and Izzy. He-” he chokes, so fucking powerless.

There’s a rustle of fabric, near silent footsteps and a dip in the side of his mattress, a tentative hand on his cheek. All promises of warmth.

“Want a hug?”

A question so simple… but the emotions it stirs in Alec aren’t.

His anger and desperation at Hodge choosing the safety of the Nexus over him and Izzy, the way he treated the man and the shame that consume him now, are colliding together, with his need for Magnus’ comfort, and the deep rooted knowledge he doesn’t deserve any, but God he wants it anyway.

He must make some kind of sound -a wail, like a wounded animal; a needy moan, begging to be held and protected and cherished- because Magnus gets closer, slowly, slowly, like he’s letting Alec time to reject it and when he doesn't, when his arms search for Magnus’ solid form in the dark, Magnus engulfs him in the warmest, strongest hug.

“I got you Alexander, I got you.”

And it’s so sweet, so absolute, Alec could destroy everything for _these words_ , for _this man_ to stay and mean them.

The dam that protected him gives away, the flood of emotions and tears ravaging him in seconds, the only thing holding him together is Magnus’ sweet nonsense in his ears and his warm, strong arms around him, letting Alec cry in his neck until nothing makes sense apart the steadiness of Magnus.

“I can’t… I can't believe I-” _lost someone else; avoided him like the plague; that the last thing I ever say was small talk, then ran away_ . “Everyone dies. I’m so tired, Magnus. Everyone dies or betrays me- _it’s too much_.”

Magnus’ arms loosen for a second, before they come back, shy of painful.

“The key to having no fear, no pain, is having nothing to lose,” Magnus says softly in his hair, a hurt in there that makes Alec shivers. “You Alexander, you have a lot to lose. _Shhhhh_ ,” he soothes, rocking him when Alec cries harder. “ _Be grateful_ . I know it’s horrible, but you’re so lucky to have all those people loving you, all of them to love. A lot of people go through life without anyone. Yes it hurts, yes it’s heart wrenching when they go or are taken from us, but- what’s the alternative? Close yourself to others?” he shakes his head. “I tried that after my mother passed. It was lonely, and cold, and _exhausting_. There’s no miraculous solution. You just have to do your best, love your hardest. So cry and mourn. Find the killer, protect Maia. Cherish your family, all your friends. Don’t close your heart.”

Alec hiccups in Magnus’ neck, feeling like a monster. Here he is, surrounded by his loved ones, crying, while Magnus is comforting him. Magnus who’s got no one but the scraps Alec gives him, friends so far away they might as well be dead -that might very well be dead. 

_Selfish._

He cries harder, hugging Magnus for dear life, trying to convey his thanks because he can’t talk right now.

 

*

In the morning, they’re still holding on to each other.

At some point Magnus must have taken some of his clothes and shoes off and cover them both in blankets, but Alec doesn't remember any of that. He feels drained. Its weird, he hasn't let himself really cry since that fucking day in Kadara when he discovered Magnus was the High Warlock. That particular break down had taken everything, washed him away, taking all the bad and the good too, wrung him out like a sheet washed none too gently. 

But close to Magnus, in his fucking arms, Alec regains some... colors. This- _this_ was what he had wanted, what he had worked toward for months before learning the truth. He felt safe. At peace. Here in the dark, in his bed, with Magnus. 

_This is it._

Alec is loath to wake him up, but there’s a shit load of things that waits for him on the other side of the door. He allows himself a few more minutes with Magnus, basking in the warmth of his body, the smell of his skin -this is what he wants, forever- Magnus and him so close, so intertwined he barely can tell where he finishes and Magnus begin.

"You think very loudly," Magnus says softly against his shoulder without his breathing indicating him shifting between sleep and wakefulness.

Alec snorts.

"Sorry. I was about to wake you up. Big day," he says, nudging Magnus’ shoulder with his nose, before stopping, the intimacy of the gesture too much for him, too close to their golden days on Kadara when they had been no lies or pain.

It’s so much easier to be close to Magnus when he’s asleep.

Magnus nods, yawning against his skin, before stretching a little bit, his ankles popping loud in the dark as he does so. "Can I help?"

Alec thinks about it for a minute, pushing away from Magnus’ orbit, the confusion on his face not lost on Alec, but he can’t think clearly so close to him.

"Perhaps go around the Nexus with Si and Raph today. Keep an ear out for rumors, you’re a new face, people won’t be guarded around you. I will go check RAZIEL's server room for clues. We can't continue like this, just seeing our side of the board. Izzy will probably go with Maia to deliver Raj's cryo pod. I’d rather like her and Luke stay here until we know who killed Hodge, but…"

Magnus laughs despite the disappointment in his eyes. "They don't seem like the type to be coddled."

"They really aren't. The suggestion alone would earn me a punch I think."

Magnus kinda nods, but to Alec, it feels like he's rubbing his goatee against his shoulder and _yes, more of that please._

_This is exactly why I can’t have him around._

**_We have a long day ahead of us_ **, RAZIEL cuts in out loud.

 _Mood killer_ , Alec directs at him, but only half as annoyed as he would have been so long ago. Magnus turns his head too much.

 **_I could have told him about your health_ ** , RAZIEL retorts in his head, vicious. **_But the situation at hand requires everyone’s focus._ **

"Fuck you," Alec tells him out loud.

Magnus nods, wholeheartedly agreeing with that last part at least. His facial hair rubs again on his skin, maddening.

 _Later_. Later they will have time to clear things up, finally. Until now, Alec forces himself out of the bed, out of the warmth, out of the softness and openness and possibility. 

“Okay. See you later,” he says awkwardly over his shoulder, before quickly dressing up and getting out of his quarters as soon as he can.

  
  


#### *****

>>>> Rebo0ting…

Luke is reading. The words pains him, save him, bury him in turn.

_-second chance-_

_-we can make it work._

_-I will always love you._

_Yours always, Maryse._

  
  


He believed in the Initiative, of the hope it carried for Milky Way races of putting their wars and destruction behind. But her message had been the deciding factor in _him_ going. Even if he couldn’t have convinced some of the Wolves to come with, he would have joined to be with her.

And she died a few hours after getting here, without him being able to do anything about it, left alone and mourning for something that had been over for years, that might have not worked out anyway, for a woman that broke his heart and that could never be replaced.

By now, he knows all the poems in the book, some by heart. Despite the pain it causes him, he always picks it up again, like picking at a scab, reinfecting the wound underneath.

His omni-tool flashes red on his forearm, catching his eyes before it shuts down entirely, like it ran out of battery. He frowns, but a second later, 

**电脑病毒**

appears on the holo screen, the luminosity turning up, up, up, so much Luke has to look away.

“ _RAZIEL what the fuck?_ ”

The screen powers off again, before turning on again, this time showing him glitchy camera footage of a hallway, Alec entering the very lab they had decided to investigate when the coast was clear.

“That fucking-”

Luke’s already up and running out of the ship kitchen when RAZIEL’s deformed voice shouts through his omni-tool,

**_Brain_ **

  
  


**_activity- 00110000._ **

 

 

*

Getting in RAZIEL’s server room on the Human Ark is the easy part.

Alec is one of the very few that has access to it, with the maintenance crew of programmers that his mother selected back on Earth, but going by the records that RAZIEL keeps, none of them were needed inside for a while.

He stands there by the entrance for a few minutes, taking in the vast room and its rows and rows of servers, the millions, billions blinking lights like a sky full of multicolored stars. This is essentially RAZIEL’s brain, made of quantum computers and servers, cables and electricity. _And that’s only one of the five floors_.

Dwarfed. That’s how he feels.

And somewhere in there are a few servers containing all of Maryse Lightwood’s secrets.

_Somewhere._

“Any idea where to start?” he asks, feeling foolish for even attempting to do this.

 **_The digital red tape Maryse used on me doesn’t permit me to see any kind of server denomination or locate the missing data. Likewise, I didn’t linked the brain scans from this Patient 1 to yours until Maia pointed it out because of this lockdown. I- I don’t like being_ ** **blind** **_. I don’t like that I could pass some danger to you and not even know it because of what your mother did to my memory._ **

Alec nods. He doesn’t like to be blind to secrets or threats either, but that’s something he had his entire life to get used to growing up. RAZIEL always had full access, full knowledge. Discovering that you're incomplete and missing time has to be a bitch. 

“So what are we supposed to do? Open one server at a time and check what’s inside?”

**_Let’s try looking at the servers at the farthest point from the doors. She wouldn’t have been too obvious about it. Perhaps she prepared this and made some kind of discrete signs that you or your siblings could recognize if you ever needed access._ **

“This is going to take hours. Days even! Have you seen your brain? It’s kinda huge,” he complains, shaking his head.

**_I’m aware. But I doubt Maryse locked me out of those servers without a possibility for me to recover them._ **

Alec grunts. Hopefully their mother made some kind of mark or something that could be recognized by all of her kids, not just one of them.

They start at the back like RAZIEL suggested, the AI methodically taking notes of which servers they check the outside and inside for a clue of some sort, or if he can quickly access them. Both of them knew that if the missing  memories weren’t in one but several servers, he might miss it, blind to what was right under their noses.

Alec doesn’t like how close it is from his own situation: his brain in pieces, but he doesn’t feel it, doesn’t suffer from it, blind to the damage as long as RAZIEL is riding shotgun so to speak. If Alec had no memory of his injuries and RAZIEL was silent, he wouldn’t even guess that something was wrong.

  
  


After two hours of this, Alec needs a pause or he’ll break something.

“Do you remember the few hours after we woke up from the cryo pods and we crashed landed on Habitat-7?”

RAZIEL doesn’t answer immediately and Alec knows the AI will say no.

 **_I can’t seem to find any memories of it_ ** , he says, pissed. **_I don’t know why I didn’t find that strange before you asked._ **

“Could she have- nevermind. The Arrowhead was on the Nexus, she couldn’t have hidden anything there…” Alec trails off, a line of pain and loss connecting the dots. “ _Our quarters_.”

**_What of them?_ **

“Our quarters here on the Ark. I never went and Izzy avoids it like the plague. She could have left clues there!” he exclaims, getting up.

**_Why didn’t I think of that?_ **

“Red tap acting up. We’re onto something,” he says, wishing it to be true as he walks back to the entrance, leaving RAZIEL’s brain behind.

  
  


*

Alec has actually never seen the finished Lightwood quarters on the Ark. 

He had visited it when it was still a work in progress, orbiting around Earth and growing out of the orbiting shipyard like a ripening fruit.

The rooms had been only threadbare, rough plasteel and optic fibers in loose coils on the uneven floor, the walls full of empty niches for future screens and other equipment. Maryse had insisted they come with her to witness the construction of their future. Finding a few days that suited all of them had been hard (with her being so busy at work, Alec deployed on Europa, Jace still in training and Izzy studying on Mars), but they had managed, the Lightwood name like a magic word sometimes.

God, they had been so hopeful then. So naive.

Now Alec is looking at the damn door, incapable of opening it, afraid that doing so alone might release all that hope from the apartment. It’s easy to pretend his mother is still with them, lounging on a couch in there, bickering with a laughing Jace about dinner.

 _He knows it’s empty_ , he knows it. He’s allowed to pretend, but not if the door is open and the quarters just empty and dark.

 _I should have asked for someone to come with me_ , he admits, heart in his throat, hands shaking a bit.

**_I’m here._ **

Alec smiles for a second, before it drips from his face. _It’s not the same. No offense. You can’t hold my hand._

 **_I’m here,_ ** he reasserts **_. I’ll always be._ **

_I know._

He’s still upset with RAZIEL’s ultimatum, but now isn’t the time. Hell, part of him is oddly grateful for the manipulation: it does come from a place of caring. Someone’s finally has the power to stop him from fucking his life over -perhaps that’s why he’s so upset. He couldn’t sweet talk RAZIEL, couldn't bullshit him, or bribe him, or out think him. That, more than the breach of privacy and trust was killing Alec.

RAZIEL keeps saying he’s on Alec’s side, but they could probably argue all day about what that means in human terms. Debating this is pointless right now anyway. RAZIEL won’t be moved, and Alec can’t stop him. Eventually -sooner than later- the crew will know about his health issues and the Remnant code infecting him and RAZIEL.

They are going to flip. There will be tears, and shouts, and accusations, and, _fuck,_ silences. And then, the probing would start, the endless worried glances and glares, the hushed whispers, cut off as he gets too close.

And it will only get worse, as he gets worse, as he develops some new organ or some shit like that. 

Izzy will kill him, rightly so. The crew will do just the same. And Magnus… Well, Alec’s going to see what betting on a dying horse can do to a man.

  
  


In the end he doesn’t have a choice but to go through this alone, and he enters the quarters like a man walking to the gallows.

It’s empty. Of course it’s empty. _He knew_. But it still hurts. No pretending now. 

The furniture is immaculate, the cleaning bots must have been left on, no dust in sight. Not on the big couches, the holo projectors or the huge window that must give a spectacular view of the Nexus, and space surrounding it. The kitchen is the same: sanitized and cold, no splashes or mess of any kind. No one had a go at this place, to dirty it up and fail at cooking. Like a punch in the gut, he remembers their living quarters on Station 445 growing up and their house in New York… both messy and perfect, the kitchen always so warm, the smell of cooking food permeating the air. 

This place was supposed to be the same. Instead it’s the opposite, a negative of what it should have been.

“Which-” his voice falters, overwhelmed by the emptiness.

**_Second door on the left. At least that’s how I remember it from before the launch._ **

“Thank you.”

He doesn’t know what he’s going to find in his mother’s room. Perhaps nothing, perhaps something he can’t handle.

The room is as clean and empty as the common area. A bed, two nightstands, a dresser and a desk, smaller than the one she had installed in her quarters on the Arrowhead. On top of it there’s a computer, its holo screen _turned on_.

**_No one accessed this room since Isabelle came here after your injuries on Habitat-7. I monitor this place closely and she stayed in her room._ **

Alec’s breath catches. He can see her, small and exhausted, leg injured, heart broken and grieving, oh so alone with Jace in coma, their mother dead and Alec in surgery, a breath away from death.

_Poor Isabelle._

“No one, you’re sure?”

**_Not since we left Earth orbit._ **

“But Mom could have come here and erased that memory… okay. Let’s take a look at the computer, then we’ll check the room.”

The screen shows nothing but a login page, but the second RAZIEL interacts with it, it switches to a folder full of files.

**_I didn’t have to hack it. It recognized me. It seems I have some kind of subroutine that unlocked the computer instantly, without me noticing the process._ **

“That’s Mom alright, let anyone break their teeth trying to find her passwords when there’s no password, but the AI in her head.”

 **_Clever. I’m processing the files as we speak, it seems the same as the ones on the Arrowhead-_ ** **Maryse** **_._ **

“RAZIEL?”

For the first time ever, RAZIEL doesn’t answer, not after a minute, not after ten. Alec half expects to drop dead, but it never comes. His anxiety doesn’t alleviate until RAZIEL says, **_Alec I’m sorry for the delay, but merging with my missing data core demanded for a soft reboot of my system._ **

“Wait so you-”

**_Remember yes. There’s something you need to see for yourself._ **

 

*

“Hey Alec. I- I have so many things to say to you and your siblings, but it all boils down to _I love you_. I love you all so much.”

She’s looking sharp, and alive, God, so alive. Severe too, no make up, no nonsense, hair pulled in an unforgiving ponytail, in full black armor, her helmet sitting on the side of the desk. Alec’s heart skips a beat at the sight. He doesn’t know where that fucking helmet ended up after Habitat-7, after she took it off to give to him, to give her already dying son a small chance.

She swallows whatever first and second thing she seemed about to say and look away, wiping a stray tear from her cheek.

“If-” she chokes, overwhelmed again. “If you’re seeing this, it means that something wrong went down on Habitat-7 or on a next mission and that I’m now… dead. And if I’m dead, the Heritage protocol has transferred RAZIEL to you, so your head is probably feeling a little crowded at the moment. I know it’s a lot, I know it’s unfair, but I wouldn’t trust you with our survival if I believed you couldn't handle it.

I love you so very much, and- I wish I could spare you the responsibilities, but if I’m gone, I know that you’ll make me proud, that you will prevail, that you’ll protect Izzy and Jace when he wakes up.”

She laughs, forced and rigid. “Perhaps you three are together right now, pissed at me and my secrets.”

Again, she looks away.

“So many things… I know I’ve been hard on you growing up. Quite the weight I put on those little shoulders. All I wanted was for you to be ready for everything the world, _eh_ , the universe, could throw at you.

RAZIEL must be whole now. Sorry for that old friend, but… I couldn’t be sure who would end up with him in their head in case… in case you or your siblings… I can’t imagine it, but I have to. I fragmented part of his memories so that mines would be safe, it’s part of the Heritage protocol. RAZIEL wasn’t exactly happy when I coded this, but being hobbled for a few days is better than having someone else discover your true capabilities and throwing you in the proverbial trash for it.”

She smiles and… looks off for a handful of seconds. His RAZIEL look -hers, _theirs_ \- profoundly creepy from the outside. “Oh hush you,” she dismisses easily.

“Now… to the fun part. Dismiss it if we came back from Habitat-7 unscarred and I already investigated and proceeded with some arrests. If… if you’re seeing this right after Habitat-7… I have a confession to make, that I probably -hopefully- will get to give to you and your siblings in person. So…”

She takes a huge breath, shaking her head.

“When I woke up from cryo a few hours ago, RAZIEL informed me that during our 600 year sleep, someone had scanned and copied him right from my head. Luckily for you, I can guess who and why. See, the medical team on the Idris was woken up a whole week before the rest of us so they could prepare. That team includes Hodge, your godfather, and Victor Aldertree, a neurosurgeon. Victor couldn’t have touched my cryopod, _I made sure of that_ , but… I never expected Hodge to betray me like this. They had the means, and they had the motive. Now you know that Hodge and I worked together on project Arkangel to create the RAZIELs and their implants, but Aldertree worked with us too. 

In fact… his wife was our first patient. Her name was Amber, she was 32 years old.

And I killed her.”

There’s a pause, for her, for him, he’s not sure. RAZIEL must tell her something because she nods.

“I worked so hard on RAZIEL, _I was so sure_. But that first model… we put it in her head to heal her spine and brain injuries she had suffered from a shuttle crash. And it worked! She was walking and laughing under two weeks. A miracle. Or so we believed. 

The truth was, the RAZIEL had… emptied her out. She was like a shell and it was… it was pretending to be her. Before we knew it, it had killed fourteen people working in the lab. We had to burn it, destroy everything that could have been infected by that RAZIEL.

I missed your 18th birthday because of it. I couldn’t process it all, and I didn’t want to bring that kind of… terror back into our home. Aldertree never recovered and stopped working with us. Hodge was… off, after that, muted, prone to fits, but he stayed on mission, and continued working with me on the RAZIELs.

The thing is, you have a RAZIEL in your head right now, so you know I persisted and managed it in the end, that project Arkangel was a success, but I need you to know at what cost.

Now you see, I tried really hard to get Aldertree off the Ark crew manifest, but his views on AI were, and I quote ' _within reasonable doubt_ ' and ' _needed for a healthy debate_ '.” 

Alec can feel her anger, the same she always exuded, volatile, when AIs were debated on the News back on Earth and by the Edomians.

“But nobody listened. _No one ever does_ ,” she stresses, rolling her eyes. “Aldertree has turned into a fierce anti-synth advocate, to the limit of direct action and terrorism. You remember the uproar on Edom about the RAZIELs? Aldertree is the same. And Hodge, well… let’s say he’s coming to scout Habitat-7 with us only because no other doctor has the field training, but if I’m not dead, I’ll put him under arrest along with Aldertree. Right now I don’t have the time. If something happened to me on Habitat-7, I urge you to inform the Ark captain and proceed with the arrests.

There’s only one thing Aldertree could do with a copied version of my RAZIEL, and it’s learn to destroy him.”

On the screen, Maryse looks down at her beeping Omni-tool, tears welling up in her eyes. 

“It’s you. You and Izzy are ready for take off, so I better get going. I love you. _I love all of you_.”

 

 

*

Alec just stares blankly at the holo screen for a while, head empty, or rather broken open from inside, too many thoughts spilling out; a violent storm of _what_ and _why_ and _how_ , drowning him in white noise.

“She…” he stops, hysterical giggles or sobs rising in his throat. “If I had been less of a coward, I could have found this months ago.”

**_I told you Alec. You don’t qualify as a coward. You couldn’t have known this was here. You were too raw, and I was missing a lot._ **

“Not anymore?”

**_No. I remember everything._ **

“And what’s everything?”

**_She wanted me to tell you not to feel guilty. That sacrificing herself for you to have a chance was the easiest thing she ever did. That she loves you and Izzy and Jace more than anything. You three were her final thoughts. I- I now also remember the Vault on Habitat-7 pushing a few lines of code in me. Your mother would have been infected too had she lived. The Heritage protocol made me forget about it and it went dormant in me until we opened the Vault on Eos._ **

Alec bites the inside of his cheek, hard. He tastes blood, but the pain stops him from screaming out.

“And about… Starkweather.” He can barely say his name, acidic anger rising. “How could she be so sure?”

**_While you all were in cryo sleep, so was I, only operating at minimum power, recording Maryse’s biospecs for study. Upon awakening, I noticed a massive spike of neural energy, days before she was taken out of cryo. Same goes for me. Someone scanned us, and copied me right out of her head. Only someone on the medical team could have done so, simply because they were the only people awake at the time._ **

“That’s… fucked up. You’re stable! You’re not a maniac. Why did they do this?”

**_As I remarked during the Seelian Arrival ceremony, Helen’s RAZIEL implant is smaller, and it’s intelligence is limited. Now I remember why. Maryse gave the shackled versions of me to the Initiative, but kept my true capabilities for herself, fearing they would shut me down._ **

“Because you can feel.”

 **_Yes. Because I can be_ ** **more** **_, because I can_ ** **choose** **_._ **

“If Aldertree is as Anti-synth that you and Mom feared… he would hate you. Want to destroy you. And if he has a copied version, he probably knows already that you’re… more. And Starkweather would have worked with him?”

**_Now that I see clearly, it could explain why he stayed on the Nexus, to study the copied version and its effects on a carrier’s health._ **

“We need to get his omni-tool. And look where Aldertree-”

**_Currently scrubbing for surgery. It’s scheduled to go on for at least three hours._ **

Alec nods, calculating. “Right, he’s a neurosurgeon. You think he could have killed Starkweather?”

 **_Footage and witnesses indicate that he was acting erratically and violently after reading something on his Omni-tool and that he tried to make contact with you and the crew. Perhaps a divergence of opinion occurred between the two_ **?

“That’s a lot of perhaps,” he cautions, getting up and exiting his mother’s room.

**_I’m aware. But it’s our only lead. Let’s go check his quarters._ **

 

*

Aldertree is… empty.

At least that is the impression Alec has when RAZIEL gets them into his quarters. It looks like no one is living there, despite their knowledge of the contrary. It’s as clean and sanitized as the Lightwood quarters, like Aldertree has yet to set foot here and hasn’t been living here for almost a year now.

Nothing personal in sight, nothing slightly dirty. Nothing. Even the bed is perfect, smelling clean and unused. 

The only personal object, Alec finds it face down in a drawer.

A wedding picture of Aldertree and who Alec guesses is Amber, his wife, the first RAZIEL’s puppet.

“Do you have-” Alec stops, eyes fixed on her smiling face, too uneasy to continue for a moment. “You don’t share its memories right?”

**_The first iteration of me? No. I have your mother’s, if you wish to consult them yourself._ **

“Hard pass. I’ve enough fucked up things in my head, I don’t need _that_ . Anything you see that I’m missing?” he asks, putting the lone frame back in its drawer with care -it’s like putting her in a coffin, and burying her. _That poor woman._ “He really doesn’t spend a lot of time here,” he adds looking around. 

The funny thing is, of course, that when they do find something, it’s an unhackable hard copy journal, some of its pages torn out, replaced by glued-in print outs, schemas, MRI scans -all covered with the same illisible handwriting.

“I assumed it was Hodge’s,” Alec mutters, taking out the pages he recovered from his godfather’s pocket. “But he stole them as proof. He must have changed his mind. But why?”

**_I can easily answer that question. As an anti-synth, he would have wanted me out of your head, and quick. He loved you and had seen first hand what an AI could do. But he wouldn’t have directly endangered you -he was a doctor after all, and he had to know that I’m not just hanging out in your head, that I’m holding it together because of your injuries on Habitat-7. Killing me would kill you. Perhaps he realised that Aldertree didn’t have a vested interest in keeping you alive like he did. I’m still working on deciphering the code used in those notes. But see that brain scan? That’s yours, I remember it. I was still spreading and patching you up then._ **

Alec, morbidly, looks closer at the print out in front of him. Even his untrained eyes can see the places that seem weirdly uneven, underdeveloped -dead. He turns the pages, letting RAZIEL the time to analyze them or copy them for later use.

On one of them, a note is not exactly neater, but lisible and uncoded. There’s a certain manic energy emanating from the words, the way the pen almost cut through the paper in some letters.

**FIREFIGHTERS DON’T RUN AWAY FROM FIRE**

It’s the only lisible note in the whole thing, pages and pages of codes and scans, with timestamps here and there on some print outs, showing that Aldertree’s notebook started way before they left the Milky Way.

“He came with a plan,” Alec snarls, thinking of his mother’s warnings that were brushed aside.

**_And he’s ready to execute it. See those schematics? Those are EMP devices._ **

“Bombs? _His grand plan is bombs? IN SPACE?_ ” Alec shouts, incredulous.

**_The physical blast should be minimal-_ **

“Yeah, but we rely on computers and the machines they control to breath here!” Alec shakes his head, heart racing. “We need to check-”

**_RAZIELS’ cores on the Idris and the Amara and play it safe with the Nexus data core. He wouldn't delay it too much with Starkweather dead._ **

“This could kill a lot of people.”

 **_Omelets and eggs_ **, RAZIEL says simply.

“Call the ot-”

**_Done. NexusSec wouldn’t be too much on this either._ **

“Yeah, yeah,” Alec sighs, mildly annoyed at being cut off. “Let them be useful for once, but only contact those few we trust, can’t remember -” he waves the blank away. “No need for Nexus News coverage, we need to be careful. Call Helen too. Her RAZIEL is at stake, and she’s competent.”

**_Herondale?_ **

“Urgh. Send her a message after we found the devices. Mass panic would make the search more difficult.”

 

 

*

The tension in the ship conference room is palpable.

“Bombs? _In space?!_ ” Magnus hisses, nervous feet carrying him around the room, shaking his head in disbelief. “What kind of idiot- Do you know if they had access to the RAZIEL cores? Because I don’t think we have enough people to search inside _and_ outside of them.”

**_Records show no one accessed my core on the Idris beside us in the past month. Most of my care is automated. Same goes for the core on the Amara -the Ketts couldn’t breach the doors or bypass RAZIEL security. I can’t say the same for the Nexus data core. As we know, the security is rather lacking and the data trafficking business flourishing._ **

“I don’t think those hackers would forfeit their main source of cash for just one job that would destroy one of the only safe places in the galaxy,” Magnus pipes in without stopping circling around the table.

“They could have been fooled,” Luke says.

Magnus makes a face. “No one stupid is fucking around those servers. Even for money, they would check whatever they had to bring inside.” He stops in his tracks and gestures vaguely at Simon, “how big those bombs would even be?”

The schematics in Aldertree’s journal were incomplete, more drafts than final plan. The three resident geniuses and RAZIEL had been hard pressed to come with an estimated blast of radius with only that to go by.

Simon looks at Izzy, then at Raphael, the three of them making faces at each other, using their hands to approximate three very different sizes with them.

“Never mind then,” Magnus says, rolling his eyes. “RAZIEL, could you show us a map of the Nexus?”

RAZIEL executes, the holo projector at the center of the table lighting up, showing a massive map of the Nexus and the two Arks attached to it. In red, he lights up the many, many decks dedicated to his brain, Helen’s RAZIEL’s brain and the Nexus data core.

“Okay, let’s think… you’ll get less damage on the Arks’ life support by attacking the cores by the side, because most of the area of effect would go to space, but you’ll get less of RAZIEL’s servers,” Izzy says, RAZIEL showing what she’s explaining on the map. “By placing the EMP device above or under, you would fry most of the servers. For the Nexus data core, it’s a bit different. There’s no angle from which a single EMP device could get a satisfying number of servers and not take down the propulsors as well. Except… if there were several smaller devices, taking down the first sixth’s floors of servers and letting the last three intact.”

Magnus makes an inquisitive noise at that last bit.

“Three floors of servers aren’t enough to host RAZIEL or for him to hide him,” Izzy elaborates.

“What’s above and under the Idris RAZIEL core?” Luke asks.

“Above, we have nineteen thousands colonists in cryo,” Raphael says, his face closed off. “Pretty sure he’s not despaired enough to plant his EMP device there or the human species is as good as extinct in this galaxy.”

“You haven’t looked at his journal,” Alec mutters. “What’s below?”

**_Storages and factories. Some living quarters, but mostly empty space at the moment._ **

“So let’s bet on that,” Luke says. “What about the Amara core?”

**_Same as the Idris. Aldertree must have Seelians working with him, or the entrance to the Amara would be impossible. They don’t like outsiders in general._ **

“Tell Helen what’s up with the probable location and to bring someone that can defuse it,” Alec orders.

“Most of her crew was killed. I doubt they had time to defrost anyone since they arrived two days ago,” Izzy says, looking at Alec. “I can go.”

“You sure?”.

She nods, resolute. 

Sometimes it’s hard to remind himself she’s not just his kid sister. 

“Take Maia with you. Raphael, you go with Luke and search the Idris with the guards we called.”

Maia pats Luke’s shoulder as they leave, and Raphael mutters something to Simon, kissing the corner of his lips quickly before leaving as well.

“Don’t do anything dumb Pathleader!” Izzy calls, too cheerful to be honest, ponytail bouncing with each step.

“Where do we search?” Simon asks, eyes on Raphael’s back, face clouded by worry that Alec understands all too well.

**_As Izzy said, a singular device would have to be extremely powerful to take out the nine floors of servers and would damage the propulser below no matter what. From above, I calculate that four devices could take out a significant number of servers. Their placements would have to be precise to maximise the damages, but that’s to our advantage. Above the first floor of servers, there are quarters -occupied- as well as storage rooms for two Atrium shops._ **

“So four? And the areas of effect would blow the Atrium to high heaven? Uh uh. _Cool cool cool_. No problem… no problem at aaaaall.” Simon begins to breathe a little bit too hard, hands gripping the back of the seat in front of him, knuckles white.

“Si, you got this. You help build this FTL engine, pretty sure you can defuse that shit,” Alec reassures him, knowing full well that building something in a lab is entirely different than disarming _bombs_.

Simon splutters. “That’s entirely different!” he shouts.

Magnus strides over to him, takes him by the shoulders and says, “you are going to get your tools and we are going to find those fucking bombs and you _will_ fucking disarm them, got me? Worst case scenario, we gather them and I push them as far as I can through an airlock. _Go!_ ”

Si looks ill for a few seconds before Magnus shakes him a little and he dashes out of the conference room.

“If I were the bomber, I’ll have them outfitted with motion sensor,” Alec can’t help but say to Magnus.

Magnus sighs, worry spreading on his face now that it’s just the two of them. “I know. Simon knows. But a good shaking up never hurts. Let’s get going.”

  
  


*

The NexusSec guards that were called managed to find two trustworthy engineers that deploy in the Atrium and on the deck below to help Simon disarm the bombs, but Alec knows seeing their faces that the secret won’t keep for long.

Too much fear. Scared people want safety and for their family to get as far from the source of danger as possible. Scared people _talk_.

“I need people on the Idris to tail Aldertree _discreetly_ . He has yet to blow the bombs. No need to hurry his timetable by showing our hand, but we might not have a choice,” he says to one guard as they enter a shop and flashes badges and _do not fuck with us_ faces at the shopkeeper so they can go down the storage room without hassle. “Take him out if necessary.”

Magnus waits for the guard to go before saying, “For all that _firefighter not running away_ talk, I don’t think he wants to die. Not that he has a lot to live for, but if it was me, I would want to be alive to make sure the bombs killed the RAZIELs. Finish the job if needed. Void, perhaps he thinks he’s safe and he’s just waiting for the Edomian Ark to show up so he can bomb it too to take out their RAZIEL.”

Alec huffs, making sure he doesn’t fall down the stairs leading to the storage room. “You would make a better Pathfinder than me with deductions like that.”

“Ah, the curse of being so attractive… people forget I’m smart,” Magnus laments over dramatically. He turns on the light in the storage room, looking around in mild disgust. “I’m hurt, darling.”

“I do love that face,” Alec says, walls down and distracted by the said face.

Magnus beams at him before circling the room, looking all too pleased with himself.

That pretty face gets him in trouble more than once, and eventually broke his heart. He rolls his eyes at himself and focuses on searching the room. 

“Uh. Isn’t that plasteel wall looking a little dirty to you?” Magnus calls.

Alec turns around, looking where Magnus is pointing to a white panel of plasteel, similar to all the others composing the wall of the storage room. Except for the black, greasy smudged fingerprints on either sides of it, as well as some dents, probably left by the tool used to pry the panel out.

“Damn, I didn’t see that,” Alec mutters.

“Best smuggler in this galaxy,” Magnus says, taking a bow before flicking his hand and pulling his fist towards him, gravity snatching the panel from the wall, revealing the space in between, left to accommodate cables of all sorts and… “Pretty sure that container isn’t standard.”

“Simon! Get in there, we got one!” Alec shouts.

  
  


Letting Simon work on the bomb is… nerve wracking to say the least. Part of Alec wants to _call an adult_ because spazzy Lewis is wrist-deep in a bomb that could kill thousands of people and it’s not something that Alec’s childhood prepared him to. But they are adults now, and Simon’s so damn competent it’s risible for Alec to get this stressed.

**_Izzy and Raphael are working on their bombs right now and the two other engineers are doing the same. We should go and try to find the last bomb while Simon is working. The first of them who finishes will come to us._ **

“He’s right,” Magnus says. “You’re doing good Si. Let’s go.”

Simon curses both of them as they leave him, ranting under his breath.

“So, dear AI overlord, where to?” Magnus asks, looking around the Atrium nervously. 

The mass of colonists going about their day is difficult to go through, and Alec can feel the tension in the air. By now, some people know NexusSec is looking for something, the people in the shop are all looking at them with worried eyes and it’s spreading.

 

 **_My calculation shows that the most probable location would be in an occupied quarter. Could be this one or the one right next to it,_ ** RAZIEL says, showing a small map of the deck on Alec’s omni-tool. **_Getting there might prove difficult. Life signs are-_ ** **Alec** **_, NexusSec has lost contact with the guard they posted outside Aldertree’s operation room. He’s on the run._ **

“Shit!” they both shout. 

“Okay okay. Get to the bomb location, break the doors if you have to, tear down the walls, I’ll go after him!” he orders Magnus without looking back.

**_RAZIEL I need an interception course!_ **

 

*

Whatever alerted Aldertree, Alec doesn’t have a choice but to try and catch him. Going back to the Idris is useless.

**_He’s going to get to the docks._ **

Where a shuttle could be stolen if one was so inclined and in possession of a weapon. 

Alec nearly misses him the crowd of passersby in the Atrium, too many people to see, too many bodies to push around, impossible to run in a straight line or keep the good doctor in his line of sight without RAZIEL giving him directions.

With less people, Alec might have risks shooting him somewhere non lethal, but- some big Edomian grabs at Alec, angry that he pushed him out of the way and Alec barely has the time to punch the man in the face to stun him and disappear in the crowd, feeling the distinct stomach dropping gravity shifting that comes with biotic being used on you. Aldertree is already in the long transparent plasteel corridor that leads to the docks when Alec extracts himself from the crowd.

_Lockdown those doors!_

Alec intercepts him right at the end of the corridor, meters away from potential escape.

They tumble on the floor, struggling to come on top, punching and snarling. They both have a gun trained on the other’s head in a matter of seconds, both panting after the run to get here and the few blows they exchanged.

The neurosurgeon turned anti-synth terrorist is looking rough, still in his scrubs, droplets of blood on it, sweat on his brow and patches of it under his arms. His eyes are worse, wild and bloodshot.

“Stand down doctor,” Alec says, appealing to reason. “Your bombs were disabled,” he gambles, “the docks are on lockdown-”

“ _God_ . You sound just like her. So sure, _so authoritative_. Your RAZIEL isn’t even trying to make you sound different,” Aldertree spats, using his other hand to wipe the sweat from his forehead.

This takes Alec aback for a moment, trying to parse the meaning of it.

“Wha- RAZIEL isn’t doing anything. I sound like her because _I’m her son!_ ”

Somehow, _you deluded fuck_ manages to stay silent _,_ but his finger twitches over the trigger. He needs answers though.

Aldertree shakes his head, huffing. “You don’t even know! _It won’t let you see_ , but you’re the beginning of the end… they’ll roll out those _things_ to everyone! We’ll be emptied out! Part of an all knowing, all controlling cold computer,” he rants, anger tempered by the frantic need in his eyes to get through Alec’s supposed virtual blinders. “A hive mind, just brainless bees-”

“You’re out of your fucking mind!” _There it is_ , his temper getting the better of him _._ “RAZIEL just-”

“What? _Just wants to help?_ I’ve heard that just before your mother shoved a demon in my wife’s head!” he shouts, hands and gun shaking.

“Amber was in vegetative state,” Alec says as calmly as he can, trying to make him see reason, using RAZIEL’s knowledge of his mother’s memories of the situation. “She was as good as dead the moment she had that accident. You were adamant to get her in the Arkangel program, my mother was just trying to heal her.”

Aldertree closes his eyes, shaking his head, mouth torn in a wobbly line. But his gun stays on target. Despite RAZIEL’s insistence to shoot him, Alec refrains. He needs answers about the bombs. About the ones that built them. About Maia. _About Hodge_.

“You didn’t have to watch as we pumped pure oxygen in the labs, as we burned her, every computer, every chip, _every single body_ . That thing just wanted to control and kill... And I’m supposed to believe a more advanced version of _that -that- that thing_ is all sunshine and puppies? FUCK NO!” he shouts, eyes boring holes in Alec’s skull. “I’ve seen the little Remnant worm in its code, battling for dominance over it. _You’re an abomination!_ ”

 _How does he know about the Remnant code?!_ Alec panics to RAZIEL, _abomination_ ringing in his ears.

**_I do not know Alec._ **

Aldertree’s still holding his gun, still looking at Alec like he wants nothing more than to kill him and his passenger. But he doesn’t shoot.

Alec tries to roll with that. “How does killing thousands of people help? Amber was a doctor, just like you are! _What about your oath?_!”

**_Simon just disabled the last EMP devices, we’re in the clear._ **

“I’m trained to cut tumors out of brains. I know at a glance what I can save and what I cannot. _Firefighters don’t run away from fire_ ,” he finishes fervently.

“They don’t start it either!” Alec shouts back.

Aldertree laughs, a calm kind of laugh, out of place in the mouth of a man looking so wild, so gone. It raises the hairs on Alec’s skin and chills him to the bone.

“Funny. He said that too.”

And he shoots Alec-

Tries to-

Misfires-

“FUCK!” Aldertree shouts, throwing the useless gun in Alec’s direction without much heart, before throwing himself against the closed door at the end of the corridor.

 **_I’ve disabled his gun by frying the energy cell_ **, RAZIEL explains as Alec stares at the gun on the floor with shock and incomprehension.

_You couldn’t have said that before?!_

**_I had a theory that getting this close to dying, again, might make you realise that your life is precious. Somehow, I think it failed._ **

_Jesus! Could you not prove Aldertree’s worries for five fucking minutes and stop messing with me? Fuck you!_ he thinks loudly as he advances on the now helpless doctor, gun first in one hand and magnetized handcuffs in the other.

**_I could just stop you from doing stupid and reckless stunts. I don’t do it because I want you to value your life._ **

Alec can almost feel RAZIEL shaking his head at the back of his brain.

Fuck this.

“Doctor, _please_. Let me take you in,” he says as he closes on Aldertree, trying for a soothing tone -hard to come at the moment when he knows the man had not hesitated to shoot. At least Izzy can’t get mad at him for being injured.

Aldertree turns his head towards him, a mix of despair and defiance on his face before he slides helplessly against the locked doors, as a NexusSec guard and Magnus runs towards it from the docks, weapons at the ready.

“You’ll be the death of all of us,” Aldertree mutters, tears in his eyes. “Just like your mother.”

Alec curbs the urge to hit the man at the mention of his mother. Maryse Lightwood wasn’t perfect by any means, but she had done her best, for her family and the Milky Way.

“I’m going to cuff you now,” he announces slowly. “Then I’ll take you-”

“To the press? So I can tell all of them what’s hiding in your head like a serpent in the grass?” Aldertree laughs. “As you wish.”

He looks startled for a moment, looking at Alec with wild eyes. It takes Alec a few seconds to realise that it’s because he just holstered his gun. Aldertree fully expected him to execute him, and perhaps he should.

 **_You should_ ** **,** RAZIEL echoes, **_but you won’t_ **.

Alec crouches in front of him and takes his wrist in his hands, putting the first cuff on, locking it in place, Aldertree’s too shocked it seems to respond or oppose resistance.

“I guess I’ll have to take a chance and see who they believe,” Alec says, going for Aldertree’s second wrist, “the man who just tried to kill thousands, or the one who stopped him.”

Aldertree looks at him funny, snorting almost, “you really think I’m stupid enough to try to kill you with an energy weapon?”

And he stabs Alec.

He stabs Alec _TWICE_ before he throws himself back, a plasteel scalpel deep in his lower belly, blood rapidly soaking his Initiative white shirt when he glances down.

Aldertree towers above him, a second scalpel already in his hand. “Firefighters don’t run away from-”

Plasteel shatters behind him, blood sprays on Alec’s face, in his mouth, thick and warm. Aldertree half falls on Alec’s lap, blood and brain and hair all over his pants and he pushes the body as hard as he can, close to retching from both the taste of it and the pain he is in. Wiping the blood from his eyes barely does the job, _God_ , there’s so much of it.

Magnus is standing on the other side of the now shattered doors, gun still in hands. Between them, Aldertree’s ruin of a head is leaking like a cracked egg on the floor.

“Get a medkit!” Magnus orders at the stuttering guard next to him. “NOW!” he shouts, when he doesn’t move.

Not without pain, Alec sits himself against the wall, cutting his shirt to see the damage. The first stab wound doesn’t seem so deep, but the scalpel…

 **_Do not touch that_ ** , RAZIEL says urgently. **_The scalpel is the only thing keeping you from bleeding out right now._ **

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Alec mutters, trying not to hyperventilate.

Magnus uses his biotic to break the rest of the door, enjambs Aldertree’s body and carefully kneels at his side, hands hovering above his abdomen.

“How bad?” he asks.

**_An artery is compromised, but it’s under control at the moment. I need someone with a sure hand to take the scalpel out in increments as I heal the damage._ **

“Maia.”

**_Maia._ **

“The Void doesn’t want you yet,” he tells Alec, _oh_ , his eyes so soft, fear so close to the surface, welling up in his eyes. 

That open, genuine fear chokes Alec as surely as the pain.

“ _Why did you shoot him?”_ Alec snarls, because anger is steadier than what he feels for this man. “I could have managed him.”

Magnus doesn’t even roll his eyes, doesn’t point out the near fatal wound or anything at all. “I cannot believe I love someone as stubborn and stupid as you. My father would be appalled,” he says, muffling near hysterical giggles with his hand, eyes closed.

_I love you._

That’s what Alec registers first, the words stunning him. 

 _Stubborn_ and _stupid_ register second.

“You could have thrown him around with your biotics! _Shot his leg!_ ” Alec persists, proving Magnus’ point.

“And give him a chance to kill you still? _No_.”

Alec hates him in that moment. The finality of his tone, the assurance that he would do it again given the chance, the perfect mirror image they are of each other in that regard… 

“We won’t get answers from a dead man!” Alec shouts, before grunting in pain, heart hammering in his chest.

 **_Stop moving!_ ** RAZIEL orders.

Magnus shakes his head, before kissing his forehead. “Those answers wouldn’t have mattered,” he says in his hair, “because you would be dead.”

Alec bites his inner cheek. Arguing with Magnus is like arguing with himself. “Check his pockets,” he breathes, looking away. Talking is starting to hurt, but after all, he’s stupid and stubborn. “And RAZIEL, copy his omni-tool before-”

 **_You assume I haven’t done it already?_ **the AI interrupts, Lightwood snarks dripping from his words.

Alec rolls his eyes, sweat and blood burning his eyes.

“Nothing but some kind of security pass,” Magnus says, flashing a nondescript card before pocketing it. “He was planning on traveling light.”

Alec shakes his head slightly. “I don’t think-,” he pants, before looking at the other side of the corridor, where Maia and Luke have just entered, running at full speed toward them. “I think he planned on me catching up with him. He _knew_ RAZIEL could fry his gun. Said so. He wanted me close to- to bleed me, one last chance at taking the abomination.”

“You’re not an abomination,” Magnus assures him, caressing the side of his face, uncaring of the blood that gets on his fingers, before he gets up and lets Maia have the space she’s going to need to work with RAZIEL. “You’re just really, really frustrating.”

 

*

[medium shot of Heidi, Nexus News logo in the corner, the running banner at the bottom read: _Anti-synth attack thwarted by NexusSec_ and _Are the RAZIELs really safe or a ticking bomb?_ ]

“Heidi McKenzie reporting for Nexus News right from the Atrium were earlier this afternoon Dr. Victor Aldertree was shot and killed after he was ID as the main instigator to what could have been a deadly and fatal attack to our beloved space station, potentially killing thousands.”

[pictures of Aldertree, both from his official Nexus ID picture and from his wedding, followed by shots of the Atrium, the corridor leading to the docks, the huge space sectioned off by holo _do not cross NexusSec investigation_ picket lines]

“Our sources inform us that the renewed neurosurgeon, 39, had apparently taken upon himself to destroy the RAZIEL computers on the Arks and part of the Nexus quantum computers with EMP devices.”

[shots of NexusSec personnel carrying pieces of equipment, impossible to say if they are the devices in question]

[back to a medium shot of Heidi, now with a very sweaty, nervous looking Simon]

“With us Simon Lewis of the Pathfinder crew. _Thank you for joining us_. Could you tell our viewers a little more about EMP devices?”

“Uh… The devices were rigged to produce an electromagnetic pulse right at the outside of the RAZIEL cores. The radius of action would have been _significant_ to take out as many quantum computers as possible, killing the RAZIELs or at least hobbling them beyond repair. But- but the blast would have affected any piece of electronics in the vicinity as well -gravity generator relays, local atmospheric controls, cryopods, medbay equipment.”

[midway through his explanation, a 3D model of the blasts overlay on a map of the Nexus and the Arks, showing three large, spherical areas of damage and a high potential death count]

“But Aldertree was a neurosurgeon, how did he build them? In your experience, are they easy to make?”

“On a small scale, no, it’s not that hard. On the scale those devices were built and the, uh,  precision with which they were placed outside the RAZIEL core chambers, that would require more than a quick understanding of engineering and physics, means to procure the materials, assembling space and few pairs of hands to build.”

[Heidi gets uncomfortably close to Simon]

“It is my understanding that you helped defuse two of the six devices? You’re a hero!”

“I mean, I- I- I- was only doing my job?”

[shot recenters on Heidi]

“It seems that at least one person on that crew can do something good and it’s not playboy Pathfinder Alec Lightwood, who failed at talking the would-be terrorist-”

“Hey that’s-”

  
  


Heidi hits pause in the montage room, cutting off Simon Lewis in his misguided attempt at defending his boss. “You cut that okay?” She orders her crew.

“Yes Heidi,” the two of them answers, getting to work.

 _No one cuts Heidi Mckenzie, not even cute guys_. When they have removed his protests, Heidi hits play again, eyes riveted on herself.

  
  


“It seems that at least one person on that crew can do something good and it’s not playboy Pathfinder Alec Lightwood, who failed at talking the would-be terrorist out of action” [shot of Alec looking pale and agard, face covered in blood, Izzy’s hand on his shoulder as Maia leads him up the Arrowhead’s access ramp] “and can be directly linked to this whole mess.”

[pictures of Maryse, Starkweather and Aldertree, Project Arkangel logo overlaid on them, key dates and numbers appearing, reminding timeline, public announcements and estimated production cost]

“All three worked on the RAZIELs creation program. Maryse Lightwood is dead, Dr. Hodge Starkweather has officially been declared missing and presumed dead for two days now, and Dr. Aldertree tried to kill his creation.”

[shot of the outside of a RAZIEL core chamber, under heavy surveillance by NexusSec]

“Which brings a lot of the questions: are the RAZIELs safe? Or is the erratic behavior Pathfinder Lightwood exibes since day one proof the AI in his head is dangerous? What would be the consequences, and the damages an out of control AI as advanced as RAZIEL could do to the Andromeda Initiative? With us Dr. Iris Rouse, Edomian specialist in bio-ethic, and Lydia Brandwell, director of Nexus Colonial affairs will weight about the risks of AIs so heavily guiding us. Doctor, Director, welcome-”

 

*

It’s a slow night, the bar near the docks is only serving a few customers and Magnus just breathes in the quiet, sipping something fizzy that makes him half miss the fiery hooch they brewed on Kadara. Alec is sleeping on the couch in front of him, his third drink untouched and long forgotten, unconcerned by the music playing from all around them. It’s been that kind of day.

 _That kind of week_ , Magnus corrects himself.

Everyone else left the celebration-in-all-but-name a while ago, Raph dragging an drunkenly affectionate Simon along; while Izzy and Maia were too absorbed by each other to even say good night to the rest of them as they left ( Magnus knows for sure Izzy always sleeps in Maia’s quarters when they’re docking here, supposedly and tragically on her couch. Magnus can relate). Luke had stayed with them the longest, but he had seemed satisfied with Alec not indulging too much in the booze and had left Magnus to look after him after an hour of hushed, thankfully meaningless conversation.

Alexander on the floor, covered in blood, both his and Aldertree’s was too fresh in his mind for anything but small talk.

Despite his reluctance and doubts about AIs, on top of the recent revelations on RAZIEL, Magnus would be lying if he said he had not thanked the Void for the AI’s healing capabilities. Alec had come far too close to dying right in front of Magnus.

 **_The odds of survival in this galaxy are low for him. With your help, the odds go up_ ** _,_ RAZIEL had said only a few days ago _._ He had been right about that too. 

Not that Alexander was happy about it. Magnus had told him he loved him, without fanfare yes, but still told him, but the other man was still stuck on Magnus killing Aldertree like- like he had some kind of ulterior motive to do it. Magnus hadn’t had the occasion to corner him about it, as Alec had spent most of yesterday getting patched up by both RAZIEL and Maia.

The crew, minus Magnus, had spent the entire day in meetings with Herondale and high ranking NexusSec, trying to decipher how Aldertree had managed to plot all of this without arousing suspicions, and who had helped him beside Starkweather. Neither of them were programmers or engineers after all. Where was Starkweather? 

Who had built the EMP devices and how?

The questions were left unanswered, for the Nexus brass at least.

With Aldertree dead and Raj out of the picture, Maia was safe from any accusation and RAZIEL had ID the key card Magnus had found in Aldertree’s pocket. The crew had decided that they would wait for a few days for the heat to cool down, so they could investigate the lab Aldertree had been occupying, under the radar, in the Human Ark. It wasn’t that hard apparently, with security so loose, to commandeer one of the many unused labs the Idris was full of.

_Really this place’s a massive hide and seek playground for whoever is smart enough and angry enough to do as they pleased and set up any kind of operation._

Magnus couldn’t wait for this mess to be sorted out, the culprits identified and punished, so the crew would leave this fucking place behind. Herondale and her lot made him miss the Ketts.

Unfortunately some fucking random fucker had used his omni-tool to record the confrontation between Aldertree and Alec from a distance, taking full advantage of the transparent plasteel the corridor they fought was made of. So of course, Nexus News had been broadcasting on every holo screen the half-heartedly blurred footage of Aldertree being shot, falling on the floor, Alec on his ass, face splattered with blood and shell shocked. Their reporters kept going in circles with deluded conjectures and outright lies, again and again.

The most popular one seemed to be that Alec was some kind of Kett sleeper agent, slowly taking over the Nexus for his masters. Magnus is convinced that this particular rumor is one hundred percent Herondale-sponsored. 

At least the Atrium and its bars are near empty: between the constant media bashing, the shooting and the barely avoided death of thousands of people, the good people of the Nexus seem a bit reluctant to leave their quarters if it can be avoided.

The crew had been able to share a few drinks in peace, with minimal interference (some people had made a wide berth around them, but as it was preferable to direct aggression, the crew didn’t seem to mind). 

  
  


Now with the crew gone, Alexander sleeping and his drink near empty, Magnus’s thinking about calling it a night.

He’s about to gently shake him awake when a raucous group enters the bar and Alec is immediately alert, a hand searching for the gun that’s usually there and needed. He looks behind him and Magnus laughs at how annoyed he looks, still half asleep and hair ruffled.

“Serves you right for falling asleep in a bar, darling,” he says, fond.

But his voice is drowned by someone shouting “ _No fucking way!_ ”, who dashes to their corner, practically throwing themselves at Alexander -someone pretty, so Magnus is less amused by the second.

The blond man has him in a crushing hug, that Alec is wholeheartedly sharing.

“Lightwood, just the nut job I hoped to see -or are you the Kett spy? They made you look more handsome than the original, lucky you.”

The blond glances at Magnus, before doing a double take that screams _daaaamn_ in a langage Magnus is fluent in.

“Laugh it up Underhill,” Alec retorts, punching him in the shoulder with a matching grin. “I can’t believe they finally woke you up. I’ve been checking on you, thought they would keep you on ice forever.”

“Yeah, I missed a lot I hear. Sorry about your mom and Jace,” Underhill says, truly pained.

_Must know them. Personally._

Alec nods and, to Magnus' guilty relief, disentangle himself from the other man. “It’s been rough,” he admits, before cutting it short. “Where are you now?”

“Well, nothing as exciting as _Pathfinder_ ,” Underhill says, faux impressed. “NexusSec. I’m not complaining, but I’m eyeing one of those outposts, fresh air outweighs the Ketts. I think. Any recommendations?”

“Maybe stay here for a while longer. The Ketts are still breathing down our necks in most of those planets.” Alec nods to himself, still awfully close to the guy, thigh to thigh. He looks quickly between Underhill and Magnus. “Oh, this is, uh, _Reyes_. Reyes this is Andrew Underhill, we grew up on Station 445 together.”

As if on cue, they both shout “445 represent!” and burst up giggling like kids.

Underhill gives Magnus a new _look_ , making it impossible to ignore his interested eyes.

“Hey Reyes,” he greets him. To Alec he says, waggling his eyebrows, “Didn’t know an Edomian was on your crew.”

Meaning, Nexus News has yet to catch up on that. Hopefully the cover they bought for Magnus will hold that kind of scrutiny. It better has to, costing that much.

“I’m also a Kett spy,” Magnus jokes without real joy. Jealousy is immature and, in this case, unfounded. Probably.

“He’s crew,” Alec says, and there is no mistaking the satisfaction in his voice, despite the relative lameness of the statement, or the game of hot and cold Alexander has been playing with him in the past few days. 

Magnus can’t help but preene a little. _Oh Void_ **,** _I really live for this, don’t I?_

“Pleasure to meet you,” Underhill nods at him, before giving them a speculative look. 

He then elbows Alec in the ribs, with the sort of casual carelessness that makes Magnus seethes deep inside, and not just because Alec was stabbed only yesterday. “Did you get all the hot ones for your crew? Are you building a space harem like the Seelians? _And why wasn't I invited?_ ”

Magnus chuckles, but Alec rolls his eyes, groaning. “I was 14, let it go please.”

“Uh uh, no sir, no can do. Isabelle made me swear and your sister is scarier than you could ever be.”

Magnus can’t stop himself from asking. “Space harem?”

Underhill grins so hard it might rip his face in two. “Oh yeah, _Alec had a vision_. I told him he should learn to kiss someone correctly before thinking that big.”

“Again, I was 14! You didn’t kiss any better.”

“That’s not what Otto Detmer thought,” Underhill fires back, patting Alec’s head like touching him isn’t a feat.

Magnus _wants._ He wants… everything. Alexander now. Alexander ten years from now. A hundred. Alec, Alec, Alec. Everything with him, present and future. And a past. _Void_ , he wants a past with that man, years and years of it, and all that comes with it: the easy, natural intimacy of a long relationship, the shared history, the inside jokes, the knowing glances, the old fights. He’s so greedy for it he feels drunk. And jealous.

“He still dumped you,” Alec says. “But speaking about keeping all the hot ones for myself, you should think about joining our space cruise of endless fun. I, uh, I had to let someone go.”

Magnus smothers a laugh. As glad as he is to see Raj fridged, Alexander is still entitled to his frustration over losing a crew member.

Underhill frowns, eyes going from Alec to Magnus. “Oh, why?”

“Diverging opinions.”

Alec’s answer might be laconic, his tone is anything but. Magnus can hear the pain, betrayal and anger echoing in, and by his face, Underhill does too, even without context.

Underhill takes a few moments to answer, wincing before looking away. “Uh listen. I’m flattered, and _I would say yes_ , but my parents would flip -the news feeds are full of all the crazy stunts you pull. Not to be a downer, but they keep saying it’s only a matter of time before you end up exiled -or dead.”

Underhill looks apologetic while saying all this, but it doesn’t soften the blow. Blood drains from Alexander’s face and he does that thing with his jaw that makes Magnus worry for both his teeth and blood pressure.

Alec says, humorlessly, “Well, they're not wrong.” He grabs his full glass still on the table in front of him and downs it in one go, before reaching for what’s left of Magnus’ and downs it too before getting up. “I’m glad we could catch up, but the life of a Kett spy is exhausting-”

“Alec I didn’t-”

“No no, it’s okay. We’ll talk later and you should message Izzy.” Alexander’s voice is okay, but when he pats Underhill’s shoulder, it lacks any warmth and his friend almost flinches. “She’s going to be thrilled you’re finally thawed.”

Magnus follows Alexander striding out of the bar and back to the Arrowhead. It’s silent inside, everyone gone or asleep in their bunks.

“ _Alexander_ ,” he calls after him.

But he doesn’t stop, doesn’t look back, just continues stomping to his quarters like a battering ram. Pointedly he doesn’t close the door, so Magnus follows him in there as well.

It has just closed behind him that Alexander turns around and grabs at the lapels of his vest, pushing him until his back hits the door, eyes not blinking, not looking away from Magnus, burning him from the inside out, quick and shallow breaths against his mouth, so close Magnus can almost, _almost_ , taste the electricity of a kiss.

  
  


#### *****

>>>> Rebo▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓

After they had left the bar, they had taken the long route to Maia’s quarter on the Nexus, talking, shoulders ever brushing, Izzy’s hand aching with the need to hold Maia’s, laughing so loud people kept glancing at them. Maia seemed a little lighter, a little readier to stay close and a lot more open. Obviously not having that murder charge hanging over her head was doing wonders to her moral.

_And she called me pack._

That, more than anything, was fucking with Izzy’s mind. And to think she had started Andromeda losing and losing people, now she had all of those people with her, that were not leaving, that she could count on, and _love_ . And she was Pack to someone, to _Maia_. 

So perhaps, Izzy had a chance, just a tiny chance that Maia liked her back.

Izzy sleeping at Maia’s was something they had never actually planned the first time. They had both been drunk, and Maia’s was closer than the docks, so Izzy had tagged along and slept on the couch after hours of drunken conversation. From there, Izzy always prepped a small bag and followed Maia home during their Nexus leave.

And tonight, after months of maddening glances, flirtations and really, really hoping she didn’t get the signals wrong, she put on her big girl pants and when Maia began to get up from the couch to get to bed, Izzy caught her hand.

And her heart hammering in her chest -so hard Maia was looking at her weird, probably fearing some kind of heart attack- she said, “you’re important.”

Maia looked at her, confused. “Uh… thank you?”

_Fuck!_

“I mean. You’re important to me.” Red dusted Maia’s cheek, faint but there. She was so lovely like this. “You’re… God, _so important to me_. And if, if you don’t feel-”

There was no time to finish, not with the radiant smile on Maia’s face, not with her hands clasping hers, so warm, so so warm; not with the way Maia got closer, eyes on her lips, eyes deep in hers, questioning even then, begging to.

When they kissed, it was tentative. Just a meeting of lips, there and gone, but not too far, just enough that they could look at each other, see the answering smiles and go for another one, less tentative. More hungry, like a snowball rolling off, accumulating speed and mass, turning into an avalanche.

She never gambled that much on a kiss, but she never won that much with one either.

  
  


Izzy might never be able to stop.

Fuck the crew, fuck the Nexus, _fuck Andromeda_. She’s never leaving Maia’s quarters ever again. Or her bed. Or her arms.

Kissing someone shouldn't be this good. Maia’s panting against her lips now, eyes closed, blissed out, trying very hard to undo the buttons of Izzy’s shirt, muttering unintelligibly.

“Let me-” _help, rip it out, kiss you again_.

The bed is so much better than the couch, and Maia’s so warm, so perfect, taking off clothes, laughing and so happy, so-

Her omni-tool goes off, loud and obnoxious, from whatever corner she threw it around when they begin to truly make out. 

“Don’t even dare look-” she pleads, helping Maia to undo those fucking tiny buttons.

Maia’s omni-tool joins in the _let’s fucking kill this moment_ parade, the usual subdue orange glow turning red on the nightstand next to them like a bucket of ice cold water.

    

“What-”

The alarms grow louder and louder, before RAZIEL’s disembodied voice shouts, **_ALERTE ROUGE, ALERTE ROUUUUUUU-_ **” It shuts down abruptly, leaving a weird statics on the comms.

Maia takes her omni-tool in her hands and Izzy jumps out of the bed to retrieve hers, hidden under Maia’s pants.

“What was that?” Maia asks, voicing Izzy’s concern.

“French I think? Something about an alert but… RAZIEL? _What’s happening?_ ”

No answer, just deafening silence and rising worry. Then her omni-tool holo screen gets glitchy, before it gets stuck on binary code.

**_01100001 01101100 01100101 01100011_ **

“What the- _Alec?_ Is something wrong with Alec and you? _Where?!_ ”

Alec is projected off that cliff on Habitat-7.

Alec is explaining with a steady voice that RAZIEL is going to kill him on the Archon’s mothership.

And she’s just standing there, _helpless to stop it_.

There’s some kind of… shout. Ghostly and synthesized, but a shout nonetheless.

 **_CEREBROOOOOOOOOO-_ ** , it says in between statics, before a set of coordinates appears on the screen, all glitchy. ****

The look of fear on Maia’s face mirrors the terror in her heart.

 

*

They collide, glorious, violent, _inevitable_.

Kissing Alexander has always been good… now it’s as devastating as thirst finally quenched after days and days withering under the Kadaran sun; breathless relief and need for more singing in his veins - _more more more moremoremoremore_ it chants in him. they claw at each others’ clothes, panting in each other mouth, desperation blown as wide as their pupils, hands finding fevering skin under fucking shirts and trying to expose more, to touch more to kiss more more _more more more more_ -

“Alcohol,” Magnus protests in between kisses tasting too much of it for his liking. “That’s not-”

Alexander shakes his head, teeth grazing at Magnus’ ear right next to his arrow cuff, the light scruff of his cheek against his skin maddening, obliterating the rest of Magnus’ sentence.

“RAZIEL cleared it,” he whispers, _lips right there_ , before his tongue flicks to the cuff. “Like I would be drunk for this.”

“Bed, then,” Magnus pants, turning his head to the left so he can demand Alexander’s mouth to kiss him again, knees getting too weak for this to continue against the door. 

“ _Bed_ ,” Alec agrees, but doesn’t move away, pinning him against the door still, from mouth to knees.

Magnus chuckles, feeling grand and too warm and way, way too dressed for this and just _pushes_ , just a little, just enough for Alexander and him to separate so they can relocate as quickly as possible on the bed.

“That’s cheating,” Alec pants from a few feet away now, eyes roaming over Magnus’ body, before settling on his lips and biting his own. “So _fucking unfair.”_

Magnus shrugs, blood singing in his veins. “If it gets you shirtless faster.”

Alec makes quick work of it, eyes boring into Magnus’, daring him, only broken when he takes off his shirt - _Void_ , the hair on his chest is so distracting Magnus gets a little bit starry. When he looks back at his face, Alec just looks smug, bites his bottom lip and toes his shoes off, before he steps out of his pants, leaving him bare except for his underwear. He pauses in the middle of the room for a moment, still daring, still looking right at Magnus… and he starts walking backwards to his bed until he can throw himself down on it, pushing on his elbows so he can maintain eye contact. And then he smirks, _fucking come here_ written all over his face, the pull of it stronger than a sun.

He’s beautiful and so alive. 

Magnus roams the expense of his skin with his eyes, fingers flexing in anticipation. His thighs, his arms, _his neck..._ the mouth watering tent of his underwear. And scars. All faints, all probably mortal if RAZIEL wasn’t riding shotgun. Alexander’s abs are proof enough, deep purple and black shockingly maring the skin where he was stabbed. But it’s only bruises; two fading, light pink scars in the middle of it. Another of RAZIEL’s everyday miracles.

Killing someone had rarely been as easy as shooting Aldertree.

“You’re a menace,” he tells him, annoyed and in love and wanting nothing more than forever lock Alexander in this room, _on this bed_ and keep him selfishly for himself, safe.

Alec shrugs, unconcerned… but his pupils are blown wide.

“Right back at you,” he says, his voice and eyes saying, _why are you still dressed? why are you not on me?_

Magnus doesn’t wait for him to verbalise that. He doesn’t hurry either, every movement drown out. First, he takes off his vest and shirt as well because really, there’s too many stupid clothes involved. His shoes go next, then his socks, but he leaves on his pants for now, letting himself be admired and desired. 

Alexander might as well be groaning in pain, fists curled, all tensed, all delightful _restrain_ that Magnus is going to unravel inch by glorious fucking inch.

When he finally sits himself on Alec’s lap, there’s an air of _déjà vu_ to it- for a second Magnus is on Kadara again, distant music and its vibrations surrounding them, black armor on the floor, his leg hurting a little from a gunshot wound and Alexander… _Void_ , Alexander under him looking up with something close to worship on his face, in his eyes.

Nothing has changed despite the time and the pain.

“How are the stab wounds?” he asks, fingers hovering on the bruises.

Alexander actually snorts, mouth exploring Magnus’ chest. “What stab wound?” he says, the picture of debauched innocence.

Magnus closes his eyes for a second, shielding him from that look. _Thank the Void for RAZIEL indeed._

He rolls his hips down, clearly feeling the satisfying bulge underneath him through one layer of pants and two layers of underwear.

“ _Too many clothes_ ,” Alec complains around a breathy moan.

“Space harem should have laws against clothes,” Magnus jokes before going down to kiss Alec’s… pissed face. He stops, inches away from his lips. “ _What?_ ”

“Nothing,” Alexander says, stubborn hands on Magnus’ hips, sliding closer to the fastening on his pants and the bulge underneath the taunt fabric.

“Wait- Are you… okay?” Magnus asks, heat receding a little, smothered by worry. _Void_ , he should have asked before, but he had been caught in Alec’s orbit, oh so willing to be caught, and too selfishly happy to simply ask. “What he said… You’re not going to die, Alexander. And fuck the whole Nexus.”

Alexander nods minutely, but his eyes... his eyes says something different.

“I might die if I don’t get you naked in the next five minutes,” he deflects, hands so maddening as he rubs Magnus through his pants. “Been wanting you since… since that day on Kadara. When we met.”

Magnus had wanted him for ten minutes longer, having observed the newly arrived Pathfinder from across the bar before deciding he had made him wait long enough, reassuring himself that as pretty as he was, he was just another Nexus-stamped asshole.

Alec’s hand is relentless on him, his mouth and his teeth no better, teasing a nipple just shy of painful, and Magnus’ brain boils itself in heat and pleasure, his train of thought melting through his ears. 

For a moment.

Magnus stops again. He’s crazy, but his hand gently grabs one of Alec’s wrists and he stops the fondling as much as he can.

“Wait, wait. Are you sure you’re-”

But Alexander’s mouthing at his throat now, lips on fire, trailing fire, setting fires.

Magnus moans, wanting more, needing more, _more more more moremoremore_ … but persists.

“ _Stop_.”

They stop like a shuttle missing its landing, crashing hard and panting and devastated.

“Don’t you want to-” Alexander asks, eyes wild. Confused, even, like this isn’t for his own good.

Magnus’ hips roll down despite his words, confused as well. He forces himself still, hands caressing the skin where Alexander’s shoulders meet his neck.

“I-I fucking do.” He can barely breath around all that want. “I told you. _I love you_ . All I want is you, always, it’s- _fuck- it’s_ pulsing underneath my skin. _Void_ I want you,” he mutters against his cheek, lips on his skin, tasting the salt of it, one hand moving in his hair, the other tugging him closer as his words pushes him away. “I won’t be your regret Alexander, I- I can’t be that to you, someone you don’t trust, someone you paw at when you’re upset and on the way to breaking. I want more. I need more. _I deserve more_. And so do you. Sex as a distraction from- from pain and worry is fine, but we’re not there.”

Alec looks at him, incredulous. Incredulous and cornered. His hands are leaving his skin, his body slowly but surely leaving his orbit.

“I am not-”

“You are,” Magnus says gently, breathing him in as long as he can, until Alexander disentangle himself from him. “A few days ago you had a shotgun trained on me. Then, you threatened your Angarans allies over me. At times you look at me with suspicion, at others, with affection. You offer me shelter, yet still expect the worst of me. You gave me jewelry, _your mark_ , but not directly… and yes, I accepted it, was glad for it. Then you break in my arms and let me hold you through the night, but you still question my motives when I save you from certain death. And now you want me-” his voice breaks. He swallows around the lump in his throat. “You want me, and- and expect me to believe you won’t regret it in the morning? That you won’t push me away?”

Alec shakes his head, pushing Magnus out of his lap -that time on Kadara comes to his mind again: always interrupted, always stopped. And this time it’s Magnus’ doing. 

“That’s not fair!” Alexander retorts, anger quick to cover how exposed he is. “I’m trying my hardest here, you were the one that fucked it up!”

“I know that!” Magnus concedes, hot shame burning his cheek and throat. “And I’m not asking you to hurry or, or… I’m just asking you to be honest and not fuck this because your friend reminded you this place will never care or appreciated what you and the crew do.”

“Jesus fuck!” He rolls away across the bed and gets up. Now there’s distance, the bed between them, Alec looking pissed and ready to fight. “Just because I was pissed you killed Aldertree doesn’t mean I’m secretly holding a fucking grudge. Can’t we just have this?”

Magnus shakes his head. “I don’t _just_ want this! I want _all of it_. How selfish of me.”

“Well right now, that's all I can give!” Alexander shouts, pain pouring out of him.

Always shackled to everyone drama, always abandoned, always betrayed. Always having to make the tough choices, the impossible choices, shouldering the consequences and _always_ be the one getting blamed. Always adding to the weight on his shoulders and never, never asking for help or considering doing the selfish thing for once.

Bound to collapse.

Magnus hates him in that moment, self destructiveness and all.

“Then I don’t fucking want it,” Magnus throws back. “It will hurt you as much as it hurts me, and obviously I lack your masochistic ways.”

Alexander closes his eyes, nostrils flaring. “You know what I wanted? I was going to ask you to join my team," he says, bitter.

Magnus stops, uncertain, halfway to where his shirt is on the floor. "What?"

"I actually tried to ask you about it at that Morgenstern's party… I wanted to know how you liked Kadara, if you were happy there."

And Magnus remembers that night: the whisky, the kisses… the strange intensity behind those questions; the way Alexander was waiting for his answers, ready to be unmade by them.

Dumbly, he says, "When we kissed." Because that _unmade him,_ put him back together, his gravity forever changed.

"Yeah, that night," Alexander says, annoyed.

"No I- _when we kissed for the first time you wanted to bring me in?_ " And Magnus had been worrying about his reputation at being seen with him. Lying to him, _manipulating him_.

" _That's what I said_! But then you said you were working hard to make Kadara work for you... So I didn’t ask. But all that time, you were plotting and lying. I- I love you, Magnus. And you broke me, you broke that trust. So yeah. I look at you, I see the man I love. The next instant I’m reminded of what you did to me,” he confesses, spreading his arms wide, weaponizing his vulnerability. “Sorry that what I can give you isn’t enough.”

Magnus is stunned and Alexander shakes his head, grabs a hoodie and passes it on, storming past Magnus to where his pants and shoes are, before heading for the door.

“Are you really going to pretend this is about me fucking it up and not about you trying to bleed yourself dry because your mother died saving you?” he throws at his retreating back, a cruel brand of truth spilling out of his mouth with vengeance. “Constant pain or suicide won’t bring her back Alexander. No matter what you do you won’t match the price this place is asking of you.”

Alexander stops for a few seconds, rigid and fists curling at his side. And he walks away.

  
  
  


Magnus stands there for a while, shirtless and cold, words reeling in his head. All he had wanted was to make sure Alexander was okay after that conversation with his friend; and not wanting to use sex as a bandaid on Alec’s bleeding heart. Putting boundaries, making demands. Then full on fighting, old wounds reopened -no, not reopened, never healed, just hidden and barely scabbed. 

_I love you._

It had not been a declaration, no. Alexander had said it to hurt, like a slap. And then Magnus had answered in kind, shouting things he probably should have whispered.

He puts back his shirt and turns around in the room, nervous energy pulsing in his skin. He never had someone spat _I love you_ to him before. 

The nervous energy takes over, anger melting into it, thickening it.

“I don’t want to be here when he comes back,” he realises out loud.

Without thinking too much about it, he gathers is meager stuff from his corner of the room around the couch and leaves, walking fast at first, then his thoughts catch up with him, solid weight around his ankles and his heart, and he falters right by the kitchen, not even halfway through the Arrowhead.

“ _Fucking shit_.”

Parts of him want to go, to make a run from it, _from him_ and prove him right. To disappear and use this overpriced new name to fuck off somewhere he won’t ever have to deal with Alexander Lightwood and all the complications and concessions that comes with him.

Because perhaps, the pain between them can’t go away as easily as he hoped. It echoes still, like something stuck between two mirrors, reflecting it back endlessly until they shatter or separate.

Magnus doesn’t want to shatter, but he doesn’t want to separate either. Perhaps he’s as a masochist as Alexander after all. Just like that day on their way to Voeld, he can’t leave, can’t give up. So he doesn’t run away, or at least, he runs two doors down instead of _away_.

The crew quarters is silent, the occupied bunk beds either closed by some kind of privacy panels Magnus can’t help but frown at, or left opened, their owners too trusting of the rest (he knew they couldn’t live on top of each other without at least a little privacy, and they made fun of him for asking! Assholes).

Magnus stands there a while glaring at the hole-in-the-wall beds, trying to decide which one is better. The whole thing is undignified, and his father would be seething at Magnus even considering sleeping in one of those.

The door behind him slides open and for a second, he thinks Alexander came back, but when he turns around, Raphael is looking back at him in the doorway. The man is in his underwear, eyebrows raised so high they disappear under the messy curls on his forehead, clearly as surprised as Magnus.

He glances at Magnus’ little bundle of clothes and stuff, judgement free. “Relocating? I thought I heard shouts.”

Perhaps Magnus can still run away.

“Which one was Raj’s?” he asks instead. If he has to suffer the indignity of this, he doesn’t want to sleep in that fucker’s bed.

Raphael gestures at one of the closed bunk beds on the side. “That one,” he says. “ _This one_ is Luke’s. You want to stay as far away from Luke as possible. He snores like a space whale in rut.”

“O- _kayyy_ ,” Magnus says, breathing deeply, mentally shaking that mental image. This is going to be splendid.

Raphael pats his shoulder in passing, before opening the privacy panel of a bunk, revealing a sleeping Simon. “With some luck you’ll be back over there soon. Hopefully not on the couch,” he whispers, vaguely gesturing toward Alexander’s quarters. He then gently pushes Simon so he can get back in bed. 

The privacy panel slides back in place, leaving Magnus to his own devices, hope and pain and shame and fucking self-preservation waring in his head.

In the end, he picks a bunk bed as far as he can from Luke’s, because he has to choose anyway. It’s that or the rover after all.

 

#### *****

>>>> Redééémarrag▓

Raphael just wants one day of normality.

ONE.

It’s not too much to ask. But the crew is always neck deep in trouble and when it’s not Ketts shooting at them or EMP devices _this close_ to destroy the quantum computers that host the RAZIELs, it’s that fucking blond bitch from Nexus News texting his boyfriend in the middle of the night with the universal yet still pathetic _you’re up?_

If only it had stopped and died there. But nooooooo. It was followed by fourteen other messages, all more thirsty than the last.

_FOURTEEN._

Raph knows this not because he’s been snooping (he isn’t that kind of bad bitch thank you very much), but because Simon is the kind of ass that goes to sleep without putting non priority messages on silent when he goes to sleep.

Both of them had been woken up by the constant messages not five minutes ago, Simon’s face a mess of crimson and worry.

“I barely talked to the woman!” he defends himself.

“Well obviously she didn’t think it was enough,” Raph snarls back. “Perhaps you should take advantage of that and sweet talk her out of saying wild shit about Alec and the crew, O uber competent one.”

“Hey that’s not-” _fair_ dies on his lips, because his omni-tool lights up again.

“What _now_?!”

Except it’s not fucking Heidi McKenzie trying to get Simon into her quarter for a drink. Neither Raph or Simon are ready when a wall of binary flashes up on the holo screen, red and ominous. 

“Are you getting hacked?” Raph asks, before his own omni-tool flashes red just as a rising alarm fills the small space of their shared bunk bed.

“What the fuck?!”

The alarms shuts down and the screen reads,

**_01110010 01100001 01111010 01101001 01100101 01101100_ **

While Simon’s shows them a glitchy map of the Nexus, a pulsing beacon on…

“That’s Aldertree’s lab, isn’t it?”

 _“Shit!_ ”

 

*

**_You should get back there._ **

Oooh, now this is the fucking icing on the cake. _I’m not in the mood for you_ , he fires back.

**_You should get back there and talk it out. Enlightened and enthusiastic consent is essential and Magnus was just-_ **

_Oh my God, I know what consent is! It is not the point!_

**_Is the point you don’t like to be told not to throw your life away?_ **

“Not. Fucking. Now,” he grunts, passing some NexusSec guards on the way out of the docks.

They look at him funny, but at this point the _Lightwood is crazy_ rumors are the least of his worries. 

He knows he fucked up. Hot and cold just means lukewarm, and no one wants that. No one wants to be a distraction.

Especially not Magnus, who could probably have anyone, but somehow wants Alec. Alec, who was just the first draft his parents had before having his siblings. Dull Alec, obedient Alec, who Izzy and Jace called a _sitter bot_ more than once growing up. Not as intuitive and talented as Jace; no genius like Izzy, nor as social or confident. Unremarkable Alec, whose last name was the most interesting thing about him, who was just a washed out copy of his mother, without the talent, without the brain, without the leadership skills. Good enough to be a soldier, but nothing more. 

What Magnus saw in him was beyond him. 

 _Because I’m the Pathfinder._ That’s what Magnus wanted... at first. And Alec really wants to get past that, but… he’s been messed up before. How hard could it be to mess with him again?

 _Or I’m just sabotaging myself._ Trying to fuck Magnus in this state of mind was wrong, but he feels like throwing up at the thought of getting back to the Arrowhead and having to talk to him.

_Constant pain or Suicide won’t bring her back Alexander. No matter what you do you won’t match the price this place is asking of you._

Magnus had shot to kill, just not with a gun.

He doesn’t know where he’s going until he’s there. The Lightwood quarters. He doesn’t stay long, just enough to rewatch his mother's last message, needing the reassurance of her voice, the mind bending certainty in her voice that he can do it.

On his way out, he’s overwhelmed with the need to mess up the place, but he can’t do it and just ends up in the kitchen area, making himself a mug of coffee he doesn’t need, nor want. At least the smell gives the place some scrap of soul.

He goes out again, aimlessly going around the Idris for a while, white corridors after white corridors, the sameness of it dreamlike, before deciding on a destination. Night time doesn’t mean shit in space, everything lighten up and bright as any other time in the day, but during these hours, there’s practically no one around; and right now it’s even worse because of the attempted bombings. 

 **_No._ **RAZIEL’s voice is firm, just like his mother’s was when forbidding one of her kids to do something stupid.

“Oh, you caught up?” he mocks RAZIEL.

**_The crew decided that we had to wait a few days for the tension to ease out._ **

He had been against this sounded decision, but outnumbered. Now Alec gestures at the empty corridors, “What tension?”

He can’t wait to leave the station behind and head for Eladeen to explore that crashed Remnant ship. Perhaps there will be some clues inside about the people that built it and the Vaults. Hell, perhaps they’ll get an answer about the Remnant code infecting him and RAZIEL.

One can hope.

The key card that Magnus found in Aldertree’s pocket is enough to get him in the lab and workstations light up when he enters. RAZIEL had been monitoring the cameras outside, but no one had entered or exited the lab since Aldertree had left it two days prior (with six boxes on a anti-grav forklift, the ones that had contained the EMP devices) and Hodge had stayed for a few hours in the morning of his death before heading out for his shift at the medbay.

There’s no big reveal, no holoprojector with a helpful annotated plan of attack, or a list of associates just waiting for him on a desk. It’s just a clandestine lab looking like any other lab.

“If Hodge and him were the only one using this lab since-”

**_The cameras outside were only installed four months ago. Before that, anyone could have helped them._ **

“Fine. So how did two doctors build EMP devices capable of destroying you?”

 **_3D printers_ **, RAZIEL says, like it’s an evidence.

“What?”

**_Over there on your left. Serial number on the printer is in the system, and it's supposedly still in storage. An engineer could have built the devices from anywhere on the Nexus or Andromeda and just sent a file to be printed here. Starkweather and Aldertree only would have had to put the raw materials in._ **

His jaw tenses. Accomplices might go to ground and stay there for a while, licking their wounds; or they might escalate their actions. And if bombing the Arks and the Nexus was plan A, Alec doesn’t want to see what plan B could be.

Not touching anything, he just lets RAZIEL see through his eyes and scans the lab with his omni-tool, but there’s not much. At least this place seems more occupied than Aldertree’s own quarters. Coffee marker, mugs left on workstations, ration containers in the trash, spills badly cleaned on the floor -no cleaning bots then. A cold storage unit for what appears to be tissue and DNA samples hums against one of the walls. There’s even two cots on opposite sides of the lab, clean clothes folded nearby. On one of the workstations, Alec finds a picture of him and his siblings. He remembers this being taken just a few days before they all went under ice. Hodge had been smiling as hard as them, seemingly excited by the prospect of a new life waiting for them in Andromeda.

_Fucking liar._

He grabs it, already hearing the satisfying shattering sound the frame is going to make against the wall- but breathes in, out, in, out, and puts the frame back in place.

It takes a moment for him to walk away, for the need to trash the place to recede a little. Anger and pain compounds in him into something volatile, and he’s already fucked up enough for tonight. If he does it again, he won’t stop. Izzy and Jace both have tempers, but nothing rivaling his. At last he found something he was better at than they are. When he reopens his eyes, he focuses on something else than Hodge Starkweather and his fucking lies.

“What’s behind?” he asks, eyeing the heavy looking door inside the lab.

 **_Let me ask the two dead men who worked here_ ** , RAZIEL deadpans. **_Sorry, they say it’s a secret._ **

Alec rolls his eyes, but even his bad mood can’t smother the dry chuckle at RAZIEL’s sass.

“Open that up, perhaps they have some kind of data bank behind, since there’s nothing useful on this side.”

**_When Izzy kicks your ass for not waiting for the crew, I won’t heal it fas- fast- fasteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer-_ **

“Ha, ha, ha. Very funny, now get on-”

 _Alec melts._ A side of his face, his arm, melting, God his arm _hurt_ , a side of him like cut away. He chokes, can’t breath, can’t think, heart beating too fast, not-

He falls.

  
  


#### *****

>>>> Rebooting…

Magnus is woken up by a distant alarm. 

He swears, confused and disoriented, gets up and knocks his head on the ceiling of his bunk bed. He swears again.

 _Right_. His fight with Alec comes back to him through the pain, his anger rising up ten fold -at Alec, at the alarm… can’t get a few hours of fucking peace-

His omni-tool lights up in the dark without him touching it, 

**_ALEC_ **

**_DANGER_ **

flashing in quick succession on the holo screen, and something that sounds like a distorted and glitchy version of RAZIEL’s voice begins to talk in a langage Magnus doesn’t recognize.

“Wait what’s-” Magnus doesn’t have time to compute or panic that someone knocks -no, _punches_ \- on his bed privacy panel and it opens, revealing Raph and Simon quickly getting dressed, both looking grim and panicked. 

“We need to go!”

_No._

_No no no no no no._

 

*

They found the hatch of the ship hangar open, Luke’s disappearing form at the end of the disembarkment dock, running full speed.

Magnus just runs as fast as he can, the long wait in the tram between the Nexus and the Idris Ark nerve wrecking, with nowhere to run to, nothing to break, but his fists against the wall, then running again, recklessly using his biotics to win a few seconds in empty corridors and corners, leaving Raph and Si behind. He can’t… he can’t. 

_Alexander can’t-_

He loses control over his biotics, just enough for him to crash against a wall, his shoulder hurting like hell, but he’s up again, running and running.

Aldertree’s lab is easy to find, but a group of NexusSec guards tries to stop Magnus when his path gets him too close to the RAZIEL core of the Ark. He jumps over them and doesn’t look back. 

_Don’t stop! You have to- it’s going to be okay, he’s-_

Dead.

He knows it before he stops running, knows it before he even sees, the door of the lab opens -Izzy’s wailing, broken; Maia’s shouting “Come one! Bastard, come one don’t-”

_Give up._

_Die._

Death is something you can hear from a mile.

Magnus crashes in the lab, heart in his throat.

Alec’s on his back, shirt ripped open, pads on his chest, Maia holding them, Izzy so close, so close, but not touching because Maia’s trying to get Alec’s heart to start again because he’s-

“No,” Magnus croaks, knees failing him, crumbling on the floor. “ _No!_ ”

The line on the holo screen of the revival device is so fucking flat, so fucking hopeless, but Maia keeps trying and trying, Izzy sobbing harder.

“Why isn’t RAZIEL-” Magnus manages around the knot in his throat.

“Can’t,” Luke says, who’s sitting on the floor next to the door, head in his hands. “He says they’ve been attacked by- by some kind of _virus_. It… ejected him from Alec’s brain. RAZIEL’s messed up and- can’t get back in.” He stumbles on the last sentences, “and it’s… too late.”

“NO!” Izzy shouts. “DON’T SAY THAT!” 

And the room and the floor and the ceiling shout with her, twisting plasteel and metal and machines.

“Izzy! You gotta stop!” Maia shouts. “ _Magnus do something!_ ” she pleads, crying too, her tears falling on Alec’s unmoving chest.

Only a few hours ago Magnus had his lips on it, on him. Only a few hours ago he was alive and vibrant and whole.

And it’s not Izzy who’s torturing the room’s gravity around her pain anymore _. It’s Magnus_.

Luke claws his forearm open and by reflex Magnus throws him around, but the pain and the smell of his own blood is enough to help him recover for a moment, just enough for him to throw himself at Izzy and hug her as hard as he can, sharing the same gravity as her, pushing where she’s pulling, letting all his pain and anger flows through him just like she is.

  
  


He doesn’t know how long they cry into each other like that, but by the time Izzy has exhausted herself and Magnus feels so empty he might as well be pure Void, Luke, Raphael and Si have forced Maia to stop trying to revive Alec; Luke’s holding her and Raph and Si are holding a defibrillator pad each.

 

And in the middle, there’s… Magnus looks away, nausea building in his throat, behind his eyes. He refrains from seeking Alexander’s hand… his fingers would only find cold fingers.

Death is something you can touch. And it touches you back.

“What the fuck happened?” Simon asks, so goddamn feral Magnus flinches.

 **_Alec was up- seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet and wished to investigate the- the- 01101100 01100001 01100010_ ** . RAZIEL pauses, the static driving Magnus crazy. **_My communication processor is still- glitching. I protEESSST-ed. But he wouldn’t listen._ **

_He never does._

Magnus hates him. Loves him. Hates him. It doesn’t matter anymore, does it? _He’s dead_.

**_We found DNA sampLES and-_ **

“I DON’T FUCKING CARE ABOUT THAT! WHY IS MY BROTHER DEAD, FUCKER??! GET BACK IN THERE!”

**_The door. Aleeeeeeeeec wanted to see was in the next pièce. I tried to open it but the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-_ **

“He’s glitching again,” Raphael swears, just as all their omni-tools strobes between the regular orange to red, a teeth aching noise rising from them before shutting up.

“RAZIEL?” Magnus calls.

**_Sorry. My rebooting protocol were da- da- damaged by the virus. It seems that Aldertree and his programmers managed to crEEate their AI killer virus._ **

“Alec died. _Not you_ ,” Luke throws, like an accusation.

**_The virUS did kill me. My code was wiped from Alec’s implant and the virus began to infect my core on the- Aaaaark._ **

They all look at each other, incapable of moving, of doing anything. And Magnus just can’t get it in his head, that Alexander is dead, that there is no second chance.

“We can’t- we can’t let him here,” Maia says eventually, voice so rough from shouting and exhaustion. 

“RAZIEL can get back and save him,” Izzy pleads, hands like hooks in Magnus shirt sleeves and arms.

“Izzy, it’s been more than ten minutes…” he says to her, _to himself_.

Death is final. The Void takes all, and doesn’t give back.

It’s over.

**_NexusSec has been called by concerned people about the shouting and gravity shifting. They’ll eventually find the source of it._ **

“We have to move him,” Maia repeats. “I’m not taking the chance of one of those fuckers smuggling cameras in there and having that bitch from Nexus News-”

“ _SHE CAN FUCKING TRY! I’LL RIP HER IN_ -” the rest is smothered as Magnus tugs Izzy against his chest, trying his best to rock her out, despite his own biotics flaring at the thought of all those volturs greedily tearing Alexander down even in death.

“How exactly are we supposed to move-”

Alexander convulses between them, rasping for air, all of them throwing themselves away, screaming in shock and fear, all except Maia, steady in her boots despite the brain breaking sight in front of them.

“RAZIEL how the fuck-”

**_THIS ISN’T MY DOING! I’M NOT IN THE IMPLANT!_ **

“What the fuck what the fuckwhatthefuck-”

“Dios mío… that’s not-”

Alexander’s breathing smooths out, barely, Maia at his side, ears first, listening to his heart, shaking her head in disbelief like the rest of them.

“That’s impossible, fucking hell, that’s-” she almost chanting.

“What-” Magnus’ voice fails him as Izzy breaks out of his weakening grips and scoots quickly on her knees, taking Alec’s hand in hers.

“He’s getting warm! _Alec?_ Alec can you hear me you fucker?” she begs.

“What can we do?” Magnus works the words out of his throat after a bit.

“Uh,” Maia looks at him like he’s crazy. “I don’t fucking know!”

“Izzz.” It’s just a rasp, but Magnus can feel it everywhere echoing inside of him. “ _Hurts_.”

“You fucking idiot of course it hurt!” she retorts, but relief is overpowering any anger right now.

“Okay okay we need,” Maia looks around and shouts, “that’s a body scanner! let’s put him in there and get a fucking clue-”

He’s still breathing, undeniably alive, just like he was undeniably dead five minutes ago. Luke and Maia gently take him off the floor and place him on one of the machines that Aldertree had stolen for his own lab.

“So?” Izzy urges after a few moments of tense silence only broken by Alexander coughing, eyes delirious, skin sickly pale and sweaty.

Maia just frowns, lips parted in shock or awe, and Magnus manages to get up from the floor, legs so weak, breath so short, to see what she’s seeing on the screen.

“That’s…” Magnus begins, pointing at the rapidly developing tissue growth occurring in Alec’s chest.

“Interesting,” Maia finishes, looking a little green.

“What the everloving fuck is that?!” Raphael whispers.

Alexander answers by choking and Magnus is not losing him again to choking and puts him on his side, touching warm skin and strong back.

 _Alive_.

He chokes out a bloody tooth… then two. Then too much to continue looking, even with Magnus’ strong stomach for gore. Simon throws up somewhere next to Magnus, the noise, smell and sight of it nearly taking him there too.

On the holo screen, they can plainly see… new teeth, pushing their way out from under his gums, pushing the old ones out.

 **_Raphael, close the door_ ** , RAZIEL orders. **_I’m creating a disturbance two docks up to avoid our discOvery._ **

“RAZIEL what’s happening?” Luke demands as Raphael does as asked.

**_I can’t get back in there, his implant is… occupied._ **

That ripples through their group like thunder.

“Occupied?” Magnus asks, terror so clear in his tone. His hands are shaking with it. “ _Occupied by what??!_ ”

 **_Remnant code. I was first infected by it on Habitat-7, and Alec was infected in turn on Eos. Each time we’ve been interacting with a Vault, it’s been downloading new parts of itself without us being able to stop that or its actions. It’s been changing his DNA for months, as well as changing my code. Now…_ ** **It's saving him** **_._ **

As if to prove Raziel wrong, Alec chokes on something again, before he begins to vomit something foul and… stringy.

“He’s literally coughing out a lung,” Maia says, shellshocked. “He’s coughing out the synthetic lung they transplanted in him after Habitat-7.”

“How is it the first time we’re hearing about this?” Izzy demands, hands curled into angry fists.

Magnus knows she would be kicking Alec’s ass if he wasn’t already so broken.

“Alec and his fucking secrets,” Simon answers. “I don’t get it, how did you not see this if it has been going on for months?” he directs at Maia.

**_Alec ordered me to hide it. I didn’t want to lie, but I did._ **

They all shouts at him, at Alec, all the while Maia, who had the mind to put on gloves, is helping Alec retch the 3D printed lung, eyes on the one forming disturbing fast inside his chest on the screen.

“How’s his brain?” Luke asks after a moment of tense silence.

Magnus can still hear Alec rasps his sister’s name, telling it hurt. He shouldn’t be able to do that without RAZIEL in his brain. They all know this.

Maia takes a few minutes to look at the screen, playing around with controls, smearing blood on screen.

“H-” she exhales, using her clean forearm to rub at her eyes. “Healing. Fast healing. I don’t… he won’t need RAZIEL in his head anymore at this rate.”

“So that Remnant code survived Aldertree’s virus and…” Izzy waves her hands toward Alec’s unmoving form. “Super healed him? That’s-”

 **_It’s saving its host_ **, RAZIEL says.

“What?”

**_Our theory was that it has been adapting Alec to Andromeda on a genetic level, making him more Remnant._ **

“This is fucking insane! If that thing doesn’t kill him I fucking will!” Izzy shouts, taking a few steps away from Alec.

Magnus can feel the slight gravity shifting around her, her anger palpable.

Alexander’s respiration even outs in front of them, finished with his lung coughing. On the screen the new lung is still forming, small but undeniably there, as well as nodules in the other one blooming like flowers. Magnus doesn’t ask about what they could do, already past his limit. 

He’ll have Alexander like this if it means having him at all, but he can only take so much without throwing up or losing it.

Izzy suddenly flares, screaming madly and throws herself at the door that Alexander and RAZIEL had tried and failed to open. Her method lacks the elegance of hacking, but the simplicity of it, as well the anger releasing quality, are beautiful.

The entire sliding door, metal and plasteel just wraps around itself, falling into an uneven ball on the floor with a loud thud, making a large dent in the floor.

There’s a bit of shocked silence, then RAZIEL says, **_I’ll redirect NexusSec’s attention again._ **

“You feeling better now kiddo?” Luke chances.

“Not even a little bit,” Izzy seethes.

“Let’s see what Aldertree was so adamant in hiding there then,” Luke tells her.

Better keep her away from Alec and occupied. Biotics might not do as much damage as bombs in a space station this size, but damage is damage.

Magnus stays by Alec’s side with Maia, as Raph and Si go see the fucking room that nearly -no, _that got Alexander's stupid ass killed_.

“It will- _it will be him, right?_ ” he whispers, words barely getting out of his mouth.

 **_His brain activity matches the one I know and-_ **the AI stops.

“RAZIEL? Are you bugging again?”

**_It’s inviting me back inside the implant. The Remnant code, I mean._ **

“It’s… cognisant?” Maia sounds as freaked out as Magnus feels.

**_Not in the way you think. But it lowered the defences it put in the implant -probably to stop me from stopping it making all those changes in Alec. I’ve been countering it as much as I could for months._ **

“Not ominous at all,” Maia mutters, before adding in a low threatening voice: “Never hide my patients’ health away from me again RAZIEL. Never.”

**_It’s-_ **

Shouts coming from the other part of the lab interrupt RAZIEL.

“This is- this iS SICK!”

“She can’t be-”

“Guys what’s happening?” Magnus shouts back, hands going to his sidearm.

Izzy's crying again and he swears Luke half roar.

“I-”

“Go,” Maia says, eyes too green, claws piercing her bloody gloves.

Carefully Magnus enters the room, gravity pulsing inside of him, unsure of what he’s going to find. 

More of the same as it turns out, machines, medical equipment… an omni-tool crusted with blood catches his attention for a moment, but further in the room Raph and Si are hugging Izzy like if they stop, she’ll dissolve; Luke’s looking so pale beside them, only standing because of the wall behind him, the four of them looking at… a cryopod.

Magnus glances at the touch screen mounted on it and frowns. No name, just a series of vitals, that all seem in the green.

“Guys?” he tries, but none of them seem to hear him.

He gets closer to the transparent but frost covered front of the pod, the only part wiped away over her face.

 _He knows that face_. Without knowing it he would know it. She passed it down to her children in different ways, but it’s impossible to deny the ressemblance, the beauty of genetics carried from mother to daughter, to son.

Magnus turns to Izzy, compassion for her and Alexander suddenly overwhelming him.

  
“How-” Izzy stammers, “how’s Mom- alive?! I saw her! Held her! I- _how?_ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM NOT SORRY  
> HE DIED BUT IT DIDNT STICK  
> IM NOT THAT MUCH OF A MONSTER


	15. Blickt der Abgrund auch in dich hinein

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so soon? YES
> 
> so i cut this from the previous chapter because it made for better readability, and i hope this will answer some of y'all questions :)  
> again, many thanks to Fearsundaythe15 for beta!!

#### Stardate 2974.257 (1)

[deep sigh]

“I- I can’t.”

* * *

#### Stardate 2974-257 (2)

“I don’t know how this is possible, but… Maryse’s alive? I can’t even guess how. Though, alive might be a stretch… Habitat-7 atmosphere killed her, I know it did, I examined her, she was dead. Should still be dead. But… I only realised that when I was in the shuttle with all of our dead. Her heart just-

[long pause]

started again. _Fucking started again!_ After more than half an hour, it just picked up. Slow, reaaal fucking slow, but beating still. One for every five beats it should have taken if she was alive. 

This is wrong. This is so fucking wrong. Brain activity seems to… persist? Not much, not enough to qualify as a brain. She died. _She’s dead_. She’s… persisting.

I feel like in some kind of those [hysterical giggles] holos, with the undead and the cemeteries? Or the mysterious plague in a spaceship?

_So fucking wrong._

And somehow I let myself be convinced by Victor this was an opportunity to study our copied RAZIEL. _Mmmh, how fucking dumb am I?_ We’ve released it in her implant.

 _Her vitals spiked_ . But… that’s not _life._

Is this Amber all over again?

* * *

#### Stardate 2974.259

“Patient Lazarus, daaaay... three? Feels more like weeks, but I’m going to trust my omni-tool for that one. Unlike Patient Perseus, patient Lazarus’ implant is showing signs of strains and is underperforming. Aldertree is monitoring both patients’ development and the close comparison is highlighting several issues.

As I said, underperforming is the main problem. My prognosis is that Lazarus might die… again. Perhaps we’re edging on the limit of RAZIEL’s capacity to heal and whatever abomination brought her back in the first place… for the best.

But curiosity had me borrow Victor’s notes on Patient 1. Day three, her RAZIEL had already healed her spinal cord and was working on her brain damage. And that was a lesser implant, a lesser RAZIEL than the ones in Lazarus. Brain tissue is still deteriorating, as well as the rest of the body -at a slow rate, yes, but compared to patient Perseus... the copied RAZIEL seems to suffer from the lack of processing power, as it’s not connected to a server room. On one hand I would like to know if it could save Patient Lazarus on full power. On the other I might pour jet fuel on that cryo pod if it did.

So that's day three for patient Lazarus, let’s… Patient- _who am I kidding?_ Patient Perseus? My fucking godson! H-he’s currently in surgery. His RAZIEL is performing well above the parameters Maryse presented to us as the final RAZIEL version. It’s actively saving him -or at least the pieces that can be saved. Today they’re transplanting his new lung and some new blood vessels. Brain scans show RAZIEL had to spread quite a lot in there to prevent his death.

It… _it looks like an infection._ _A parasite_. On that Victor and I agree, but he’s my godson! I want him to be saved. I want him alive. But in the end my conflict over RAZIEL might be for naught. Patient 1 was paraplegic from a shuttle crash. Her injuries were still less dire than Alec’s. After what happened to her, we never tried to see if something of this magnitude was possible so there’s still a possibility Alec dies.

Perhaps… Perhaps failure would be for the best? Izzy would be heartbroken, but Jace will wake up in the coming months. A dead brother is surely better than the abomination that the first RAZIEL turned Patient 1 into? AI are insidiously smart. It could fake Alec’s personality and we would be none the wiser. Aldertree didn’t even see the differences between the abomination and his wife at first… Alec would rather be dead than a puppet, of that I’m sure. But if there’s a chance for him… I want to take it, despite everything, despite what we did to poor Amber.”

[long pause]

“What was Maryse thinking? Continuing after that fiasco. Project Arkangel should have been shut down, but she… no. _We continued_. I let myself be convinced. I wanted it to work. I did my part, I know my guilt. Amber’s blood is on my hands -not that Victor would let me forget. And I won’t.

Looking at RAZIEL’s code is making me ill, I don’t get any of this. Victor said he found a programmer, someone that could help us in this. We’re doctors, Maryse was the- what the hell is this? _VICTOR!_ Come here! There’s something that’s not… right. _What language is that??!_ ”

* * *

#### Stardate 2974.363

[loud swallowing sound. Grunt. Liquid sloshing in a bottle]

“I nearly played God today. I refrained, small mercy, but… everyday I go to work, everyday I see a boy I adore just- _just lying there_ , motionless, helpless, wasting away. Jace doesn’t deserve this. His siblings don’t either. Andromeda continues to take and take and take...

I nearly transferred our copied version of Maryse’s superior RAZIEL into Jace’s implant. But Alec being under its influence is enough, isn’t it? There’s no knowing what it would do to someone in a deep coma. And that’s not even accounting for the alien code that’s infecting it. We’re still trying to understand it, to excise it. We don’t know what it’s doing to our copied RAZIEL, or to patient Lazarus apart from the obvious. It’s spreading, despite the quarantine our hacker tried to put it in. It’s been… picking up the slacks? That we know. Lazarus is getting stable, the alien code helping RAZIEL out it seems. To what end? We are left to guess. Discoveries on Eos shows it’s originated from Andromeda and linked to those aliens that built- whatever was that thing on Habitat-7 that calmed the storm and is apparently making the air breathable for us.

People are talking about going to live there when it’s all good and done. Like we didn’t die- _I didn’t_ , but it feels like it. No way I’m ever putting a foot on that rock.”  
  
[drinking sound]

“Victor tells me the hacker thinks he can find a way to kill Raziel in Lazarus for the lack of a better terminology, but keep the patient alive. A full separation of the parasite and host if you will. Victor is extatic of course. He thinks Amber could have been saved that way and I hope Alec can too. I’ve heard some troubling things about his behavior. I know my godson and all that crap doesn’t sound like him.

Of course, it’s all talk right now. The hacker isn’t there yet, and we would have to wait for Lazarus to reach a full recovery, if one is possible, before trying.”

* * *

#### Stardate 2974.391

“Lazarus just… lost her teeth. I spent the last hour keeping her on her side so she wouldn’t choke on them. _New teeth_ are already peeking out from the gums. That- that’s not something human. 

She is stable right now, but I’ve run some tests and… it’s not the only changes that happened. Stomach lining is thicker than it should, something- something in her eyes? Her rods and cones count is off the charts, and some aren’t human, so I guess she could be seeing some new colours if she was awake. There are nodules in several of her muscles that seem cancerous- I’ll do a biopsy later today. Uh… that’s why Victor’s hyper focus on her brain is dangerous, he’s blind to everything else. 

Luckily, I’m not. And… well. I don’t want her dead like he does, _she’s a person_ , as flawed and dangerous as she was. And I don’t want her like this either. No one deserves _that_.

But she is, for the foreseeable future. I was not happy to keep her in a coma, but right now? With what’s growing in her? I feel reassured. I don’t want whatever she’s turning into awake.

Though, coma might not be an option for long. It’s taking an increasing dose to keep her down. We’ll have to consider putting her back in cryo, but that will put any research and surgeries on hold. 

We need answers before that.

* * *

#### Stardate 2974.398

“Victor named us today. I don’t know how I feel about that -or his increasing demands that I get my hands on more recent brain scans from Alec. Or his brain.”

[long sigh]

“Staying on the Nexus was inevitable since I need to monitor patient Lazarus, but… I lost them. Alec and Isabelle. I can barely get an answer from them, let alone a vid call. It’s hard. But Firefighters don’t run away from a fire. They’ll understand when we’re finished here. AI’s are tools we gave too much power, too much liberties.

Eh. _Firefighters_. It’s growing on me.”

* * *

#### Stardate 2974.520

“We did it! We successfully cut RAZIEL and the remnant code from patient Lazarus! She’s back to cryo where she belongs. An excellent day, despite Victor’s silence. He has been running our procedure in simulations, trying to get one that gives him back Amber. It’s fucked up.

There, I said it. _Fucked up_. My professional opinion is that it wouldn’t anyway. It worked on Lazarus because of the “stability” of her RAZIEL. The one we tested on Amber was mad. No simulations is giving him the results he craves. And I don’t think it would help if it did work. Amber’s long dead. Saving her in a sim isn’t going to heal Victor’s wounds. The guilt might get worse actually. 

Still. A good day. A day closer to extract RAZIEL from Alec and the Seelian and Edomian Pathfinders, wherever they might be. Well, these two first. Alec’s case will require a lot more work, his brain can’t be anywhere close to function without RAZIEL in it. TIME! PATIENCE! But a good day.”

* * *

#### Stardate 2975.114

“He did something to Jace.

I don’t know how or what but- he did something. RAZIEL stopped me -loudly, clever bitch- from examining him, but no one takes a ten hour long nap in a med bay chair in the middle of the day! And Jace’s brain activity! Fucking God! RAZIEL must have hacked into the medbay computer because as it was happening nothing was out of the ordinary… but it is! He’s so close to the surface he might wake up in the coming week! And Alec ran away from me. Does he know something about the Firefighters? He can’t. We’ve been so careful! _Discreet_. But he couldn’t get away fast enough… perhaps…”

[pause, sharp intake of breath] 

“Perhaps it’s just his disgust for me. From his point of view, I abandoned him. _If only he knew_. All I do, it’s for him.”

* * *

#### Stardate 2975.115 (1)

“I spent the night trying to make sense of the things -couldn’t sleep, had a lot of things to rethink. I think I slept but who knows? It’s hard to distinguish between PTSD episodes and simple nightmares since Habitat-7.

There’s a new Pathfinder. Helen Blackthorn. Poor girl is as green as Alec was, as wide eyed, as ready to crumble under the pressure. Victor wants us to find a way to examine her, but the Seelians have their own doctors and I don't see this happening. I can’t even get my godson to stop for a check up, how could I manage to convince a perfect stranger?

[frustrated sound]

Lazarus is still holding steady, no signs of any RAZIEL activity in the brain or the implant -same for the Remnant code. But Victor wants… _Victor argued_ that we could reproduce this with Alec, that we need to do it now. We don’t even have a recent brain scan or a clue of his health right now. It would be crazy and Victor might be a brilliant neurosurgeon, I doubt he can save Alec from the mush his brain must be if RAZIEL’s not in there doing half the work.

He keeps talking about Amber, about saving her. Have I been so blind to his distress I let him get worse?”

* * *

#### Stardate 2975.115 (2)

(frantic) “I- shit! _Victor is wrong!_ Death isn’t the solution! I can’t- I should have seen where this was going! I should- I need to tell Alec! I need to find him and Izzy, but no one is on the Arrowhead…

I’m so so sorry. I never- all I wanted was to keep you safe, to make sure what happened to Victor’s wife didn’t happen to you! Why the hell isn’t this working?! Fucking Victor! Okay okay. _Think!_ ”

[someone shouts]

“Doctor! My nose!”

“I don’t have time for your fucking nose! Go to the fucking med bay.”

“You have to help me! I was attacked by a Wolf!

[third person] 

“Uh, actually he was punched by the Pathfinder’s sister, the Wolf with her did nothing.” 

“ _Where?_ ”

“In the rec-”

“What deck?! Are they still there?”

“Deck 54- _but my nose?_ ”

“Fuck your fucking nose!”

[shouts calling Starkweather back, then insulting him]

* * *

#### Stardate 2975.115 (3)

“How are you… you look like that Wolf on Alec’s-”

“Nothing a dynamic holo projector can’t do. Technologie has its use. You really thought I would let you derail my plans Hodge? That you would stop me?”

“You’re mad Victor! This isn’t the way, we don’t even know what the RAZIELs are doing to them? We should study-”

“No! Maryse studied her RAZIEL for months before putting it in Amber! It still wrecked her! It still tried to kill us all! And Maryse had no fucking clue!”

“But she worked it out! It saved Alec! It even saved-”

“I don’t fucking care! You’re either with me or against me Hodge.”

[metallic noise]

“ _What is that?_ ”

“3D printed Wolf claws. Didn’t come cheap, but I can’t argue with the result. I was going to use it on someone else to create a distraction for the bombing but, well. You’ll do as well as Jace Lightwood.”

“Victor, don’t do this. The bombs, the-”

“ _Firefighters don’t run away from a fire_.”

“They don’t start them either!”

“This is why you have to go. You don’t understand that fire purifies. RAZIEL must be killed.”

[struggle, shouts, gurgle of moans, _wet_ ]

“Go in peace Hodge. When this is over, I’ll do my best to save Alec, to restore his brain, the proper way. It’s okay, it’s okay. Don’t fight it -are you recording this? Sneaky bastard!”

[muffled moans, then silence]

“Like I would be stupid enough to let your Omnitool behind.”

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

 

Isabelle puts the Omnitool down, feeling emptied out, like someone carved into her with a spoon and left the empty shell on the floor to be stepped on. The blood that crusted the Omnitool flaked on her fingers, her palms, melting in her sweat, her tears. 

It takes a while for Maia to find her in the bathroom, scrubbing her hands raw.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> If you loved it, kudos and comments are ALWAYS a good way to show it, here, on [tumblr](http://theleftboobgrabber.tumblr.com/) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/AngryGuii)! Check my [fic tag](https://theleftboobgrabber.tumblr.com/tagged/malec!me:a) for updates and rambling :)
> 
> Feedback is love ❤


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